Men and Masculinity

Gender and Sexuality Center Author

09/26/2024 Added

8 Plays

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This presentation breaks down various social constructs and stereotypes that negatively affect men and masculine people while discussing how these constructs reinforce ideas of toxic masculinity. We also explore ways to reject this toxicity and promote healthy masculinity through focusing on emotional intelligence and well-being.

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[00:00:01.680]Welcome to the "Men and Masculinity" presentation.
[00:00:06.150]My name is Paige Hesby, and I am an intern
[00:00:09.270]for the Gender and Sexuality Center
[00:00:12.000]at the University of Nebraska Lincoln.
[00:00:15.150]First and foremost, I wanna thank you all
[00:00:17.850]for the time you've taken out of your day to be here
[00:00:21.150]and to watch this presentation.
[00:00:26.850]Let's briefly review some objectives for this presentation.
[00:00:31.230]It is our hope that throughout this presentation,
[00:00:34.590]you will learn more about,
[00:00:36.510]one, social constructs and stereotypes
[00:00:40.020]negatively affecting men and masculine people,
[00:00:44.010]two, how these constructs reinforce toxic masculinity,
[00:00:49.530]and, three, ways to express healthy masculinity
[00:00:53.550]and increase emotional intelligence.
[00:00:57.930]Now, as we get started, we just wanna give you a heads up
[00:01:02.730]that this presentation contains content related to rape,
[00:01:07.290]sexual assault, violence, self-harm, suicide,
[00:01:12.600]transphobia, trans misogyny, and homophobia.
[00:01:17.760]So throughout this presentation, we encourage you
[00:01:20.700]to take care of yourself as you need to.
[00:01:29.490]First, let's discuss social constructs.
[00:01:34.140]Social constructs refer to social norms
[00:01:37.230]and ideas that people in a society agree on.
[00:01:41.520]An example of this would be the agreement
[00:01:43.950]people in a society reach on the value of money
[00:01:47.430]and the difference in value between a $1 bill
[00:01:50.880]and a $100 bill.
[00:01:53.010]Both are just simple pieces of paper,
[00:01:55.980]but through societal agreement,
[00:01:58.200]they're assigned different monetary values.
[00:02:02.820]The idea of social constructs relates
[00:02:05.250]to our discussion about masculinity
[00:02:07.800]because society has come to some agreements
[00:02:10.380]about what quote, unquote, "real masculinity" looks like,
[00:02:14.700]and some of these ideas can lead to harmful consequences
[00:02:18.240]for both men and masculine folks and the people around them.
[00:02:26.070]Sometimes social constructs about men and masculinity
[00:02:30.480]become stereotypes, widely held,
[00:02:33.690]but oversimplified beliefs about the characteristics
[00:02:37.170]of a group of people.
[00:02:40.260]As we look to build healthy masculinity,
[00:02:43.350]it's important to recognize
[00:02:45.000]and unpack the stereotypical qualities
[00:02:48.150]that make a quote, unquote "real man,"
[00:02:51.060]as these stereotypes and the pressure
[00:02:53.280]to conform to masculine social constructs
[00:02:56.220]can be very distressing.
[00:02:59.100]These different stereotypes include claims
[00:03:01.830]that men don't cry openly
[00:03:04.290]or express emotions except for anger,
[00:03:07.860]men don't express weakness or fear,
[00:03:11.580]men demonstrate power and control, especially over women,
[00:03:16.710]men must be aggressive and dominant,
[00:03:20.370]men solve their own problems without asking for help,
[00:03:24.510]men must be protectors and providers,
[00:03:27.930]men should not behave like a woman or like a gay man,
[00:03:32.790]men cannot be feminine,
[00:03:35.160]men should never say no to sex,
[00:03:39.090]a man being sexually assaulted is not believable,
[00:03:42.600]as it must have been wanted,
[00:03:45.210]men should be the emotional rock for women,
[00:03:48.570]and men shouldn't need mental health services.
[00:03:52.950]When these stereotypes are internalized or believed,
[00:03:56.610]they often only serve to hurt men
[00:03:58.710]and masculine people and the people around them.
[00:04:02.370]For example, internalizing the belief
[00:04:05.130]that men should demonstrate power and control over women
[00:04:08.970]can lead to consequences,
[00:04:10.230]such as dating violence.
[00:04:12.570]And internalizing the belief
[00:04:14.550]that men can't be sexually assaulted,
[00:04:17.490]discourages men from disclosing an assault to others,
[00:04:21.270]and can lead to self blame.
