S1E9: Navigating Holiday Stress: Helpful Tips & Ideas
Nebraska Extension Early Childhood Program Area-Emily Manning, Dr. Holly Hatton, Ingrid Lindal, Erin Kampbell, Linda Reddish, Katie Krause, and LaDonna Werth
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11/28/2023
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Nebraska Extension’s Early Childhood Team brings you an episode about navigating holiday stress. Episode guests Lynn DeVries, Jaci Foged, and Ingrid Lindal discuss how stress affects our bodies and minds, how the holidays impact children, and tips for self-care and stress reduction. Listen to the end for a young Nebraskan’s advice about how to pack for a trip!
Resources and References:
988 – Suicide hotline.
https://news.utexas.edu/2015/12/21/holiday-alcohol-ads-dont-lead-to-increased-consumption/
Stress: A need or demand people confront, that is perceived as burdensome or threatening, and can lead to physical or mental health problems (Pearlin 1989, Thoits 2010, Dimsdale 2008, Chen & Miller 2007, Keller et al., 2012). Ways stress affects us was adapted from information from colostate.edu. HOPE strategy by Julie Nicholson, Julie Kurtz, LaWanda Wesley and Hannah Shack.
The following music was used for this media project:
"Afterparty Review" by Sascha Ende
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/2962-afterparty-review
License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
"Wholesome" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Searchable Transcript
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- [00:00:00.302](upbeat instrumental music)
- [00:00:06.300]This is "The Good Life in Early Life,"
- [00:00:09.480]a production of Nebraska Extension.
- [00:00:11.580]I'm your host Emily Manning,
- [00:00:13.020]an early childhood extension educator in Seward County.
- [00:00:16.380]So I'm here with Jaci Foged, Lynn DeVries,
- [00:00:19.740]and Ingrid Lindal, all who are early childhood
- [00:00:22.230]extension educators on our early childhood team,
- [00:00:25.200]and we are at our extension fall conference,
- [00:00:27.690]and we're getting together during a break
- [00:00:29.340]between our sessions to talk about the holidays,
- [00:00:31.740]particularly stress during the holiday season,
- [00:00:34.256]and how we can support ourselves and children
- [00:00:37.306]during this joyful, but also stressful time.
- [00:00:40.620]And the question that I always ask my podcast guests
- [00:00:43.770]is a favorite memory from their childhood,
- [00:00:45.570]but we're gonna switch it today and do it holiday themed,
- [00:00:47.760]so what is your favorite holiday memory from your childhood?
- [00:00:51.887]And whoever wants to go first, just let me know.
- [00:00:54.588]Jaci, yeah, let's hear your favorite holiday memory.
- [00:00:57.780]Oh my gosh, this is so exciting, I have so many.
- [00:01:00.090]One of my favorite ones is we had French doors
- [00:01:03.150]that separated kind of the main part of our house,
- [00:01:04.980]where all of our bedrooms were
- [00:01:06.150]from like our family room area,
- [00:01:07.710]and that's where our Christmas tree was put up every year,
- [00:01:09.900]and so those French doors would remain closed
- [00:01:12.237]until everyone was awake, and everyone had their coffee,
- [00:01:15.570]and blah blah blah and all the things,
- [00:01:16.860]so we would all kind of huddle around our living room area,
- [00:01:20.730]waiting for my parents to turn on the lights,
- [00:01:22.650]and all of the things to happen,
- [00:01:23.963]and then we all got to kind of go in at the same time
- [00:01:26.700]and see what Santa left for us.
- [00:01:28.350]Yeah, it was good times.
- [00:01:29.340]Thanks for sharing that memory, Jaci.
- [00:01:30.986]Lynn, how about you go next?
- [00:01:32.580]Like Jaci said, so many, and for as long
- [00:01:35.190]as I remember went to our grandparents for Christmas,
- [00:01:38.719]usually the supper meal on Christmas day,
- [00:01:41.620]and it wasn't just me and my family,
- [00:01:44.478]but it was all of my aunts and uncles and cousins,
- [00:01:47.310]and there got to be this huge family
- [00:01:50.190]gathering of around 40 people,
- [00:01:51.921]and the tradition was that you would start
- [00:01:54.870]with the youngest children in the room to open gifts,
- [00:01:57.720]and it went all the way up to adults,
- [00:01:59.491]and everybody watched one at a time,
- [00:02:02.670]I mean, and this went on for hours, right?
- [00:02:04.890]At supper. Yeah.
- [00:02:05.730]And we were never allowed to stay up that late,
- [00:02:08.130]but boy on that night we were, and I can remember
- [00:02:10.980]being just as excited seeing,
- [00:02:12.570]my mom was the oldest daughter in the family,
- [00:02:14.788]just as excited to see what my parents
- [00:02:16.642]were opening up from my grandparents,
- [00:02:18.480]as it was when we opened our gifts,
- [00:02:20.520]that it was always usually something homemade.
- [00:02:22.707]They had a ceramic shop, and they did a lot of crafts,
- [00:02:26.340]and my grandma knitted and crocheted and there was,
- [00:02:28.710]you could count on, usually,
- [00:02:30.120]a special Christmas ornament every year.
- [00:02:32.100]Oh wow, how special Lynn, thanks for sharing.
- [00:02:35.195]Ingrid, how about you?
- [00:02:37.020]Well, I really just enjoyed being with my family.
- [00:02:39.672]It'd always be my mom, grandma, uncles, cousins,
- [00:02:43.443]and we would just all have a nice family Christmas dinner.
- [00:02:47.334]We would also open some of the gifts on the 24th,
- [00:02:51.120]which was really exciting, especially when I was younger,
- [00:02:54.008]but we did save a few for the 25th,
- [00:02:56.940]and so really I just enjoyed that family time,
- [00:03:00.600]and just that holiday Christmas feeling was really nice,
- [00:03:04.232]and I just love that around the holidays.
- [00:03:07.189]That sounds so fun, like it's such a party, yeah.
