Parenting is Hard! Uncover the Fog in Life to Discover the Real You Again

Wendy Anderson Author

04/06/2021 Added

4 Plays

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[00:00:02.350]12 years ago, my husband Bob was studying
[00:00:04.530]in school to be a pharmacist.
[00:00:06.860]I was teaching classes in my Pilates studio
[00:00:09.540]still feeling a little self-conscious
[00:00:11.420]about the extra baby weight I had gained.
[00:00:13.950]My son Dexter was just born six months ago.
[00:00:17.870]One day in the middle of class
[00:00:19.680]I got a call from my mother-in-law,
[00:00:21.470]who was babysitting, she said, come home now
[00:00:24.930]something's wrong, that was the longest
[00:00:28.510]30 minutes commute of my life.
[00:00:31.420]I immediately called our pediatrician
[00:00:33.450]and she was able to see us right away
[00:00:36.470]while we were in her office.
[00:00:38.070]We were at a little bit of a crossroads.
[00:00:39.910]Do we schedule an office visit
[00:00:41.610]with a neurologist in the coming weeks or even months?
[00:00:45.067]Or do we just admit him to the hospital
[00:00:47.220]and find out what's going on right now?
[00:00:49.840]We decided to figure out what's going on right now.
[00:00:53.040]So later at the hospital, it was like an episode
[00:00:55.780]of "Grey's Anatomy," doctors,
[00:00:57.390]and nurses, residents specialists in and out.
[00:01:00.820]So many machines, all of them beeping tons
[00:01:03.810]of tests on my baby and yet no one
[00:01:06.560]could tell us what's going on.
[00:01:09.260]Finally on Sunday morning,
[00:01:10.790]Bob and I are standing over dexterous crib
[00:01:13.500]and Doctor Path Cavic walks in.
[00:01:15.820]I have some good news and some not so good news exhausted.
[00:01:19.900]Exhausted, I said, give me the good news first.
[00:01:23.340]The good news he says is we know exactly
[00:01:25.550]what's wrong with your child.
[00:01:27.518]The not so good news is that he has a condition
[00:01:30.070]called tuberous sclerosis.
[00:01:32.130]It's a very rare genetic disorder.
[00:01:33.940]He's got non-cancerous tumors in his brain
[00:01:36.440]and his heart and he's having debilitating infantile spasms.
[00:01:40.980]We have no idea what his life will look like.
[00:01:43.830]I'll be back later as he walks out the door he adds,
[00:01:47.197]"Don't Google anything."
[00:01:49.630]Well, you know, my husband and I
[00:01:50.840]started Googling like crazy
[00:01:52.550]before the door shuts behind him.
[00:01:55.350]After a frenzied search,
[00:01:57.190]we look into each other's eyes
[00:01:59.197]and we know we have a decision to make.
[00:02:02.820]We can lay down and stay down
[00:02:05.070]because we now have a child with special needs,
[00:02:08.150]or we can rise up and love him.
[00:02:09.910]Like we've been doing for the last six months.
[00:02:13.390]We chose love, teaching him
[00:02:15.940]to swallow pills when he was just four.
[00:02:18.070]So he could take his 36 pills a day
[00:02:21.810]watching him be diagnosed with autism at five.
[00:02:25.230]This too is another one of those days that you never forget.
[00:02:29.580]It started with a speech pathologist saying
[00:02:32.440]don't you think he might be on the spectrum
[00:02:36.360]after he had had a meltdown at therapy that day
[00:02:39.720]for us obtaining this diagnosis was really
[00:02:42.600]a mirror confirmation of what we had suspected all along.
[00:02:46.290]Most kids with TS are on the spectrum.
[00:02:49.760]We saw it as a way for us
[00:02:51.670]just to get additional therapies for him.
[00:02:55.050]Next step was sending him off to school,
[00:02:57.480]creating an IEP, figuring out what was normal for him.
[00:03:03.010]Learning to become an advocate that I am today.
[00:03:07.080]It's been so fun watching him
[00:03:08.650]become the biggest angry birds fan you'll ever meet.
[00:03:11.550]And today at 12 years old, he has two sisters.
[00:03:14.950]Phoebe is seven and Brexly is five,
[00:03:18.280]who love him to pieces.
[00:03:20.900]We're not what a lot of people
[00:03:23.020]would call a normal family
[00:03:26.450]but we are normal, normal for us.
[00:03:30.570]Bob's now a stay at home dad,
[00:03:32.470]homeschooling our children, thanks to COVID.
[00:03:35.290]I coach clients,
[00:03:36.650]I have a small nonprofit,
[00:03:38.370]Dexter's dream, we're pre COVID.
