How to Help Your Child Recognize and Understand Disappointment

LaDonna Werth and Lisa Poppe - Early Childhood Extension Educators Author

10/01/2024 Added

6 Plays

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We all have disappointments at all stages of our lives. We hate to see our children struggle with disappointments. So how can we help our children with disappointment.

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[00:00:00.120]♪ ♪ Fit and Healthy Kids, an early childhood podcast.
[00:00:03.940]Hello from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.
[00:00:06.760]This is LaDonna Werth and Lisa Poppe,
[00:00:09.260]Extension Educators in the field of early childhood.
[00:00:12.480]We are here to talk about the littles in your life.
[00:00:15.940]LaDonna Werth: We all have disappointment at all stages of our life.
[00:00:20.660]We hate to see our children struggle with disappointment.
[00:00:23.880]So how can we help our children
[00:00:26.580]with this feeling of disappointment?
[00:00:29.520]Lisa Poppe: Disappointment is a normal,
[00:00:31.200]though difficult part of growing up.
[00:00:33.480]Your child is likely to experience disappointment
[00:00:36.420]as she makes new friends,
[00:00:37.780]tries new things and experiences
[00:00:40.100]the ups and downs of her world.
[00:00:42.020]Whether it's a trip to the park that is ruined by rain
[00:00:45.140]or missing a birthday party,
[00:00:46.780]life is full of little and big disappointments.
[00:00:50.360]LaDonna Werth: Should we allow our children to feel disappointed?
[00:00:53.560]Lisa Poppe: Absolutely.
[00:00:54.760]When you allow your child to feel, experience,
[00:00:59.040]and learn from little disappointments at an early age,
[00:01:02.380]you help her to create the skills she will need
[00:01:05.040]to successfully handle the big disappointments
[00:01:07.720]she will experience later in childhood and even as an adult.
[00:01:11.820]LaDonna Werth: What can I do to help my child
[00:01:14.020]with the feeling of disappointment?
[00:01:15.780]Lisa Poppe: Notice and label when you, your child,
[00:01:19.020]or even others are disappointed.
[00:01:20.580]Explain that everyone, including adults, feel disappointment.
[00:01:24.520]You might say, I'm disappointed grandma was supposed
[00:01:28.560]to come for a visit, but she is home sick.
[00:01:31.120]I think I'm gonna make her a get well card.
[00:01:33.480]Or you have tears in your eyes.
[00:01:36.600]I see you're disappointed.
[00:01:38.140]You really wanted to go to the park, but it's raining.
[00:01:40.960]I wonder what else we can do on a rainy day like today.
[00:01:44.540]LaDonna Werth: How can I practice ways to handle disappointment
[00:01:48.140]before a potential disappointment incident occurs
[00:01:51.600]for my child?
[00:01:52.760]Lisa Poppe: Think about this.
[00:01:53.900]If you know your child will be disappointed
[00:01:56.420]if someone else is on her favorite
[00:01:58.080]swing when you go to the park,
[00:01:59.540]come up with appropriate solutions ahead of time.
[00:02:02.780]You could say,
[00:02:04.040]when we go to the playground
[00:02:06.120]someone else might be on your favorite swing.
[00:02:08.190]You might feel disappointed.
[00:02:09.930]What could you do to stay calm?
[00:02:12.270]Come up with some solutions such as asking the child for a turn,
[00:02:16.050]saying please or bringing a shovel and a pail to play in the sandbox while the other child is on the swing.
[00:02:21.350]Encourage and teach problem solving with your child.
[00:02:25.270]LaDonna Werth: Can disappointment lead to anger with young children?
[00:02:28.290]Lisa Poppe: Yes. Disappointment can quickly lead to feelings of anger if it is not acknowledged.
[00:02:34.310]Simple acknowledge her feelings without overreacting.
[00:02:37.450]You really wanted the red cup. Your sister has the red cup today.
[00:02:41.550]Do you want the blue or the green one?
[00:02:43.510]You can also role model how small disappointments can sometimes end up being positive.
[00:02:48.850]For example, I was so disappointed that the car was getting fixed today,
[00:02:53.030]but I ended up having so much fun with you. It was a great day.
[00:02:56.870]LaDonna Werth: Why is it important for parents to help their children recognize and understand disappointment and problem solve?
[00:03:02.930]Lisa Poppe: The disappointment of not getting to wear the princess dress,
[00:03:08.150]dropping the ice cream cone, or not being first in line prepares children to deal with life's
[00:03:14.030]greater obstacles. While tempting, it is not helpful for parents to try to keep their children
[00:03:20.210]from feeling disappointment and have life always flow smoothly. Parents can help their children so
[00:03:26.370]much more if they instead teach them how to recognize and cope with all of their feelings.
[00:03:32.550]Teach children how to cope with emotions instead of expressing themselves with challenging behaviors.
[00:03:38.050]LaDonna Werth: Disappointment can be healthy and positive, although unpleasant emotions in young children.
[00:03:44.150]Parents can help their children to recognize and cope with all of their feelings. This has been
[00:03:51.470]LaDonna and Lisa with the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Until next time, enjoy your family
[00:03:57.210]time together. Fit and Healthy Kids is a co-production of Nebraska Extension,
[00:04:02.170]Georgia Extension, Kansas State Extension, South Dakota State Extension,
[00:04:06.490]and the Iowa Child Care Resource and Referral.
[00:04:09.530]♪ ♪

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How to Help Your Child Recognize and Understand Disappointment

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