Rural Futures with Dr. Connie Episode 6 featuring Dr. Helen Fagan

Rural Futures Institute Author

07/02/2018 Added

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Featuring Dr. Helen Fagan

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[00:00:01.480]Welcome back to the show.
[00:00:02.610]This is Katelyn, producer of the Rural Futures podcast
[00:00:05.640]with Doctor Connie.
[00:00:06.800]Subscribe where you listen so you don't miss an episode
[00:00:09.210]and keep that feedback coming on Facebook,
[00:00:11.850]Instagram, and Twitter @ruralfutures.
[00:00:14.660]Thanks for listening.
[00:00:17.490]For me, an inclusive leader is someone
[00:00:20.090]who is emotionally intelligent,
[00:00:23.220]who has the developmental capacity to bring people
[00:00:27.340]from all walks of life together
[00:00:30.170]and help them innovate and create
[00:00:32.790]things that didn't exist before.
[00:00:37.930]Rural Futures, the podcast where we connect
[00:00:41.030]thought leaders and doers at the intersection
[00:00:43.620]of technology and what it means to be human.
[00:00:46.600]Every episode, we talk with entrepreneurs, researchers,
[00:00:49.960]and achievers to create impact for generations to come.
[00:00:54.400]And now, here's Doctor Connie.
[00:00:56.990]Hi, welcome back to the Rural Futures podcast.
[00:00:59.670]I'm your host, Doctor Connie,
[00:01:01.500]and joining me today is Doctor Helen Fagan,
[00:01:04.450]a leadership and diversity scholar and educator
[00:01:07.300]whose passionate about developing global leaders
[00:01:09.790]to create better tomorrows.
[00:01:11.660]Thank you so much for being here, Helen.
[00:01:14.120]Please tell our audience a little bit about yourself.
[00:01:17.150]Well, hi, Connie, I'm so excited to be here.
[00:01:19.750]It's so fun.
[00:01:21.220]Well, I am from Iran originally.
[00:01:23.670]I have lived in three countries, five states in the US.
[00:01:28.235]This summer, I will celebrate 35 years of marriage
[00:01:32.060]to my favorite human, Scott.
[00:01:34.690]We have two incredible sons who I am
[00:01:38.710]just delighted to be their mom,
[00:01:40.690]and they married just brilliant women
[00:01:43.355]that I love that I have girls in my life
[00:01:46.955]as my family now, and I'm a nana!
[00:01:50.950]I became a nana last October,
[00:01:53.630]and Beckett is my pride and joy right now.
[00:01:55.930]He's giving my husband a run for the favorite human spot.
[00:02:00.453](laughs)
[00:02:01.440]I can imagine that.
[00:02:02.550]You know, I also appreciate,
[00:02:04.810]not only your expertise in leadership,
[00:02:06.720]but the way you live your life and let yourself in.
[00:02:10.000]Having your family as such a top priority
[00:02:12.230]for you is so impressive.
[00:02:14.550]But also even the way you're speaking
[00:02:16.010]about your daughter-in-laws,
[00:02:18.278]now that doesn't always happen
[00:02:19.111]with mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws,
[00:02:20.670]and I just have always honored
[00:02:22.770]and appreciated that about you,
[00:02:25.393]because you really walk the talk
[00:02:27.051]when it comes to leadership.
[00:02:27.884]Oh, well thank you, you're very generous with your words,
[00:02:31.160]and I so appreciate it, Connie.
[00:02:33.660]I think one of the best things we can do as women
[00:02:36.570]is to support other women in our lives.
[00:02:38.970]I believe that's one of the things that leaders,
[00:02:42.038]especially, need to be doing,
[00:02:44.830]whether you are a person in a position of leadership,
[00:02:48.497]or you are just an influencer in other people's lives,
[00:02:52.660]it's important.
[00:02:53.691]I so agree, and I think it's such a great time in history
[00:02:57.530]to really bring forward the fact
[00:02:59.560]that our families are important,
[00:03:01.850]even if we're in traditional job settings,
[00:03:04.810]or leadership roles, or we're entrepreneurs,
[00:03:06.830]or whatever the case,
[00:03:08.780]I've been recognizing that people want whole lives.
[00:03:11.747]And in being in a leadership role or spot in an organization
[00:03:15.560]shouldn't exclude family and life.
[00:03:19.150]In fact, I think as we transition,
[00:03:21.690]we'll talk about the future of leadership,
[00:03:23.770]through our conversation, embracing this whole living,
[00:03:27.120]especially as we have more dual working couples,
[00:03:29.180]is just so important.
[00:03:31.411]Absolutely, and one of my firm foundations in leadership
[00:03:35.140]is that we need to get away from either or thinking.
[00:03:39.250]Either I am a leader, an executive, a professor,
[00:03:44.170]whatever I am, or I am a mother.
[00:03:47.090]We have to embrace it and we have to
[00:03:48.740]give space to both of those to exist.
[00:03:52.160]People, I think they get the idea that it means going
[00:03:55.020]100% all the time, and that's not the case.
[00:03:58.214]I need to give time for each of those things
[00:04:02.475]and that doesn't mean I can be all things
[00:04:05.220]to all people at all times.
[00:04:07.480]That is so true, and I think we need
[00:04:10.510]to help organizations understand that,
[00:04:13.020]what it means to be truly flexible and not just say it.
[00:04:16.755]That's why we see women leaving traditional jobs
[00:04:20.570]to create their own so often.
[00:04:22.817]They need that flexibility, but they also need the autonomy
[00:04:26.380]to do what they want to do how they want to do it.
[00:04:29.540]They create environments that really are supportive of them
[00:04:32.977]and them building their own futures.
[00:04:35.840]I'm a huge proponent of developing your inner leader,
[00:04:38.850]you know, leading yourself.
