S2E1: The Joys & Challenges of Being a Modern Grandparent w. Dr. Ronnie Green and Jane Green
Nebraska Extension Early Childhood Program Area-Emily Manning, Dr. Holly Hatton, Ingrid Lindal, Erin Kampbell, Linda Reddish, Katie Krause, and LaDonna Werth
Author
09/03/2024
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5
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Description
Welcome back to The Good Life in Early Life! In this first episode of the second season, host Emily Manning interviews former University of Nebraska Chancellor Dr. Ronnie Green and his wife Jane Green about their experience as grandparents. In this special conversation, the Greens discuss the struggles and joys of modern grandparenting while instilling important family values in the next generation.
Reference: The Grand Plan: Planning Tips for Sharing Child Care Between Generations • ZERO TO THREE (archive.org)
Other research about grandparents- Becoming a First‐Time Grandparent and Subjective Well‐Being: A Fixed Effects Approach
Sheppard, Paula ; Monden, Christiaan
Grandparenthood: Factors Influencing Frequency of Grandparent–Grandchildren Contact and Grandparent Role Satisfaction
Reitzes, Donald C. ; Mutran, Elizabeth J.
Family Well-being in Grandparent- Versus Parent-Headed Households
Rapoport, Eli ; Muthiah, Nallammai ; Keim, Sarah A. ; Adesman, Andrew
The following music was used for this media project:
Music: Afterparty Review by Sascha Ende
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/2962-afterparty-review
License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
"Wholesome" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Searchable Transcript
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- [00:00:00.000]This is The Good Life in Early Life, a production of Nebraska Extension, with your host, Emily
- [00:00:15.640]Manning, an early childhood extension educator in Seward County.
- [00:00:19.400]Today I am so thrilled to be talking about grandparents in honor of the upcoming Grandparents
- [00:00:25.180]Day on September 8th, as my grandparents played an important role in shaping my life.
- [00:00:29.940]Recently I read an article about grandparents titled, The Role of Grandparents Today, Exploring
- [00:00:35.080]the Changing Dynamics and Joys of Grandparenting, which says that the role of grandparents has
- [00:00:40.400]significantly transformed in many ways.
- [00:00:42.800]Today we explore some of the joys and challenges of being a modern grandparent, and we hope
- [00:00:48.500]that you take time to honor the amazing ways grandparents play a role in the life of young
- [00:00:52.820]children everywhere.
- [00:00:53.540]Our guests are quite renowned and respected at UNL, and many of you may recognize their
- [00:01:00.380]names.
- [00:01:00.780]I'm excited for you to hear from them.
- [00:01:02.480]Dr. Ronnie Green served as the 20th Chancellor of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln from
- [00:01:07.220]2016 to 2023 and was honored as Chancellor Emeritus upon his retirement.
- [00:01:12.200]Before becoming a Chancellor, he held roles as Harlan Vice Chancellor of the Institute
- [00:01:17.020]of Agriculture and Natural Resources, Vice President for Agriculture and Natural Resources
- [00:01:21.720]for the University of Nebraska-South Dakota.
- [00:01:23.520]and Senior Vice Chancellor for Academic Affairs.
- [00:01:26.580]Green earned his bachelor's and master's degrees in animal science from Virginia Tech
- [00:01:30.980]and Colorado State University, respectively, and completed his doctoral program at the
- [00:01:35.640]University of Nebraska and the USDA ARS U.S. Meat Animal Research Center.
- [00:01:41.240]His career includes faculty positions at Texas Tech and Colorado State, as well as leadership
- [00:01:46.240]roles at the USDA and Pfizer Animal Health.
- [00:01:48.920]Ronnie and his wife of 38 years, Jane Green, are proud parents of four children, all
- [00:01:53.460]NU alumni, of course, and grandparents to three young children.
- [00:01:56.980]Jane Green is also with us here today, and she is a Nebraska native having grown up in
- [00:02:01.960]Harvard, Nebraska.
- [00:02:02.820]She received two degrees from UNL, including a master's in ag economics.
- [00:02:07.140]Thank you to you both for being here today.
- [00:02:09.720]We are so honored and excited to have you join us on the podcast for this special conversation.
- [00:02:14.000]It's great to be here, Emily.
- [00:02:15.560]We're tickled to have the conversation with you.
- [00:02:18.300]Thank you, Emily.
- [00:02:18.820]Let's just dive into our first question.
- [00:02:20.900]What's a favorite memory from your childhood?
- [00:02:23.400]With your grandparent or grandparents?
- [00:02:25.860]Well, I'll give a little context first.