[00:04:24.120]Therefore, it is important that we begin to name
[00:04:27.750]and interrogate the validity of these stereotypes.
[00:04:35.430]When talking about social constructs,
[00:04:37.800]it's also important to discuss intersectionality.
[00:04:42.150]Intersectionality is a concept that argues
[00:04:45.480]that various social categories,
[00:04:47.670]such as race and gender,
[00:04:49.860]overlap to create interconnected experiences
[00:04:53.162]of advantage or disadvantage in society.
[00:04:57.630]Thus intersecting identities play a role in the types
[00:05:01.580]of stereotypes placed on men.
[00:05:05.280]Identities that affect
[00:05:06.660]masculine expectations and stereotypes,
[00:05:10.200]include but are not limited to age, race,
[00:05:15.330]class, culture, sexuality, and religion.
[00:05:21.030]For example, an older man may experience
[00:05:24.330]greater pressure to be a provider to his family
[00:05:27.810]than is the case for a younger man.
[00:05:31.020]What it means to be masculine
[00:05:33.210]and what constitutes masculinity
[00:05:35.700]can differ greatly across cultures as well.
[00:05:39.270]For example, in much of western culture,
[00:05:42.703]a quote, unquote 'real man"
[00:05:44.640]is considered unemotional, stoic, and strong-willed.
[00:05:51.240]Whereas in other cultures, such as Japanese culture,
[00:05:55.193]masculine expectations focus strongly
[00:05:59.400]on financially providing for one's family
[00:06:02.310]and being a loyal and diligent worker.
[00:06:06.150]It is important to keep in mind
[00:06:07.680]when deconstructing these stereotypes
[00:06:10.200]that they're shaped by many aspects
[00:06:12.210]of our identity and the society in which we operate.
[00:06:20.430]As mentioned previously,
[00:06:22.500]these stereotypes, constructs, pressures, and expectations
[00:06:27.000]placed on men and masculine people
[00:06:30.030]can result in some pretty heartbreaking consequences.
[00:06:34.770]The statistics on the screen are not intended
[00:06:37.440]to say that men are inherently or naturally
[00:06:41.280]more likely to be violent,
[00:06:43.590]but these statistics quantify the result
[00:06:46.620]of internalizing masculine stereotypes and expectations.
[00:06:52.560]So with this in mind,
[00:06:54.480]some of the violent consequences of the internalization
[00:06:58.650]of harmful masculine stereotypes
[00:07:00.810]include that 52%
[00:07:03.690]of young transgender boys and men, age 13 to 24,
[00:07:08.790]have considered suicide in the past year,
[00:07:12.690]that 79% of people arrested for violent crimes are men,
[00:07:19.650]that 97% of mass shootings since 1966 have been done by men,
[00:07:27.030]that cisgender men die by suicide
[00:07:30.150]at four times the rate of cisgender women,
[00:07:34.050]and that over 90% of sexual assaults are perpetrated by men.
[00:07:40.830]These statistics clearly outline
[00:07:42.990]how dangerous the internalization
[00:07:45.210]of these stereotypes can be
[00:07:47.160]for both men and masculine people
[00:07:49.620]and the people around them.
[00:07:51.690]Again, we can see how the social expectation
[00:07:54.695]that men should be aggressive
[00:07:56.970]and demonstrate power over women,
[00:07:59.370]if internalized and taken at face value,
[00:08:02.580]can lead to increased rates
[00:08:04.290]of sexual assault and dating violence.
[00:08:07.710]However, by identifying
[00:08:10.110]and challenging these stereotypes,
[00:08:12.480]these statistics can change.
[00:08:20.160]Other consequences of harmful masculine stereotypes
[00:08:24.690]are those that affect men's emotional
[00:08:27.450]and relational wellbeing.
[00:08:30.300]Again, this slide is not saying
[00:08:32.520]that men are inherently more likely to use substances
[00:08:36.360]or inherently less emotional,
[00:08:39.120]but that the internalization of harmful social constructs
[00:08:43.200]is what results in these consequences.
[00:08:47.400]With this said, the internalization
[00:08:50.040]of harmful masculine stereotypes can cause men
[00:08:53.520]and masculine people to experience
[00:08:56.040]increased isolation and loneliness,
[00:08:59.280]increased competitiveness,
[00:09:02.010]a lack of positive masculine identity or role models,
[00:09:06.510]increased aggression,
[00:09:08.610]a lack of healthy friendships with other men,
[00:09:12.300]emotional overdependence on women, increased depression,
[00:09:18.000]inappropriate expressions of anger,
[00:09:21.180]decreased likelihood of seeking mental health services,
[00:09:25.440]internalization of misogynistic stereotypes,
[00:09:29.790]difficulty with intimacy and vulnerability,
[00:09:33.630]decreased self-esteem,
[00:09:35.940]and increased alcohol and substance use risk.