[00:04:41.317]I think for too long we've seen as leaders
[00:04:43.535]what you've just described.
[00:04:44.737]It's the CEO, it's somebody with a title,
[00:04:47.600]and everybody else is just supposed to follow along.
[00:04:50.780]That wasn't a very industrialized view of leadership
[00:04:54.340]for scholars and practitioners like yourself to come forward
[00:04:57.323]and really champion, not only in organizations,
[00:05:01.590]but with students, the next generation,
[00:05:04.010]new paradigms of leadership.
[00:05:06.400]Absolutely, and I am right there with you
[00:05:09.160]that we're in a new century.
[00:05:11.260]We are in an opportunity to where we don't have to have a
[00:05:16.830]start time and an end time to our work.
[00:05:20.460]We can be fluid in that,
[00:05:23.490]but we also need to be setting boundaries that are healthy,
[00:05:28.210]boundaries that say that it's okay for me to appreciate
[00:05:31.810]and enjoy my family at the same time
[00:05:35.720]as giving out of my expertise and my passion.
[00:05:39.340]I don't have to choose one or the other
[00:05:41.790]or sacrifice one or the other.
[00:05:44.490]There was a research study that was done that was looking at
[00:05:47.094]women who had been stay-at-home moms
[00:05:50.374]not seeing themselves as leaders.
[00:05:54.150]It was really helping them to understand
[00:05:57.170]that leadership, the definition of leadership,
[00:06:00.200]is about who the person is
[00:06:02.240]and how they're influencing other people.
[00:06:05.290]And so I think if we can do that for women,
[00:06:07.940]if we can model that for young women who are coming up,
[00:06:12.750]my students, graduate students, being able to say,
[00:06:16.643]"It's okay, you can enjoy motherhood,
[00:06:21.157]"and you can contribute from your professional life
[00:06:24.417]"and your expertise and your knowledge and your passion."
[00:06:27.225]And you know, that's what a lot of students are asking.
[00:06:29.014]What we found at the Rural Futures Institute is that
[00:06:32.130]students intern here or wanna be part
[00:06:35.200]of a serviceship experience in a community,
[00:06:38.090]which you're leading for us here
[00:06:39.850]at the Rural Futures Institute, but at the same time,
[00:06:42.570]they're really wondering how adulting works.
[00:06:44.990]What does it look like to grow up and live my own life
[00:06:49.020]and build what I wanna build?
[00:06:50.780]We've seen a few students graduate and go out
[00:06:52.810]into the workplace and come back, and they're like,
[00:06:54.997]"Oh, Doctor Connie, I didn't expect this.
[00:06:57.417]"It's not like working at RFI (laughs).
[00:07:00.357]"How do I deal with this difficult boss
[00:07:02.257]"or this culture I don't enjoy or fit into."
[00:07:05.220]And I think sometimes we're still in this transition era
[00:07:08.995]of what does it look like to be inclusive,
[00:07:12.024]which is an expertise area of yours.
[00:07:15.210]But also does this future of work look like?
[00:07:17.640]Just like you've mentioned,
[00:07:19.090]this whole idea of clocking in and clocking out
[00:07:22.110]doesn't work because first of all,
[00:07:23.610]we're expected to always be on.
[00:07:25.290]There's really, I think, a global shift
[00:07:27.570]in how this is all gonna continue to change
[00:07:29.870]and we need people that are willing to step out
[00:07:32.520]and do it differently with our students,
[00:07:34.360]but also our own children and grandchildren, right?
[00:07:37.770]I mean, teaching them how the world can be
[00:07:39.530]in a different way is so important.
[00:07:41.400]Absolutely, I have a sister
[00:07:43.240]who's 16 years younger than I am,
[00:07:45.300]and so she is in her late 30s and a new mother.
[00:07:50.030]Her baby just turned a year old and she is really struggling
[00:07:54.550]with how do I remain passionate to the pursuit of medicine
[00:08:00.570]as well as remain a mom and be able to give to my daughter
[00:08:08.600]and model the way for my daughter,
[00:08:11.820]and in so many respects, she's looking to me for that.
[00:08:16.320]I was late in life getting my Ph.D.
[00:08:18.851]I worked and went to school and was a mother
[00:08:22.830]and was trying to balance all of that,
[00:08:25.310]and I remember when I worked at Bryan Hospital,
[00:08:28.610]I remember saying to my boss when I got a promotion,
[00:08:31.737]"I need to work only four days a week.
[00:08:35.037]"I want to be available for my family."
[00:08:38.060]And it was the first time someone in a position like mine
[00:08:43.920]had requested that, and he was totally open to it,
[00:08:48.690]and he made it work for me.
[00:08:51.170]That was one of those places that it gave me
[00:08:53.710]this internal confidence that if people want
[00:08:57.963]what I have to offer, they need to be able to work
[00:09:02.010]with that flexible schedule that I'm offering.
[00:09:04.730]At the same time, I am very driven and committed
[00:09:08.374]to being available when necessary,
[00:09:13.540]but I do have concrete times when,
[00:09:17.650]one of the things that I talk about leaders is
[00:09:19.510]that leaders have to be able to be still.
[00:09:22.552]They have to remain present, they have to practice that,
[00:09:27.600]so I have to practice that.
[00:09:28.790]So I don't want people to think, "oh, I'm available 24/7."
[00:09:32.520]There's a part of me that is available then,
[00:09:34.710]but then there's a part of me that says,
[00:09:36.077]"No, I'm gonna turn everything off,
[00:09:38.030]and I'm gonna be fully present here."