- [00:03:10.440]So, when I was growing up too,
- [00:03:11.700]that was like something my dad always demanded
- [00:03:14.640]was we had to have a real tree.
- [00:03:16.170]It was not Christmas without a real tree.
- [00:03:18.300]But then, my favorite memory as a kid was going over
- [00:03:21.300]to my dad's side of the family for Christmas Eve,
- [00:03:23.610]and all the little children,
- [00:03:25.531]our job was to pass out presents to everybody,
- [00:03:29.160]and I talk about this with my cousins,
- [00:03:31.380]we all reminisce on this memory
- [00:03:33.073]of passing out gifts to our relatives,
- [00:03:35.340]and it wasn't a competition between all of us,
- [00:03:37.768]it was just trying to find the person who it was meant for,
- [00:03:41.720]and it was even more exciting than opening our own gifts,
- [00:03:44.990]and I don't know why that was,
- [00:03:46.950]but it's just a memory that we all really share,
- [00:03:50.127]and we all really enjoy, so,
- [00:03:52.320]thanks for sharing your memories with me.
- [00:03:54.200]It's so fun to hear everyone's traditions
- [00:03:56.321]and hear what everyone does.
- [00:03:58.440]So, the holidays can be such an enjoyable time,
- [00:04:01.590]filled with joy and time we spend with our family,
- [00:04:04.200]but it can also be very stressful, especially for us adults
- [00:04:07.320]who are in charge of making the magic happen.
- [00:04:09.630]And today, we're gonna talk about stress and what it is,
- [00:04:13.080]and how we can help ourselves and the children in our lives.
- [00:04:16.590]And Jaci, Lynn and Ingrid are gonna
- [00:04:18.390]talk to us a little bit about this,
- [00:04:19.770]and I think Lynn's gonna start us off with what is stress.
- [00:04:22.380]Thank you, Emily.
- [00:04:23.730]You know, when we do programming around mindfulness
- [00:04:26.203]and self-care, one of the definitions that we share
- [00:04:29.340]with our clientele is that stress is a really a need
- [00:04:32.670]or a demand that people confront,
- [00:04:34.500]that is perceived as either burdensome or threatening,
- [00:04:38.499]and it can lead to physical or mental health problems,
- [00:04:41.690]if not dealt with or managed in a positive way.
- [00:04:47.250]I think we can all relate to stress
- [00:04:50.140]that's been maybe not so positive in our lives,
- [00:04:52.904]the challenging stress, and so that is termed distress.
- [00:04:57.279]Distress is negative stress,
- [00:04:59.363]it results in maybe a full blown response,
- [00:05:02.370]and if not managed in a healthy way, if it's continuous,
- [00:05:06.325]this negative stress can just be bottled up inside of us,
- [00:05:09.660]and it can lead to loss of productivity,
- [00:05:12.205]it can lead to a numerous amount of health problems,
- [00:05:15.788]and this feeling of just overall exhaustion, right?
- [00:05:19.143]On the other hand, there's also positive stress.
- [00:05:23.070]Can stress be positive?
- [00:05:24.300]Absolutely, it can, and I'm sure a lot
- [00:05:26.380]of our listeners can relate to planning for the holidays.
- [00:05:29.640]You're excited, it's supposed to be,
- [00:05:31.282]you know, this joyous time,
- [00:05:32.819]maybe you're gonna see family
- [00:05:35.190]that you haven't seen for a long time,
- [00:05:37.410]and so that's all, you know, great and everything,
- [00:05:39.360]but maybe you're stressing about getting that perfect gift,
- [00:05:41.951]or what am I gonna prepare, or am I gonna have enough money
- [00:05:46.410]to be able to meet all of my goals for the holiday?
- [00:05:50.460]And I know growing up in a home where my parents, you know,
- [00:05:53.266]money was very, very tight growing up.
- [00:05:55.174]Never felt that way as a kid,
- [00:05:56.996]but I know my mom felt this kind of stress,
- [00:05:59.610]that she always wanted to make sure
- [00:06:01.015]that we never felt like we didn't have what, you know,
- [00:06:04.440]everybody else at school had, those kinds of things.
- [00:06:06.570]I'm sure that my mom was going through, you know,
- [00:06:08.670]she loved having us kids all around, loved getting together,
- [00:06:10.980]all those 40 aunts and uncles around the table, right?
- [00:06:13.361]But positive stress is actually called eustress,
- [00:06:17.741]and it's a form of stress
- [00:06:19.290]that it can be beneficial, actually.
- [00:06:21.504]Positive stress can lead to beneficial things
- [00:06:25.320]as far as our health, our motivation,
- [00:06:27.364]our performance, our emotional wellbeing,
- [00:06:30.458]but during positive stress or eustress,
- [00:06:32.973]we might feel good chemicals, these are called endorphins
- [00:06:36.630]that are released in our brain, right?
- [00:06:38.430]And so they're there to give us that extra energy,
- [00:06:41.070]that extra boost to, you know,
- [00:06:42.870]do all the things like Jaci said a while ago,
- [00:06:45.300]do all the things, maybe plan a meal,
- [00:06:47.190]or get the shopping list taken care of,
- [00:06:49.290]those kinds of things, and so even though it's all great,
- [00:06:51.774]and it's positive, it can be a little bit stressful
- [00:06:54.690]to go through those things as well.
- [00:06:56.100]Yeah, thanks for sharing all that great information
- [00:06:58.620]about stress and the different types of stress,
- [00:07:00.870]because I think we just use stress kind of
- [00:07:03.240]as a general label or term for what we are feeling,
- [00:07:05.790]but there are different types of stress, so it's important
- [00:07:08.550]to know how these affect us in different ways,
- [00:07:11.250]and Jaci, I think you're gonna talk to us about
- [00:07:13.440]how stress does impact us and our bodies.
- [00:07:15.870]Would you mind going into that a little bit more?
- [00:07:17.760]Of course.