[00:09:40.860]Again, we can see how the internalization
[00:09:43.860]of a social construct
[00:09:45.240]that says men should not
[00:09:46.710]express weakness or fear, for example,
[00:09:49.800]can cause men to feel
[00:09:51.090]that they shouldn't discuss mental health issues
[00:09:53.730]with their friends or even professionals.
[00:09:57.330]But as we said before, these outcomes can be changed
[00:10:01.170]by identifying and deconstructing the social constructs
[00:10:05.340]at the root of these issues.
[00:10:11.580]Now let's discuss what is meant
[00:10:13.260]by the phrase toxic masculinity.
[00:10:19.680]We define toxic masculinity as a concept
[00:10:23.430]referring to the cultural expectations
[00:10:26.850]of men, manliness, and masculinity
[00:10:30.900]and behaviors that perpetuate domination,
[00:10:34.410]homophobia, misogyny, and aggression,
[00:10:38.850]all of which damage men's self-esteem,
[00:10:42.240]and mental health.
[00:10:44.430]The social expectations
[00:10:46.110]and stereotypes about masculinity
[00:10:48.360]that we previously discussed usually promote ideas
[00:10:51.780]of toxic masculinity.
[00:10:54.780]When we talk about toxic masculinity,
[00:10:57.270]the word toxic is not describing the men
[00:11:00.360]or masculine people themselves,
[00:11:02.850]but rather toxic is describing the stereotypes
[00:11:06.690]and social pressures,
[00:11:08.040]which, as we discussed,
[00:11:10.020]can lead to toxic and harmful behaviors.
[00:11:17.250]When discussing toxic masculinity,
[00:11:20.100]it's also important
[00:11:21.180]to discuss and acknowledge male privilege.
[00:11:25.050]Addressing male privilege is not intended
[00:11:27.399]to create guilt or defensiveness,
[00:11:30.660]and also isn't intended to say that people
[00:11:33.180]with privilege don't work hard
[00:11:35.160]and earn accomplishments.
[00:11:36.930]They do.
[00:11:38.550]Acknowledging privilege is often
[00:11:40.620]an uncomfortable conversation
[00:11:42.360]because these privileges aren't earned.
[00:11:46.680]For example, a man can't quote, unquote, "earn"
[00:11:50.250]a lower likelihood of being sexually assaulted.
[00:11:53.670]His lower likelihood is simply a product of gender.
[00:11:59.100]So examples of privilege men and masculine folks
[00:12:02.190]may experience include
[00:12:04.650]being much less likely
[00:12:05.850]to be afraid of walking alone in the dark,
[00:12:09.360]being paid more for doing the same job,
[00:12:12.810]not having their capability to make important decisions
[00:12:16.140]be questioned according to the time of the month,
[00:12:19.830]not fearing getting into an Uber or a cab,
[00:12:23.850]not fearing that their drink will be drugged at a bar,
[00:12:27.660]and having the privilege to not be aware of male privilege.
[00:12:33.810]It's also important to note that these privileges
[00:12:36.450]may be new to trans men,
[00:12:38.640]depending on where they are in their transition.
[00:12:42.270]Also, the privileges differ based on additional identities.
[00:12:46.710]As we discussed previously,
[00:12:48.840]the experiences of men can differ greatly
[00:12:51.690]according to race, sexuality, age, et cetera.
[00:12:56.550]For example, a black man may fear for his safety
[00:12:59.520]walking alone in the dark.
[00:13:06.000]Now that we've built awareness
[00:13:07.830]on the different privileges men can experience,
[00:13:11.250]we can look at how to incorporate this awareness
[00:13:14.250]into healthy masculinity.
[00:13:17.280]First, identify your privileges,
[00:13:20.040]like the ones we discussed on the previous slide,
[00:13:23.280]and understand how it gives you an advantage.
[00:13:28.710]For example, men are less likely
[00:13:30.990]to have their competence questioned in the workplace
[00:13:33.810]due to gender
[00:13:35.250]and are less likely to feel socially expected
[00:13:38.190]to take time off work after having a child.
[00:13:42.030]This can result in tangible advantages,
[00:13:44.640]such as working more often,
[00:13:46.680]leading to more pay
[00:13:48.360]and a greater chance of being promoted.