- [00:02:28.820]I grew up in Virginia and my grandparents, when I was growing up,
- [00:02:33.820]I was fortunate to know all four of my grandparents, at least early in my life.
- [00:02:38.880]I just remember so well spending a lot of time with my grandparents.
- [00:02:43.900]I grew up in the area where they were locally and I got to spend a lot of time.
- [00:02:49.420]It was part of our family culture to spend time together as a family,
- [00:02:53.340]with our grandparents.
- [00:02:54.160]So I learned a tremendous amount from them and had that relationship where I felt like I learned
- [00:02:59.960]not just history, but learned a lot about life from them, especially my grandmother, Green.
- [00:03:05.000]Jane?
- [00:03:05.400]You know, I only knew three of my grandparents and one of them came to the farm every day.
- [00:03:10.200]He farmed with my dad and was not a real loving human being,
- [00:03:14.120]but he was a hardworking German that made a distinct impression on me.
- [00:03:17.900]My mom's parents lived in Sutton, Nebraska, so they were 12 miles down the road and we spent a lot of time
- [00:03:23.280]with them. My mom had four kids and six years and grandparents became a
- [00:03:28.080]part of her survive parenting mode, I think was one way to put it. But I have fond memories.
- [00:03:33.260]They had a little acreage down there and they had a crypt of truck through and we would garden with
- [00:03:38.300]them. And I remember just some of the food that we ate in the family time that we shared, too.
- [00:03:43.000]So very fond memories of those grandparents. Yeah, it sounds like both of you, they were
- [00:03:47.920]really important in shaping who you are and passing on those cultural values of
- [00:03:53.220]what it means to be a family member in this family. Right. I think that's accurate. And
- [00:03:58.260]that's now being reflected to our children, I think, and a very strong sense of identity in
- [00:04:03.780]our family. Yeah. And cross-culturally, another role of grandparents is being a cultural conservator,
- [00:04:08.700]which means that they ensure that the next generation learns the cultural traditions
- [00:04:12.980]and the ways of the generations who came before them. So what are some ways that you
- [00:04:17.920]impart traditions to your grandchildren? You know, one of my favorite family traditions from
- [00:04:23.160]my upbringing was family gatherings and family meals and that time we shared together. And I
- [00:04:28.040]hope that's what we're trying to do with our children. It's hard to get people together and
- [00:04:31.520]schedules together, but just the understanding that family is always there for you. Family
- [00:04:36.440]helps you transition generations and the impact that siblings and cousins and just a close,
- [00:04:42.780]tight-knit family can help you through life. That's very, very true, I think. And the
- [00:04:48.040]cultural conservator thing also, I think, is for me, has been helping
- [00:04:53.100]my children, and now it will be grandchildren in this next generation,
- [00:04:58.400]understand the why I'm the way I am and understanding where I come from
- [00:05:03.300]and understanding the reasons behind some of the ways that their father and
- [00:05:08.120]grandfather is, because much of that comes from my parents and
- [00:05:13.260]their parents and that family upbringing that we had. So, for example,
- [00:05:18.520]one of the things that I promised to our children that I'm doing in the early phase of
- [00:05:23.040]retirement is writing a history of their grandparents, their children's great
- [00:05:28.480]grandparents in the voices of those grandparents to tell the stories of
- [00:05:33.480]who they were and what they observed and what they valued. So, you know,
- [00:05:38.580]there's a little different take on the cultural conservatory, if you will.
- [00:05:42.560]What a neat way to pass on the voices and the people who came before you.
- [00:05:48.320]I wanted to dive in a little bit more and ask you maybe like what are the specific
- [00:05:52.980]values that you are hoping to pass on to the next generation?
- [00:05:57.540]You know, one of those obviously is just the meaning of family and the comfort
- [00:06:01.720]and the companionship and the learning that can be throughout life.
- [00:06:05.400]You know, I think our faith has been central to our marriage
- [00:06:08.160]and to the way we try to raise our children.
- [00:06:10.320]So I think that's been a central value.
- [00:06:12.360]I hope that we impart the value of hard work and effort into everything that you do.
- [00:06:18.540]That's a core value to me that I hope our grandchildren also
- [00:06:22.920]pick up as a core value to them.
- [00:06:25.220]All right.
- [00:06:26.020]I wanted to pivot now and ask you, what brings you the most joy as a grandparent?
- [00:06:32.340]You know, our grandkids are 12, 16 months and almost six months.
- [00:06:37.880]So very different ages and probably something very different with each.
- [00:06:41.780]Charlotte and I have always had this real bond.