[00:03:40.690]We were able to host families,
[00:03:42.360]events for families with special needs children,
[00:03:45.370]I'm active in advocacy organizations.
[00:03:47.970]And yes, I too was the president of the PTA.
[00:03:53.000]We decided in the hospital that day
[00:03:55.063]that we have a mission.
[00:03:57.760]A mission to redefine normal because after all
[00:04:01.691]what is normal, it's just a setting on the washing machine.
[00:04:08.890]Shortly after a third child Brexly was born.
[00:04:11.620]People would say to me,
[00:04:12.930]I don't know how you do it all,
[00:04:15.120]my automated response was always
[00:04:17.750]I don't think I just do
[00:04:21.140]but somewhere in all of that doing,
[00:04:23.210]I was losing myself, at one point,
[00:04:26.830]I hired an amazing coach Sylvia
[00:04:28.660]to get me back on the right track.
[00:04:32.090]And one of our sessions she said to me,
[00:04:34.850]Wendy, strip away everything,
[00:04:38.400]take away being a mom,
[00:04:40.320]a wife, a business person,
[00:04:43.080]take away being a coach, a Pilates teacher
[00:04:45.470]and athlete take away being all of those things.
[00:04:50.790]Who are you left with?
[00:04:53.130]And then she shut up and waited for my answer.
[00:04:57.331]I sat there for 10 minutes,
[00:05:00.320]tears streaming down my face
[00:05:03.560]with absolutely nothing to say.
[00:05:07.440]I had absolutely no idea who I was.
[00:05:10.960]Today, I am here and excited to speak with you
[00:05:15.700]because many of you may know that exact feeling
[00:05:19.640]I am talking about, let's figure out and get connected
[00:05:24.700]and reconnected to your mission,
[00:05:27.160]to that exciting vision
[00:05:29.100]of who you always thought you would be.
[00:05:32.480]You are that right now.
[00:05:36.830]So to begin, we're gonna talk
[00:05:38.910]about the three critical steps
[00:05:42.360]and you have a handout that has
[00:05:44.590]these three critical steps listed
[00:05:46.620]for you to take some notes.
[00:05:49.040]So critical step number one,
[00:05:51.432]is to climb out of the Canyon,
[00:05:59.000]a few years after we were married,
[00:06:01.670]my husband's uncle, Roger called
[00:06:03.410]and asked if we wanted to backpack the grand Canyon
[00:06:05.950]with him and some other people.
[00:06:08.190]My first and the most important question was
[00:06:12.310]are there bathrooms? You see just two years earlier
[00:06:16.710]we backpacked the Tetons with him also.
[00:06:20.520]And this city girl was in
[00:06:22.110]for a very big surprise out in nature.
[00:06:25.740]Okay, so the answer was yes.
[00:06:27.410]So yep, we're in, let's go.
[00:06:30.540]We arrive at the grand Canyon
[00:06:32.470]and I'm sure you've all at least seen pictures of it
[00:06:35.630]but to see it in person, the vastness
[00:06:39.370]the splendor, the beauty, the incredible sense.
[00:06:43.690]When you're standing at the top
[00:06:45.350]looking out for miles and miles
[00:06:47.287]and miles on end, the first morning, get our clothes on.
[00:06:53.250]We put our pack on and we start
[00:06:55.570]heading down the grand Canyon.
[00:06:58.880]It's not too soon after we start going down
[00:07:02.740]that you actually lose sight
[00:07:04.693]of the vastness of the Canyon.
[00:07:09.130]What you see is the trail infront of you
[00:07:13.770]which you do really need to look down for
[00:07:17.690]along the way there are many rocks.
[00:07:21.130]Some, which you're just able to simply kind of step
[00:07:23.900]on or over what others, you kind of need to venture
[00:07:28.640]off the path just a little bit to move around them.
[00:07:32.720]On one side of you is the Canyon wall.
[00:07:36.420]And on the other side of you
[00:07:37.940]is the slope that goes down to the bottom.
[00:07:41.290]And by no means, would this be a smooth ride?
[00:07:44.260]If there any missteps, the vastness
[00:07:48.250]and the beauty of the Canyon
[00:07:50.220]is now there's a dusty Rocky path.
[00:07:53.237]That's right in front of you.
[00:07:56.460]Occasionally a donkey parade
[00:07:58.600]as we like to call it would come by
[00:08:01.350]these other people who choose to ride on a donkey
[00:08:04.130]to the bottom instead of hike,
[00:08:06.740]I will never forget the looks
[00:08:08.700]on their faces as they passed us.