[00:13:51.840]Second, understand the lack of privileges
[00:13:55.590]and hardships faced by others.
[00:13:58.020]This is an enormous exercise in empathy.
[00:14:01.740]For example, truly accept and understand
[00:14:05.186]why women may worry about their safety on a first date.
[00:14:10.260]Instead of labeling it as paranoid
[00:14:12.750]when a woman shares her location
[00:14:14.550]with a friend on a first date,
[00:14:17.040]pause and understand
[00:14:19.050]that she is protecting her safety
[00:14:21.360]according to her life experiences.
[00:14:25.080]And finally, empower and support others
[00:14:28.080]who do not have your advantages.
[00:14:30.420]Empower does not mean to speak for people
[00:14:34.080]or to quote, unquote "give them a voice."
[00:14:37.170]It means to amplify their voices.
[00:14:40.350]This can be done in many ways,
[00:14:42.600]like ensuring the women in your workplace have the chance
[00:14:45.660]to voice their perspective,
[00:14:47.730]challenging misogynistic stereotypes vocalized
[00:14:50.850]by other men when you hear it, and more.
[00:14:55.080]Once male privilege is acknowledged,
[00:14:57.570]that understanding can be used to amplify others' voices
[00:15:01.470]and strengthen community.
[00:15:06.990]Now let's discuss healthy masculinity,
[00:15:09.720]which is basically the opposite of toxic masculinity.
[00:15:14.400]Healthy masculinity identifies, confronts,
[00:15:17.970]and denies the toxic masculinity
[00:15:20.790]underlying harmful masculine stereotypes and expectations.
[00:15:25.920]So let's discuss ways to develop healthy masculinity.
[00:15:33.900]As we strengthen healthy masculinity,
[00:15:36.660]there are five tenets that we will build upon.
[00:15:40.890]Let's use an example of a friendship
[00:15:43.110]between two men throughout the tenets on this slide.
[00:15:47.940]Our first is awareness, meaning to be aware
[00:15:51.361]that many masculine stereotypes
[00:15:53.910]and pressures are rooted in toxic masculinity,
[00:15:57.840]which affect both you and those around you.
[00:16:01.470]So for our example about a friendship between two men,
[00:16:04.819]this means recognizing that toxic masculinity
[00:16:08.550]affects your male friend
[00:16:10.380]as much as it affects you.
[00:16:12.840]This also means being aware that you can choose
[00:16:15.900]to build a healthier masculine framework.
[00:16:21.120]Our second is connection.
[00:16:23.520]Once you have identified the role
[00:16:25.770]of toxic masculinity in your relationships,
[00:16:29.040]you can work to remove its influence.
[00:16:31.950]For example, you can ensure that your relationships
[00:16:34.920]with women and feminine people are that of equals.
[00:16:39.390]Additionally, referring to our male friendship example,
[00:16:43.170]you can reach out to your male friend to genuinely check in
[00:16:46.770]and see how his day has been to build connection.
[00:16:52.020]Our third is accountability,
[00:16:54.120]which refers to approaching things
[00:16:56.100]with non-judgmental curiosity and being open to feedback.
[00:17:01.440]For example, remain curious about how it would feel
[00:17:05.190]to reach out to your male friend to ask about his day.
[00:17:09.060]Would it feel weird, awkward?
[00:17:12.270]Do it anyway with curiosity for what it would feel like.
[00:17:17.130]Let's say your friend tells you
[00:17:18.510]that something you did hurt his feelings.
[00:17:21.690]Openness to feedback then refers
[00:17:24.000]to taking your friend seriously
[00:17:26.160]and apologizing without defensiveness.
[00:17:32.250]Our fourth tenant, empathy,
[00:17:34.980]involves seeing the struggles of others
[00:17:37.410]and finding a commonality in co-feeling.
[00:17:41.400]So for example, let's say you ask your friend
[00:17:44.370]how his day was and he says, "It didn't go well."
[00:17:47.610]Ask yourself as he's talking,
[00:17:49.950]how did he probably feel when these bad things happened?
[00:17:53.940]How might he feel now telling me about it?
[00:17:57.030]How might I be able to help?
[00:18:01.260]And our last tenant is solidarity,
[00:18:04.110]recognizing that another person's struggle
[00:18:06.480]is yours as well.
[00:18:08.640]Referring again to our male friendship.
[00:18:11.160]let's say that he tells you he's been feeling anxious
[00:18:13.980]about school lately.
[00:18:16.440]Anxiety is likely an emotion you felt before too,
[00:18:20.670]and both of you are emotionally affected
[00:18:23.245]by toxic masculine pressures every day.
