RSO Conflict Management Workshop
Do you have a difficult coworker, family member, classmate or roommate? Resolve conflicts by leveraging our conflict management best practices and strategies. Regardless of what your personal conflict management style is (Owl, Turtle, Shark, Teddy Bear, Fox), we will help you learn how to build stronger relationships with these difficult individuals in a way that fits you.
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[00:00:00.030]My name is Joe Hagerty.
[00:00:01.170]I am the program coordinator for student
organizations in the office of Student
[00:00:05.550]My role specifically is to work with
new student organizations and helping
[00:00:09.840]them to get started,
create a constitution,
[00:00:12.300]and then also provide them with
resources, support, and training.
[00:00:15.750]And so I do this presentation,
[00:00:18.360]not so much from the perspective
of a student club organization,
[00:00:22.140]but just in general.
[00:00:23.010]You can use these practices and strategies
in your everyday life to be able to
[00:00:27.210]handle and manage conflict. So
we'll go ahead and get started.
[00:00:31.320]The first kind of thing that we'll talk
about today is just overall conflict
[00:00:37.110]There's lots of different factors and
considerations that relate to conflicts
[00:00:41.370]and we'll address some of those.
[00:00:42.810]And then we'll go into the meat of the
presentation where we'll talk about the
[00:00:46.350]conflict management process or steps.
[00:00:48.840]And then have an example
that we'll go through
[00:00:51.510]as I explained each of the steps to see
what that might look like in real life.
[00:00:55.050]And then lastly,
[00:00:55.950]we'll talk about your personal conflict
management style and how you can use
[00:01:01.110]that style for different situations.
[00:01:03.270]Since style you have is
good for certain situations,
[00:01:06.240]but other styles are better for others.
[00:01:07.890]So we'll talk about the pros and cons
of each of those and how you can kind of
[00:01:11.130]flex that style depending on what kind
of situation or people you're working
[00:01:14.580]with. So starting off, we'll do the
[00:01:18.660]conflict management assessment. If you
already got the email this morning,
[00:01:23.130]you probably already have downloaded
it or looked at it, but if you haven't,
[00:01:26.370]I have pasted the link in the chat.
[00:01:28.320]I'll do that one more time just to make
sure everybody's got a link to the box
[00:01:33.600]folder where the assessment is at,
[00:01:35.910]and you can go ahead and start looking
over that as we're talking through today.
[00:01:39.240]And like I said,
[00:01:39.750]you'll have some time to do that since
we'll discuss that towards the end.
[00:01:46.460]So now we'll kick off with our conflict
basics and some of those major factors
[00:01:50.150]that pretty much relate to any
conflict that you're going to have.
[00:01:54.290]So there's a big difference between
conflict management and conflict resolution.
[00:01:59.930]And I bring up conflict resolution because
it is actually the more negative version
[00:02:04.700]of handling conflict. And if you were
to talk about conflict resolution,
[00:02:08.000]it's more of the idea that conflict is
negative and that we don't want conflict
[00:02:11.540]at all. It's actually destructive.
[00:02:12.770]It doesn't actually help us to do anything
and it should be avoided pretty much
[00:02:16.520]at all costs. But an example to
kind of illustrate that would be,
[00:02:20.240]let's say you have a worker
that's super, super dedicated.
[00:02:23.630]Maybe he's worked at a company or maybe
for an organization for a long time.
[00:02:29.120]He's taken on projects for
hours and does really good work.
[00:02:33.230]But the boss continually gives him extra
work and causes him to have to stay
[00:02:36.830]later and maybe make
some work on weekends.
[00:02:39.200]And the worker eventually
just gets so tired of that,
[00:02:41.930]that he does kind of thinks “I don't get
paid enough to do this kind of work.”
[00:02:45.350]And kind of gets upset, but the boss
comes over one day and said, “Hey,
[00:02:49.520]I need you to do some extra
work.” And the worker, just
[00:02:56.480]doesn’t want to because they’ve been overworked.
Andso he tells his boss,
[00:02:59.620]“I don't get paid enough
to do this for you.”
[00:03:01.600]And so the boss maybe
yells at him and says,
[00:03:03.400]he's insubordinate and maybe
demands him to do the work.
[00:03:05.800]Even though he says he isn't getting paid
enough, or is it feeling appreciated.
[00:03:10.060]So really in a situation,
conflict is, is not good.
[00:03:13.540]And in the sense it could be handled in
a way that the person feels overworked
[00:03:17.830]or undervalued. Where conflict management
is more of the positive side of things,
[00:03:22.600]where the idea is that conflict can
actually be a positive thing and it can
[00:03:26.710]reinforce our relationships and actually
build and make them stronger.
[00:03:31.300]And a situation of this would be,
let's say, we have two individuals,
[00:03:35.110]John and Tom. And John was hurt by
something that Tom said, and he asked Tom,
[00:03:39.460]if he can talk to him privately.
Well, John then tells Tom that, “Hey,
[00:03:43.990]your comments were a little
bit hurtful. It didn't,
[00:03:46.330]it didn't sit well with me.” And through
discussion and talking about it,
[00:03:50.970]they just really have under- different
understandings of how they communicate and
[00:03:54.940]what the situation was. And Tom is kind
of lighthearted and maybe fun-loving,
[00:03:58.990]and John's may be more matter of fact,
[00:04:00.820]and takes the comments
that Tom made literally.
[00:04:03.190]And so through the discussion and learning
that they had different styles and
[00:04:08.260]different understanding and communicate,
[00:04:12.490]they actually took that conflict
and it was made positive in the,
[00:04:16.140]in the relationships they had restricted.
[00:04:17.830]So there's a very different
between conflict management
and conflict resolution.
[00:04:21.520]And we'll kind of talk on the rest of
this presentation about management and how
[00:04:24.700]we can actually handle conflict
in a positive way that,
[00:04:27.610]that strengthens those
relationships that we have.