[00:08:12.680]When the donkeys are coming,
[00:08:14.570]the hikers go to the inside of the Canyon wall
[00:08:18.690]and the donkeys and the riders
[00:08:20.320]take the outside of the trail.
[00:08:24.270]This clearly terrified the riders.
[00:08:26.530]You could see it on their faces
[00:08:29.640]at one point a guy told us the donkeys
[00:08:32.480]are way more scared of a misstep
[00:08:34.980]and falling than you are.
[00:08:36.780]We've got this and I'm thinking,
[00:08:39.840]hey to each their own, right now,
[00:08:43.860]I'm more inclined to just trust my own feet.
[00:08:48.130]But in reality, they're going to get
[00:08:51.050]to the bottom faster
[00:08:53.200]and have way less sore calf muscles.
[00:08:57.630]So continued on the dusty path, looking for the rocks.
[00:09:02.270]And of course, for me, watching out
[00:09:04.170]for any wildlife, aka, snakes,
[00:09:08.770]and yet this experience was amazing.
[00:09:13.510]Life was amazing, occasionally along the way,
[00:09:18.030]there would be an opening in the Canyon
[00:09:20.560]and the vastness would appear again.
[00:09:23.640]We would add automatically stop
[00:09:25.680]because wow! You just had to stop
[00:09:29.730]and take this all in, what a wonder of nature
[00:09:33.850]that this really is, a little further down
[00:09:38.040]the path view was gone.
[00:09:42.100]The first night we stopped halfway down the Canyon,
[00:09:45.660]set up tents, cooked and ate dinner together.
[00:09:49.720]We stayed out to look at the stars.
[00:09:52.560]The vastness of the universe came to us that night.
[00:09:58.440]There is no light other than the stars and the full moon.
[00:10:03.320]We saw so many stars, constellations,
[00:10:07.210]even shooting stars
[00:10:09.170]and the sky that seemed
[00:10:10.500]like they were so close, you could almost touch them.
[00:10:14.290]We sat in wonder and awe discussing life as we know it
[00:10:20.700]right now in this moment, morning time comes,
[00:10:26.470]we pack up camp and we head
[00:10:28.640]the rest of the way down,
[00:10:30.120]the winding rocky path to the bottom of the river bed
[00:10:34.470]to where we'll stay for a couple of nights,
[00:10:37.830]as we get to the bottom, we see the "hotel"
[00:10:42.910]where the donkey riders will be staying,
[00:10:45.600]and not so far from that
[00:10:48.600]is the shelter where we get to set our tents up
[00:10:52.270]and we start the fire for cooking our food.
[00:10:55.720]My husband and I meandered down to a Creek
[00:10:58.710]that feeds into the river to soak our legs.
[00:11:02.030]Our calves were immensely sore
[00:11:04.740]from stepping down, down, down,
[00:11:08.620]all the way down the trail
[00:11:11.200]basically going down huge stairs
[00:11:13.620]with a pack on to our surprise.
[00:11:17.160]The bottom of the grand Canyon is hot.
[00:11:20.120]It's the elevation of Phoenix.
[00:11:22.300]So our long sleeves and layers got put back in the packs.
[00:11:26.590]And we began to explore this day.
[00:11:31.410]We got to explore from the basin of the Canyon.
[00:11:35.940]When we were at the top
[00:11:37.910]this was only a little small river
[00:11:40.400]running through some rock, but now we were
[00:11:44.120]at the bottom looking up
[00:11:47.180]at the incredible sight of nature.
[00:11:50.850]From the bottom of the Canyon
[00:11:53.400]we crossed a couple of beautiful bridges.
[00:11:56.240]We straight off path.
[00:11:58.440]We explored the Canyon was in our hands now.
[00:12:04.290]There were some challenges and figuring
[00:12:06.220]out exactly where we were going
[00:12:09.710]and maybe even figuring out
[00:12:11.570]how to get back to our campsite.
[00:12:13.940]But the biggest challenge was the four wild turkeys.
[00:12:19.550]We arrived at our campsite with everyone else
[00:12:22.330]was out exploring and there were four wild turkeys.
[00:12:28.520]It was like they were guarding our campsite
[00:12:31.410]and there was no way we were going to get in.
[00:12:36.510]We approached slowly not wanting to scare them
[00:12:40.530]or freak them out.
[00:12:42.570]The next thing we know,
[00:12:44.210]Bob and I are running for our lives.
[00:12:47.260]What might have seemed like
[00:12:48.680]but we are being chased by these wild turkeys.