- [00:07:18.600]Yeah, so stress can really affect us physically,
- [00:07:21.150]but also up in our mind mentally,
- [00:07:23.010]so when we think about physical stress,
- [00:07:24.923]we might think about how we're having some sleep problems,
- [00:07:28.350]trouble going to sleep, maybe getting to sleep.
- [00:07:30.780]and or waking up often throughout the evening.
- [00:07:33.120]It might show up as we're no longer interested
- [00:07:35.520]in doing the activities that we once enjoyed.
- [00:07:37.440]So, maybe we used to love to go outside
- [00:07:39.420]and make snow angels with our children,
- [00:07:40.830]and today we're just not feeling it,
- [00:07:42.480]and that could be a way that stress is fatiguing us.
- [00:07:45.690]Stress also affects us emotionally,
- [00:07:47.790]so you may see that someone who used
- [00:07:50.550]to have a really good sense of humor,
- [00:07:51.810]might be looking a little blue today,
- [00:07:53.820]or maybe you notice that somebody's crying,
- [00:07:55.890]and it's unusual for you to see that in that person,
- [00:07:58.890]or just it might show up as a lot of anxiety.
- [00:08:01.290]So to be checking in for that,
- [00:08:02.820]if those are some things you're feeling
- [00:08:04.230]or if you're seeing in others.
- [00:08:05.370]You might also see behavioral effects of stress,
- [00:08:08.250]so this could be irritability,
- [00:08:10.110]it could be clumsiness, breaking things,
- [00:08:12.420]dropping things, tripping.
- [00:08:13.831]It could also look like anger or acting out,
- [00:08:16.051]which we might see a lot of that with kids,
- [00:08:18.540]which I think we're gonna talk
- [00:08:19.470]about a little bit later today.
- [00:08:20.880]And then, it could also just start
- [00:08:23.250]to affect your self-esteem.
- [00:08:24.690]So, you might feel like you just can't do anything right,
- [00:08:27.360]and just be really hard on yourself.
- [00:08:28.920]You might feel powerless, or even just feel really lonely,
- [00:08:32.250]and wanna be backing away from time
- [00:08:34.050]socializing with your friends or family.
- [00:08:35.910]So it really can affect us across the spectrum,
- [00:08:37.899]and it affects everybody a little bit differently.
- [00:08:40.200]Yeah, thanks Jaci.
- [00:08:41.940]I definitely have experienced some of those effects
- [00:08:44.580]of stress in my life, as I'm sure we all have.
- [00:08:47.190]But, during the holidays especially,
- [00:08:49.140]we might see some of these effects of stress,
- [00:08:51.840]because we already have the stressors in our daily lives,
- [00:08:54.664]and then we have the added stressors
- [00:08:56.457]that come during the holidays.
- [00:08:58.650]Ingrid, would you talk about some
- [00:09:00.030]of the added stressors that are unique to the holidays?
- [00:09:02.820]Sure, so there are many things
- [00:09:04.230]that can cause stress during the holidays.
- [00:09:06.472]Some of the common ones is lots of work to do,
- [00:09:09.810]but little time, so there's a lot of days
- [00:09:12.990]that we might have off, so Christmas break, Thanksgiving,
- [00:09:16.014]and so we might feel like we're behind,
- [00:09:18.357]and we want to wrap things up for the new year,
- [00:09:20.808]and so that can add stress to our lives.
- [00:09:23.910]Also, struggling with expectations during the holiday.
- [00:09:27.180]When I say expectations, that goes into expectations
- [00:09:30.750]on how Christmas dinner should go,
- [00:09:32.485]what kind of gifts I have to provide,
- [00:09:35.340]how many Christmas parties or dinners we have to attend to,
- [00:09:38.770]and so all of that can cause stress,
- [00:09:42.060]especially if we don't have time,
- [00:09:43.920]or if a family's going through a financial strain,
- [00:09:46.530]this can just be a tough time.
- [00:09:48.390]And with the children, and I know Lynn
- [00:09:50.220]will talk a little bit about it later on,
- [00:09:52.920]but just kind of being mindful as the adults,
- [00:09:56.401]what are some things that we can do, right?
- [00:09:58.740]Like, taking deep breaths before we react to a situation,
- [00:10:03.090]pause, and really reflect on what we're going to say
- [00:10:06.743]or how we're going to act.
- [00:10:08.587]If we are very stressed, sometimes we can have high emotions
- [00:10:12.878]and we have to remember children observe a lot,
- [00:10:16.680]and so they will pick up on those actions that we do.
- [00:10:20.550]So, it's important to help have those strategies,
- [00:10:23.634]such as breathing so we can help self-regulate ourselves,
- [00:10:27.540]but help our children self-regulate as well.
- [00:10:30.390]Something that Lynn mentioned was that eustress
- [00:10:32.590]and distress, so positive and negative stress.
- [00:10:35.430]So, for example, a situation that happened to me last year,
- [00:10:38.820]if you remember, there was kind of a big winter storm,
- [00:10:41.395]and so I was one of the people who was stuck at the airport.
- [00:10:45.112]My flight got canceled,
- [00:10:46.561]and so unfortunately it ended up being that we had to,
- [00:10:50.374]my boyfriend and I had to drive 19 hours,
- [00:10:52.890]we were going to visit my mom who lives out
- [00:10:54.810]of the country and came to visit,
- [00:10:57.000]and so that was very stressful,
- [00:10:59.100]just being at the airport, being all those hours,
- [00:11:02.058]and you know, it was just my boyfriend and I,
- [00:11:04.243]I can't even imagine the people that had children with them,
- [00:11:08.010]and those smaller children, and just being
- [00:11:09.900]at the airport so many hours and just the uncertainty,
- [00:11:13.530]I guess kind of the positive side is
- [00:11:15.390]even though we had to drive, I still tried
- [00:11:18.330]to make the most of the situation,
- [00:11:20.040]'cause I was excited that I was gonna get to see my mom.
- [00:11:23.730]So, it was kind of that positive,
- [00:11:25.230]'cause I was gonna see my mom,
- [00:11:26.700]but it was also a little bit stressful being at the airport,
- [00:11:29.358]and not knowing prior what was going to happen.