[00:04:31.060]So this is a chart that kind of
just talks about the two,
[00:04:34.960]and how they're different. But once again,
[00:04:36.460]resolution there's discussion
that takes place,
[00:04:39.910]or no discussion that takes place where
management discussion does take place in
[00:04:43.360]those true intentions or those feelings
behind why certain things have happened
[00:04:48.040]are discussed. Where in resolution
what's remedied that the symptoms,
[00:04:55.000]aren't actually talked about.
So somebody might've got upset,
[00:04:58.540]but as we learned in that example
with the really dedicated worker,
[00:05:02.260]it wasn't so much that he didn't
want to do the work for his boss.
[00:05:04.660]It was that he just felt under
appreciated or undervalued.
[00:05:07.270]So the symptoms aren't
handled. Where, in management,
[00:05:09.700]the sources of the conflict are discussed
and they are managed and done so
[00:05:14.140]appropriately. Once again, in resolution,
[00:05:16.780]the sources of the conflict
are usually undisclosed.
[00:05:18.820]It's not actually talked
about; whereas in management,
[00:05:21.280]there's lots of misunderstandings
that could happen,
[00:05:23.710]but it's talked out; and people
regardless of where it came from,
[00:05:27.670]or how offended they are,
[00:05:28.990]they're able to end in a positive and
productive way. Whereas resolution
[00:05:34.630]usually is a negative term.
[00:05:36.820]These are just some conflict
basics that most of us already know,
[00:05:39.640]but it kind of sets the scene
for the rest of our conversation.
[00:05:42.850]But, conflict is inevitable.
[00:05:44.350]It really doesn't matter
what organization you're in,
[00:05:47.140]what the personalities are, how mature
people are; conflict is going to happen,
[00:05:50.590]regardless of any of those factors.
It's just, just a matter of life.
[00:05:54.430]And so knowing that going in is
just going to know this process,
[00:05:57.890]we're going to talk about in a little bit,
[00:05:59.450]is going to help us no
matter where we're at.
[00:06:01.340]Because conflict is inevitable. And people
usually don't act vengeful on purpose.
[00:06:05.690]I always talk with people and say,
well, they meant to hurt my feelings,
[00:06:09.140]or they meant to wrong me in this way.
[00:06:11.750]And a lot of times the people don't
even know that you are upset with them.
[00:06:17.060]They probably are just acting
out of their own personality.
[00:06:21.440]And a lot of times don't
realize they hurt your feelings.
[00:06:24.860]So don't always take that
[00:06:27.740]problem or conflict that's caused between
you and that other person as something
[00:06:31.400]that people purposely tried to do.
People also aren't mind readers.
[00:06:34.760]So once again, you can be
upset with somebody, but
[00:06:36.980]unless you tell them you're
upset, they're not going to know.
[00:06:39.680]So we've got to talk that out and also
keep people in the conflict separate.
[00:06:43.460]So you may have a conflict with somebody,
[00:06:45.650]but once that you've had a conversation,
[00:06:48.530]that doesn't mean that you have
to hold that over their head
[00:06:50.630]from that point on. You really can
separate the conflict you had to working
[00:06:55.160]with that person and still
have good relationships.
That might be a little hard,
[00:06:58.400]but as you do that more and more,
[00:07:00.170]you'll start to get into
practice and it becomes easier.
[00:07:03.620]And then the last kind of main piece on
the basics of conflict is I always say
[00:07:09.260]handle conflict sooner, rather than later,
[00:07:11.120]we all know if we let that conflict kind
of simmer and get worse and worse over
[00:07:16.040]time, it usually ends in a blow up. Or
somebody getting really angry and upset.
[00:07:20.780]And if it was handled earlier, maybe that,
[00:07:24.050]blow up wouldn't have happened.
[00:07:26.270]And we could have prevented
things from getting worse.
[00:07:28.670]If we would have just talked with
that person right away at the start.
[00:07:33.140]So these are some barriers to
effective conflict management.
[00:07:36.590]And we're going to show a video after
this, a quick, a little clip from a movie,
[00:07:41.150]to kind of demonstrate this,
[00:07:42.650]but these are some easy barriers that
prevent a lot of people when they are
[00:07:47.960]dealing with conflict or difficult
people from being able to handle that
[00:07:52.320]conflict. And one of it's just fear.
People don't want to confront problems.
[00:07:55.880]It's not always in our human nature to
want to confront issues and problems,
[00:08:00.080]especially with other people.
[00:08:01.190]If we have to see them all the time
like coworkers or classmates or even
[00:08:04.940]friends, And also people just may
not listen, or even if they listen,
[00:08:08.750]they're not listening well
and may misunderstand things.
[00:08:11.780]And that prevents us from
being able to solve conflict.
[00:08:14.900]Also people aren't always willing to
admit that they're part of the problem.
[00:08:17.780]And even though you might've
been the one wronged,
[00:08:21.110]you probably still had a part in the
problem or the conflict and why it happened. Maybe it
[00:08:27.650]was even by accident. But usually
we have a part in the problem.
[00:08:31.850]Sometimes people just don't want to
put the effort or energy or time into
[00:08:35.540]talking with the people that they have a
conflict with and trying to solve that.
[00:08:38.900]But there's also consequences.
Anytime you do confront a problem,
[00:08:41.720]hopefully positive, but
sometimes they are negative.
[00:08:44.090]If a person doesn't think that
they've done anything wrong,
[00:08:46.610]but you've confronted them about an issue.
[00:08:48.590]And so that can be one of the barriers
to once again, solving conflict.
[00:08:54.140]And you also have a
different conflict style,
[00:08:55.830]which I mentioned we'll talk about at
the last section of our presentation.
[00:08:58.950]And sometimes people don't always take
the style that they use for managing
[00:09:03.000]conflict or their instinctual style
and adapt it to the situation.
[00:09:07.380]Maybe the style you instinctually have,
[00:09:09.180]isn't the right way to solve the problem.
