Wellness Newsletter Topic - Challenging Conversations

Linda Reddish Author

05/30/2024 Added

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In this 10-minute video, Statewide Early Childhood Extension Educator Linda Reddish shares insights on perspective taking, a crucial skill for navigating any conversation, especially the tough ones. Perspective taking helps colleagues bridge the gap in understanding, build empathy, and ultimately, have more productive and meaningful conversations. The video features a 4-H'er sharing an example of using practical strategies to problem solve and the impact it had on communication on a school activity.

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[00:00:02.790]Hi, everyone.
[00:00:03.623]I'm so glad that I'm able to record this particular video
[00:00:07.170]for the Wellness Newsletter.
[00:00:09.150]I was asked to talk a little bit about conflict
[00:00:11.460]and why conflict happens
[00:00:13.020]and some solutions that we can take within the workplace
[00:00:17.670]because we know that whenever two people
[00:00:19.890]are kind of present,
[00:00:20.723]there's the potential for conflict to occur.
[00:00:23.220]So I just wanna kind of ground where I come from
[00:00:27.660]when it comes to conflict,
[00:00:28.980]because I come from a perspective
[00:00:32.040]with Fierce Foundation's training,
[00:00:33.540]which is a training professional development opportunity
[00:00:36.180]that is offered to everyone as an extension employee
[00:00:40.440]if you'd like to participate in it,
[00:00:42.450]but conflict usually happens when there's a disagreement
[00:00:46.200]or maybe a lack of perspective
[00:00:47.970]or understanding between two people,
[00:00:51.390]and so one of the ways I like to describe this
[00:00:53.340]around conflict is imagine a beach ball,
[00:00:56.100]and I'm looking at a beach ball
[00:00:57.600]and the stripe that I'm seeing is red,
[00:00:59.370]but the person on the other end is seeing blue,
[00:01:02.130]and unless I understand your stripe
[00:01:04.590]and all the other stripes, I'm not gonna understand
[00:01:07.530]what makes up the whole beach ball.
[00:01:09.570]And so we talk about this through the four objectives
[00:01:11.670]in Fierce, and I'm gonna talk about these four objectives
[00:01:15.060]as a solution, and really, more of a proactive solution
[00:01:20.400]to actually avoiding conflict,
[00:01:21.930]because a lot of times, we wind up having conflict
[00:01:24.990]just because simply we have a lack of understanding
[00:01:28.110]or perspective of what the other person might be thinking.
[00:01:31.500]So if you participate in our Fierce Foundations training,
[00:01:34.140]you would learn about these four objectives.
[00:01:36.660]So the first objective is called interrogating reality,
[00:01:39.600]and it really builds on what I just shared.
[00:01:42.540]So you really take time to really, genuinely understand
[00:01:47.250]someone else's perspective,
[00:01:48.930]because your reality is likely different from my reality.
[00:01:52.950]Another way to kind of approach this is to say
[00:01:55.830]reality has a funny habit of changing,
[00:01:58.590]and so what I thought to be true yesterday has now shifted
[00:02:02.340]and we're taking a different approach today,
[00:02:04.320]but we don't communicate that.
[00:02:06.390]And that might be why conflict occurs,
[00:02:09.390]so the more time that we can take to really,
[00:02:11.790]genuinely understand someone else's perspective
[00:02:16.080]and share our perspective,
[00:02:18.390]that can help to create more meaningful conversations.
[00:02:22.470]The next one is provoke learning,
[00:02:24.150]so a way that I tend to describe this in the training
[00:02:26.820]is as a result of this conversation,
[00:02:29.640]I hope you learn a little bit something
[00:02:32.400]and I hope I learn a little bit of something
[00:02:34.320]and then hopefully at the end of this conversation,
[00:02:36.360]we'll both be a little bit different
[00:02:37.650]because we have gained a deeper or newer understanding.
[00:02:43.380]The third one is tackling tough challenges,
[00:02:45.450]and so hopefully if you've really gained
[00:02:47.130]someone else's perspective,
[00:02:48.480]you've explored your own perspective,
[00:02:50.760]you've taken time to ask some questions,
[00:02:52.890]you've learned a little bit more information,
[00:02:55.260]then you set yourself up to tackle whatever it is
[00:02:58.350]that you both set out to do, or maybe the issue
[00:03:01.890]that is causing the conflict in the first place.
[00:03:04.440]I also sometimes describe this as tackling the thing
[00:03:08.400]that's taken up the most space in your mind,
[00:03:11.040]and sometimes that's the conversation you're avoiding,
[00:03:13.830]the one that you really do need to have.
[00:03:16.080]And so if that's the case,
[00:03:18.780]then you go back to that first objective, right?