[00:12:53.210]Somehow we ended up getting our water bottles
[00:12:56.130]and we start squirting water and their direction.
[00:13:00.830]They didn't like this and they slowly started
[00:13:03.660]to back off, who knew that we would randomly
[00:13:08.390]stumble upon this but it worked later on.
[00:13:16.940]We found out from the ranger
[00:13:18.410]that yes indeed these four turkeys
[00:13:23.220]are known for causing problems.
[00:13:25.550]Well, it was at least nice
[00:13:27.940]to know that it just wasn't us they were after,
[00:13:33.080]the events of the day were over.
[00:13:35.460]The girls slept in tents
[00:13:37.500]and the guys on the trip slept in picnic table.
[00:13:40.540]On top of the picnic tables in the open.
[00:13:43.690]Can you imagine where this is going?
[00:13:47.180]About 3:00 AM we hear my father-in-law shout,
[00:13:51.297]"Get out of here" only first, all to wake up
[00:13:55.340]turn on our flashlights and see a skunk walking right
[00:13:59.850]past my tent, where I was sleeping.
[00:14:03.550]It had crawled up on Larry
[00:14:05.750]and he shooed the thing away.
[00:14:09.390]Thankfully, the skunk decided
[00:14:11.420]not to spray any of us, the next day.
[00:14:16.310]It was time to start the trek
[00:14:18.060]out of the Canyon, on the way back up
[00:14:21.640]the view was so unique again.
[00:14:25.130]And this time, yes, we are still looking
[00:14:29.330]at the walking path, but we were also able
[00:14:32.500]to look up and see what was in front of us.
[00:14:37.170]The vastness of nature, going up to the top
[00:14:43.105]everything was going as planned.
[00:14:45.875]We stopped halfway up for the night to camp.
[00:14:50.240]The next, when we woke up to our surprise
[00:14:53.570]there was snow on the ground.
[00:14:56.840]In a matter of just a few hours
[00:14:59.330]we've gone from waiting in the water
[00:15:02.230]and shorts and t-shirts
[00:15:04.060]to putting on every layer of clothing
[00:15:07.730]that we had in our packs to stay warm,
[00:15:10.930]on the last day as we finished
[00:15:13.590]the climb out of the Canyon
[00:15:17.290]it was a long hike up.
[00:15:19.300]But once again, we got to the top.
[00:15:23.360]We were finally able to appreciate
[00:15:26.310]the vast beauty of nature again,
[00:15:29.640]the best views were really
[00:15:31.990]from those on the first day and the last day
[00:15:36.650]but the experiences of the hike were priceless.
[00:15:44.840]As I remember that trip, I think about
[00:15:48.150]how many times in our lives
[00:15:50.750]we are focused on looking only at the rocks
[00:15:54.910]on the trails, the turkeys chasing us
[00:15:58.308]and the snow falling, when my opinion,
[00:16:01.660]it shouldn't really be snowing right now.
[00:16:05.270]Navigating life is a little
[00:16:08.050]like that trip to the vast grand Canyon.
[00:16:11.530]We have such a vision for what our lives
[00:16:14.143]are going to be like,
[00:16:16.860]what life should look like
[00:16:19.670]as we move along life we grow up
[00:16:23.460]and that vision grows.
[00:16:25.660]We have a child and the vision grows.
[00:16:29.830]And then at some point our child begins
[00:16:34.730]to do something that's "Not normal."
[00:16:39.890]Someone begins to question how our child is acting
[00:16:45.190]there's comparison from your child
[00:16:48.560]to someone else's medical appointments
[00:16:53.530]and diagnosis and life seems to unravel from here.
[00:17:00.520]At this point, you may be the one riding
[00:17:03.610]the donkey with the look of terror on your face
[00:17:07.670]or you might be the angry turkeys.
[00:17:11.370]And yet there are glimpses
[00:17:13.680]of being able to occasionally
[00:17:16.186]catch a falling star just as in the Canyon.
[00:17:22.790]We too in life need to climb out of the Canyon.
[00:17:28.180]We need to elevate out of the circumstances
[00:17:31.570]and gain some perspective.
[00:17:34.050]And most importantly, do this without judgment
[00:17:39.010]without judgment of yourself
[00:17:41.790]or anyone else involved.
[00:17:45.140]I think back to the moment
[00:17:46.680]when my speech pathologist said,
[00:17:49.000]don't you think he's probably somewhere on the spectrum?
[00:17:54.250]At the speed of that, I'm stuck seeing nothing,
[00:17:58.380]but the rocky path in front of us.
[00:18:01.250]And then I climb out of the Canyon.