[00:09:11.160]You should be using a
different conflict style.
[00:09:13.830]And so we'll talk more about how you can
use a different style in solving that.
[00:09:17.850]And to use the correct
one. There are benefits though,
[00:09:21.240]if you can work with the other
party and resolve that conflict.
[00:09:25.230]And part of it is that tension
and anger is just relieved.
[00:09:28.230]You don't have to walk around
each and every day
[00:09:30.660]at the workplace or around those people
and constantly always have in the back
[00:09:34.890]of your head, that you're
upset with that person,
[00:09:37.320]and there's tension just
being in the same room. Also,
[00:09:40.080]it increases understanding once
again of yourself and others.
[00:09:43.380]You help to get on the same page and
maybe even become closer with that person
[00:09:48.720]and build more of a cohesive bond,
because we're able to talk out your real
[00:09:52.800]And if you understand that the person
didn't mean to and you learn more about
[00:09:55.770]them and how they function,
[00:09:57.450]that's only going to be better for you
in those future interactions you have
[00:10:00.690]with that person, because you won't take
future comments or actions personally,
[00:10:04.740]because, you know, “Oh, that's just how
John works. And that's just how he operates.”
[00:10:09.300]It also provides a structure
for difficult conversations.
[00:10:12.150]So the process will go through,
[00:10:13.980]it's a lot easier to use a process than
to just go into trying to talk with
[00:10:18.030]somebody about a process blindly.
[00:10:20.040]And so this structure that we'll talk
about has seven steps in each of those
[00:10:23.130]steps should be pretty easy to follow.
[00:10:24.630]And you'll see the example I give in each
one of those is pretty easy to follow
[00:10:28.530]and see how that can
play out in real life.
[00:10:32.610]It also minimizes the assumptions
[00:10:37.500]Once again, you ask soon somebody is
needing to do something on purpose,
[00:10:41.970]or they were just being hateful,
or they may have been just mean,
[00:10:46.710]but that's probably not the case.
They may have had a bad day.
[00:10:48.990]And just talking with
the person once again,
[00:10:51.510]allows you to understand those
assumptions and better understand what
[00:10:55.110]perspective they're coming from. And
lastly, you have a plan of action,
[00:10:58.530]and it's not just vague
assurances to do better.
[00:11:01.650]When you talk with the person about the
problem, you don't only just say, “Yeah,
[00:11:05.010]I'll do better. I won't
do that to you again.”
[00:11:06.330]Or “I won't talk to you in that way.”
[00:11:07.990]And you actually come up with a
plan and you're able to say, “Hey,
[00:11:11.370]these are the actions I want you to do.”
[00:11:12.930]And so that's what this
conflict management process
we're going to talk about
[00:11:16.050]will lead to as the end goal.
[00:11:18.660]So now we are going to get into those
seven steps and kind of talk about the
[00:11:22.590]conflict management process and how you
can actually play this out in day-to-day
[00:11:26.790]life. There are seven steps.
The first is invitation.
[00:11:31.740]Then we have observation, then apologize,
goal formation and request.
[00:11:39.720]And you'll find that when
we get to six and seven,
[00:11:41.490]they kind of can be hand in
hand and almost be one step.
[00:11:44.550]but the theory that was used for this
whole presentation is an actual,
[00:11:49.260]like psychology theory.
[00:11:50.580]And so I kept him separate for the fact
that that's how the originator of the
[00:11:55.060]whole entire theory kept it. So once
again, we want to increase the positive,
[00:11:58.600]decrease the negative. And through this
process, we should be able to do that.
[00:12:02.920]So this is our scenario we're going to
use as we walk through each of these
[00:12:07.210]And that will allow us to give an example
for each step on how this plays out in
[00:12:11.860]real life. So let's say you and a
coworker are often clashing at meetings.
[00:12:15.610]It's gotten to the point where each of
you are just itching to pounce on each
[00:12:18.370]other or any mistakes that are
made or things that are said.
[00:12:21.640]You can barely even stand to be around
each other or even see each other.
[00:12:24.670]And you actually have gone so far as
to avoid being around each other in the
[00:12:28.720]same room. This has been
going on for a while.
[00:12:33.190]So for step one, how we would try
to handle this type of conflict
[00:12:36.970]would be an invitation. You really
need to talk with the person,
[00:12:41.620]say, “Let's set a time to find – and
[00:12:45.040]a place where we can meet and talk
about this conflict or, or disagreement.”
[00:12:48.430]And the place you choose needs to be
a place where neither you or the other
[00:12:51.670]individual is going to feel rushed,
distracted, or disturbed by others,
[00:12:55.900]or even when you might feel tired.
[00:12:57.450]Maybe an early morning
conversation is not a good idea,
[00:12:59.950]or even the end of the day would not
be a good idea since both of you,
[00:13:02.860]your head might not be in the situation.
And so setting that time in place,
[00:13:07.630]be specific and telling the person where
exactly you're going to meet and what
[00:13:10.930]time, and invite the person in person.
[00:13:14.920]So don't try to send an email or a text
message or an instant message asking the
[00:13:19.690]party you're wanting to have
that conversation with,
[00:13:22.330]over digital communication.
[00:13:23.620]Sometimes that is a way to
get misunderstood or,
[00:13:28.390]the person not respond or ignore you.
Whereas if you talk to them in person,
[00:13:32.320]you're going to be able to have that
face-to-face conversation and be able to
[00:13:35.380]see some of those non-verbal
type of communication cues.
[00:13:41.140]And then don't always have
to state the purpose of it.
[00:13:43.360]You don't always have
to tell the person, “Hey,
[00:13:44.590]we're going to meet because I'm upset
with the way you talked to me last
[00:13:47.470]meeting, or the way that
you treated me at the last
[00:13:52.810]party that we were at.” So the
person may refuse. We hope not,
[00:13:57.730]but if they do try again to ask them to
have a conversation at a future time.