- [00:06:44.560]I took her to a lot of athletic events when she was little,
- [00:06:47.300]and I still do that and love doing that.
- [00:06:49.420]She's doing that tomorrow.
- [00:06:50.780]So we're going to the red-white volleyball game.
- [00:06:52.860]She was my first choice of who to go with me on that because she's so much fun.
- [00:06:56.860]And I know it's just one way that's really bonded us together.
- [00:07:00.280]We've had lots of ways.
- [00:07:01.700]But now we have our 16-month-old grandson who moved here,
- [00:07:05.420]and he is at such a different age.
- [00:07:07.880]And he is a doer.
- [00:07:08.760]He is 90 miles an hour, and he's a big personality, and he's just a riot.
- [00:07:13.660]And then we have a six-month-old who's, you know,
- [00:07:16.280]it's been so fun to watch him from the littlest bit.
- [00:07:19.160]He was premature and had a little bit of health struggle early,
- [00:07:21.820]and he's just doing great.
- [00:07:22.960]So those are fun aspects to watch, just the comparisons.
- [00:07:26.620]But it's also fun to watch our kids parent,
- [00:07:29.060]and that may be my greatest joy in just seeing what great parents they are.
- [00:07:33.280]We felt like we just got by, and we did not read every parenting book.
- [00:07:37.320]So anyway, we just kind of flew blind, and we were a long way from home,
- [00:07:41.100]and we were glad our children grew up.
- [00:07:43.440]But our kids are much better parents and much more devoted and attentive.
- [00:07:47.940]I don't know.
- [00:07:49.200]It just brings me pride every day to watch them parent.
- [00:07:52.240]Seeing our children become parents and embody the values in being parents
- [00:07:58.540]that we would hope they would is very gratifying to see that happen.
- [00:08:03.520]See them being so capable as parents and knowing what's important in being parents,
- [00:08:09.760]I think is great to see.
- [00:08:11.080]It's very gratifying to see that and their desire to be parents and so forth.
- [00:08:17.200]And then for me, a little different take on it.
- [00:08:20.000]This is sort of what Jane said about her.
- [00:08:22.220]Her relationship with Charlotte is seeing their little minds develop.
- [00:08:26.220]And where I see my value as a grandparent,
- [00:08:29.880]I'm not really the person that's good at wanting to just sit and hold the baby
- [00:08:33.780]and feel that emotional bond with the baby.
- [00:08:36.520]That wasn't me as a parent either.
- [00:08:39.360]I did it, but that wasn't really my value.
- [00:08:42.920]My value is more about helping their little mind work
- [00:08:46.800]and their little mind think and their curiosity.
- [00:08:50.180]And you can see their,
- [00:08:52.100]their wheels turning and wanting to help those wheels turn.
- [00:08:55.760]That's pretty cool, right?
- [00:08:57.620]And as Jane said, that is very different for us
- [00:09:01.480]just because of the spread of having this one grandchild
- [00:09:04.340]that's quite a bit older now
- [00:09:06.520]than the next crop that will emerge.
- [00:09:08.660]They're very different places,
- [00:09:10.400]but that curiosity and seeing that curiosity start
- [00:09:13.960]is what's really cool.
- [00:09:14.980]Yesterday, I was with the 16 month old
- [00:09:17.100]that Jane was talking about
- [00:09:18.380]and just watching how he's processing the world
- [00:09:21.480]and begin to express that
- [00:09:24.180]and express it at this point,
- [00:09:26.160]largely non-verbally is really cool.
- [00:09:29.040]It's really cool just to be part of that.
- [00:09:31.440]And then I think back and remember
- [00:09:33.000]just sitting with my grandfather on his toolbox
- [00:09:36.040]and what that would have meant to him, right?
- [00:09:38.840]As we had those kinds of curiosity conversations.
- [00:09:42.780]So anyway, that would be kind of my take on.
- [00:09:46.360]Now, we're gonna take a quick break
- [00:09:49.120]from our interview with Dr. Ronnie Green
- [00:09:50.860]and Jane Green to let a young Nebraskan
- [00:09:53.420]share their favorite thing about their grandparents.
- [00:09:55.680]I like my grandparent
- [00:09:57.800]because we have a special relationship.
- [00:10:01.420]Whenever she comes, we go kayaking
- [00:10:04.460]and she's very caring and I love her a lot.
- [00:10:09.180]And now back to our interview
- [00:10:11.180]with Dr. Ronnie Green and Jane Green.
- [00:10:13.220]You were kind of hinting at your transition
- [00:10:17.780]into becoming a grandparent with your first one,
- [00:10:20.840]Charlotte.