[00:09:40.680]I think that really questions this sort of era
[00:09:43.610]we're coming out of and you've gotta be
[00:09:45.960]the all things to all people, you have to multi-task,
[00:09:48.600]and sort of this over-busy,
[00:09:51.180]like "Oh, I'm so busy, "I'm so busy,"
[00:09:53.530]and thinking that's a badge of honor, somehow,
[00:09:56.760]because in reality, you aren't as productive,
[00:09:58.810]you're typically not as happy or engaged,
[00:10:01.950]and eventually you burn out
[00:10:03.470]if that's truly the path you're on.
[00:10:07.060]And I know in our case, Wes and I both work,
[00:10:09.720]I'm late to motherhood because I had the opposite
[00:10:12.520]sort of trajectory as you did in terms of focusing
[00:10:14.890]on school and career first and having my kids later in life.
[00:10:18.690]But then I found I was still married to my career,
[00:10:21.510]like it was a huge part of my ego and my self-identity,
[00:10:26.405]and that's challenging, too,
[00:10:28.360]because then suddenly you're having to let go of that
[00:10:30.720]and think, "How now to do I make this family work
[00:10:33.827]"in a different way,"
[00:10:35.270]much like your sister is asking and I've had to really rely
[00:10:38.965]on a lot of co-moms, I call them, in my neighborhood,
[00:10:42.350]because my family doesn't live close to where we live,
[00:10:45.340]either, so I have co-moms that help in every single way,
[00:10:49.470]and I'm able to support them and they're able to support me,
[00:10:52.830]but it's having that community
[00:10:54.570]that's so critically important in making all this work,
[00:10:57.700]but then also, what I appreciate about what you said there,
[00:11:00.720]Helen, was the power of the ask and the confidence you had
[00:11:05.110]to say, "You know what, I am worth this,
[00:11:06.787]"and if you need this, this is what it's gonna take
[00:11:08.977]"for it to work for me."
[00:11:11.160]And I believe that when we do that,
[00:11:13.760]we empower other women to step into that as well,
[00:11:17.530]and that's part of our role as leaders
[00:11:20.480]in this sea sort of life.
[00:11:22.560]Helen, we talked a lot about women
[00:11:24.413]and really the changes that are needing to happen
[00:11:27.000]in the space of leadership and female power
[00:11:29.450]and really being inclusive in that arena.
[00:11:32.790]But what are your thoughts about the changes
[00:11:35.600]in the dynamic of families and cultures as well
[00:11:38.670]where we see dual working couples now
[00:11:40.350]for almost the first time in history,
[00:11:42.560]and having kids or choosing not to have kids,
[00:11:45.010]and how all this is evolving,
[00:11:46.610]so that we're even seeing stay-at-home dads?
[00:11:49.170]That's a great question, Connie,
[00:11:50.490]it's actually really an exciting thing,
[00:11:52.250]because I love seeing families being creative
[00:11:55.680]in how they're addressing this dual working
[00:11:58.770]or who's gonna stay at home or what will that look like,
[00:12:02.090]and I've seen multiple things.
[00:12:04.810]I say we give permission to people to say,
[00:12:08.607]"We need to do what works best for us."
[00:12:10.760]And so, societally, we need to stop shaming men
[00:12:15.420]who stay at home as fathers and shaming women who work
[00:12:20.460]to provide for the family.
[00:12:21.730]So I feel like as a society,
[00:12:23.780]we need to be supportive of those creative ways
[00:12:26.770]that families are making it work.
[00:12:28.530]Families just happen so many different ways now.
[00:12:31.960]Being open to how that works
[00:12:34.100]and what people's lives are about,
[00:12:36.120]I think is just so critically important.
[00:12:38.309]Absolutely, and if it works for a family
[00:12:41.390]to do the traditional thing,
[00:12:42.840]where it's mom who stays at home,
[00:12:45.130]or mom doesn't work and chooses to stay home, hey,
[00:12:47.740]if that works for that family, that's equally great.
[00:12:50.510]So I don't want people thinking,
[00:12:51.767]"Oh, we're gonna throw out traditional way of thinking
[00:12:54.887]"in light of this other way,"
[00:12:56.510]that's again, either or thinking.
[00:12:58.650]What I wanna say is, we need to be okay with any type
[00:13:02.500]of format that a family chooses to take
[00:13:04.780]to make it work for that family,
[00:13:07.210]and the best thing we can do is
[00:13:08.870]come alongside them and support them.
[00:13:11.430]I tell you what,
[00:13:12.830]some of the hardest working people
[00:13:14.430]in our world are single parents.
[00:13:16.430]I so admire what they do to support their family,
[00:13:20.140]financially, emotionally, and everything else,
[00:13:22.970]and it's just so timely to have experts like yourself
[00:13:26.810]working on these big issues to say,
[00:13:29.267]"What does this modern life look like?
[00:13:31.687]"What does this modern era look like?
[00:13:33.197]"How does this evolve into the future
[00:13:34.927]"so the future work changes,
[00:13:36.777]"the future family continues to change,
[00:13:38.770]"the future of society continues to change
[00:13:41.517]"as people are looking for more passion and purpose
[00:13:43.987]"and trying to make all these things work together."
[00:13:49.160]For me, an inclusive leader is someone
[00:13:51.780]who is emotionally intelligent,
[00:13:55.380]who has the developmental capacity to bring people
[00:13:59.700]from all walks of life together
[00:14:02.780]and help them innovate and create
[00:14:05.520]things that didn't exist before.
[00:14:07.660]Can you provide for our listeners an example
[00:14:10.750]of how you've done that in your consulting work?
[00:14:14.690]So I will give you the example
[00:14:17.510]of one particular person that pops out in my mind,
[00:14:20.410]an individual that I have worked with, an executive.
[00:14:23.190]He is a police officer,
[00:14:25.360]he's a chief of police in his community,
[00:14:29.800]and basically during his graduate program,
[00:14:33.530]he had to go through some coaching,
[00:14:35.560]and by coaching I'm not talking
[00:14:36.900]because he wasn't doing things well.