[00:14:03.100]And an example of what that might look
like in real life would be say, “John,
[00:14:06.880]I'd really like to talk to you.
[00:14:08.170]Do you have a half hour sometime today
we could meet meeting room B?” Very simple,
[00:14:12.340]not very long.
[00:14:13.360]That's all you'd have to say to
somebody to get them into a place where
[00:14:18.010]you both can discuss the conflict. So that's
step number one, pretty simple,
[00:14:22.210]pretty easy. We'll move on to
step number two: observation.
[00:14:25.840]This is where we get into the meat of
actually discussing with the person once
[00:14:29.680]we're face-to-face. And you're
going to want to identify a neutral,
[00:14:33.040]specific and objective terms.
[00:14:35.840]What we mean by that is you're going to
actually need to state what’s actually
[00:14:39.580]happened. What, what are
you personally doing?
[00:14:43.600]And what is the other person doing
in terms of what's making you upset?
[00:14:47.020]What are you doing in response to
the things that're making you upset?
[00:14:51.800]And then when is it happening
or how often is it happening?
[00:14:55.250]We really have to make sure that these
are objective and not subjective because
[00:14:59.720]the next tip that I mentioned is we
don't want to say “always.” If we say,
[00:15:03.320]“You always talk down at me,”
[00:15:05.030]or “You always make snide remarks during
my presentation,” or whatever that might be
[00:15:10.610]the word “always” is very difficult for the
party that you're talking to, to really
[00:15:14.900]understand when they've done something.
[00:15:16.880]But if we're able to bring up specific
instances where these hurtful behaviors
[00:15:20.780]happen, it's much easier to then
talk about how we can solve them,
[00:15:24.800]but also for the person
to be reminded. “Oh,
[00:15:27.410]I actually did do that when at this
date.” And so the other tip would be,
[00:15:32.390]you want to seek agreement throughout
the whole rest of the conflict management
[00:15:35.840]process from step two to step seven.
[00:15:42.260]Because if the person doesn't agree with
the things that they have done to hurt
[00:15:45.680]you or the other factors
[00:15:48.380]there's probably no way to proceed
in the, in the whole entire process.
[00:15:50.990]And you might be wasting your breath.
[00:15:52.070]So how to seek a agreement in
all of the conversations you’re having.
[00:15:56.150]And here's an example of how
this would all play out. “John,
[00:15:59.570]I've noticed that in our project meetings,
[00:16:01.100]we get very critical of each
other's ideas. For instance,
[00:16:04.400]at Tuesday staff meeting,
[00:16:05.630]you suggested reviewing our project model
and I jumped on you for suggesting it,
[00:16:10.010]even though it was a necessary step.
[00:16:13.160]I've noticed that we've
ended up doing this,
[00:16:15.200]the last three meetings and almost
every meeting in the last few months.
[00:16:18.770]It also seems to be getting worse.
Would you agree with the situation?”
[00:16:22.340]So once again,
[00:16:23.120]they asked for agreement at the
end and they didn't mention “always,”
[00:16:26.270]they mentioned a specific time that it's
happened in a specific instance during
[00:16:31.940]that. So that's the basics of step two.
[00:16:36.110]We'll move on to step three. This
might be the hardest step for,
[00:16:41.110]for both you and the other party.
[00:16:45.530]Apologizing. You've gone
into the situation. You've
told them what's happening.
[00:16:49.580]And now it's your turn to apologize
for your part in the conflict.
[00:16:52.700]And this may seem hard because you're
upset with the other person and think
[00:16:55.730]they've done wrong, but there's
always something that you've done
[00:16:59.330]in that situation to cause whatever's
happening. And even if you don't think so,
[00:17:04.640]almost find something to apologize
because what it does is it evens out that
[00:17:08.180]power differential between people.
[00:17:09.740]They don't think that you're coming just
to nitpick on them or get mad at them.
[00:17:16.430]a lot of times as humans don't want
to admit that we're wrong. And
[00:17:20.930]because it appears that we're weak and
don't have power over the other person
[00:17:24.230]when we admit failure. But
it really does allow you to,
[00:17:27.050]even out that power differential
between you and that other person.
[00:17:29.900]And they're way more receptive
to what you're going to say next.
[00:17:32.810]And be humble and sincere. So once again,
[00:17:34.430]even if you don't think that you did a
whole lot to cause the person to treat
[00:17:38.150]you that way, you probably did by
accident. So just be humble and sincere.
[00:17:42.080]Don't be superficial when
you're mentioning what you
might've done wrong because
[00:17:45.260]they'll see right through it.
And once again, the other,
[00:17:47.300]person's not going to be receptive at
that point. And mentioned the negative
[00:17:50.940]effects of your behaviors. So because of
what has happened or what you've done,
[00:17:55.320]what has that caused to have happened?
[00:17:58.200]And if you know how the other
person's feeling, mention that.
[00:18:01.140]But you don't want to guess. So if
you think that the person was angry,
[00:18:05.160]mentioned, they were angry. If you
think that it made them feel sad,
[00:18:08.110]mentioned that they felt
sad. But if you don't know,
[00:18:10.620]don't mention a feeling that they might
be experiencing. Because once again,
[00:18:14.070]you're going to have a lot of trouble
[00:18:15.300]if the person's not able to track with
you and understand why you've mentioned
[00:18:18.840]them. So example of how
step three plays out.
[00:18:23.130]“John, I want to apologize for
snapping at you at the meetings.
[00:18:27.750]It's had a bad effect on our
mood and of our meetings,
[00:18:29.880]and I can see that it makes you angry.
[00:18:31.800]Is there anything that I've done
to cause this angst between us?