[00:18:04.040]I'm able to look at the whole situation.
[00:18:08.010]The reality, was she was challenged
[00:18:11.350]and frustrated when she wasn't able
[00:18:13.120]to teach him the way she wanted to,
[00:18:16.470]I was challenged and frustrated
[00:18:18.690]and how it was communicated to me
[00:18:21.530]but taking all judgment out of it.
[00:18:26.000]What's the big view from the top of the Canyon.
[00:18:32.700]Ultimately it's love, I have a love for my child
[00:18:38.310]and I am finding the therapies he needs and deserves.
[00:18:43.030]She is wanting so much to help him
[00:18:46.550]and is looking for additional information for both of us.
[00:18:50.600]Now I could have stayed
[00:18:52.820]on the Canyon path of only looking at the rocks
[00:18:56.840]and continued stumbling along.
[00:18:58.730]And the weeds being chased by the turkeys.
[00:19:03.250]I could have lashed out, given her the real thoughts
[00:19:07.220]at that moment, pulled him out of there,
[00:19:09.990]found under therapist to work with him,
[00:19:11.940]or even said, forget it, we're not doing that.
[00:19:15.400]I could have done so many things
[00:19:18.550]but rising above the situation,
[00:19:22.030]climbing out of the Canyon
[00:19:23.680]and taking a really long hard look
[00:19:26.870]to gain some perspective.
[00:19:28.520]Without judgment leads me to the place of love.
[00:19:35.400]From here, we obtained the diagnosis
[00:19:38.500]found additional help for my son and my family.
[00:19:41.770]And we continued down the path.
[00:19:45.970]Sure, we ran into some rough spots.
[00:19:48.640]We got chased by some turkeys,
[00:19:50.740]got snowed on when we didn't think
[00:19:52.850]it should be snowing, all at the same time.
[00:19:57.560]Looking at the incredible vast life ahead of us,
[00:20:01.590]in wonder, awe, and curiosity, choosing to see beauty
[00:20:11.896]where in your life do you need to climb out
[00:20:15.810]of a Canyon and get
[00:20:18.210]a little perspective without judgment.
[00:20:23.780]When you fly up and take a look,
[00:20:27.660]what's really going on?
[00:20:30.940]What do you notice?
[00:20:34.560]I want you right now
[00:20:37.030]we're just gonna take a couple of seconds,
[00:20:39.490]maybe a minute and I want you to jot down
[00:20:43.340]whatever is coming to your mind
[00:20:46.510]first through the story, or right now,
[00:20:50.190]just take a couple of minutes.
[00:20:54.020]It doesn't happen overnight for most people
[00:20:58.020]but climb out and see what you discover.
[00:21:05.740]So I'm going to stop talking
[00:21:08.640]just for a minute or two but I want you
[00:21:11.920]to see what's coming to your mind,
[00:21:14.210]have no judgment upon it.
[00:21:18.620]Just see what comes up for you.
[00:21:56.840]Might've been the longest one minute
[00:21:58.540]of silence for some of you too, just for fun.
[00:22:04.010]Okay, so let's move along to critical step number two
[00:22:08.570]and you can see that it is step aside.
[00:22:12.790]Once you gain some perspective on a situation
[00:22:17.630]or honestly your life, then it's time to step aside.
[00:22:24.780]Going back to my story.
[00:22:27.400]As I shared shortly after Brexly was born
[00:22:30.950]people would say to me,
[00:22:32.370]I don't know how you do it all.
[00:22:34.330]And again, my automated response was always
[00:22:38.240]I don't think I just do.
[00:22:40.670]I was so lost in all of the doing
[00:22:44.270]that I didn't actually know who was doing all the doing.
[00:22:49.710]I remember telling my husband
[00:22:52.330]I've got to hire a coach
[00:22:53.510]to get me back on the right track
[00:22:55.600]because honestly, I'm losing myself, no wait,
[00:23:01.210]I have lost myself.
[00:23:03.490]I have no idea who I am.
[00:23:06.610]And what I do know is quite honestly, I am miserable inside.
[00:23:12.840]I'm frustrated with everyone I know and meet.
[00:23:16.850]No one seems to be able to do anything right.
[00:23:19.590]Including my husband who never leaves
[00:23:22.070]his clothes on the floor, my kids who say
[00:23:26.070]I love you multiple times a day.
[00:23:29.390]And yet I feel so lost as a human being.
[00:23:34.050]I've turned into a human doing all of this
[00:23:39.010]with a smile on my face, by a mask
[00:23:42.330]that is so thick, no one could ever break through this.