[00:14:38.430]I'm talking about helping to
[00:14:40.480]increase his capacity as a leader,
[00:14:42.750]and so being able to coach him,
[00:14:45.340]to help him to understand how do I shift perspective?
[00:14:50.530]And one of the ways that I challenged him was to say,
[00:14:54.357]"Who wouldn't you want your children to bring home
[00:14:56.327]"as their future spouse?"
[00:14:57.950]You identify that individual, that population, so to speak,
[00:15:02.540]and that's your implicit bias.
[00:15:04.610]And if you can hold yourself accountable
[00:15:07.320]in situations where your implicit bias
[00:15:10.700]is getting in the way of you being effective,
[00:15:13.990]then to me, you are stepping into
[00:15:16.540]that inclusive leadership zone.
[00:15:18.520]And that takes vulnerability, it takes courage,
[00:15:22.250]it takes a certain level of self-awareness,
[00:15:26.280]awareness of the impact I have on other people,
[00:15:29.600]which ties into the whole emotional intelligence piece.
[00:15:32.650]Now I think coaching is growing in popularity
[00:15:36.200]and I think people are starting to understand
[00:15:38.490]the impact that it can have.
[00:15:39.980]I mean, I have a coach myself, and I do coaching.
[00:15:43.140]Really, a great coach can help you uncover those things
[00:15:46.330]you aren't seeing yourself.
[00:15:47.480]And it sounds to me like that's exactly what happened
[00:15:49.890]with this individual.
[00:15:51.410]So I'm not gonna be his coach
[00:15:52.760]for the rest of his life, right?
[00:15:54.430]My hope is that the lessons
[00:15:56.090]that he gleans through that process,
[00:15:59.100]he will be able to use that same process
[00:16:01.530]to glean new things about himself as he has new experiences.
[00:16:07.020]That's always my hope when I coach executives
[00:16:09.490]and also in the classroom.
[00:16:11.670]One of the things I do is
[00:16:13.140]I ask that same question of my students,
[00:16:15.720]and they will list off everything
[00:16:18.120]from someone who's homeless,
[00:16:19.680]someone who's got a criminal record,
[00:16:21.960]someone who's transgender,
[00:16:23.120]someone who's of a different religion,
[00:16:25.642]a wide range of things.
[00:16:26.910]And I say, "Okay, great.
[00:16:28.327]"Now I want you to go out into the community
[00:16:30.497]"and I want you to serve that population,
[00:16:32.937]"because extremely difficult to serve
[00:16:36.192]"and get in close proximity and keep my biases."
[00:16:41.160]Why is that, Helen?
[00:16:42.810]Because most of the time,
[00:16:44.770]our biases are formed based on little information,
[00:16:51.130]overgeneralization.
[00:16:53.230]One of my areas that I absolutely love is neuroscience
[00:16:57.160]and what we're learning about the brain
[00:16:59.290]and the human capacity to exclude without even recognizing
[00:17:04.130]that they're excluding.
[00:17:05.540]And so the idea is that we wanna develop
[00:17:08.730]the prefrontal cortex in these young adults,
[00:17:12.620]because that is where inclusion begins to take shape.
[00:17:16.520]Our limbic brain is the part of our brain
[00:17:19.400]that says, "Hey, I like things that are like me,
[00:17:23.327]"and I wanna hang out with people that are like me,
[00:17:25.747]"and I want things to be easy."
[00:17:27.900]So that's where we form these biases.
[00:17:30.058]But when we actually encounter who are different than us,
[00:17:36.380]that destroy those preconceived notions that we have,
[00:17:40.640]we begin to question, is this bias true?
[00:17:44.240]And it's hard to be loyal to that bias
[00:17:48.510]for any length of time once I've had exposure
[00:17:51.329]to a particular population that I've spent time with,
[00:17:55.040]that I've gotten to know them, gotten to know their story,
[00:17:57.810]gotten to know their challenges, their life history.
[00:18:00.870]I've gotten to walk a mile in their shoes, so to speak.
[00:18:05.020]I think that's where this great awareness
[00:18:07.430]of experiential learning, neuroplasticity, you know,
[00:18:11.470]that brain science piece and
[00:18:12.970]how these things relate is so important.
[00:18:14.900]So, not just talking about the importance
[00:18:17.980]of all of this, but actually doing it, experiencing it,
[00:18:21.320]rewiring your brain through those experiences,
[00:18:24.450]to make yourself a better leader and person,
[00:18:27.320]but ultimately, to help others as well.
[00:18:30.710]There's such an exponential effect when we expand.
[00:18:34.112]So okay, I wanna expand on that
[00:18:37.140]a little bit myself, Helen, and I have a question for you
[00:18:40.440]that I really appreciate your insight to.
[00:18:42.910]What advice would you give the Trump Administration
[00:18:45.990]right now in light of all that's happening with immigration?
[00:18:50.820]So I wanna preface what I say
[00:18:53.129]with the idea that I am not in their shoes.
[00:18:57.700]I don't know how they're seeing the country.
[00:19:00.940]They have access to information I do not have.
[00:19:04.190]They have access to content I don't have access to.
[00:19:07.820]Given all of that, I also would challenge them
[00:19:11.930]to walk away from what they know for a short season of time
[00:19:19.010]and spend time getting to know
[00:19:21.960]individuals and people's stories.
[00:19:25.240]I really want to have them to move away from this polarizing
[00:19:30.140]thinking of either this is good or it's bad.
[00:19:35.230]I want to get them to a place they're thinking both and.
[00:19:40.810]We can have a good rich US and value immigration.
[00:19:48.180]We can have a good relationship
[00:19:52.100]with education as well as business.