[00:03:20.760]'Cause these are all things that you would be doing
[00:03:22.530]as a result of having a Fierce conversation.
[00:03:25.560]That's the cool thing about Fierce conversations.
[00:03:27.900]It's not really about confrontation,
[00:03:29.820]it's about having a meaningful conversation
[00:03:32.220]because you are both genuinely working
[00:03:34.170]towards finding a solution.
[00:03:36.360]And then this last one, enrich relationships.
[00:03:38.970]Well, if you do the other three, then at the end of it,
[00:03:41.970]you're more likely to find a sense of respect
[00:03:45.000]for one another and trust.
[00:03:46.980]And so what I thought might be helpful today
[00:03:49.140]after explaining those four objectives
[00:03:50.910]is I always personally like to see it put into practice,
[00:03:54.060]and I thought, well, I know a 4H'er pretty well,
[00:03:58.260]and if my kid, who's 10 years old,
[00:04:01.320]can do these four objectives,
[00:04:04.740]I think we might have an opportunity here
[00:04:07.170]to all learn from that.
[00:04:08.550]And so I'm gonna invite Marley in now,
[00:04:10.950]and I actually had this conversation
[00:04:15.360]on our way home.
[00:04:16.980]I'm gonna put right, there you go.
[00:04:18.840]So you're in the camera there.
[00:04:20.940]And we had this conversation,
[00:04:22.710]actually we had just finished up Fierce Foundations,
[00:04:25.380]and we were covering the four objectives that week,
[00:04:29.640]and then I was driving in the car, we were heading
[00:04:31.560]to swim practice, and Mar shared this example with me
[00:04:36.060]and I thought, "Oh my gosh, I wanna take this
[00:04:38.280]because this is exactly
[00:04:39.630]what the four objectives are all about."
[00:04:41.700]So I'm gonna ask some questions
[00:04:43.770]and then we're gonna walk through
[00:04:44.937]the four objectives together, okay?
[00:04:47.100]So I would like to ask you a couple questions
[00:04:49.440]about the example you shared with me on a school project.
[00:04:54.449]So can you talk about what the school project was
[00:04:58.590]that you had to work on one day?
[00:04:59.850]Yes, so the school project was,
[00:05:03.390]my teacher asked everybody in the class
[00:05:07.680]to solve this one problem.
[00:05:10.020]We had 10 minutes
[00:05:11.310]and she split us up into four different groups.
[00:05:14.310]Okay, so you got a small group project.
[00:05:16.890]Yup.
[00:05:17.723]Your teacher, or your whole class project,
[00:05:20.040]you had 10 minutes to solve a problem,
[00:05:22.170]but you were broken off into small groups.
[00:05:24.210]Yup. Okay.
[00:05:25.530]And when you got into your small groups,
[00:05:28.494]did your teacher give you any directions?
[00:05:31.590]Kinda. Okay.
[00:05:33.960]She never gave us a specific way of how to solve it.
[00:05:37.320]She just told us you need to solve this in 10 minutes.
[00:05:40.830]Okay, so you didn't really get any specific directions.
[00:05:44.940]You all had to work together as a team
[00:05:47.250]and you had 10 minutes to do it.
[00:05:49.170]So what did you do?
[00:05:52.110]So I thought that this would be more interesting,
[00:05:56.430]probably a little more easier if I asked a question.
[00:06:00.810]How would you solve this problem?
[00:06:04.103]Why did you wanna ask that question?
[00:06:07.470]First of all, because I thought it would be interesting
[00:06:09.810]for me to learn how other people solve it,
[00:06:12.600]and second, because I think it would be a little more fun
[00:06:16.920]and easier for us to learn together,
[00:06:19.235]and it only took about two minutes of the entire thing
[00:06:22.800]for everybody to share,
[00:06:24.450]and the cool thing was we all got the same answer
[00:06:27.930]and it was a little different.
[00:06:29.640]So you wanted to know how others were doing it,
[00:06:32.700]but what about you?
[00:06:34.470]I also said how I would've done it too,
[00:06:37.320]and we all kind of learned a little different
[00:06:39.450]how everybody would do it.
[00:06:41.100]So I heard you say you knew how.
[00:06:44.040]I would solve it.
[00:06:45.414]Okay. But I wanted to know
[00:06:46.898]how other people would wanna solve it.
[00:06:48.840]So that's kind of like this first example
[00:06:50.970]that I was talking about.
[00:06:52.140]You knew your perspective and how you would solve it,
[00:06:55.290]but then you were like, "Oh,
[00:06:56.310]I wonder how everybody else would solve it."
[00:06:58.260]And how long did that take you?
[00:07:00.120]Two minutes?
[00:07:00.953]Two minutes for everybody to go around?
[00:07:02.250]Yup.
[00:07:03.083]And then I think I heard you say
[00:07:04.650]you learned something new.
[00:07:06.930]What did you mean by that?
[00:07:09.000]I learned how everybody would've done it different.
[00:07:11.310]Like one person, for example, like timesed it,
[00:07:15.240]and then they divided it,
[00:07:16.350]and I would've divided it and then timesed it.
[00:07:19.583]So that was kind of cool.