[00:18:27.750]These commonalities connect you.
[00:18:30.810]Solidarity means that you recognize
[00:18:33.090]that your friend struggle is as much yours as it is his.
[00:18:43.140]While we're discussing male friendships,
[00:18:45.480]let's discuss specific things that you can do
[00:18:48.750]to strengthen your relationships with other men.
[00:18:53.490]We know that toxic masculine expectations
[00:18:56.910]include that men should not be vulnerable,
[00:18:59.610]emotionally intimate, or express any weakness,
[00:19:03.240]particularly to other men,
[00:19:06.360]but by challenging the toxic masculinity
[00:19:08.940]at the heart of these stereotypes, everyone benefits.
[00:19:14.010]So we recommend intentionally going out of your way
[00:19:17.220]to check in on your friendships with men
[00:19:19.890]and masculine people.
[00:19:21.870]This is the first step
[00:19:23.160]in challenging harmful social constructs.
[00:19:26.790]This can be done with a text, a phone call,
[00:19:30.030]a FaceTime call, or in person,
[00:19:32.820]and it doesn't have to be elaborate.
[00:19:35.040]You can simply say,
[00:19:36.367]"Hey, how have you been doing?"
[00:19:38.010]or, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while,
[00:19:40.080]and wanna catch up.
[00:19:41.280]When are you free?"
[00:19:43.380]Once you've made it clear to your friend
[00:19:45.120]that you're really there to listen
[00:19:46.770]and they start to share,
[00:19:48.450]be sure to actively listen.
[00:19:50.970]This means limiting distractions,
[00:19:53.010]such as putting away your phone
[00:19:55.200]and communicating that you're listening both non-verbally,
[00:19:58.740]such as through nodding and maintaining eye contact,
[00:20:02.730]and verbally, like with follow-up questions.
[00:20:07.710]Be sure to explicitly vocalize your support, too.
[00:20:11.550]This could be done by asking your friend if they want advice
[00:20:15.000]or by verbally empathizing by saying something like,
[00:20:18.600]wow, that sounds really tough.
[00:20:21.630]We also encourage you to model emotional vulnerability
[00:20:25.320]to the men and masculine people in your life.
[00:20:28.950]By reaching out and genuinely checking in,
[00:20:31.740]you are modeling vulnerability.
[00:20:34.530]By asking for help when you need it,
[00:20:36.577]"Hey, can I vent,"
[00:20:38.580]you model emotional openness.
[00:20:42.180]Over the next several slides,
[00:20:44.070]we'll discuss ways
[00:20:45.060]you can increase your emotional intelligence
[00:20:47.700]and cope with difficult emotions on your own.
[00:20:55.470]One of the best ways to increase emotional intelligence
[00:20:59.490]and manage difficult emotions
[00:21:01.620]is to create a coping toolkit.
[00:21:04.950]A coping toolkit is essentially a toolbox
[00:21:07.950]for our mental health, filled with tips
[00:21:10.470]and tricks that help us to identify process
[00:21:13.783]and cope with distressing emotions.
[00:21:17.910]This is especially important since many men
[00:21:21.090]and masculine folks have been told
[00:21:23.130]that their toolkit should not include crying
[00:21:26.400]or outwardly showing emotions.
[00:21:28.920]And instead, many have been told
[00:21:31.106]that only anger is an allowable emotion.
[00:21:35.940]This lack of a coping toolkit lowers emotional intelligence,
[00:21:40.560]which then leads to some of the consequences
[00:21:43.080]we previously discussed,
[00:21:45.180]including men and masculine people being less likely
[00:21:48.390]to seek mental health services
[00:21:50.790]and their disproportionately high rates of suicide.
[00:21:55.140]The next several slides
[00:21:56.370]will cover the following aspects of coping,
[00:21:59.550]stress management, anger management,
[00:22:03.270]emotional identification, progressive muscle relaxation,
[00:22:08.160]and mood tracking and journaling.
[00:22:14.010]Our first step in our coping toolkit
[00:22:16.650]is finding ways to manage stress.
[00:22:20.100]Stress can exacerbate other emotions,
[00:22:22.830]such as anger, and make them more difficult to cope with.
[00:22:27.540]By identifying ways to cope with stress,
[00:22:30.540]the severity of other emotions may be lessened.
[00:22:35.550]So first, we wanna look at ways
[00:22:37.470]to cope with stress in the long term.
[00:22:40.500]This can help in preventing instances
[00:22:42.840]in which we feel overwhelming stress
[00:22:45.720]and reduce the overall frequency of stress.