[00:19:56.980]So the idea of and both,
[00:19:59.330]I want them to get away from the polarizing.
[00:20:02.110]In my work, in my data that I've been collecting
[00:20:05.820]with the intercultural development inventory,
[00:20:08.700]the continuum, I have seen a shift
[00:20:11.710]from one developmental level to a lower developmental level,
[00:20:16.320]which we call polarizing,
[00:20:17.870]in people that I have been assessing.
[00:20:19.860]So I've been doing this for over a decade,
[00:20:22.523]giving this assessment to my students
[00:20:26.090]at the beginning of the semester,
[00:20:27.270]at the end of the semester,
[00:20:28.830]giving it to graduate students,
[00:20:31.080]giving to individuals that hire me for coaching,
[00:20:33.960]organizations I work with.
[00:20:35.960]What I'm seeing is this shift, a societal shift,
[00:20:39.480]to this polarization, and I cannot help but think
[00:20:42.925]that is as a result of the message
[00:20:45.300]of the leadership that we're hearing.
[00:20:47.620]It's either this or that.
[00:20:50.040]Either we're a good, strong, Make America Great Again,
[00:20:54.960]or we're for immigration.
[00:20:58.230]Everything seems to be so extreme.
[00:21:00.520]It's not a thought of abundance, it's of lack.
[00:21:04.180]But I also appreciate what you said in the beginning.
[00:21:06.720]How do we understand this in a deeper way?
[00:21:10.530]We don't know exactly what's happening
[00:21:12.634]and why the decisions are being made,
[00:21:15.380]but at the same time,
[00:21:16.730]if we would take some time to spend time
[00:21:19.000]in the shoes of other people,
[00:21:21.210]to think about how this might look,
[00:21:23.340]we would come out with more innovative solutions
[00:21:25.980]and ideas that could potentially just be better
[00:21:28.917]and more robust than the either or back mindset.
[00:21:33.820]Absolutely, in the work that I've been doing,
[00:21:36.380]I have seen us being able to shift that.
[00:21:39.610]We can develop in this area.
[00:21:41.430]We can grow in this area.
[00:21:43.520]I'd like to share a couple of stories with you
[00:21:45.770]of how I got interested in all of this.
[00:21:48.620]My dad was an executive
[00:21:50.330]for the national Iranian oil company,
[00:21:52.320]and he traveled all over the world,
[00:21:54.370]and he wanted his kids to be educated in another country
[00:21:57.090]and that's the reason we moved to England
[00:21:58.770]when I was very young, to go to school.
[00:22:01.330]And then later I moved to the United States to go to school,
[00:22:04.317]so the US wouldn't give visa for my parents to stay.
[00:22:07.890]It was only my brothers and I got to stay
[00:22:09.760]in a boarding school.
[00:22:10.620]And two months after we got here,
[00:22:12.750]the US hostages were taken in Tehran,
[00:22:15.340]and all of us Iranian students were loaded up on a bus
[00:22:17.920]and taken to Orlando International Airport,
[00:22:20.200]and we had to report in, and all that stuff,
[00:22:22.570]and getting to stay in the US wasn't exactly a cakewalk.
[00:22:27.140]There were people that were bomb, bomb, bomb,
[00:22:30.000]bomb, bomb Iran, and all kinds of stuff going on.
[00:22:33.380]So I hid who I was for a very long time.
[00:22:37.150]I hid that I'm Iranian, when people would say,
[00:22:39.077]"Where are you from." I'd say,
[00:22:40.057]"Where do you want me to be from?
[00:22:41.587]"Where do you think I'm from?"
[00:22:43.440]And I was where everybody wanted me to be from.
[00:22:45.960]I learned to assimilate, what I call forced assimilation.
[00:22:50.480]It was forced upon me as a way of
[00:22:54.110]getting along with people here,
[00:22:56.670]so that sense really impacted how I saw myself,
[00:23:01.470]how I saw my heritage,
[00:23:02.920]how I saw how I could contribute to society.
[00:23:06.360]I had to hide a part of myself in order to
[00:23:09.410]be able to contribute to society.
[00:23:12.070]It wasn't until this event happened with my father
[00:23:15.380]that I really stepped out into it.
[00:23:17.179]My dad came to visit me for a month.
[00:23:20.300]I hadn't seen him in a few years.
[00:23:22.048]He had a heart attack and then later a stroke
[00:23:25.770]after he left my home and he was in this hospital.
[00:23:30.140]He had the kind of stroke
[00:23:31.420]that was called the locked in syndrome,
[00:23:33.500]so a piece of plaque from his carotid
[00:23:35.630]went into his brain stem,
[00:23:36.960]and he was locked inside of his body
[00:23:39.890]until his death eight months later.
[00:23:42.220]He couldn't understand any other language
[00:23:46.810]except our native language,
[00:23:48.100]even though he was multi-lingual.
[00:23:50.090]He was an executive, he traveled the world.
[00:23:52.360]So here he is in this bed,
[00:23:54.200]and we're trying to communicate with him,
[00:23:55.820]he couldn't move any of his body parts, he couldn't speak,
[00:23:59.330]he could nod just a little bit,
[00:24:01.720]and he could blink yes or no to our questions.
[00:24:04.880]So I'm speaking Farsi to my dad, I'm in the room,
[00:24:07.710]and in walks this nurse who's training another person
[00:24:11.040]and the nurse is asking questions and I'm speaking Farsi
[00:24:14.730]to my dad, and I'm kind of thinking,
[00:24:17.237]"Okay, I think I know what he's saying
[00:24:18.990]based on his look,"
[00:24:20.030]and I'm giving the information back to the nurse,
[00:24:22.690]and she gets frustrated,
[00:24:24.450]and as she's walking out of the room,
[00:24:27.830]she says under her breath,
[00:24:28.967]"I wish they would learn to speak English.