[00:07:21.090]So you had two kind of different approaches?
[00:07:22.920]Yeah.
[00:07:23.884]Did others have different ideas?
[00:07:24.717]Like what else did you learn?
[00:07:26.400]I also learned how they would group it all together
[00:07:30.120]and how maybe they would write the equation
[00:07:32.100]a little differently.
[00:07:33.630]Okay, so you were getting a little bit more information?
[00:07:38.520]Yeah. Learning from other people,
[00:07:40.290]you were understanding,
[00:07:41.280]you were both figuring out, okay.
[00:07:43.830]Then what happened next?
[00:07:45.000]How did you decide what to tackle?
[00:07:47.250]Right, so I thought then maybe each of us
[00:07:50.760]could have different parts,
[00:07:53.070]and it would make it a little more faster
[00:07:54.810]instead of just one person doing it.
[00:07:57.840]So how'd you break it off?
[00:07:59.910]We all thought that each of us could maybe do one part.
[00:08:03.060]One person could do the times,
[00:08:04.974]ones person could do the dividing, the minus, the adding,
[00:08:08.670]and then it could help us all together,
[00:08:11.370]grab it and finish it. And how did you assign that?
[00:08:14.430]We all worked at each other's different strengths in math.
[00:08:17.640]That makes sense to me.
[00:08:19.470]Can I ask you another question?
[00:08:21.060]Yeah. Okay.
[00:08:21.930]What was happening in some of the other groups?
[00:08:24.390]Ohm yeah, it was this one group
[00:08:26.760]that did not care about anything that was happening.
[00:08:29.850]All they were caring about was talking.
[00:08:32.100]Okay, what about some of the other groups?
[00:08:34.770]Which was a little more stupider,
[00:08:36.330]was that they were just-
[00:08:38.130]Okay. Two people were talking,
[00:08:40.860]one person was doing everything
[00:08:42.270]and one person was like, "No, you're doing it wrong.
[00:08:45.240]Why are you doing it like that?"
[00:08:46.563]They were going at that for the entire 10 minutes.
[00:08:49.770]Well, that sounds challenging.
[00:08:52.170]Okay, what happened with your group after you broke off?
[00:08:56.320]After everything, we got all of our assigned parts
[00:08:59.187]and we were able to learn from each of us.
[00:09:01.740]We all got it together
[00:09:03.390]and we were the only group to finish it
[00:09:05.310]in the time and to finish it.
[00:09:08.790]After you finished the project
[00:09:10.560]and you solved your equation
[00:09:12.240]and you were the only group that did that,
[00:09:15.903]how did you feel about the people you worked with?
[00:09:18.420]Oh, I had a lot of respect for them
[00:09:20.550]'cause they were actually willing to do it
[00:09:22.290]and they wanted to, and they valued my time,
[00:09:25.262]so I valued their time.
[00:09:27.270]Wow. That sounds really important.
[00:09:30.180]Thank you so much for sharing your example.
[00:09:32.940]Why don't you scooch out that way a little bit
[00:09:34.620]while I wrap up, okay?
[00:09:36.780]So as you heard in the example,
[00:09:39.330]walking through those four objectives,
[00:09:41.100]and I think the part that struck me the most
[00:09:44.160]in this example, it was the two minutes,
[00:09:48.180]two minutes to take out of that entire conversation.
[00:09:54.270]I know I might've been a little hesitant
[00:09:55.890]to take two minutes if I only had 10 minutes
[00:09:57.720]to solve something, but that two minutes was spent so well
[00:10:01.980]because it was a genuine opportunity
[00:10:04.620]to engage in a conversation,
[00:10:06.330]to hear another person's perspective.
[00:10:08.070]It sounded like it avoided conflict from even happening
[00:10:10.320]in the first place.
[00:10:12.210]I hope that this was meaningful and helpful.
[00:10:15.210]If you'd like to learn more about Fierce Foundations,
[00:10:17.550]if you'd liked hearing about this approach,
[00:10:19.530]please reach out to me or reach out to Lisa Cason.
[00:10:24.030]We're always offering the Fierce Foundations training
[00:10:26.340]with an extension.
[00:10:27.180]We'd love to get you on the wait list
[00:10:28.410]if you'd like to participate in the training,
[00:10:31.590]or ask any of your colleagues who have been through it
[00:10:34.020]what their perspective was, what did they gain from it,
[00:10:36.210]what did they think about it,
[00:10:37.320]how has it helped them every day
[00:10:38.790]in their current workplace relationships.
[00:10:42.000]So I really hope that you have a great day
[00:10:45.900]if you're watching this video,
[00:10:47.370]and if you have any other further questions
[00:10:48.960]about Fierce Foundations or even the four objectives
[00:10:52.290]or around conflict management,
[00:10:54.240]certainly please reach out to me.
[00:10:55.740]Thanks so much for your time.

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Wellness Newsletter Topic - Challenging Conversations

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