- [00:11:32.940]Yeah, so Ingrid, you shared that personal story
- [00:11:35.040]of that stressor from the holiday of trying to travel,
- [00:11:37.770]and trying to get to your family members.
- [00:11:39.270]Maybe we could talk about some of our own personal
- [00:11:41.442]stressors for the holidays.
- [00:11:43.183]I think somebody mentioned today
- [00:11:44.460]that there's like seven weekends until Christmas,
- [00:11:46.770]and I'm like, "Oh my gosh,
- [00:11:48.060]I don't have any gifts ordered right now."
- [00:11:49.860]I immediately was like, "I need to get on that."
- [00:11:52.320]How about you all, Jaci and Lynn and Ingrid,
- [00:11:55.290]what are some personal stressors
- [00:11:57.090]you feel around the holidays?
- [00:11:58.710]Yeah, I can start.
- [00:12:00.150]So, my family lives close to us,
- [00:12:02.790]and my husband's family typically has lived
- [00:12:04.770]a little bit further away, but my family likes
- [00:12:07.440]to get together and have a good time,
- [00:12:09.120]and sometimes just being around people
- [00:12:11.400]when we actually have downtime from work
- [00:12:13.470]is a little too much for most of us,
- [00:12:15.180]so I guess it can be stressful to be around family.
- [00:12:18.420]You can feel that distress of, you know,
- [00:12:21.360]wearing the perfect set of pajamas
- [00:12:22.931]if it's pajama celebration, to what was I supposed
- [00:12:27.210]to bring for lunch to contribute to that family meal?
- [00:12:30.300]Or also those positive feelings
- [00:12:31.770]of like watching your family members open up
- [00:12:33.510]the cool Christmas presents that you think you bought them.
- [00:12:36.090]So, it can just be stressful to be around family a lot
- [00:12:38.580]when you do have the opportunity to have some downtime,
- [00:12:41.250]and enjoy and relax a little bit.
- [00:12:42.660]So what I'm hearing from you, Jaci,
- [00:12:43.920]I think is like trying to make the most of those moments
- [00:12:46.157]in the downtime that we have,
- [00:12:47.730]and try to make it really special,
- [00:12:49.290]but also just like enjoying the downtime,
- [00:12:51.450]and remembering all of the things.
- [00:12:52.845]Am I capturing that? 100%?
- [00:12:55.798](group laughs)
- [00:12:57.390]Yeah, Lynn, how about you?
- [00:12:58.770]So I think one of the biggest stressors for me,
- [00:13:00.987]and I love having all my kids around me.
- [00:13:04.740]Two of them are married and one is in a relationship,
- [00:13:08.040]and so they'll all be, you know,
- [00:13:09.240]as couples coming to our house,
- [00:13:10.740]and I'll be in charge of doing the shopping.
- [00:13:15.510]We're on a farm, I'm usually in town,
- [00:13:17.910]whoever's in town does the shopping, right?
- [00:13:19.470]So I am doing the shopping, I gotta do the planning,
- [00:13:22.530]gotta plan the menu as well as, you know,
- [00:13:24.510]doing the shopping for Christmas gifts,
- [00:13:25.950]and you know, I think about cooking then,
- [00:13:28.695]and I wanna make the cooking as minimal as possible
- [00:13:31.530]so I can actually enjoy the time with my family,
- [00:13:34.500]and not be so busy while they're there,
- [00:13:36.320]and yet I often find that I'm the one in the kitchen,
- [00:13:39.437]and everybody else is in there having a great time,
- [00:13:41.940]and I wanna be there too,
- [00:13:43.770]and so that gets me a little bit worked up,
- [00:13:45.960]and so I try to find ways to manage that,
- [00:13:48.420]and what helps me the most is if I can come up with the menu
- [00:13:51.930]that I can do things a few things ahead of time.
- [00:13:54.270]Like even mashed potatoes, did you know
- [00:13:55.737]you can make those ahead of time, put 'em the crockpot,
- [00:13:57.820]put a little cream cheese with them,
- [00:13:59.700]and they're just as good as if you made them the day.
- [00:14:02.670]That is a good tip. And yes.
- [00:14:03.810]Love it. And so I find
- [00:14:05.670]all of these little things that, you know,
- [00:14:07.140]help me to like do ahead as much as I can,
- [00:14:10.080]so that all I could have to do is dump and turn things on,
- [00:14:13.200]and I might have to get up at 3:00 AM
- [00:14:15.450]to put something in to get it hot and up in the crockpot,
- [00:14:18.002]but I'm usually up about that time anyway,
- [00:14:20.850]so it doesn't really bother me,
- [00:14:22.860]and then I can, you know, actually just let down and relax,
- [00:14:26.700]and be with my family when they're there.
- [00:14:29.220]Yeah, so really trying to be strategic about planning
- [00:14:32.023]and meal prep so you don't have to do as much the day of,
- [00:14:35.520]so that you can really relax and enjoy the day.
- [00:14:38.040]Lynn, you shared so many great tips
- [00:14:39.930]about how to make cooking a little bit easier,
- [00:14:41.760]and so I wanted to share one of my favorite ones
- [00:14:43.800]I've gotten from a colleague,
- [00:14:45.030]and this was for the turkey for Thanksgiving,
- [00:14:47.700]and I know this is gonna be a little bit late for you all,
- [00:14:49.710]since it's this episode comes out after Thanksgiving,
- [00:14:52.680]but I do think it might be helpful, so,
- [00:14:54.510]it's to start the turkey the night before Thanksgiving,
- [00:14:57.780]and set it at a really low temperature in the oven,
- [00:15:00.286]and then just periodically through the night,
- [00:15:02.730]just check on it, make sure it's not burning,
- [00:15:04.560]and then it'll be done by the morning time,
- [00:15:06.810]and then you can cut it up, carve it, get it ready,
- [00:15:08.940]and wash all your dishes, and then you're ready
- [00:15:10.710]to go before people start coming over.