- [00:10:21.320]And I want to kind of ask you about that.
- [00:10:23.300]What was that transition like
- [00:10:24.940]into this new role as a grandparent?
- [00:10:27.220]Well, the first word I would use is shocked.
- [00:10:29.920]And the reason I say that is because
- [00:10:32.060]you realize all of a sudden,
- [00:10:33.860]I'm a grandparent?
- [00:10:35.440]Really?
- [00:10:36.080]How did that happen?
- [00:10:38.240]You know, how did you go from being this,
- [00:10:40.980]you know, thinking back to when 25 years old
- [00:10:43.880]sounded like ancient when you were growing up?
- [00:10:47.180]Everybody goes through that, I think.
- [00:10:48.640]You know, those mile markers that are ahead
- [00:10:50.480]and when you reach that mile marker,
- [00:10:51.760]you think, wow, I'm old.
- [00:10:53.420]So that was the first one was, wow,
- [00:10:56.120]we're grandparents, really?
- [00:10:58.240]And then with Charlotte, our oldest grandchild,
- [00:11:01.280]Charlotte was this added blessing in our life
- [00:11:03.440]that we didn't expect.
- [00:11:04.640]I mean, she was, she came along
- [00:11:07.220]without us anticipating it.
- [00:11:10.700]It happened.
- [00:11:11.640]And then it was this, oh, wow, we're grandparents.
- [00:11:16.020]And this was something we didn't even expect
- [00:11:18.940]or know was going to happen.
- [00:11:20.360]That really changed our lives in a lot of ways
- [00:11:24.580]that made this a different life for us,
- [00:11:28.140]even than we'd anticipated being that was better
- [00:11:30.820]than we ever anticipated it being.
- [00:11:33.120]So that's, we kind of entered grandparenthood
- [00:11:35.980]in a not the most traditional way.
- [00:11:39.120]That's just what I'm saying.
- [00:11:40.880]And found out kind of after the fact
- [00:11:44.100]that we were grandparents.
- [00:11:45.560]And then once we found that out, it was like, wow,
- [00:11:48.560]what an opportunity.
- [00:11:50.240]What an opportunity we have here
- [00:11:52.080]that has turned out to be even more of that
- [00:11:56.560]than we ever realized it would.
- [00:11:58.560]So that's what I would say, Jane.
- [00:12:00.780]I think that's fair.
- [00:12:02.100]I mean, like Ronnie said,
- [00:12:03.360]we weren't expecting grandparenthood.
- [00:12:05.520]And then it was just amazing.
- [00:12:07.780]And Charlotte is an amazing, emotionally intelligent child
- [00:12:11.480]that the way she keeps track of people in her life
- [00:12:13.980]and always has, you know,
- [00:12:15.300]it just amazes me what some kids are capable of.
- [00:12:18.040]And she's attended to that.
- [00:12:20.120]So anyway, we had more fun with Charlotte and her family
- [00:12:23.400]and just the biggest blessing in our life.
- [00:12:25.720]So we were a little bit prepared for.
- [00:12:27.680]Yeah, it gave us 12 years to prepare,
- [00:12:30.080]11 years to prepare for the next one, right?
- [00:12:32.420]And now we have a fourth one on the way.
- [00:12:35.060]That now has become, okay,
- [00:12:37.040]what's this next one going to be like?
- [00:12:39.320]And what's this next opportunity going to be like?
- [00:12:41.900]So it sounds like your transition into grandparenting
- [00:12:45.100]was a little unexpected,
- [00:12:45.920]but it turned out to be a very positive experience.
- [00:12:48.620]Jane, I wanted to ask you
- [00:12:50.000]what was your transition like into grandparenthood?
- [00:12:53.380]My biggest thought was how helpful my mom was
- [00:12:57.240]in parent, when we were close,
- [00:12:59.860]when we lived close to her,
- [00:13:01.020]how helpful she was in grandparenting
- [00:13:02.760]and how could I be that same way for my kids?
- [00:13:05.400]And what role do you play in your grandkids' lives?
- [00:13:08.860]But, and I just know how much work it is.
- [00:13:11.760]Ronnie talks about the cerebral part
- [00:13:14.040]of what's he going to teach them.
- [00:13:15.400]And I'm just thinking, what do you need today?
- [00:13:17.620]How do you survive today?
- [00:13:19.880]our grandchildren is going through sleep training.
- [00:13:22.300]So the parents need help today.