[00:23:48.450]I get on my call with Sylvia
[00:23:50.020]and she says so simply,
[00:23:52.740]Wendy, strip everything away, take away being a mom,
[00:23:58.300]a wife, a business person, take away being a coach
[00:24:01.243]a Pilates teacher and athlete.
[00:24:02.900]Take away being all those things.
[00:24:04.510]And who are you left with?
[00:24:08.505]As you know, she said nothing.
[00:24:10.310]And neither did I, for 10 minutes.
[00:24:14.460]I sat there, no idea.
[00:24:18.840]You take away all those things from me.
[00:24:23.840]I have nothing to say needless to say
[00:24:28.640]that was my homework for the week.
[00:24:30.470]And honestly much longer than that.
[00:24:34.530]All I knew was how to do things.
[00:24:39.890]A friend suggested to me that I tried meditation.
[00:24:43.850]She highlighted the benefits of it for me,
[00:24:46.373]that would calm my mind
[00:24:48.410]and it would help me figure things out.
[00:24:51.380]So I started meditating on my morning walks
[00:24:56.600]on two times the speed, because honestly
[00:25:01.140]who has time to meditate
[00:25:02.650]there are so many things that need to be done.
[00:25:06.040]Oh, wait, I know, I know,
[00:25:08.490]that wasn't quite getting it done for me.
[00:25:10.440]I can't imagine why not
[00:25:11.890]but I know I'm gonna start journaling in the mornings.
[00:25:15.690]And my journaling in the mornings quickly
[00:25:18.010]turned into a checklist of all of the things
[00:25:22.210]I needed to get done for the day,
[00:25:24.680]the week, the month, it wasn't journaling at all.
[00:25:29.360]It was my to-do list.
[00:25:31.650]Everything I needed to remember to get done
[00:25:36.510]it wasn't until I actually
[00:25:38.240]made a decision to step aside
[00:25:41.801]and rediscover the vision
[00:25:44.360]that I always had for myself.
[00:25:47.040]Was I able to make any headway.
[00:25:50.600]I had to step aside, stand beside the trail and slow down.
[00:26:01.300]I needed to take a look
[00:26:03.180]at the entire Canyon of my life
[00:26:06.810]and figure out what part is, what I had wanted.
[00:26:12.620]And for the other parts, it was time to let go.
[00:26:18.540]This wasn't easy, I go back to the 10 minutes
[00:26:22.230]of sitting in silence with Sylvia
[00:26:24.070]on the other end of the phone.
[00:26:26.180]That was one of the longest
[00:26:27.640]10 minutes of my life right then,
[00:26:30.610]I had to go back to that place
[00:26:33.140]step aside and remember who I was
[00:26:37.380]as a person before I had any of these roles in my life.
[00:26:43.520]That kept me stuck in the doing.
[00:26:47.930]I ask you today, when you strip away all the roles
[00:26:52.880]in your life, who are you?
[00:26:57.940]Right now, I want you just to take a couple of minutes
[00:27:01.940]and on your piece of paper, realistically,
[00:27:04.980]a couple of seconds one day, right?
[00:27:07.380]I want you to just to write down,
[00:27:08.960]what are the roles in your life?
[00:27:11.870]For me, it was mom, wife, business owner,
[00:27:15.280]coach, Pilates instructor, athlete, PTA, president
[00:27:20.480]you name it organization, I was in it.
[00:27:23.140]So like just take a couple of minutes,
[00:27:25.780]a little bit of time here
[00:27:27.420]and write down all of those roles of who you are.
[00:27:32.260]We're gonna continue on.
[00:27:33.410]So just no judgment on them.
[00:27:35.610]Just write as fast as your hand can write.
[00:27:59.030]And right underneath it.
[00:28:02.280]I now want you to write strip away all
[00:28:09.350]of those rules from above and who am I?
[00:28:19.109]Strip away all of those roles from above
[00:28:23.550]and who I'm I? It's okay.
[00:28:29.780]If you feel like you need to sit there in silence
[00:28:34.560]have no judgment upon yourself.
[00:28:38.740]It's okay, if you can just start writing out
[00:28:42.310]exactly who you are as a person,
[00:28:45.600]celebrate that wherever you are
[00:28:49.890]know that you are in the perfect place
[00:28:52.990]for right now because ultimately until you regain the vision
[00:29:02.610]and make the decision of who you are going to be
[00:29:08.830]there may always be a human doing
[00:29:12.790]in your world rather than a human being.
