Ambiguous Loss and Agriculture - Family Farm Full Clip with Extension Educator Kerry Elsen - full interview

Linda Reddish Author

09/29/2023 Added

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Kerry, full interview for Ambiguous Loss project

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[00:00:00.519](bright music)
[00:00:07.080]Hi, I am John Fech with Nebraska Extension,
[00:00:09.720]and welcome to this video on ambiguous loss.
[00:00:13.110]Joining me in the studio is Kerry Elsen,
[00:00:15.510]Extension Educator for youth.
[00:00:17.760]Now, Kerry, when a farm family experiences ambiguous loss,
[00:00:22.290]how does that affect them?
[00:00:24.180]John, I think one of the places that we see ambiguous loss
[00:00:27.570]is through farm succession. Okay.
[00:00:29.700]We know that families are always grateful
[00:00:31.470]to have a generation to pass the family farm down to,
[00:00:34.950]but oftentimes, it can bring some different philosophies
[00:00:37.770]when that management changes.
[00:00:39.690]Frequently,
[00:00:40.523]both sides of that farm transition can have ideas
[00:00:43.080]of what they'd really like that operation to look like
[00:00:45.270]in the future.
[00:00:46.500]For the generation that's passing that farm down,
[00:00:48.840]it can come with some unwelcome changes
[00:00:50.730]that they believe to be unnecessary.
[00:00:52.980]At the same time, the new management has a lot of excitement
[00:00:56.100]for what they think the future might hold
[00:00:57.660]for that same business.
[00:00:59.610]Ambiguous loss can also be felt
[00:01:01.560]when one family member returns home
[00:01:03.390]to take over the family farm
[00:01:04.860]and has siblings that are working off-farm.
[00:01:08.070]A lot of times, we think that those divisions
[00:01:09.990]of farm assets are not always fair
[00:01:12.510]based on the amount of sweat equity
[00:01:14.430]that the person that's working on the farm
[00:01:15.990]has put into that specific location.
[00:01:19.110]And it's different for those
[00:01:20.130]who have careers in other places.
[00:01:22.410]Farming and ranching also comes with times
[00:01:25.140]where the days and the nights become really long
[00:01:27.300]for the amount of time that's taken
[00:01:28.740]to be put into that operation,
[00:01:30.690]and is a place where we see ambiguous loss as well.
[00:01:33.690]Some examples are always during harvest times,
[00:01:36.600]planting, calving seasons.
[00:01:38.640]These require many long hours,
[00:01:40.320]and oftentimes, involve all of our family members.
[00:01:43.860]You know, as you were describing that,
[00:01:45.900]it brings to mind a good friend of mine
[00:01:48.390]who is in this situation, just as you described.
[00:01:50.970]Now, is it common for each of the family members
[00:01:53.910]to feel those sort of emotions differently?
[00:01:57.810]John, I believe that it is.
[00:01:59.790]Oftentimes, we can see different types of animosities
[00:02:02.400]between both sides of that transition.
[00:02:05.340]Sometimes it's sadness.
[00:02:06.540]Might even be anger between those different groups.
[00:02:09.210]Can be really difficult for a person
[00:02:11.100]transitioning their farm to another generation
[00:02:13.140]to be able to gently guide and offer some advice,
[00:02:16.470]while at the same time, not being intrusive
[00:02:18.480]into what that new farming plan might look like.
[00:02:21.420]When we pair that with the excitement
[00:02:23.040]that comes from the the new management of that farm,
[00:02:26.190]it can also be seen as in a comparison
[00:02:28.920]to what the previous owner might feel,
[00:02:31.050]and that creates a sense of loss.
[00:02:33.870]That can even come
[00:02:34.830]with just some simple changes in traditions.
[00:02:38.670]Another example is also
[00:02:39.900]in the same different harvest season,
[00:02:42.150]where it's calving and harvest and planting seasons.
[00:02:45.120]These can be really exciting times for family members,
[00:02:47.580]but at the same time,
[00:02:48.570]some families can also feel a big void during this time.
[00:02:51.840]Farmers and ranchers can be physically present
[00:02:54.390]and psychologically absent during that time
[00:02:57.030]due to the amount of time they've invested
[00:02:59.190]to make sure that those events get taken care of.
[00:03:02.220]With that time investment,
[00:03:03.480]it can be really difficult to get to other life events,
[00:03:06.420]such as movie nights, meals,
[00:03:08.580]backyard baseball games, school functions even.
[00:03:11.820]So the sacrifice of those events versus the loyalty
[00:03:14.610]to the farm can be really difficult
[00:03:16.380]for young children to understand.
[00:03:18.150]And it can even take a big toll on the farmers and ranchers
[00:03:20.400]that are giving up those events as well.
[00:03:23.479]You know, you mentioned all those examples,
[00:03:25.200]and I think those are very pertinent,
[00:03:27.060]but what about outward signs?
[00:03:29.730]You know, a lot of what you mentioned was internal,
[00:03:31.770]or within the family.
[00:03:33.120]What about how it looks outside the family?
[00:03:36.750]Ambiguous loss can be really difficult to identify.
[00:03:40.230]And that also makes it, I think, difficult to move past,
[00:03:42.840]because there isn't an opportunity for closure.
[00:03:45.390]The lack of closure can oftentimes lead to anger,
[00:03:48.090]frustration, and even depression.
[00:03:52.020]Alright, so lots of good information there, Kerry.
[00:03:54.900]Thank you. When you see those signs, what should you do?
[00:03:58.440]What would be a good step forward?
[00:04:00.390]I think a great first step
[00:04:01.440]is to offer the opportunity to listen with somebody.
[00:04:04.500]Just being able to verbalize how we're feeling
[00:04:07.140]really helps us to cope with different types of situations.
[00:04:10.110]So utilize your support system,
[00:04:11.790]your family, your friends, faith communities.
[00:04:15.060]Definitely, ambiguous loss can be overcome,
[00:04:17.580]but it takes some time and a lot of effort
[00:04:19.620]to be able to do so.
[00:04:21.090]Communication is key.
[00:04:23.040]So whenever we see somebody who maybe seems
[00:04:25.590]to become immobilized or stuck in a certain situation,
[00:04:28.770]it might actually be time to reach out
[00:04:30.420]to some mental health professionals
[00:04:32.010]to be able to move past that point.
[00:04:34.710]Over time, if we keep up with the communication,
[00:04:36.900]we're able to, and the work with our support systems,
[00:04:40.170]that helps us to really build a strong sense of resiliency
[00:04:43.140]and be able to add some additional hope.
[00:04:45.810]Alright, Kerry, lots of good information there,
[00:04:48.330]and thanks for joining me.
[00:04:50.670]Thank you for watching this video.
[00:04:52.500]And for help with other parts of ambiguous loss,
[00:04:55.530]click on the other videos found on this webpage.
[00:04:58.546](bright music)

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Ambiguous Loss and Agriculture - Family Farm Full Clip with Extension Educator Kerry Elsen - full interview

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