[00:22:49.410]These types of coping skills are ones
[00:22:52.110]you can incorporate into your routine,
[00:22:54.960]such as maintaining a regular sleep schedule,
[00:22:58.470]engaging in regular physical activity and food intake,
[00:23:03.570]making consistent intentional time for your hobbies,
[00:23:07.830]engaging in regular social activity
[00:23:10.170]with comfortable, safe friends and family,
[00:23:13.740]and consuming caffeine in moderation.
[00:23:20.100]The second part of stress management
[00:23:22.710]is learning to quickly relieve stress as it arises.
[00:23:27.750]Some strategies for this include practicing deep breathing,
[00:23:32.670]engaging in progressive muscle relaxation,
[00:23:35.520]which we'll talk about in a minute,
[00:23:37.950]journaling, going outside,
[00:23:40.560]or brightening your environment when stressed,
[00:23:44.280]going to the gym or exercising, doing yoga,
[00:23:48.840]massaging your hands, playing with a pet,
[00:23:52.860]listening to music, talking to a friend, going for a walk,
[00:23:59.010]taking a shower, and engaging your senses in some way.
[00:24:04.410]Some of these strategies,
[00:24:05.910]such as progressive muscle relaxation and journaling,
[00:24:09.120]we'll talk about in a few slides.
[00:24:15.480]The next part of our coping toolkit is about managing anger.
[00:24:20.670]As we discussed,
[00:24:22.200]many men and masculine people get the message
[00:24:25.200]that only anger is an acceptable emotion to express.
[00:24:30.030]There are several toxic masculine messages
[00:24:32.820]that feed into this, including the expectation
[00:24:36.006]that men are dominant and aggressive,
[00:24:39.180]and the expectation that men do not show weakness.
[00:24:43.290]Often then, other emotions such as sadness,
[00:24:47.070]or disappointment, or hurt
[00:24:49.620]are often labeled as quote, unquote "weak"
[00:24:52.620]and then discouraged.
[00:24:54.840]But expressing anger can often make us feel
[00:24:57.570]like we're more in control,
[00:24:59.040]and it feels less vulnerable.
[00:25:02.880]Anger is what's frequently referred to
[00:25:05.280]as a secondary emotion,
[00:25:07.500]meaning that anger never comes in isolation.
[00:25:11.700]Anger may be the emotion we express on the outside,
[00:25:15.240]which is why it's at the top of this iceberg,
[00:25:18.120]but anger often disguises the other emotions
[00:25:21.000]that accompany it, such as jealousy, loneliness, hurt,
[00:25:25.950]embarrassment, and more.
[00:25:30.870]Some ways to manage anger in the moment
[00:25:32.880]include counting down from 10
[00:25:35.670]before responding in a conversation,
[00:25:38.940]going for a walk,
[00:25:40.140]and or taking a break from the conversation.
[00:25:43.800]When taking a break from a conversation,
[00:25:46.440]tell the other person that you're emotionally overwhelmed
[00:25:49.500]and need a break, and give them an estimate
[00:25:52.290]of when you can return to this conversation.
[00:25:56.160]Deep breathing, taking a cold shower,
[00:25:59.250]or putting cold water on your face,
[00:26:01.950]and engaging in physical activity.
[00:26:06.060]The long-term goal here,
[00:26:07.680]after we've calmed from the initial anger,
[00:26:10.350]is to identify the emotion underneath the anger,
[00:26:13.680]such as sadness or hurt,
[00:26:16.110]and cope with that emotion.
[00:26:18.810]Something that can be very helpful
[00:26:20.520]for identifying the emotion underneath anger
[00:26:23.670]is the feelings wheel.
[00:26:28.380]A feelings wheel is a great tool
[00:26:30.660]for expanding our emotional vocabulary.
[00:26:34.230]With a feelings wheel, we can identify the first emotion,
[00:26:38.040]which is written in the center
[00:26:39.930]and get more specific
[00:26:41.280]as we move towards the outer of the wheel.
[00:26:45.180]For example, let's reference the previous slide
[00:26:47.910]and say that "After my anger has subsided,
[00:26:51.420]I notice I'm feeling quite sad."
[00:26:54.180]Then, I could start with the word sad
[00:26:55.920]in the center and move outward.
[00:26:58.530]I might notice then that lonely
[00:27:01.140]is a more accurate word.
[00:27:03.300]And moving out further,
[00:27:05.100]I might decide that abandoned
[00:27:06.870]is what I'm actually feeling,
[00:27:09.360]and abandonment feels like a very vulnerable,
[00:27:12.660]weak emotion according to toxic masculine pressures.
