Husker Dialogues: Aspen Schoenrock

Curt Bright Author

08/17/2021 Added

13 Plays

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Aspen tells her Husker story.

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[00:00:00.573](upbeat music)
[00:00:14.230]My name is Aspen Schoenrock,
[00:00:15.760]and I came to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln,
[00:00:18.700]I was not in a good place.
[00:00:20.710]I am from a small town in Kansas,
[00:00:22.690]about four hours from here.
[00:00:24.740]I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember.
[00:00:28.000]The first time I remember actually it affecting my life
[00:00:31.700]was around third grade,
[00:00:33.220]when I made myself sick over my first sleepover,
[00:00:36.120]because I was scared of the unknowns and the what ifs.
[00:00:39.440]From that point on,
[00:00:40.830]I had different panic attacks
[00:00:42.670]over things most people wouldn't even worry about.
[00:00:45.810]I moved twice and my parents never thought it bothered me
[00:00:48.640]because I always made friends so easily.
[00:00:51.610]Looking back now, I think it was more of the fact
[00:00:54.550]that I did not wanna be alone with my thoughts.
[00:00:57.560]My mental health has always been a struggle to handle
[00:01:00.610]and going to a new school, raised my anxiety even higher.
[00:01:05.030]I did everything I could
[00:01:06.250]to make it seem like I had it all together,
[00:01:09.070]but really, most of the time, I was exhausted
[00:01:12.630]and afraid of disappointing those around me.
[00:01:15.550]That scared me since now I was going to a school
[00:01:18.490]four hours away, without my support system.
[00:01:22.050]When I came to UNL, I didn't know what I was going to do.
[00:01:25.350]Eventually I did what I'd always done,
[00:01:28.000]push it down and then cry in the dark by myself
[00:01:30.540]when it got to be too much.
[00:01:32.570]The first semester of college was hard,
[00:01:34.880]within a three week span, my boyfriend was in an accident
[00:01:38.160]and we didn't know if he was going to be able to walk again.
[00:01:41.710]I was in a car accident
[00:01:43.390]and then my great grandpa passed away.
[00:01:46.200]At that point my grades started to slip,
[00:01:48.790]and I felt like I was failing everyone around me.
[00:01:52.230]I'm an engineering major,
[00:01:53.690]so with that came a lot of overexplaining, and others asking
[00:01:57.330]if I was sure I wanted to be an engineer
[00:01:59.400]because the classes were really hard.
[00:02:02.230]Wondering if I pick the right career field
[00:02:04.480]cause my self-worth and mental health to start declining.
[00:02:08.250]There's one introduction class in engineering
[00:02:10.740]that the professor had all the women stand up.
[00:02:13.430]I looked around, and for every woman,
[00:02:15.820]there were at least three to four men.
[00:02:18.500]It's hard being told consistently by your classmates,
[00:02:21.360]that your major is not for women.
[00:02:23.560]Being from a small town, did not make things any easier.
[00:02:27.040]I had this stigma that people kept giving me
[00:02:29.690]that I was not as educated as everyone else.
[00:02:32.940]I had never been in such a big place before for school.
[00:02:36.670]It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore.
[00:02:39.680]I wanted the fear and uncertainty to leave.
[00:02:42.500]By luck, fate or grace,
[00:02:45.080]I saw an ad in the union on one of the screens
[00:02:47.640]about counseling and psychological services, or CAPS.
[00:02:51.860]I knew what people thought about therapy and mental illness,
[00:02:55.160]but I had nothing left to lose.
[00:02:57.620]going to CAPS and meeting with the counselor
[00:03:00.570]is the best decision I ever made.
[00:03:03.270]From our first session,
[00:03:04.480]I knew I wanted to break down the wall
[00:03:06.470]that was surrounding mental illness, and show everyone
[00:03:09.890]that since we are all going through something,
[00:03:12.320]why not do it together?
[00:03:14.330]In our school song, there is a line
[00:03:16.720]that we stick together in all kinds of weather.
[00:03:19.920]Why should that stop at the sports we cheer for
[00:03:22.240]or activities we do?
[00:03:24.270]The organization, Active Minds
[00:03:26.120]is here to break that stigma.
[00:03:28.200]Mental health awareness
[00:03:29.440]is something I am very passionate about,
[00:03:32.090]not only because I'm on medication
[00:03:34.470]and have to balance myself every day,
[00:03:37.410]but because I've lost close friends
[00:03:40.020]to different mental illnesses.
[00:03:42.860]Coming to a new school can be intimidating,
[00:03:45.600]especially if you feel like you're all alone
[00:03:48.260]and no one around you really understands
[00:03:51.150]what's happening in your own mind.
[00:03:54.240]There are resources here to help.
[00:03:56.840]After that first day of therapy,
[00:03:58.770]I made a promise to myself
[00:04:00.580]that I would not go on this journey for anyone but myself,
[00:04:04.650]and to help those around me.
[00:04:06.630]Recently, I got an emotional support animal, named Opal,
[00:04:10.150]that lives on campus with me.
[00:04:12.170]She helps me through my panic attacks
[00:04:14.110]and stresses of school and testing.
[00:04:16.660]I can honestly say I've never been happier in life
[00:04:20.210]than right now.
[00:04:21.700]I finally feel like I'm making a difference,
[00:04:23.970]not only in my own life, but in the life of others.
[00:04:27.180]The most important thing I've learned
[00:04:29.070]while attending UNL so far
[00:04:31.480]is that there are so many people here to help
[00:04:34.160]and people really do care.
[00:04:36.810]I don't know who I would have become
[00:04:38.910]if I would have gone anywhere else
[00:04:41.000]or just decided to push it all down
[00:04:43.160]and fall deeper down that hole.
[00:04:45.370]Help is out there, and it's hard to ask,
[00:04:48.300]but Active Minds is here.
[00:04:50.800]I am able and willing to go with anyone to CAPS
[00:04:54.080]and help them.
[00:04:55.480]That's why this club and doing this talk
[00:04:58.020]is so important to me.
[00:05:00.250]If I can make a difference in one life or even save one,
[00:05:04.920]then I want to do everything I can.
[00:05:07.800]This life is a beautiful thing
[00:05:09.620]and I'm so proud to be a Husker
[00:05:12.120]and make a difference on my campus.
[00:05:14.973](upbeat music)

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Husker Dialogues: Aspen Schoenrock

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