[00:18:34.170]Because I apologize.” So once again,
[00:18:36.360]the person who may not have known
specifically what maybe has caused them to
[00:18:40.710]attack each other,
[00:18:41.940]but they did apologize and say that they
were sorry for doing that since they
[00:18:45.360]realized they were wrong. So once again,
[00:18:47.070]that evens out that playing field and
differential power and probably is going
[00:18:51.750]to make the person more
receptive for step four,
[00:18:55.230]which we're going to talk about next.
[00:18:58.110]So appreciate. You've apologized.
[00:19:00.810]And now you move on to saying that, “Hey,
[00:19:04.710]even though you've done
something to maybe make me upset,
[00:19:07.680]I want you to know your value.” And
that's what appreciate really means.
[00:19:10.410]And you're going to try to state
specific things that, that person's done.
[00:19:14.310]Maybe not directly just to you,
[00:19:15.750]but maybe even for your company or
the organization or your friend group,
[00:19:19.320]whatever it might be,
[00:19:21.510]state something that the person's done
to benefit you or that other group of
[00:19:25.440]people that you're around.
Because once again,
[00:19:27.630]it's not that you're coming
at that person, like, “Hey,
[00:19:29.430]you need to change and you've
done - what you did - wrong,
[00:19:31.290]and you need to apologize.”
You're saying to the person, “Hey,
[00:19:33.960]I know that you've done
something to make me upset,
[00:19:35.880]but I want you to know I'm not coming
to you out of the state of only pointing
[00:19:39.210]out that you've done something wrong.
[00:19:40.320]I really do appreciate some
of the things you do as well.”
[00:19:43.470]And even if it's something
small do mention that,
[00:19:46.380]but just don't make it something so
trivial that they would just think that
[00:19:50.070]you're being fake about the whole
situation, just to come up with something.
[00:19:54.060]And it can be difficult, especially if
you have had somebody hurt you in a,
[00:19:58.860]in a really, really strong
way. And if time has passed,
[00:20:02.820]it might be even more
difficult to confront that
conversation because you've let
[00:20:06.900]the anger build for a
certain amount of time.
[00:20:12.200]and you haven't wanted to deal with it
and made it worse because you've allowed
[00:20:15.450]yourself to think about it so much.
[00:20:17.340]But if you can't find anything to
compliment the other person about,
[00:20:19.890]you might not even be ready to do
this conflict management process.
[00:20:22.590]And you might just need to let a little
more time passed before you confront the
[00:20:25.560]situation. Because once again,
[00:20:27.540]you're going to need to be open and honest
with this person and also be willing
[00:20:30.960]to kind of accept part of the fault,
which if you can't do once again,
[00:20:34.350]you may not be ready for the process.
[00:20:36.540]So here's an example of how
this plays out in real life.
[00:20:39.060]“I don't always see eye to eye with you
and we have very different personalities,
[00:20:42.660]but I want you to know that
I really appreciate your
contribution to the project.
[00:20:46.440]Without you never would have gotten
this far in the same amount of time.
[00:20:50.230]As you communicate with our clients,
[00:20:51.820]your ability to find out what they
really want is second to none.
[00:20:56.140]And you really boost our project.” So
you can see once again, it's mentioned,
[00:20:59.800]we don't see eye to eye,
[00:21:00.700]but you really are appreciated
by me and the organization.
[00:21:05.830]So step five: stating the consequences.
[00:21:08.260]This is where you're really going to
want to mention why solving this problem
[00:21:12.400]would be beneficial, not for just
you, but for the other person as well.
[00:21:16.090]And even beyond that for the company or
the other group of people that you're around,
[00:21:19.840]where this conflict might be happening.
And why we'd want to do that once again,
[00:21:24.610]conflict does affect we- us as people,
even if we're the party that was wrong,
[00:21:28.510]because we're less productive because
we're thinking about the conflict all the
[00:21:31.960]time, we might be angry.
[00:21:35.410]When we see the person that's made us mad,
[00:21:37.330]we have unhealthy confrontations or
just upset, or maybe agitated with them.
[00:21:42.250]And then we also,
[00:21:43.810]aren't able to always utilize our skills
fully because we're totally thinking
[00:21:47.680]about that problem day
to day, hour by hour.
[00:21:51.640]And then the other person that's
involved with the conflict,
[00:21:54.580]they might be avoiding you,
[00:21:55.780]and you may need to work with them
specifically on projects or tasks,
[00:21:58.780]or you might not be able
to ask them questions
[00:22:00.700]you need to ask them because you're both
upset and just are avoiding each other
[00:22:04.420]at all costs. Also the other
people see what the conflict is,
[00:22:09.460]then they feel uncomfortable as well
because they see how there's so much angst
[00:22:13.720]between you and that other person.
There's also a lot of distrust.
[00:22:16.420]Whenever we have these conflicts
that continue going on,
[00:22:19.180]people are in bad moods and
they’re - they're less productive.
[00:22:22.090]So here's an example of stating the
consequences and mentioning why it's
[00:22:25.510]beneficial for you and that offended
party to solve that conflict.
[00:22:29.830]“I don't like the situation we have now.
[00:22:31.780]It's making me anxious before meetings
and it's making the meetings way less
[00:22:36.640]I also think that some of
the other project members
are starting to wonder what
[00:22:40.090]it's all about. Jane
asked me the other day,
[00:22:42.400]‘why are the two of us never
able to agree on anything?’
[00:22:45.610]I think this is actually harming the
project and causing people to walk on
[00:22:49.930]Coming to an agreement will help both
of us and let us be less stressed,
[00:22:54.700]more effective, and it will also put people
at ease in the office.
[00:22:58.810]Would you agree?” Once again,
[00:23:00.790]it's stated why it's mutually beneficial
and it's sought for agreement at the
[00:23:04.210]very end. So that's step five,
pretty, pretty straightforward.
[00:23:10.750]Six. This is where we're going
to start solving this issue.
[00:23:14.410]This is where we're going to state what
would be a good outcome regarding the
[00:23:17.050]situation? How are we going to work
together to solve this problem?