[00:27:16.530]So it's no wonder I reacted with so much anger.
[00:27:19.950]It felt safer and more allowable.
[00:27:23.310]But now that I've identified that I'm feeling abandoned,
[00:27:27.510]I can make a plan to manage this feeling,
[00:27:30.270]such as reaching out to a friend
[00:27:31.980]or family member for support.
[00:27:34.890]Feelings wheels are great tools to ask yourself
[00:27:38.130]what kinds of coping skills
[00:27:40.170]help best with what kinds of emotions?
[00:27:43.650]What helps when I'm annoyed, overwhelmed, anxious?
[00:27:47.790]They may be different answers.
[00:27:52.860]Another way to cope with stress, anger,
[00:27:55.864]and other difficult emotions
[00:27:58.170]is what's called progressive muscle relaxation.
[00:28:02.310]In this exercise, you start at the bottom of your body
[00:28:05.765]with your toes and you contract the muscles of that area
[00:28:09.930]for a few seconds while inhaling.
[00:28:12.810]So the first step would be curling
[00:28:14.670]and squeezing your toes while inhaling,
[00:28:17.550]and then we release that tension on an exhale.
[00:28:21.570]Then, you move up your body
[00:28:23.940]with the same contract, inhale, and release, exhale pattern.
[00:28:29.430]So you'd move from your toes to your calves,
[00:28:32.760]to your quadriceps, to your abdomen, to your fingers,
[00:28:37.080]your biceps, your neck, and then your facial muscles
[00:28:40.830]around your mouth and eyebrows.
[00:28:43.950]You can do this while sitting or lying down.
[00:28:48.090]This exercise doesn't need to take long
[00:28:50.670]and can be a reliable coping skill
[00:28:52.410]for all kinds of emotions.
[00:28:54.750]It's particularly helpful for sleep as well,
[00:28:57.600]since it physically relaxes the muscles in your body.
[00:29:02.040]You can put the words progressive muscle relaxation
[00:29:05.610]into YouTube, for example,
[00:29:08.010]and find guided versions of this exercise.
[00:29:14.910]As we identify our emotions
[00:29:16.980]and become aware of how they feel,
[00:29:19.800]using additional tools, like a mood chart,
[00:29:22.770]can help you be aware of patterns in your emotions,
[00:29:26.100]what provokes different feelings,
[00:29:28.110]and what works as far as coping with them.
[00:29:31.800]There are many free and paid apps
[00:29:34.110]that can be useful in this.
[00:29:36.930]Some mood tracking apps include Daylio and Daily Bean.
[00:29:41.670]In these apps, you can chart your mood over time
[00:29:45.060]and get a sense for what often correlates
[00:29:47.190]with your emotions.
[00:29:48.900]For example, you may notice
[00:29:50.820]that worse moods occur on the days
[00:29:52.980]that you have an early class,
[00:29:54.780]which can inform you that you may need more sleep
[00:29:57.960]or may need a later class time in the future.
[00:30:02.130]A great journaling app is Stoic.
[00:30:05.040]It offers you prompts in the morning and evening,
[00:30:08.070]and you can complete other journaling prompts at any time.
[00:30:12.630]Some overall mental health apps
[00:30:14.790]that provide various coping skill ideas
[00:30:17.790]include MindShift CBT, MoodTools, Headspace, and Moodfit.
[00:30:25.200]Headspace is also full of various guided meditations.
[00:30:33.540]Moving back to discussing our relationships.
[00:30:36.350]As we discussed earlier,
[00:30:37.530]one of the messages resulting from toxic masculinity
[00:30:40.440]is that men should always want sex
[00:30:42.090]and should be dominant with women.
[00:30:43.440]This, along with beliefs that men
[00:30:45.120]should initiate sexual advancements,
[00:30:47.248]can quickly turn into sexual behaviors
[00:30:49.410]that are not consensual.
[00:30:51.660]Additionally, toxic masculine cultural expectations
[00:30:54.930]are often accompanied by misogynistic stereotypes,
[00:30:58.020]such as beliefs that women
[00:30:59.190]are quote, unquote "asking for it,"
[00:31:01.770]or that part of the feminine role
[00:31:03.060]is to be sexually submissive to men.
[00:31:05.220]This stereotype though that men should always want sex
[00:31:09.150]can also lead men who are sexually assaulted
[00:31:11.490]to feel that their story is not believable.
[00:31:13.620]So remember, the following discussion about consent
[00:31:17.070]applies to everyone.