- [00:13:24.560]out. I mean, so it's more of a, we approach things differently in that way. And partly
- [00:13:29.080]that's all I'm going to say. So we've talked a little bit about
- [00:13:33.240]joys and the transition to grandparenthood. And I wanted to pivot a little bit and talk about
- [00:13:37.920]the challenges of being a grandparent. And so there was a study conducted by an organization
- [00:13:43.640]called Zero to Three in 2018 that surveyed grandparents. And one question was about
- [00:13:48.360]child rearing as a point of disagreement with the grandchild's parent. For example,
- [00:13:52.600]the survey reported that nearly one out of two grandparents tell us that they don't always agree
- [00:13:56.900]with their children's parenting decisions for their grandchild over issues like managing behavior,
- [00:14:01.860]sleep, and mealtimes. The survey shows that there are some challenges for grandparents.
- [00:14:06.800]So my question for you is, what do you think the challenges are in being a modern grandparent?
- [00:14:11.420]And how do you navigate these conversations or challenges if you do experience them?
- [00:14:16.900]Well, we're pretty lucky. We haven't had any major, why are you doing that moments with our
- [00:14:22.120]children?
- [00:14:22.480]Over their parenting approach or their parenting skills at this point, while there may be more
- [00:14:30.800]information at their fingertips and easier access to that information, they can follow all kinds of
- [00:14:38.620]advice for parenting that, of course, didn't exist.
- [00:14:42.240]It was what we heard verbally from our parents or our friends was what we saw as parenting
- [00:14:48.560]information at the time.
- [00:14:50.100]That seems a little foreign to us, right?
- [00:14:52.500]Just because we didn't have it.
- [00:14:53.740]We just said, we got to do this.
- [00:14:56.520]But back to what I said earlier, we've really had no, why are you doing that?
- [00:15:01.880]We don't agree with that.
- [00:15:03.700]Any differences of opinion with our children.
- [00:15:06.540]And if we did, candidly, if we did, I would not express that to them because I don't think
- [00:15:14.760]that unless it's something that is not who they are, right?
- [00:15:19.520]Unless it's something that I know is not who they are.
- [00:15:22.660]In being a parent to our children, I would let them be parents.
- [00:15:27.040]That's who they are.
- [00:15:28.260]That's their job to be parents, to raise their children as they see fit.
- [00:15:33.400]And we fortunately haven't had any of those what the heck kind of moments yet,
- [00:15:38.100]any of our children and their children.
- [00:15:40.980]Jane, what about you?
- [00:15:41.940]What challenges would you say there are being a grandparent?
- [00:15:44.480]You know, our kids are better parents than we ever were, I think.
- [00:15:47.820]So knowing that, we sometimes question something
- [00:15:51.600]between the two of us is like, hmm.
- [00:15:53.840]But in terms of, I was doing my story worth question this week
- [00:15:58.380]and it was, what advice do your mother give you?
- [00:16:00.600]And my response to that was,
- [00:16:02.340]my mother didn't really give me advice, you know?
- [00:16:04.520]So I kind of try to follow the same way with them, you know?
- [00:16:08.320]They have reasons for what they're doing
- [00:16:10.200]and they're a lot more in tune to it.
- [00:16:12.500]And, you know, and they also pay the price, you know?
- [00:16:14.900]It's not like they're doing anything
- [00:16:16.200]that's going to harm their kids anyway, so.
- [00:16:18.240]I do think as we look into,
- [00:16:21.500]so we're in this kind of interesting place right now
- [00:16:25.680]where we're early retired,
- [00:16:27.200]making the transition out of professional life
- [00:16:30.400]into grandparenting and retired life.
- [00:16:33.160]We're at that wonderful place to be in that transition.
- [00:16:36.040]But as we look forward into that grandparenting
- [00:16:40.120]with children growing up in the day and age we live in,
- [00:16:43.760]and I wonder, right?
- [00:16:46.220]I sit back and I think and I wonder,
- [00:16:48.180]well, will our children,
- [00:16:51.400]push their children hard enough?
- [00:16:53.060]You hear a lot about never being told or corrected
- [00:16:56.920]and the climate of everybody's a winner
- [00:17:01.260]and we're all winners and all of that,
- [00:17:03.720]the purple ribbon kind of environment
- [00:17:06.300]that children have grown up in.
- [00:17:07.860]You know, that looking forward into that,
- [00:17:10.160]when that time comes,
- [00:17:11.820]will I be able to sit back and say,
- [00:17:14.200]whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
- [00:17:15.500]You know, you need to be tougher on your kids.
- [00:17:19.960]You need to teach them to be,
- [00:17:21.380]to be tough and be able to do those things
- [00:17:24.860]that they need to do.