[00:23:20.530]And both parties in the conflict have
to have some responsibility towards
[00:23:24.370]achieving the goal. It's
only one sided and it's me
[00:23:27.460]that's bringing the conflict to the
person who offended me and only I am doing
[00:23:31.270]something to make it better; it's not
going to stick and it's not going to last.
[00:23:34.930]You've got to put some responsibility
on the other person and ask them to do
[00:23:38.620]something also to achieve that goal.
And you both have to agree on the goal.
[00:23:41.950]It can't be a flippant, just
like, “Oh yeah, I'll do that.”
[00:23:45.320]It's gotta be a really sincere agreement
that we're going to both pursue the
[00:23:49.220]same thing. And it will
help us to once again,
[00:23:52.370]be stronger in our
relationship if we both agree.
[00:23:55.310]And here's an example of that
playing out. “I would like to -
[00:23:57.980]for us to listen more and
appreciate each other's ideas.
[00:24:01.370]You have some great ideas, even if I
don't always agree with it, though,
[00:24:04.190]I can listen and make
[00:24:07.250]Would you be willing to work with me to
achieve this?” And you can see in this,
[00:24:10.700]it's not a super specific outline of
what you want to do, but more of a -
[00:24:15.710]it's still a goal,
[00:24:16.490]but a little more vague where we're going
to get into the meat of what we want
[00:24:19.550]the other person to do in
step seven. But once again,
[00:24:22.430]six and seven can guide in kind of go
hand in hand since they're very similar
[00:24:26.840]steps. But once again, that's step
six formatting - formulating the goal.
[00:24:31.640]And step seven is where we're
really asking for those,
[00:24:34.660]observable or actionable
or specific things you want
that other person to do and
[00:24:40.670]asking for them to change their behavior.
[00:24:42.890]And you don't want to wait for
them to change their behavior.
[00:24:45.170]You really want to mention, “Hey,
let's change our behavior now,
[00:24:47.840]because if we wait,
[00:24:48.740]all this conversation we're having
now is gonna be done at vain.
[00:24:50.570]We need to make this change
immediately.” And once again,
[00:24:53.300]it's going to help us in the future.
And it's a two-way street. Once again,
[00:24:57.110]like we mentioned, step six,
not just you doing something,
[00:25:00.560]but the other person is responsible for doing
something as well for it to stick and
[00:25:08.030]for it to actually be
accomplished. So an example,
[00:25:10.790]“I would suggest that we introduce a new
rule at meetings when one of us suggests
[00:25:14.570]that something - something that
the other person disagrees with,
[00:25:17.570]we need to start out by saying,
[00:25:18.680]what's good about the idea and then
saying how it might be better. Also,
[00:25:22.400]if we start attacking
each other at meetings,
[00:25:24.170]I suggest that we both excuse ourselves
and then talk about it in a private room
[00:25:28.070]instead of in front of
the entire team. Also,
[00:25:31.250]what do you say about having a short
talk after our next project meeting to
[00:25:34.310]evaluate how it went? How does
that sound?” You can see once again,
[00:25:38.060]there's more specifics than what we had
in step six and it actually asks the
[00:25:42.380]person to do something and the person
who's bringing up the conversation to do
[00:25:46.610]something as well. And then
lastly, we mentioned in each step,
[00:25:49.490]we want to have agreement. And they
did that by saying, “Hey, how does this?”
[00:25:54.920]So those are the seven
steps of handling conflict,
[00:25:57.680]and you can pretty much use this in
any type of conflict you have.
[00:26:01.100]But everybody has a different
style, a conflict management style.
[00:26:04.760]And that's what we'll talk about next,
[00:26:06.470]because that process
is all well and dandy.
[00:26:09.050]But if you have a personality that
doesn't always follow this pattern,
[00:26:12.530]it might be kind of difficult.
[00:26:13.670]So we'll talk about now how you
can take your personal style and,
[00:26:18.460]change that and adapt it
to the different situations.
[00:26:22.370]But first out, the conflict management
style, just a little introduction,
[00:26:26.960]and then I'll have, if,
[00:26:28.100]if anybody is willing to share
based on their assessment,
[00:26:31.070]what conflict style they are,
[00:26:33.020]then I kind of speak specifically
more to those specifics.
[00:26:37.820]If anybody has those. But in general, the style,
[00:26:42.230]what it is - is the, behavior that one
exhibits when conflict is -
[00:26:46.920]exists and it shapes how,
[00:26:49.020]one's personality and the time of
place where the conflict happens.
[00:26:51.660]So it's once again, their instinctual
style of how they react to conflict.
[00:26:55.830]but they don't even really think about it.
[00:26:57.000]It just happens because that's their
personality and that's what shapes that
[00:26:59.970]conflict style. And each
style is, once again, different,
[00:27:02.820]it's not one that's better than another,
[00:27:05.010]but each has pros and cons
and in different situations,
[00:27:08.340]or maybe even with different people
that you're having a conflict with,
[00:27:11.400]it would be better to use a
different style or even the goal.
[00:27:14.490]Sometimes the goal is not to
solve the problem or the conflict.
[00:27:17.400]Sometimes it's better to just let the
problem continue and not to solve that.
[00:27:24.210]So we'll talk more
about that specific,
[00:27:27.750]situation and when that might happen. And
you just naturally will have to fight
[00:27:32.430]that style that you have,
[00:27:33.990]if you have to adapt to a situation
and use a different style. Because it's
[00:27:37.950]instinctual and it just happens
pretty much automatically.
[00:27:41.520]So if anybody's willing,
to share what's -
[00:27:44.250]what's your instinctual conflict style?
[00:27:48.900]If anybody finished that assessment,
[00:27:50.430]I'll let you unmute and go ahead and state
that if you, if you have done so.
[00:27:54.570][Participant]: I have a Teddy bear. [Joe]: You’re
Teddy bear. Very cool.
[00:27:58.970][Participant]: I'm an owl.