- [00:15:12.840]So, just thought I'd share that tip too,
- [00:15:14.820]in case you're looking for ways to ease up your meal prep.
- [00:15:17.520]Smart, yes, good ones. Very helpful.
- [00:15:19.920]So, holidays look a little different
- [00:15:22.110]now that I'm far from home,
- [00:15:23.878]but when I used to live in Costa Rica,
- [00:15:27.690]well there's a lot of traffic daily,
- [00:15:29.700]but during the holidays it just seems to duplicate,
- [00:15:33.360]and so it could take sometimes 45 minutes
- [00:15:36.746]just to find a parking spot in the mall,
- [00:15:39.593]and that can be very stressful, which I would say
- [00:15:43.388]is that distress that we've been talking about.
- [00:15:46.830]However, I do feel like the positive stress,
- [00:15:50.160]and this might be a little bit controversial,
- [00:15:52.487]but I really enjoy going to the mall before Christmas.
- [00:15:57.630]I just love how it feels,
- [00:15:59.760]just the holiday vibes, everybody shopping.
- [00:16:02.706]I just really enjoy that time.
- [00:16:05.437]I think we're gonna give you our list Ingrid,
- [00:16:07.620]and you're gonna be buying for the team.
- [00:16:09.990]How does that sound? (group laughs)
- [00:16:11.664]Sounds good. Okay, now
- [00:16:12.990]let's talk about some of the statistics
- [00:16:14.419]about stress during the holidays.
- [00:16:16.230]Jaci has some great information for us.
- [00:16:18.630]Yeah, I don't know if it's great stuff,
- [00:16:20.100]but I think it is important stuff
- [00:16:21.180]for us to talk a little bit about.
- [00:16:22.590]So, I think we're on the same page
- [00:16:24.570]that (laughs) this is a stressful time of year
- [00:16:26.430]for almost everyone, and it doesn't matter
- [00:16:28.200]what sort of holidays that you're celebrating,
- [00:16:30.030]if you're celebrating a holiday out there,
- [00:16:31.410]around this time of the year, it's a stressful time.
- [00:16:33.300]We do have some research that shows there are
- [00:16:35.040]increased reports of alcohol use this time of the year.
- [00:16:37.507]So, the US National Institute on Alcohol Abuse
- [00:16:40.560]and Alcoholism report that 40% of traffic related deaths
- [00:16:44.160]during Christmas and New Year's
- [00:16:45.600]involves drunken drivers, which is a 12% increase
- [00:16:48.390]from the rest of the month of December.
- [00:16:50.160]We also know some people are more at risk
- [00:16:52.230]for being negatively impacted by the stress,
- [00:16:54.224]such as those of us that might
- [00:16:56.100]be living with depression or anxiety.
- [00:16:58.080]Also, during the holiday season,
- [00:16:59.610]families indicate increased behaviors
- [00:17:01.620]in challenging behaviors with their children.
- [00:17:04.530]So, another thing to keep an eye out for,
- [00:17:06.411]if children are behaving as though
- [00:17:09.114]they seem like a a totally different child
- [00:17:11.640]than they are the rest of the year,
- [00:17:12.810]you might have one of those little children on your hands,
- [00:17:14.820]but just think about all the things
- [00:17:16.410]that are different from their typical day
- [00:17:18.112]during those days, holidays, so keep that in mind.
- [00:17:22.080]I think Lynn's gonna talk more about that here, as well.
- [00:17:24.810]And then, finally, I just wanna share
- [00:17:26.340]that there is an increase in reports
- [00:17:28.140]of calling the suicide hotline.
- [00:17:29.750]So the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is a United States-based
- [00:17:33.780]suicide prevention network of over 200 plus crisis centers
- [00:17:37.543]that provide 24/7 service
- [00:17:40.320]via toll-free hotline with the number 988,
- [00:17:43.710]so it is available to anyone
- [00:17:44.972]in a suicide crisis or emotional distress.
- [00:17:47.670]Yeah, thanks for sharing those statistics, Jaci.
- [00:17:49.620]I think it's really helpful in painting the picture
- [00:17:52.170]of holiday stress and what's going on with people.
- [00:17:54.450]Just a reminder to take care of yourself
- [00:17:56.178]during the holidays, and watch that stress,
- [00:17:58.770]and watch what's going on in your body,
- [00:18:00.180]and we're gonna talk about different ways
- [00:18:01.830]to support ourselves during the holidays.
- [00:18:03.960]But, before we get to that, let's go back to the kiddos
- [00:18:06.330]and talk about what they might be experiencing
- [00:18:08.880]during the holidays, what kind of stressors they have.
- [00:18:11.808]Jaci mentioned we might see
- [00:18:13.770]more challenging behaviors during the holidays.
- [00:18:15.774]Lynn, do you wanna kind of give us some insight
- [00:18:17.856]into why that might be, why we might
- [00:18:20.100]see more challenging behaviors during the holidays?
- [00:18:22.350]Thank you, Emily.
- [00:18:23.183]So I think, you know, as we think about young children,
- [00:18:26.340]they too go through eustress and distress, just like us,
- [00:18:30.814]and Jaci mentioned just anything that's disruptive
- [00:18:34.410]as far as their normal routine,
- [00:18:36.419]may come out in what we might
- [00:18:38.834]consider a behavior, a challenging behavior,
- [00:18:41.593]but really, most of the time,
- [00:18:43.680]there's a message behind that behavior,
- [00:18:45.320]and so I just challenge all of us adult caregivers
- [00:18:49.093]to lean into that, have a little compassion,
- [00:18:51.842]look for that message behind the behavior.
- [00:18:54.510]Is it something- it could be as simple as, you know,
- [00:18:57.450]we're out shopping and "Oh my goodness,
- [00:18:59.250]it's already 2:00 PM and we haven't had lunch.
- [00:19:02.160]My child's probably hungry."
- [00:19:04.020]or "We've missed nap time,
- [00:19:05.374]their regularly scheduled time that they would take a nap.