[00:24:30.867]"It would make our job so much easier."
[00:24:33.450]It triggered something deep within me.
[00:24:36.910]I followed her out of the room, and I laid into her.
[00:24:40.620]I tell people I verbally vomited on this poor nurse.
[00:24:44.640]And I'm sharing that to not say, "Hey, I'm great,"
[00:24:47.880]and I was justified in what I did.
[00:24:49.640]I'm sharing that to say that it triggered something in me
[00:24:53.160]and at that point, I thought,
[00:24:54.767]"I wanna do everything in my power to ensure that
[00:24:57.347]"that doesn't happen to my father again,"
[00:24:59.940]or to any other person's father,
[00:25:02.430]or to anybody else's family member, whoever that person is.
[00:25:07.160]So then when I moved to Nebraska
[00:25:09.500]and began working at Bryan Health,
[00:25:11.250]I created this Diversity Cultural Competence,
[00:25:13.720]and doing the training and the work in that arena,
[00:25:16.862]fast forward several years,
[00:25:21.350]and we have a situation that really got me thinking,
[00:25:27.137]"Wow, how did we go from the situation with my dad
[00:25:31.957]"to the outcome of this situation?"
[00:25:34.840]That particular situation was a 12-year-old boy had been hit
[00:25:39.240]by a truck while riding his bicycle in his community,
[00:25:43.220]and he was brought into our trauma center.
[00:25:45.800]Our hospital had a trauma center,
[00:25:47.170]and by the time the family arrived,
[00:25:49.350]they were told that their son was brain dead,
[00:25:52.310]and the chaplain that was working with this family
[00:25:55.630]was on the diversity council that I led at the hospital.
[00:25:59.040]He approached the family about organ donation,
[00:26:01.870]and the family requested to have a family member
[00:26:04.260]in the operating room at the time
[00:26:06.370]of the retrieval of the organs.
[00:26:08.190]Well, this was against hospital policy for multiple reasons.
[00:26:12.660]But here's this chaplain, instead of saying,
[00:26:14.667]"I'm sorry, it's against hospital policy," he says,
[00:26:17.517]"Help me understand what makes this important to you."
[00:26:21.420]Just that simple question got him access to information.
[00:26:27.060]What he found out was this family was Native American
[00:26:29.460]and they believed that the spirit
[00:26:30.640]of their son rested in his heart.
[00:26:32.730]They wanted the heart to stop beating,
[00:26:34.640]the spirit to be set free,
[00:26:35.850]and they chose the uncle to be in the operating room
[00:26:38.980]to be able to say prayers so that the spirit wouldn't go on
[00:26:41.820]living in someone else's body.
[00:26:43.600]That was their belief.
[00:26:45.090]The challenge for us was to get people
[00:26:48.314]from different parts of the hospital, decision makers,
[00:26:52.420]to come together and agree to allow this to happen.
[00:26:56.090]When that happened,
[00:26:57.280]we were told by Nebraska Organ Retrieval System that
[00:26:59.730]that was the first time in the 25-year history
[00:27:03.120]of organ donation at that time,
[00:27:05.100]that a Native American family had said yes
[00:27:07.210]to donating the organs of a loved one.
[00:27:09.470]Wow, I mean the power of seeking to understand,
[00:27:13.630]and not making assumptions is just so incredible, isn't it?
[00:27:17.970]And I admit I had to grab a Kleenex when you were talking
[00:27:21.630]because if you have to hide who you are to fit in,
[00:27:25.880]I think is something that is a struggle for so many
[00:27:30.000]in so many different ways,
[00:27:32.720]but I also think it's been a gift in so many ways, too,
[00:27:36.250]as well, and to all of us, to be honest,
[00:27:38.670]to have somebody like you who has taken that experience
[00:27:42.790]and really has just turned it
[00:27:44.930]into a prolific practice in both your business,
[00:27:48.620]but then also what you do at the University of Nebraska,
[00:27:52.120]here at the Rural Futures Institute,
[00:27:54.450]and so many ways beyond that.
[00:27:56.210]I mean, you're even consulting for movies. (laughs)
[00:27:59.003]Yeah, so....
[00:28:00.296]I think that fascinating, but I also think it's helpful
[00:28:05.110]in terms of moving away from this culture
[00:28:08.730]we seem to have right now of polarization
[00:28:10.980]to that inclusive culture that really is more global
[00:28:15.210]and really finds innovations that are workable for everyone
[00:28:18.950]so it's not a lose-lose, but it's more of that win-win.
[00:28:23.030]Absolutely, and so that is exactly
[00:28:25.090]what got me interested in researching this.
[00:28:27.850]It's how do we get people to come
[00:28:31.231]to that level of understanding?
[00:28:33.550]How do we do that?
[00:28:35.590]And I have found a process for making that happen,
[00:28:39.610]and it's so exciting to watch these young people
[00:28:42.970]who have hidden part of who they are
[00:28:45.011]for up to the time they enter my classroom,
[00:28:48.980]anywhere from 19, 20, 21, all the way up to 55,
[00:28:55.133]60, 70-year-olds, and it's giving them a place
[00:29:00.450]and a space to fully step into who they are
[00:29:04.540]and accept that other people,
[00:29:07.460]when we allow others to be who they are,
[00:29:09.870]fully who they are, we create opportunities.
[00:29:13.410]We become more innovative in our thinking,
[00:29:16.080]in our problem-solving, in our approach to how we
[00:29:20.220]increase participation in the community, in an organization.
[00:29:24.710]It just totally changes the way
[00:29:26.680]we engage with the world around us.
