How to Help Your Child Stop Hitting and Pushing

LaDonna Werth and Lisa Poppe, Extension Educators - Early Childhood Author

05/19/2022 Added

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Many children do not know a different way to handle difficult emotions. New behaviors' need to be taught and modeled by their parents and caregivers.

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[00:00:01.839]Fit and Healthy Kids -
[00:00:03.409]An Early Childhood Podcast (with music).
[00:00:05.899](LaDonna Werth) Hello from Nebraska Extension.
[00:00:08.309]This is LaDonna Werth and Lisa Poppe
[00:00:10.979]Extension Educators in the field of
[00:00:13.129]Early Childhood.
[00:00:15.480]We bring the research from the
[00:00:17.244]University of Nebraska-Lincoln to YOU!
[00:00:20.689]Like many parents and caregivers,
[00:00:23.229]you may have found yourself in a situation
[00:00:25.639]where, despite your best efforts,
[00:00:27.795]your child continues to hit and push
[00:00:30.109]you or other children.
[00:00:31.979]Lisa how do you ever begin
[00:00:33.888]to address this issue?
[00:00:35.368](Lisa Poppe) Well, to address this
[00:00:37.137]behavior, it is important
[00:00:38.676]to understand that your child
[00:00:40.187]has his own opinions and
[00:00:41.763]probably wants to do more things for
[00:00:43.703]himself, yet he may not have the language
[00:00:45.913]skills or the impulse control to make
[00:00:47.728]those things happen.
[00:00:49.028]This experience can be frustrating for him
[00:00:51.513]and his first reaction might be
[00:00:54.630]to hit or push.
[00:00:56.362]Young children often express
[00:00:58.149]difficult emotions such as
[00:00:59.668]frustration, anger or embarrassment
[00:01:02.568]by acting out physically.
[00:01:04.317]Many children do not know a different way
[00:01:06.399]to handle difficult emotions.
[00:01:08.082](LaDonna Werth) Parents often express
[00:01:10.387]to me they are embarrassed by
[00:01:12.414]their child hitting others.
[00:01:13.962](Lisa Poppe) Yes, it is very common for
[00:01:15.829]parents to feel embarrassed
[00:01:17.201]by this behavior
[00:01:18.403]and frustrated when it continues.
[00:01:20.587]When parents spank, laugh or ignore
[00:01:22.986]the hitting and pushing,
[00:01:24.624]they are actually telling their child that
[00:01:26.791]it is acceptable to hit and push.
[00:01:28.975]New behaviors that the child can use
[00:01:31.263]instead of hitting need to be taught and
[00:01:33.981]modeled by parents and their caregivers.
[00:01:36.578]With patience and time,
[00:01:38.168]you can teach your child appropriate
[00:01:40.408]ways to handle disappointment and
[00:01:42.128]frustration that will allow him to feel
[00:01:44.338]confident and successful when
[00:01:46.505]playing with friends and siblings.
[00:01:48.795](LaDonna Werth) What are some ways parents
[00:01:51.189]can help their children at home.
[00:01:52.723](Lisa Poppe) One way is books….
[00:01:54.325]Read the book Hands Are Not for Hitting
[00:01:56.396]by Martine Agassi.
[00:01:57.737]This story helps children understand
[00:01:59.533]why they feel like hitting and
[00:02:01.761]teaches things they can do instead.
[00:02:03.789]This book helps the child understand how
[00:02:05.934]to use her hands in an appropriate way.
[00:02:09.410]Teach your child about her emotions.
[00:02:11.986]Notice and label a variety of feelings.
[00:02:14.963]“I see that you are getting angry.
[00:02:17.112]Your hands are in fists and
[00:02:18.792]your face is scrunched up!
[00:02:20.472]You can tell me that you are mad,
[00:02:22.446]but you can’t hit me.
[00:02:24.812]You can also trace your child’s hands
[00:02:27.057]on a piece of paper
[00:02:28.524]and place them on the wall.
[00:02:30.272]Teach her to push on the paper on the wall
[00:02:32.909]when she is frustrated or disappointed.
[00:02:35.407]With enthusiasm, tell her,
[00:02:37.110]“You are getting out that frustration
[00:02:39.112]in your body!
[00:02:40.024]What a great way to deal
[00:02:41.476]with your feelings!”
[00:02:42.798]Tell your child what she can do!
[00:02:44.720]You can say to her,
[00:02:46.223]“When you are frustrated,
[00:02:47.959]you can scream into a pillow,
[00:02:49.833]push on the wall or say “help please.”
[00:02:53.547]Children learn safe and healthy ways to
[00:02:55.903]express their emotions through stories too,
[00:02:58.652]like using puppets or role playing.
[00:03:01.080]At school or at childcare,
[00:03:02.725]their teachers also post class rules
[00:03:04.648]showing children that we keep
[00:03:07.425]our friends, selves, and toys safe.
[00:03:10.021]If a child hits or pushes another child
[00:03:12.311]at school or childcare, teachers
[00:03:14.492]first give attention to the child who is injured
[00:03:17.277]and have the other child help her feel better.
[00:03:20.092]This could include maybe getting an ice pack,
[00:03:22.972]offering her a hug or
[00:03:24.437]bringing her a stuffed animal to hold.
[00:03:26.682]Once the injured child has been helped
[00:03:29.007]and everyone is calm,
[00:03:30.565]teachers talk to the child who hit,
[00:03:32.974]and together,
[00:03:34.074]they talk about how he was feeling
[00:03:36.334]and think of a different way
[00:03:37.980]he could have handled the situation.
[00:03:40.129](LaDonna Werth) What is the bottom line
[00:03:41.848]with this aggressive behavior.
[00:03:43.727](Lisa Poppe) The bottom line…..
[00:03:45.499]Aggressive behavior,
[00:03:46.792]like hitting or pushing,
[00:03:48.245]happens when a child does not know
[00:03:50.418]how to handle strong emotions.
[00:03:52.452]While parents must tell their child
[00:03:54.575]that hitting and pushing are not ok,
[00:03:56.649]it is also important for parents to teach
[00:03:59.217]a new behavior that he can use instead
[00:04:01.611]when he feels angry, frustrated or embarrassed.
[00:04:04.945]Parents can help children learn new,
[00:04:06.788]positive ways to solve problems
[00:04:09.419]or express their feelings before
[00:04:11.690]aggressive behavior is likely to occur.
[00:04:14.501](LaDonna Werth)This has been great advice.
[00:04:16.999]Hitting can be a common problem
[00:04:18.551]with young children.
[00:04:19.913]By using these strategies
[00:04:21.664]we have heard today
[00:04:22.995]along with practice and encouragement,
[00:04:25.896]children can feel confident managing
[00:04:28.126]their body and emotions.
[00:04:30.083]This has been LaDonna and Lisa
[00:04:32.277]with the University of Nebraska-Lincoln
[00:04:34.458]Until next time,
[00:04:35.568]enjoy your family time together!
[00:04:38.323]Fit and Health Kids is a co-production
[00:04:40.528]of Nebraska Extension, Georgia Extension,
[00:04:43.080]Kansas State Extension, South Dakota State
[00:04:45.702]Extension and the Iowa Childcare
[00:04:47.773]Resource and Referral (with music).

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How to Help Your Child Stop Hitting and Pushing

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