[00:29:20.050]Just as I said, this took quite a while
[00:29:22.530]for me to discover it may for you also have no judgment
[00:29:28.550]know that you're in the perfect place
[00:29:31.940]to help you along with this process
[00:29:33.850]I also created an additional video and worksheet
[00:29:37.630]with more teachings to help you reconnect to your mission.
[00:29:42.060]You can download this for free @everybodyhasamission.com
[00:29:47.860]and it's there to help you along this process.
[00:29:53.602]And this leads us to the third critical step.
[00:29:59.590]Soar like the wind.
[00:30:04.700]Think about the last time you were outside and it was windy.
[00:30:09.450]Okay, so realistically, if you live around here
[00:30:12.860]it was probably today, maybe yesterday,
[00:30:16.450]but you know what it's like to stand outside in the wind.
[00:30:21.820]What does it feel like?
[00:30:24.470]The winds blowing through my hair?
[00:30:27.150]My clothes are moving.
[00:30:29.490]The wind, maybe blowing from the South or the West.
[00:30:33.810]It blows from any direction.
[00:30:36.593]There might be strong gusts or gentle breezes.
[00:30:41.350]The wind just blows,
[00:30:45.720]it doesn't ask me for permission
[00:30:47.910]or which direction I would like it to blow today.
[00:30:51.940]It doesn't pay attention to if you're building something
[00:30:55.210]or if you have a sign up, it just blows.
[00:30:59.940]The wind is just being the wind.
[00:31:05.690]After you've gained some perspective
[00:31:07.470]by climbing out of the Canyon.
[00:31:09.720]And then you step aside to really figure out
[00:31:13.210]who you are as a person and get connected to your vision.
[00:31:17.990]It's time to soar like the wind and be this person.
[00:31:25.600]I remember back to my pregnancy
[00:31:27.850]and the discussions my husband
[00:31:29.350]and I would have about becoming parents.
[00:31:32.170]We knew it was a boy.
[00:31:33.620]So we bought boys stuff.
[00:31:35.840]My husband played football and ran track in college.
[00:31:39.770]How exciting was it to be able to pass along
[00:31:42.300]these loves to our children
[00:31:44.570]teaching them to ride a bike, eventually drive a car.
[00:31:48.220]What college might they wanna go to?
[00:31:51.020]The whole works.
[00:31:53.200]So many discussions, yet so many unknowns in life.
[00:31:58.710]People would ask me early on.
[00:32:00.640]Do you hope it's a boy or a girl?
[00:32:03.150]Either one will be happy.
[00:32:06.130]They would let me know
[00:32:06.963]that they would say a prayer for a healthy baby.
[00:32:10.380]I didn't know why at the time
[00:32:12.150]but my response was always
[00:32:13.810]healthy or not we're excited for our child to come.
[00:32:18.890]At 11:30 one night my water broke
[00:32:22.510]we went to the hospital and the next morning
[00:32:25.370]we had a healthy baby boy, Dexter.
[00:32:28.440]We couldn't have been more excited.
[00:32:31.798]As you heard earlier today,
[00:32:34.260]six months later our world
[00:32:36.360]was turned upside down with one phone call
[00:32:38.710]from my mother-in-law tuberous sclerosis
[00:32:44.200]infantile spasms, tubers on his brain and heart.
[00:32:50.900]No idea what life will look like
[00:32:55.410]at this point it was clear that our child was not normal.
[00:33:02.590]He was now a statistic that one
[00:33:06.730]in 6,000 children are born with this condition.
[00:33:12.205]These prepared conversations
[00:33:14.490]ran through our heads again,
[00:33:16.760]the questions and dreams we had for a child
[00:33:21.230]are now met with the, will he walk?
[00:33:26.160]Will he talk?
[00:33:28.520]Will these seizures ever stop?
[00:33:31.450]What does the future hold for him really?
[00:33:37.070]We talk about the moments that you never forget
[00:33:41.150]the moment Bob and I said to each other
[00:33:44.330]we are going to redefine normal
[00:33:48.490]is the moment when the clouds parted
[00:33:51.050]the heavens sung for us
[00:33:53.260]there was such a peace that surpassed understanding
[00:33:59.240]to begin to soar like the wind.
[00:34:02.130]You must first decide to redefine normal instead
[00:34:07.250]of fighting against what you think normal is.
[00:34:12.320]I love to ask the question.
[00:34:15.432]What is normal?
[00:34:19.190]How do you measure normal?
[00:34:22.840]When you look at normal in the dictionary
[00:34:25.590]you see conforming to a standard ordinary or usual
[00:34:30.800]the same as would be expected.
[00:34:35.300]Yeah, to take that to mean like everybody else?