- [00:17:25.800]So that would be the one thing that I'm a little bit,
- [00:17:28.020]I don't know about into the future,
- [00:17:31.020]how that will play out.
- [00:17:32.880]Yeah, your response really reminds me, Dr. Green.
- [00:17:36.020]I interviewed two fathers for our Father's Day episode,
- [00:17:39.600]and they were really talking about like,
- [00:17:41.540]how do I instill that drive
- [00:17:43.700]or that grit and perseverance in my kids?
- [00:17:46.240]How do I make sure that my kids have that?
- [00:17:48.820]It's as simple sometimes as thinking,
- [00:17:51.360]this will really expose our biases, I guess,
- [00:17:54.280]but as simple as saying,
- [00:17:55.900]it was really important to us as parents
- [00:17:58.500]that they de-tasseled corn,
- [00:18:00.040]that they had that as part of their upbringing
- [00:18:04.640]and that they understood
- [00:18:06.100]that they were part of something doing that
- [00:18:09.820]that required them to be just a servant doing it
- [00:18:13.500]and gritting doing it.
- [00:18:14.880]And so looking forward to not knowing what,
- [00:18:18.320]when Leo, who's six months old,
- [00:18:20.500]when he's 17,
- [00:18:21.340]17 years from now and how much the world has changed
- [00:18:25.580]in the last 17 years,
- [00:18:27.040]not knowing what that's going to be like for him
- [00:18:30.040]in those important formative years that lie ahead of him.
- [00:18:34.740]That's the part that I don't know
- [00:18:37.340]what that's going to look like, right?
- [00:18:38.900]Being a grandparent, because it's just so much change.
- [00:18:42.700]Yeah, and I even feel that myself,
- [00:18:45.100]like with my theoretical future children,
- [00:18:47.340]I'm hoping will happen.
- [00:18:49.040]You know, I think that the generations,
- [00:18:51.320]beneath me, there's so much difference
- [00:18:53.720]because there's so much change in technology
- [00:18:56.240]and our society that has happened.
- [00:18:57.860]So I feel like there's even a big gap
- [00:18:59.640]just between like me and my children
- [00:19:01.480]and what they're going to experience.
- [00:19:02.800]So I kind of have that similar kind of fear
- [00:19:05.180]and fear of the unknown of what is going to happen,
- [00:19:07.640]what is going to be coming out of our society and technology.
- [00:19:10.580]Well, and I think we're also influenced by the fact
- [00:19:13.760]that I can't tell you how many times I've heard
- [00:19:16.900]when I was growing up from my ancestors about how
- [00:19:21.300]big the generation gap was, right?
- [00:19:23.500]That was a big term in the 1970s, the generation gap,
- [00:19:27.620]and how different these young people were.
- [00:19:31.280]And that's not been just true of the 1970s.
- [00:19:34.340]It's been true of every generation historically that is there.
- [00:19:38.380]It just manifests differently, right?
- [00:19:40.680]It's different conditions that make that a generation gap.
- [00:19:43.960]So I'm very conscious of not being a grandparent who says,
- [00:19:49.000]I just don't get these kids.
- [00:19:51.280]I just don't get, that's just not the way it was when we were growing up.
- [00:19:56.380]We might say that to ourselves.
- [00:19:58.100]Jane and I might say that to ourselves because we grew up in that different generation.
- [00:20:02.700]But I would never think about imposing that on our children or our grandchildren
- [00:20:07.140]because they live in a different world than we lived in.
- [00:20:10.040]A very, very different world.
- [00:20:12.080]And they're raising their children in a very different world than even we did
- [00:20:16.720]just a short generation ago, right?
- [00:20:19.460]So I think that's important to remember.
- [00:20:21.680]Yeah, I agree.
- [00:20:22.620]And I think if we say those things to our children and our grandchildren,
- [00:20:26.520]that creates an emotional distance between them and a barrier.
- [00:20:31.460]And if we say those kind of things and distance ourselves,
- [00:20:34.280]rather than getting to know who they are and what they're experiencing,
- [00:20:37.300]we won't have the same kind of relationships and understanding of who they are
- [00:20:41.540]and what kind of world they're experiencing.
- [00:20:43.460]I still think we're learning how to do that.
- [00:20:45.740]At least I am, to be very honest.
- [00:20:47.460]I'm still learning how to do that because it is somewhat,
- [00:20:51.240]innate to just say, you got to get this, right?
- [00:20:55.140]But it's like educating a college student, right?
- [00:20:58.300]You can't just say to that college student, don't you get this?
- [00:21:01.220]You have to show them how to get this, right?