- [00:19:08.559]Have they been, you know, getting enough sleep?"
- [00:19:11.100]Those kinds of things.
- [00:19:12.270]And so yeah, I think a lot of our routine
- [00:19:15.420]has to do with the upsetting a child's normalcy
- [00:19:18.990]or what's normal for them,
- [00:19:20.580]and so there's probably a lot of things
- [00:19:22.710]we can do to prepare children for the holidays,
- [00:19:25.241]talking about what's gonna happen as far
- [00:19:28.290]as are we gonna be traveling, what it's gonna look like,
- [00:19:31.080]some things we can do in the car,
- [00:19:32.430]having maybe a bag of activities
- [00:19:35.183]for kids to occupy their time while they're waiting,
- [00:19:39.060]because children aren't really supposed to have to wait,
- [00:19:41.610]they're not good waiters, so we can
- [00:19:43.223]have something to busy their time,
- [00:19:45.210]something educational, something fun,
- [00:19:46.811]that maybe we can all even do as a family together.
- [00:19:49.817]But, to prepare ahead of time for those what ifs,
- [00:19:53.100]you know, my schedule's gonna change,
- [00:19:54.918]but talking to the children about
- [00:19:56.730]who they're gonna see when we go and visit,
- [00:19:59.040]who's gonna be there, where they're gonna sit for the meal.
- [00:20:02.460]It's not gonna be at our table,
- [00:20:03.630]so it's gonna be a little different.
- [00:20:05.295]Maybe you go and you sit on the couch,
- [00:20:07.350]and we don't normally sit on the couch at our house,
- [00:20:09.270]but we will at this house,
- [00:20:10.560]because, you know, there's just gonna be
- [00:20:12.060]too many people around to put around a table, for instance.
- [00:20:15.210]But, as much as information
- [00:20:16.440]that you can give children ahead of time,
- [00:20:17.995]talk about who's gonna be there, what it's gonna look like,
- [00:20:21.090]and trying to keep that normal routine going, yeah for them.
- [00:20:26.460]So almost like a run through or a practice for them.
- [00:20:29.190]Yeah. Give them as many things to
- [00:20:30.840]practice at home beforehand. Absolutely.
- [00:20:32.880]So that they have an idea of what to expect
- [00:20:34.776]before going into that new environment.
- [00:20:37.440]Anything else that we can do to support children?
- [00:20:39.750]I know Lynn did such a good job,
- [00:20:41.340]but just wanted to give you an opportunity
- [00:20:43.290]to add on to that Lynn, Ingrid or Jaci, any thoughts?
- [00:20:46.749]I guess I was just kind of thinking about how
- [00:20:49.890]their home may have been overtaken by friends and family.
- [00:20:52.830]They might not be sleeping
- [00:20:53.940]in their bed like they normally do.
- [00:20:55.698]So, just to give a little grace,
- [00:20:58.050]like these are little people that
- [00:20:59.580]we've totally turned their world upside down
- [00:21:01.500]with lots of joy, noise, and presents of all kinds,
- [00:21:04.920]presence of people and presents of toys and things,
- [00:21:07.560]so just a little bit of grace,
- [00:21:09.480]and a little bit of preparation, I think, will go a long way
- [00:21:12.270]when we start to meet children's needs
- [00:21:13.978]around the the joy of the holiday season.
- [00:21:17.490]Thanks for that, Jaci.
- [00:21:18.600]Now let's go ahead and talk about how we can support
- [00:21:20.670]and care for ourselves during the holidays,
- [00:21:22.830]and I think Ingrid wanted to speak on this.
- [00:21:24.750]Go ahead, Ingrid.
- [00:21:25.620]So I will be sharing about a resource called HOPE.
- [00:21:28.590]It comes from the work of Julie Nicholson,
- [00:21:31.198]and HOPE stands for Have present moment awareness,
- [00:21:35.303]Observe sources of strength and resilience,
- [00:21:38.104]Plan for social support,
- [00:21:39.808]Engage in restorative actions.
- [00:21:42.519]So, we're gonna go a little bit
- [00:21:44.400]in detail to each one of these.
- [00:21:46.650]So, the first one is have present moment awareness.
- [00:21:49.518]When we're being mindful, being present
- [00:21:52.470]to what's happening within us and around us,
- [00:21:55.470]with less judgment, we can more fully
- [00:21:57.990]experience the present moment.
- [00:22:00.510]So, it's all about reducing the amount of time
- [00:22:03.510]that we spend thinking about the past,
- [00:22:05.880]or worrying about the future,
- [00:22:07.800]but really concentrating on the today,
- [00:22:10.455]that specific moment you're in.
- [00:22:13.140]So, some things that you can incorporate
- [00:22:15.120]for mindful practices can be just breathing.
- [00:22:18.330]When you feel that stress, just taking a deep breath
- [00:22:21.959]and trying to come back and just be very present
- [00:22:25.495]in what you're doing at that moment.
- [00:22:28.124]The next one we're gonna talk about
- [00:22:30.000]is observe strengths when stressed.
- [00:22:32.040]So, think about what are some of your personal strengths,
- [00:22:35.520]and when you feel stressed, how do those strengths help you?
- [00:22:39.930]And also, have the strength to say "Yes," and to say "No."
- [00:22:44.680]So, during the holidays especially,
- [00:22:47.220]there's a lot of events, parties,
- [00:22:50.122]and sometimes we wanna say yes to everything,
- [00:22:53.759]and then we find ourselves stressed,
- [00:22:56.460]or maybe we overbooked ourselves during the holidays,
- [00:22:59.880]so really to be mindful of those situations.
- [00:23:03.630]Can I really help that person?
- [00:23:06.060]Do I wanna help that person?
- [00:23:07.860]Do I really wanna go to this party?
- [00:23:12.000]Can I go to that party?
- [00:23:13.590]So, just kind of think about those different scenarios,
- [00:23:17.010]and just be more intentional behind the decisions.