[00:29:29.740]And that's what's so exciting for me is,
[00:29:32.790]one of the areas that I really want to study
[00:29:35.180]is how do parents who level of self-awareness,
[00:29:39.570]and emotional intelligence,
[00:29:41.100]and their developmental readiness for engaging
[00:29:44.710]with people who are different,
[00:29:45.680]how does that impact the way they raise their children?
[00:29:48.970]Right, 'cause even as a parent,
[00:29:51.850]I want my kids to be global in their perspectives
[00:29:55.960]and their thinking, very inclusive,
[00:29:58.520]but also very brave and being able
[00:30:00.500]to stand in their own power, because parenting
[00:30:03.140]is an interesting experiment in itself, right?
[00:30:05.550]I mean how do you do all of that as a parent
[00:30:08.560]to make sure your kids are the best of who they can be,
[00:30:12.094]not just to themselves, but to others, and really,
[00:30:15.820]then preparing them for a world that's gonna be
[00:30:18.050]much different than what we grew up in.
[00:30:20.150]Absolutely, in our grandparents' day,
[00:30:23.140]our grandparents were competing with other people
[00:30:25.110]in their own community, in their own area.
[00:30:27.940]In our parent's day, it was people in another state.
[00:30:31.090]There were people applying for jobs from other states.
[00:30:35.250]In our age, we're competing for
[00:30:39.000]positions and opportunities globally,
[00:30:42.550]and so how do we prepare our students, our children,
[00:30:47.080]to be able to not just compete at that level,
[00:30:50.540]but to be excited and thrilled to be engaged
[00:30:54.260]at that level of thinking and being?
[00:30:56.560]How do we do that, and that's an area
[00:30:58.310]that I'm really interested in studying.
[00:31:03.580]I wanna ask you to look into your crystal ball,
[00:31:06.360]become that futurist for a second.
[00:31:10.230]Tell us what you see in the future
[00:31:13.180]in terms of your expertise.
[00:31:15.610]What I see is that individuals who have created,
[00:31:20.010]I actually started calling it this super-power.
[00:31:22.431]They've created this internal super-power,
[00:31:25.950]this capacity of being resilient,
[00:31:28.669]of being able to shift perspective,
[00:31:31.500]of being able to see issues that others are missing
[00:31:37.340]and then bringing people from all different walks of life
[00:31:40.750]to address those issues, that is a super-power,
[00:31:45.500]and I believe as we continue the advancement
[00:31:49.310]that we're learning from neuroscience,
[00:31:51.250]what we're learning from global leadership studies
[00:31:54.710]that are happening, what we're seeing,
[00:31:56.780]even in our own RFI interns who are going
[00:32:01.520]into these rural communities,
[00:32:03.130]the insights they're gaining about themselves,
[00:32:05.361]I feel like that is the kinds of opportunities
[00:32:08.660]we need to create for people.
[00:32:10.240]We need to help people to be able
[00:32:11.870]to see the perspective in that way.
[00:32:14.880]So understand yourself, the impact you have on other people,
[00:32:19.410]is based on the beliefs, the values,
[00:32:21.080]the experiences you've had, but also be able to be
[00:32:25.360]totally thrilled and excited to the be in the presence
[00:32:28.730]of people who are different than you,
[00:32:30.540]because I believe we connect with people who are like us,
[00:32:34.090]but we absolutely grow the most when we have to engage
[00:32:38.310]with people who are different than us.
[00:32:40.120]So what opportunities can we create for engaging with people
[00:32:43.970]who are different than us as well as
[00:32:45.781]connecting with people who are like us?
[00:32:48.160]Human beings, we need both.
[00:32:50.190]Well, and I so appreciate that,
[00:32:51.680]and I just wanna say to the world
[00:32:53.830]we are so excited that you've joined the Rural Futures team,
[00:32:57.141]and the wisdom, the scholarship,
[00:32:59.520]but also just the leader and person that you are,
[00:33:02.770]to help us with the rural serviceship program,
[00:33:05.610]but really expanding it into something new and different
[00:33:08.162]so it's more transformational for students and communities
[00:33:11.950]moving forward, but I think the other thing that you bring
[00:33:15.860]to all of this, Doctor Fagan,
[00:33:17.750]is the fact that we can break some stereotypes
[00:33:20.460]about rural and urban as well.
[00:33:22.570]Too often we talk about rural or urban,
[00:33:24.983]it's rural versus urban, it's that polarization again,
[00:33:28.550]and we need to really realize
[00:33:30.210]that we live in a global ecosystem
[00:33:32.430]that connects our worlds together
[00:33:34.240]and that includes rural and urban centers
[00:33:36.960]because they all rely on one another,
[00:33:39.760]and to make this work in a sustainable, forward-leaning way,
[00:33:44.760]and so for those students to have these experiences,
[00:33:47.910]I think is just fantastic.
[00:33:49.410]For communities to have the experience, great,
[00:33:52.040]but it makes me wonder as we move forward
[00:33:53.981]how would you envision breaking down the stereotypes
[00:33:57.840]of rural versus urban and bringing those worlds together
[00:34:01.110]in a more collective, cohesive, and innovative way.
[00:34:05.410]I would encourage people, I would challenge people,
[00:34:08.270]if you're in an urban setting,
[00:34:11.480]to step out into a rural setting and find the positive.
[00:34:15.090]I think we need to create opportunities
[00:34:17.660]for urban populations to experience rural,
[00:34:22.010]not as an I'm gonna get away from it all
[00:34:24.760]and go to the rural setting,
[00:34:26.330]but as a how do we take what's so wonderful about rural
[00:34:33.420]and bring it a part of our urban setting, and vice versa.
[00:34:36.790]How do take something that is so wonderful about urban
[00:34:40.300]and include that in part of what we do in our rural setting?
[00:34:44.750]And so the experiences we offer our students is powerful,
[00:34:49.730]I believe, through RFI, and I'm so excited and thrilled
[00:34:52.950]to be joining the RFI team,
[00:34:54.980]and to be working with someone like you, Doctor Connie.