- [00:21:04.200]So it's a work in progress, so to speak.
- [00:21:07.440]Yeah, I agree.
- [00:21:08.460]All right, we'll skip to our final question.
- [00:21:10.840]What advice do you have for other grandparents?
- [00:21:13.540]You know, all you can really do as a grandparent is be yourself.
- [00:21:16.620]And that's what you've given your children
- [00:21:18.740]and what you hope to give your grandchildren is
- [00:21:21.220]Yeah, I think what Jane's saying,
- [00:21:24.480]and it was going to be exactly what I was going to say,
- [00:21:27.220]is just be authentic and be who you are.
- [00:21:32.260]That's who your grandkids want to know.
- [00:21:34.400]They're going to want to know who you are.
- [00:21:36.480]Just like I wanted, I wish now even that I had asked more
- [00:21:40.940]and that I, even though I spent a lot of time
- [00:21:44.140]with my green grandparents anyway,
- [00:21:46.560]I wish now I had more time to spend with them
- [00:21:50.620]because they need me.
- [00:21:51.200]And that, just be yourself, be authentic.
- [00:21:55.300]Don't try to, it's not a role, it's not a job.
- [00:21:58.520]It's just who you are.
- [00:22:00.020]So be who you are and be authentic.
- [00:22:02.460]And the other thing I would say is figuring out
- [00:22:06.360]how to do it with, and I know this will shock people,
- [00:22:09.560]they'll used to say it all the time as chancellor,
- [00:22:11.720]is being a grandparent is being a servant as well.
- [00:22:15.280]I mean, it's a form of servant leadership in your family,
- [00:22:19.100]right?
- [00:22:19.880]So being a servant,
- [00:22:21.180]being a servant to your children,
- [00:22:22.020]being a servant to your grandchildren and thinking of it that way,
- [00:22:26.620]instead of thinking of it as,
- [00:22:28.420]now what am I supposed to be doing as a grandparent?
- [00:22:30.820]Well,
- [00:22:31.380]you're just being a servant to your family and being a grandparent is
- [00:22:35.620]another way of framing that and looking at and thinking about it too.
- [00:22:38.940]You know,
- [00:22:39.660]going back to Ronnie's book,
- [00:22:41.560]I think one of the things we do for our families is document.
- [00:22:45.000]And he's,
- [00:22:45.740]he's obviously going to start on that process real soon.
- [00:22:48.600]And I've been working on story worth as a way of passing on
- [00:22:51.160]that on because there's so many times I wish I could ask my mom
- [00:22:54.300]something and when they're gone, they're gone.
- [00:22:56.580]So it's a matter of what we feel like is important to put into
- [00:23:00.460]words and there'll be seasons of their life that they don't give a
- [00:23:03.420]flip about what we say,
- [00:23:04.540]but there may be another season where they do or one of their
- [00:23:07.200]children will.
- [00:23:07.860]So.
- [00:23:08.400]Yeah.
- [00:23:09.240]Sorry.
- [00:23:09.560]That hit me really hard just because my mom's gone.
- [00:23:12.100]So sorry.
- [00:23:13.520]Yeah.
- [00:23:14.260]It's,
- [00:23:14.980]it's hard,
- [00:23:15.580]right?
- [00:23:15.900]And it's,
- [00:23:16.620]so I lost my dad when I was 27.
- [00:23:19.160]Our,
- [00:23:20.280]our oldest,
- [00:23:21.140]oldest son was five months old.
- [00:23:23.360]My dad passed away.
- [00:23:24.840]So he never,
- [00:23:25.440]they never knew my father.
- [00:23:27.180]They never knew him as a person.
- [00:23:29.360]Right.
- [00:23:30.060]And that's one of the reasons I really want to write this,
- [00:23:33.200]this book,
- [00:23:34.440]right.
- [00:23:34.880]Is to tell them about their grandparents and their great grandparents and
- [00:23:38.140]people that they didn't necessarily have the opportunity to know.
- [00:23:43.200]And I hope we're fortunate.
- [00:23:45.280]And I hope that all of our grandchildren know us well into their life and
- [00:23:49.740]that they're,
- [00:23:50.380]they're lucky.
- [00:23:51.120]That way we're lucky that way,
- [00:23:52.900]but it's,
- [00:23:54.000]you know,
- [00:23:54.380]there's,
- [00:23:54.680]there's so much they can learn from them.
- [00:23:58.340]Right.
- [00:23:59.000]There's.
- [00:23:59.440]And so that that's a James,
- [00:24:01.460]right.
- [00:24:01.820]It's an important part of,
- [00:24:03.200]of that documenting as well.