[00:31:18.390]Men and masculine people have the right to say no
[00:31:21.150]to sexual activity.
[00:31:22.770]So then, let's do a quick consent crash course.
[00:31:27.030]Consent has several parts to it.
[00:31:29.700]Consent is ongoing,
[00:31:31.170]meaning that anyone can revoke their consent
[00:31:33.570]or change their mind at any time,
[00:31:35.220]even if sexual activity has already begun.
[00:31:38.100]Consent is freely given,
[00:31:39.930]meaning consent cannot be given under manipulation,
[00:31:42.690]pressure, guilt tripping, or threat.
[00:31:45.270]Consent is specific.
[00:31:46.800]For example, consenting to kissing does not mean
[00:31:49.470]that consent to oral sex has been given.
[00:31:52.080]Consent is informed,
[00:31:53.640]meaning that a person is informed about what will happen
[00:31:57.240]during the sexual activity.
[00:31:58.740]If someone consents to having sex while using a condom,
[00:32:01.497]and then the other person removes the condom during sex
[00:32:04.410]or doesn't use the condom,
[00:32:06.120]then the interaction is no longer consensual,
[00:32:08.970]as the other party is not adequately informed
[00:32:11.310]about what is happening.
[00:32:12.990]Consent is enthusiastic.
[00:32:15.270]Consent is about wanting to do something,
[00:32:17.970]either for oneself or one's partner.
[00:32:19.770]And consent is not about feeling like
[00:32:21.630]you should have to do something.
[00:32:24.960]If "yes" doesn't sound enthusiastic,
[00:32:27.900]that's a good time to check in and ensure
[00:32:29.610]that someone isn't feeling pressure.
[00:32:32.130]Offer alternatives like saying,
[00:32:33.607]"It's okay if you've changed your mind
[00:32:35.070]or don't want to do this.
[00:32:36.150]Want to watch a movie instead?"
[00:32:38.190]This all means that when you're giving consent
[00:32:40.800]to remember that you can revoke your consent
[00:32:43.140]and be as specific as you feel you need to be.
[00:32:49.170]Asking for help does not make you less of a man.
[00:32:51.720]Understand that you are not alone in your struggles
[00:32:54.000]and that you are not defined
[00:32:55.530]by whatever problem it is that you you're facing.
[00:32:58.080]Being well is doing well.
[00:33:00.450]When you ask for help, you're combating the stigmas
[00:33:03.270]that men cannot ask for help,
[00:33:04.800]and that they need to be facing everything alone.
[00:33:09.030]And note that there are resources available to you
[00:33:11.970]for you to receive help from.
[00:33:14.130]Listed below are some campus resources available
[00:33:16.530]to UNL students regarding their mental health.
[00:33:19.500]UNL Counseling and Psychological Services, or CAPS,
[00:33:22.440]is the university's main counseling center
[00:33:24.360]where UNL students have access to free, individual,
[00:33:26.942]and group counseling.
[00:33:29.160]CAPS also offers a 24/7 crisis line
[00:33:32.460]at 402-472-7450,
[00:33:38.070]and then press four at the menu.
[00:33:40.560]The UNL Counseling and School Psychological Clinic
[00:33:45.630]and the UNL Psychological Consultation Center
[00:33:49.260]also offer individual counseling for UNL students
[00:33:51.810]at low costs.
[00:33:53.340]Additionally, you can request a UNL reach suicide prevention
[00:33:57.300]training for your fraternity, residence hall floor,
[00:33:59.880]student group, and other groups.
[00:34:01.830]Also listed here are two national resources,
[00:34:04.980]the National Suicide Hotline, for which you can dial 988,
[00:34:09.510]and the National Crisis Text Line,
[00:34:11.640]which can be reached by texting home, H-O-M-E, to 741741.
[00:34:20.250]Thank you so much for tuning into this presentation.
[00:34:22.800]We hope that you learn something new.
[00:34:24.390]This QR code allows you
[00:34:25.440]to leave feedback about the presentation
[00:34:27.630]and our contact information is also listed,
[00:34:30.360]including our website, email, Facebook, Instagram,
[00:34:33.690]physical office, location, and office phone numbers.
[00:34:36.570]Thank you again, and we hope to see you at one
[00:34:38.400]of our future presentations.
[00:34:41.490]Here are the resources cited in this presentation
[00:34:43.590]if you would like to look at these sources in more detail.
[00:34:46.830]Thank you for tuning in,
[00:34:47.820]and we hope to see you
[00:34:48.653]at one of our future events or presentations.
[00:34:50.700]Thank you.

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