[00:34:58.150]I've read what you've written,
[00:35:00.060]I've listened to what you've shared, and I'm just excited.
[00:35:03.880]I think it's gonna be a win-win for all of us
[00:35:06.980]and we're gonna learn so much together and I believe
[00:35:09.440]that our life trajectory has been so different,
[00:35:13.120]our backgrounds have been so different,
[00:35:15.750]that out of those differences we are going to be able
[00:35:19.560]to create exciting new opportunities for both our urban
[00:35:24.400]and our rural, as well as global environment
[00:35:27.740]for our global students.
[00:35:29.860]Well, thank you, Doctor Fagan, I so appreciate that,
[00:35:32.790]and I also appreciate the fact that your bringing up global,
[00:35:35.830]because one of the things we see at RFI is,
[00:35:38.920]of course a lot of our work happens in Nebraska,
[00:35:41.690]but we are involved nationally and internationally as well
[00:35:44.930]and really intend on expanding that
[00:35:47.280]because many of our rural issues
[00:35:48.910]and urban issues are similar is what we find
[00:35:51.370]and we come to the conclusion through visiting
[00:35:54.470]with Tufts University, Harvard University,
[00:35:56.500]other partners like Microsoft,
[00:35:58.980]that we need to ask better questions.
[00:36:00.890]And that is not a question of rural versus urban,
[00:36:03.460]but it's how do we collectively move together.
[00:36:05.585]But then also, what is the future of rural
[00:36:09.510]in terms of being more inclusive and diverse?
[00:36:13.880]Because the populations are shifting,
[00:36:16.150]while some population loss is happening,
[00:36:18.220]we also see the migration of different people and patterns
[00:36:22.280]in many of those rural areas,
[00:36:24.330]and I think as those populations shifts
[00:36:27.450]and demographics shifts continue,
[00:36:29.800]communities themselves are asking,
[00:36:31.117]"How do we become more inclusive?
[00:36:33.157]"What more can we do to be a welcoming community?
[00:36:35.967]"How do we get people here but also keep them here?
[00:36:40.457]"And how do we make this work if we become smaller."
[00:36:43.400]So there's so many great questions around that,
[00:36:45.980]but there's some innovative solutions as well.
[00:36:48.430]I tell people we need to ask both why questions
[00:36:53.430]and help me understand questions.
[00:36:56.700]The why questions are necessary
[00:36:59.580]because they help us to defend our position,
[00:37:01.980]but the help me understand questions are necessary
[00:37:04.950]because they help us expand and shift our perspective.
[00:37:09.030]And so we need both of those.
[00:37:11.577]So asking good questions involves
[00:37:13.490]both of those types of questions,
[00:37:15.600]but also being willing to listen.
[00:37:17.690]Not listen to answer, but listen to learn
[00:37:21.100]and connect and understand.
[00:37:23.440]Well, thank you.
[00:37:24.420]I think that's such powerful insight for our audience
[00:37:27.388]to hear and I'd love to know from you, Helen,
[00:37:30.820]what parting words of wisdom
[00:37:32.970]would you like to leave our listeners with today?
[00:37:36.100]I would say be adaptable and flexible.
[00:37:41.060]Be willing to engage with people whose perspective
[00:37:45.020]are different than yours.
[00:37:47.250]Be the kind of person that is comfortable
[00:37:51.940]with who they are, but also recognizes
[00:37:54.607]that it's important to give space for other people
[00:37:58.160]to be who they are fully.
[00:38:00.810]I really hope that if people take anything away
[00:38:04.627]from what I've shared is to be a 21st century leader
[00:38:10.447]takes effort, it takes intentionality,
[00:38:14.600]it takes a new way of thinking
[00:38:16.650]about culture and inclusion and differences.
[00:38:21.480]Thank you, that wisdom is something I think our listeners
[00:38:24.450]will continue to enjoy and can benefit from.
[00:38:27.350]I'd love to hear from them on how they're applying
[00:38:29.610]some of these things in their own life.
[00:38:31.010]I think that the Rural Futures Institute would definitely
[00:38:33.910]want this to be a very open conversation
[00:38:36.500]and would love to learn from them as well, so thank you.
[00:38:39.540]Absolutely, and I would love to hear from them as well.
[00:38:43.110]Thanks for listening to Rural Futures with Doctor Connie.
[00:38:46.040]Subscribe where you listen so you don't miss an episode
[00:38:48.560]and tell us what you think on FB, Instagram,
[00:38:50.970]and Twitter @ruralfutures.
[00:38:53.150]Next up, Doctor Connie talks with
[00:38:54.910]Nebraska Rural Hospital Association Executive Director
[00:38:58.180]John Roberts.
[00:38:59.510]John has more than 36 years of experience in healthcare,
[00:39:02.450]working in the Nebraska Public Health Department,
[00:39:04.560]as a rural hospital administrator, and as a consultant.
[00:39:07.690]He is a collaborative leader,
[00:39:08.910]showcasing Nebraska's strengths and attacking some of the
[00:39:11.720]most critical rural health issues at a national level.
[00:39:15.120]We know we're gonna go through a pretty major change
[00:39:17.761]in the next three to five years
[00:39:19.837]in not only rural Nebraska, but across the country,
[00:39:21.572]and I really truly believe it won't be the strongest
[00:39:26.260]that make that transition the best,
[00:39:28.440]or the ones that are most financially strong at this point.
[00:39:31.770]I really believe it's gonna be the ones who can
[00:39:34.090]adapt to change the best and who are able
[00:39:36.800]to manage that change as we go through this process.

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Rural Futures with Dr. Connie Episode 6 featuring Dr. Helen Fagan

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