- [00:23:20.730]So I love my Grandma Manning, she has passed on,
- [00:23:24.420]but I cannot imagine if she was still alive,
- [00:23:26.940]telling my Grandma Manning, "No."
- [00:23:29.259]Anybody have tips for how to say no to family members?
- [00:23:32.820]She was lovely and I- you know, I just wouldn't
- [00:23:35.700]wanna disappoint her, and I'm thinking
- [00:23:37.320]of her because she's so special to me,
- [00:23:39.090]and I just could not ever imagine letting her down.
- [00:23:42.990]Any tips for being able to have
- [00:23:44.820]those difficult conversations with families from anyone?
- [00:23:49.354]I guess when you say having to tell someone "No,"
- [00:23:53.040]do you want to tell them "No?"
- [00:23:54.630]Oh, okay, yeah, good point. So you said you didn't
- [00:23:56.252]wanna disappoint her, maybe you really,
- [00:23:58.110]truly in your heart don't want to say, "No,"
- [00:24:00.420]you know, so having that reflective conversation
- [00:24:02.550]within yourself, but you know, it is okay,
- [00:24:05.790]like Ingrid said, to say "No," you can do it kindly.
- [00:24:08.490]This isn't gonna fit for us right now, but could we do it,
- [00:24:11.940]you know, offering another alternative
- [00:24:13.860]in its place is usually my go-to,
- [00:24:16.500]not now, but you know, not when but then,
- [00:24:19.560]or those kinds of things,
- [00:24:20.580]but if you could offer an alternative suggestion.
- [00:24:23.856]Yeah, that's great, Lynn.
- [00:24:24.770]It just made me think with young children,
- [00:24:27.000]we like to give children choices,
- [00:24:28.830]so two things that we're okay with,
- [00:24:30.510]so maybe it's okay to say "No,"
- [00:24:32.430]but then you can provide two alternative choices
- [00:24:34.260]that you are okay with that maybe would meet
- [00:24:36.210]the need of what your family member is hoping for.
- [00:24:39.390]Those are good strategies,
- [00:24:40.320]and I also appreciate, Lynn,
- [00:24:41.501]pointing out that like I didn't wanna disappoint her,
- [00:24:44.529]and so reflecting on ourselves and saying,
- [00:24:47.617]"Okay, maybe I actually do need to say yes
- [00:24:49.440]because I want to spend time with her,
- [00:24:51.000]and I don't wanna disappoint her," yeah.
- [00:24:52.800]And I think I interrupted Ingrid,
- [00:24:54.960]and she was telling us about the lovely HOPE method,
- [00:24:57.330]and I think we were on O, is that correct?
- [00:24:59.332]We're on P. We're on P, okay,
- [00:25:01.380]let's keep going. (laughs) Yeah, we're actually
- [00:25:03.762]on letter P, which stands for plan for social support.
- [00:25:07.980]So during these times, during the holidays,
- [00:25:10.728]think about who makes you feel connected,
- [00:25:14.910]who makes you feel like you belong?
- [00:25:17.190]And it could be family, it could be friends,
- [00:25:20.411]it could be a group that you belong to,
- [00:25:24.062]it could even be animals, right?
- [00:25:26.940]Our pets, somebody else's pet,
- [00:25:29.123]and just think about what communities
- [00:25:31.477]do you have outside of work?
- [00:25:34.020]And also thinking of like other ways to connect,
- [00:25:36.780]now that we have Zoom, right,
- [00:25:38.670]sometimes there are family members that might just live far,
- [00:25:42.145]for example, you know, my mom lives out of the country,
- [00:25:45.934]and so if we can, we try
- [00:25:47.573]to connect during the holidays in person,
- [00:25:50.445]but if not, we always have phone calls,
- [00:25:53.610]we have Zoom or FaceTime,
- [00:25:56.635]and so really that technology has really
- [00:25:59.602]come in handy during these times.
- [00:26:02.190]If somebody's far from home and can't make it,
- [00:26:04.698]you can find another solution to be able to have
- [00:26:07.930]some quality time with that person.
- [00:26:11.761]So, kind of just thinking about all those connections
- [00:26:14.790]that we have during the holidays,
- [00:26:16.440]and who are those people that you like
- [00:26:18.840]to surround yourself with during these times?
- [00:26:21.284]The last one we have is engage in restorative actions.
- [00:26:26.040]So, what are some things that we can do for ourselves?
- [00:26:30.450]So, for example, we could reflect,
- [00:26:34.410]we can have quiet time, we can have journaling,
- [00:26:38.450]we could practice gratitude,
- [00:26:40.510]and it really is a good time to have quiet time, right?
- [00:26:44.970]The holidays can be pretty busy, lots going on,
- [00:26:48.690]and so just finding that time to be with yourself,
- [00:26:51.230]and then tuning outward, so just more lighthearted things.
- [00:26:56.400]So just laughing, going outside, connecting with nature.
- [00:27:00.360]If, you know, you might have a snow day, or it might
- [00:27:03.150]be actually one of those warmer days during the winter,
- [00:27:06.988]getting enough sleep, and just fueling
- [00:27:10.170]your body with healthy foods,
- [00:27:12.870]so it's kind of just thinking of those actions
- [00:27:15.030]that you can take to reduce the stress during these times,
- [00:27:18.600]and also help you feel more calm,
- [00:27:21.388]but it can also help your children feel more calm.
- [00:27:25.290]Great, thanks for sharing those tips, Ingrid,
- [00:27:27.450]and we're just about out of time 'cause we have
- [00:27:29.490]to run to our next conference session. (laughs)
- [00:27:31.940]So, I have one last question for my lovely panelists today,
- [00:27:36.210]and it is, what is your favorite
- [00:27:38.610]self-care method during the holiday?
- [00:27:42.240]Oh my gosh, I feel so lucky to get to go first. (laughs)
- [00:27:45.900]I love romance Christmas movies.
- [00:27:48.780]So like- Me too!
- [00:27:49.865]Hallmark movies, me and my girls snuggle up to those.
- [00:27:53.910]Favorite movie, let's go.