- [00:24:05.060]Her mom started that tradition.
- [00:24:06.880]Really?
- [00:24:07.220]Her mom did that at the end of her life.
- [00:24:09.400]That's really neat.
- [00:24:10.440]Yeah.
- [00:24:10.760]In today's world,
- [00:24:13.140]it would be called a clunky big book,
- [00:24:14.880]but she,
- [00:24:15.420]that is a treasure in our life,
- [00:24:18.240]a treasure in our family.
- [00:24:19.640]And for,
- [00:24:21.100]for our children as well,
- [00:24:23.720]that have relied heavily on it too.
- [00:24:25.900]So that being that your,
- [00:24:27.000]your,
- [00:24:27.240]your question about conservator at the beginning of the interview is I see a
- [00:24:32.700]lot of that in being a grandparent ahead as being conservator of their
- [00:24:36.720]family and who they,
- [00:24:38.220]who they are as grandparents being a conservator of that for that,
- [00:24:42.940]that next generation,
- [00:24:44.080]which hopefully will translate down to their next generation.
- [00:24:47.600]And they'll know more about that than we knew about,
- [00:24:51.080]about our great grandparents,
- [00:24:52.200]which is very little.
- [00:24:53.880]So anyway,
- [00:24:55.100]it's important.
- [00:24:55.640]What an amazing gift to your family that you're doing.
- [00:24:58.660]I think that's really special.
- [00:25:00.520]Thank you both for your time today.
- [00:25:02.760]Really appreciated you sharing your time and your expertise and your
- [00:25:07.280]insights with us about grandparenting.
- [00:25:09.380]I think that our listeners are really going to appreciate everything that
- [00:25:12.220]you've shared and be able to relate with you as well.
- [00:25:15.020]I hope it'll be useful for them and spend time doing it.
- [00:25:17.700]If you are currently a grandparent or soon to be one,
- [00:25:21.060]and would like more information and resources on this topic,
- [00:25:23.920]we encourage you to check out Zero to Three.
- [00:25:25.920]This organization has been supporting the healthy development of babies and
- [00:25:29.560]toddlers for more than 40 years.
- [00:25:31.500]They have great resources such as online courses and tips for grandparents who
- [00:25:35.960]regularly care for their children.
- [00:25:37.420]So please visit zero to three.org slash grandparents,
- [00:25:40.600]or check out the link in our show notes to learn more.
- [00:25:43.180]Next,
- [00:25:44.020]we will have a young Nebraskan sharing their favorite thing about their
- [00:25:48.180]grandparents.
- [00:25:48.760]Okay,
- [00:25:49.860]Kelsey,
- [00:25:50.160]what are some of,
- [00:25:51.040]your favorite things about your grandparents?
- [00:25:52.840]Spending time with them,
- [00:25:55.500]going places.
- [00:25:56.780]What kind of places do you like to go with them?
- [00:25:58.620]Pool.
- [00:25:59.700]Oh,
- [00:26:00.380]the pool.
- [00:26:00.840]And I like to stay with them because it's so much fun.
- [00:26:05.540]Oh,
- [00:26:06.040]like stay at their house?
- [00:26:07.140]Yes.
- [00:26:07.620]Yeah.
- [00:26:08.020]What else do you like to do with your grandparents?
- [00:26:09.500]Go to garage sales.
- [00:26:13.500]That is fun,
- [00:26:15.600]isn't it?
- [00:26:16.060]Thank you.
- [00:26:16.680]This has been another episode of the good life in early life.
- [00:26:21.200]A Nebraska extension,
- [00:26:22.160]early childhood production with your host,
- [00:26:24.220]Emily Manning.
- [00:26:24.960]For more information on early childhood,
- [00:26:26.680]check out our website at child.unl.edu.
- [00:26:29.460]If you like the show,
- [00:26:30.840]subscribe and tell your friends to listen.
- [00:26:32.520]The show production team is Emily Manning,
- [00:26:34.500]Dr.
- [00:26:34.900]Holly Hatton,
- [00:26:35.620]Aaron Campbell,
- [00:26:36.580]Ingrid Lindahl,
- [00:26:37.680]Linda Reddish,
- [00:26:38.620]Kim Walsand,
- [00:26:39.500]LaDonna Wirth,
- [00:26:40.320]and Katie Krause.
- [00:26:41.140]See you next time.
- [00:26:42.240]And thanks for listening.
- [00:26:43.500]Bye-bye.
- [00:26:44.160]Bye.
- [00:26:44.520]Bye.
- [00:26:44.560]♪♪♪
- [00:26:47.560]you
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