[00:34:42.970]We as humans continue to compare
[00:34:46.010]and judge without considering the implications
[00:34:51.280]and what that actually does to us.
[00:34:55.670]Normal is my family, I get to decide that.
[00:35:02.350]Normal is your family and you get to decide that,
[00:35:09.040]no one else gets to tell us these things.
[00:35:13.670]No one else gets to tell us what is usual for my family.
[00:35:22.160]What is usual for your family
[00:35:26.420]or what is to be expected, redefining normal is
[00:35:35.402]and what looks is needed for your family to soar.
[00:35:43.270]I know what my family needs to soar.
[00:35:47.850]You know what your family needs to soar
[00:35:54.460]then decide who the new you is
[00:35:59.910]in this redefined normal
[00:36:02.500]and be this person unapologetically
[00:36:08.400]be the person who is managing living
[00:36:11.750]and thriving in your own life.
[00:36:14.570]Soar like the wind, be the one who is firm in who you are
[00:36:22.350]as a person who is confident
[00:36:25.760]and who your family is or your child is,
[00:36:30.530]seek help when you need it.
[00:36:33.370]Advocate, when you see fit.
[00:36:36.320]But soar like the wind, the wind doesn't ask us.
[00:36:44.100]It doesn't change directions
[00:36:45.770]if someone asks it too,
[00:36:48.310]sometimes the wind is fierce
[00:36:50.891]and sometimes it's all gentle all in its own way.
[00:36:59.040]These are the critical steps that you need to take,
[00:37:04.260]climb up out of the Canyon
[00:37:06.270]to gain a greener perspective.
[00:37:09.640]Take a moment now, what else is coming to you?
[00:37:14.950]Is there something in a greater way
[00:37:17.350]that you need to gain perspective on?
[00:37:20.690]Whatever comes to your mind right at this moment
[00:37:23.450]take a couple of seconds and jot it down.
[00:37:28.010]Have no judgment, write it down.
[00:37:41.830]And after we've climbed up out of the Canyon to
[00:37:44.320]gain a greater perspective, step aside
[00:37:49.540]and really discover the vision
[00:37:51.930]that you've always had for yourself.
[00:37:55.560]What else comes to mind when you think about that?
[00:37:59.360]Now, when you're seeing the whole picture
[00:38:01.630]as you're looking over the entire grand Canyon of your life
[00:38:07.304]what is that vision you've always held for yourself?
[00:38:11.450]Write down any other thoughts
[00:38:13.020]that are coming to mind now too.
[00:38:16.470]No judgment, just write it down
[00:38:25.040]and finally soar like the wind
[00:38:29.770]to become the person you need to be,
[00:38:33.760]to life the you desire.
[00:38:38.650]You are this person right now
[00:38:42.340]you are in the process of doing the work,
[00:38:47.260]keep climbing and let me end with this.
[00:38:54.080]You are doing a great job,
[00:38:58.270]just as I said this took quite a while
[00:39:01.840]for me to discover it and it may for you also
[00:39:06.240]and maybe the heaven the clouds have parted
[00:39:08.700]and the heavens are singing to you now,
[00:39:11.150]wherever you are know that you are
[00:39:16.510]in the perfect place in the perfect time
[00:39:22.340]keep doing the work, discovering what's coming up for you
[00:39:28.950]with no judgment upon you or the situation.
[00:39:34.710]Remember to help you along this process
[00:39:37.640]I did create additional videos and a worksheet
[00:39:41.220]with more teachings to help you to reconnect
[00:39:44.560]to your mission.
[00:39:46.000]This is a process and know that
[00:39:48.360]and understand that you can download it now
[00:39:52.086]@everybodyhasamission.com.
[00:39:55.420]It's also on your handout here.
[00:39:58.710]It's not easy but you can redefine normal
[00:40:03.570]and change your life, you can do this.
[00:40:07.500]I did it and you can too.
[00:40:11.030]You've got this.
[00:40:13.410]Stay in touch with me.
[00:40:15.080]It's been an absolute pleasure to speak with you today.
[00:40:19.410]Very excited for you and the future that you hold.
[00:40:24.900]If you have any questions, feel free at any moment to reach
[00:40:28.700]out to me on Facebook at Wendy Andersen, Redefining Normal
[00:40:33.530]or via my website, WendyAndersenpresents.com.
[00:40:37.790]Thank you again from the bottom of my heart,
[00:40:40.240]have a wonderful day and I can't wait
[00:40:43.620]to hear how you have redefined normal in your life.
[00:40:46.890]Thank you.

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Parenting is Hard! Uncover the Fog in Life to Discover the Real You Again

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