[00:28:06.140][Joe]: Okay, very good! Thank you, Shanie and Bethany. Rose,
[00:28:07.700]did you have a chance to take a look at
the assessment? It's okay if you didn't,
[00:28:12.380][Participant]: Yes, I did. I think
I'm an “Accommodating.”
[00:28:16.160][Joe]: Okay, cool! We have, uh, we have two
Teddy bears then, and then we have an owl,
[00:28:20.300]so even better. Great.
[00:28:22.550]So we'll go ahead and talk about
each of those styles real quick,
[00:28:25.490]and then we'll have some kind of
discussion questions at the end to end our
[00:28:28.460]time. But, thanks for letting me know.
[00:28:30.890]So I can kind of adapt the rest of the
presentation specifically to those styles
[00:28:34.820]that you all mentioned.
[00:28:37.280]So before we dig into
the specifics of each,
[00:28:39.920]this chart kind of outlines the kind
of basic tenants of each of the styles.
[00:28:44.720]So if you can see there's two
axes, one on X and one of the Y,
[00:28:48.950]and what it means is if
you're going vertically,
[00:28:51.920]that means you're either more assertive
or less assertive. And so
[00:28:55.730]what that more or less means
is if you're more assertive,
[00:28:57.950]you're going to be attempting to
satisfy your own concerns
[00:29:03.050]or things that you want.
[00:29:05.870]Whereas if you are not as assertive,
[00:29:09.110]maybe you're going to be less concerned
about getting your own goals or things
[00:29:13.460]accomplished. And once again,
[00:29:15.380]that also applies to the other axis
where if you're more cooperative,
[00:29:18.950]you're going to be somebody who is
more willing to not maybe give in,
[00:29:22.730]but work with the other
person to come to a solution.
[00:29:25.190]And that your goals are maybe not as
important as it is to just solve the
[00:29:29.090]conflict. So we have two Teddy bears
accommodating they're very cooperative,
[00:29:33.290]but maybe not as assertive.
[00:29:35.060]Whereas we had an owl, who was very
cooperative and also very assertive.
[00:29:38.130]So we'll talk about each of these,
[00:29:39.860]but hopefully that axis X and Y helps
to kind of explain where you are and,
[00:29:43.730]and you probably see just by looking
at that, you probably see, “Oh,
[00:29:47.620]that is really my personality.
and very, very,
[00:29:52.120]unique to me and does really show,
how I act or, or who I am.”
[00:29:57.250]So we'll go ahead and start
with the avoiding turtle.
[00:30:00.010]The turtle that they view the conflict
as they're unconcerned with their own
[00:30:05.020]needs or wants, or their goals. And
they really just want to satisfy the,
[00:30:09.210]the goals of the other person, or
just avoid that conflict altogether.
[00:30:13.720]They - just to get away from
conflict - would rather withdraw.
[00:30:17.230]They would rather not
handle it, not discuss it.
[00:30:19.750]We don't want to do anything
related to it. Just -
[00:30:21.880]just get out of it no matter what. You
could see, kind of hides in a shell,
[00:30:26.230]same kind of idea with somebody
that's an avoiding turtle and know,
[00:30:29.590]just accept the default decision
or what other people want.
[00:30:32.860]So there's no controversy there.
Once again, they're not assertive,
[00:30:36.400]not very confident.
[00:30:37.420]And really the main reason they are
that way they don't want to hurt other
[00:30:40.000]people's feelings or even
harm the relationships that
they might have with those
[00:30:49.380]When you use this would be when, even
though you have an instinctual style,
[00:30:52.950]maybe you’re an owl, like we talked
about where your Teddy bear,
[00:30:55.140]like the other two of you mentioned,
[00:30:56.520]you might want to use the turtle in
some cases when victory’s impossible.
[00:30:59.280]So let's say you're in
a situation where like,
[00:31:01.590]you're arguing with a friend about
something and it's like, “This is stupid.
[00:31:04.650]There's no reason to even argue about
this,” but it starting to get heated.
[00:31:08.160]So you just kind of give in and let
the other person have their way, or,
[00:31:11.340]or let their opinion be known. And it,
[00:31:13.170]because it's kind of a trivial thing.
And somebody might also be in a better
[00:31:17.670]position or a higher position
of power. So in that case,
[00:31:21.060]sometimes better to say, “You know what?
You can have this one, you - you can win.”
[00:31:24.990]So that's kind of the avoiding turtle.
But when you do use this style,
[00:31:28.590]a lot of times it can be
really ineffective and it
can just cause problems to
[00:31:31.710]get worse because we don't talk about it.
[00:31:35.520]And our own needs are kind of
suppressed whenever we don't discuss.
[00:31:41.130]So that's the avoiding turtle.
None of you are that style,
[00:31:43.950]but that would be one to use. And in a
situation when you might want to use it.
[00:31:47.130]Whereas the shark, this is another
style that neither three of you have,
[00:31:51.060]but could also be used.
[00:31:52.500]And the way a lot of people
that are sharks view conflict
is that they just want
[00:31:56.250]to achieve their own goals.
[00:31:57.120]They really could care less about what
the relationships they have is and,
[00:32:02.060]and the way they handle conflict, what
the results of handling conflict in -
[00:32:06.750]in a very aggressive way that
satisfies their own goals.
[00:32:10.080]They're not really worried
about what the relationship is,
[00:32:12.090]and I'm sure you can all think
about somebody you know,
[00:32:14.910]that's very much so like this. They're
bold in the sense of stating their
[00:32:18.990]opinions and not really caring
what other people think about them.
[00:32:22.830]They're very forceful.
[00:32:24.740]and they usually solve conflict by just
overpowering or over talking the other person.
[00:32:30.180]And many times that's because they are
in a higher position of power because
[00:32:34.710]they're either your boss or maybe they're
just a friend that's more energetic or
[00:32:40.130]or maybe they're just very persuasive
and are just really good at talking and
[00:32:44.330]can convince other people
to take their side.