- [00:27:55.297]Oh my God, there's so many, I can't even pick one.
- [00:27:57.720]I just watched "A Bride for Christmas" like two days ago,
- [00:27:59.850]and it is November, so there's that.
- [00:28:02.030](group laughs)
- [00:28:03.630]That's a really good one, Jaci,
- [00:28:04.680]and I was thinking Hallmark channel the minute,
- [00:28:07.290]and then you said- but my favorite Hallmark movie,
- [00:28:09.930]it's called "The Christmas Card."
- [00:28:11.850]You know, there's always a couple that they get together,
- [00:28:14.934]but it starts with a young woman writing
- [00:28:17.940]just Christmas cards to unknown soldiers out,
- [00:28:20.730]and one soldier tracks her down.
- [00:28:22.775]And so, I recommend that one,
- [00:28:24.840]that one's always a good one for me,
- [00:28:26.520]but other than that, self-care might involve,
- [00:28:29.345]I listen to Christmas music.
- [00:28:31.213]I'm probably gonna be listening to it
- [00:28:33.330]on the way home from the conference,
- [00:28:35.563]and I'm the only one in my household
- [00:28:37.470]that enjoys Christmas music that much.
- [00:28:39.660]I got it from my mom.
- [00:28:41.070]And so my car time, my vehicle time
- [00:28:43.380]is my Christmas carol time, and I'll sing it,
- [00:28:46.650]I know all the words, just test me.
- [00:28:49.170]I know all of them. (group laughs)
- [00:28:51.420]Lynn, I have also started listening
- [00:28:53.310]to Christmas music, so you are not alone there.
- [00:28:56.190]Ingrid, what's your favorite way to practice self-care?
- [00:28:58.980]I would agree, too.
- [00:29:00.120]I love Hallmark movies and so I would
- [00:29:02.790]just add that watching that movie
- [00:29:04.817]with a cozy blanket and a hot chocolate,
- [00:29:08.063]and then I also really enjoy shopping for Christmas decor,
- [00:29:12.480]and just decorating the house,
- [00:29:14.940]and just really making it feel like it's Christmas.
- [00:29:18.251]I love decorating for the holidays.
- [00:29:20.970]I keep adding every single year,
- [00:29:23.190]and my husband is getting to his limits of his patience,
- [00:29:27.120]but we have two trees right now,
- [00:29:28.980]and I could easily see us adding a third, yep.
- [00:29:31.380]Lynn's saying she has three too.
- [00:29:33.108]So yeah, listening to Christmas music,
- [00:29:35.760]and putting up the tree, and enjoying the decor
- [00:29:39.030]is my favorite way to enjoy the holidays.
- [00:29:40.980]And we wish you a happy holiday season
- [00:29:43.209]as well from the early childhood team,
- [00:29:45.450]and we've got a whole bunch of episodes planned
- [00:29:48.120]to help you get you through the holiday season
- [00:29:50.270]in a happy, healthy way.
- [00:29:51.720]So, if you enjoyed this episode,
- [00:29:54.360]please watch for our next couple
- [00:29:56.190]of episodes coming out next month.
- [00:29:58.350]We'll have more information and tips for you then.
- [00:30:00.780]And if you have any questions that you would
- [00:30:02.340]like us to answer on the podcast,
- [00:30:03.780]please email our team email at earlychildhood@unl.edu.
- [00:30:09.210]Once again, email us at earlychildhood@unl.edu
- [00:30:13.170]with your questions.
- [00:30:14.340]But, before we completely end the episode,
- [00:30:16.620]I would like to thank our lovely panelists,
- [00:30:18.540]Jaci, Lynn, and Ingrid for joining me today,
- [00:30:20.880]and sharing their information and tips
- [00:30:22.830]about eustress and distress during the holidays.
- [00:30:26.190]Ladies, it is always a pleasure speaking with you.
- [00:30:29.760]Thank you very much.
- [00:30:31.080]Thanks for having me, and happy holidays everyone.
- [00:30:33.270]Thanks Emily for having us, it was great to be here,
- [00:30:35.923]and happy holidays to everyone.
- [00:30:38.370]Thanks Emily, it was so much fun.
- [00:30:40.140]Happy holidays.
- [00:30:42.120]Some of you may be traveling during the holidays,
- [00:30:45.090]so next up we are gonna be sharing,
- [00:30:47.589]well actually a youngster will be sharing
- [00:30:50.910]some advice on how to pack for a trip.
- [00:30:54.928]Well, I would think that we would drive our car,
- [00:30:59.850]and drive to the airport.
- [00:31:03.720]What should I pack for my baby?
- [00:31:05.430]Hmm, toys and other things that it likes
- [00:31:08.940]to play with, or things that it needs.
- [00:31:11.580]Or maybe it would fall, so you might need
- [00:31:14.100]to bring some bandages or ice packs.
- [00:31:18.500]So, yeah, hmm I guess you could bring a necklace for it.
- [00:31:23.640]Oh, a necklace.
- [00:31:24.473]Why is that? I dunno, actually.
- [00:31:28.950]Well folks, you heard it here first.
- [00:31:31.239]Make sure to pack your best necklaces for your next trip.
- [00:31:34.975]And with that, this has been an episode
- [00:31:37.710]of "The Good Life in Early Life,"
- [00:31:40.110]a Nebraska Extension Early Childhood Production
- [00:31:42.750]with your host Emily Manning.
- [00:31:44.340]For more information on early childhood,
- [00:31:46.290]check out our website at child.unl.edu.
- [00:31:50.010]If you like the show, subscribe
- [00:31:51.600]and tell your friends to listen.
- [00:31:53.100]The show production team is Emily Manning,
- [00:31:55.380]Dr. Holly Hatton, Ingrid Lindal,
- [00:31:57.390]Erin Kampbell, Linda Reddish, Kim Wellsand,
- [00:32:01.200]Katie Krause, and LaDonna Werth.
- [00:32:03.030]See you next time, and thanks for listening.
- [00:32:06.220](funky music)
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