[00:32:47.630]But the one thing that stays the same,
[00:32:49.550]no matter what is somebody who's a
shark is just very assertive and very
[00:32:53.480]uncooperative. So on that axis,
[00:32:55.910]they're really high on one end in the
sense of that they're very assertive,
[00:33:00.050]but they're really low on the other end,
[00:33:01.700]meaning they're not willing to work
with other people or even hear the other
[00:33:04.130]person out. Their values and their
goals are what reign supreme.
[00:33:10.310]their personal goals are also valued over
the relationships they have with other
[00:33:14.060]people. But there are times that
even if you're a Teddy bear,
[00:33:17.360]or even if you are a turtle, there
is times you might want to use this.
[00:33:21.260]And that would be an emergency situation
when you need to make a decision fast.
[00:33:24.740]So let's say,
[00:33:26.150]there's a tornado and you need to get
people inside and you know where the
[00:33:30.710]shelter is. And you're going to
say, “Hey guys, we need to do this.
[00:33:34.100]And we need to go now.” And maybe people
aren't agreeing with it or thinking, “Oh,
[00:33:37.370]we're not in danger,” but you tell them,
“We have to absolutely get to cover.”
[00:33:41.600]That would be a time when you could use
the shark. Or maybe unpopular decisions
[00:33:45.680]need to be made, whether it's a group
project and you're choosing a route to go,
[00:33:49.160]or maybe it's a work project.
[00:33:50.750]And you're choosing how to pitch
a sales presentation to a client
[00:33:54.950]that's very out of the
normal. You would - then,
[00:33:57.830]if you're the leader of that
project, maybe you would know best.
[00:34:01.190]And the other people aren't
as knowledgeable about the
client you're going to be
[00:34:04.730]presenting to. And they may not
like the style of your choosing,
[00:34:07.160]but you have to go with that style,
because you know, it's going to do best.
[00:34:10.550]But also if you're defending somebody
else, who's getting exploited,
[00:34:13.790]maybe somebody being really mean
or hateful to another person.
[00:34:17.480]That's when a shark can be very helpful
in standing up for another person.
[00:34:22.010]But a lot of times not used correctly,
[00:34:24.350]it could leave a person feeling bruised
or unsatisfied or even resentful because
[00:34:29.480]they're used in un-urgent situation.
[00:34:33.890]So that's the shark and the
main way that that can be.
[00:34:37.880]Now we mentioned the Teddy bear,
two of you or the Teddy bear.
[00:34:40.160]So this specifically
will relate to you.
[00:34:42.620]A lot of times you're not as concerned
about your own personal goals,
[00:34:45.680]but you're really concerned about
other people and wanting their goals or
[00:34:48.890]concerns to be expressed
or to be achieved.
[00:34:51.470]And the Teddy bear really just wants to
smooth things over and prevent damage of
[00:34:54.830]relationships. And that's not a bad thing.
I just need you to have a very high,
[00:34:58.700]ability to want to
[00:35:03.590]promote unity in relationships because
you're very cooperative. You're just not,
[00:35:07.340]not as assertive. And that's okay.
[00:35:09.650]That's just your style and
your personality. And the
Teddy bear, once again,
[00:35:13.640]a lot of times wants to be liked by
other people. And because of that,
[00:35:17.060]they sometimes will surrender
their position in the conflict.
[00:35:20.450]Even when it's not warranted,
[00:35:21.710]they'll just kind of give in or allow
the other person to get their way to just
[00:35:25.700]end the conflict and allow everything
to be even keel and smooth things out.
[00:35:29.690]So the relationships not damaged.
[00:35:33.950]The relationship once again, is
valued over their own personal goals,
[00:35:38.640]but there are times that even if you're
not a Teddy bear and you're an owl,
[00:35:41.670]this could be helpful.
[00:35:42.810]And this could be when issues
matter more to the other party.
[00:35:45.660]Maybe you're not as concerned,
and it's once again,
[00:35:47.310]a conflict that you don't really
care who wins. You can just say, “Yep,
[00:35:50.130]you can have your way. We'll go
your way.” Maybe it's over
[00:35:53.490]a situation and you and your friends
want to choose where to go to eat that
[00:35:56.130]night. And you have a very strong
[00:35:58.560]distaste towards one of the
restaurants that was suggested,
[00:36:00.810]but you'll go there just so there's
not an argument. And you'll say, ”Yep,
[00:36:03.240]we'll go to Taco Bell. I
don't like it, but we'll go.”
[00:36:06.240]This piece is more valuable than
winning. And you once again
[00:36:10.440]want to be in a position to
collect favor in the future.
[00:36:12.900]So if you give in or maybe
allow somebody to get their way,
[00:36:15.750]you kind of assume in the back of
your head, “Hey, if I give in now,
[00:36:18.300]then they'll have to repay
the favor in the future.”
[00:36:21.150]But a lot of times that doesn't happen
and people end up feeling hurt because
[00:36:24.690]that favor is usually not returned.
[00:36:28.350]And then we've got the Fox and
this is the compromising Fox.
[00:36:31.830]Our second to last one.
[00:36:33.300]They view the calm conflict as something
that can be compromised on. That
[00:36:37.080]both sides can give up a little bit to
find a middle ground and make sure that
[00:36:41.850]my - a little bit of my concerns
or my needs are satisfied,
[00:36:44.520]or part of my goals are achieved in
part of your goals are achieved.
[00:36:49.140]There's once again, not a
perfect fit to this where,
[00:36:52.290]my way and your way isn't
fully, able to be achieved.
[00:36:56.550]But at least part of what
we wanted are achieved.
[00:37:00.240]This is somebody who is assertive
and somewhat cooperative.
[00:37:03.990]So not fully one way,
[00:37:07.560]we're kind of middle ground in
that chart that we just looked at
[00:37:12.150]but they do have a little bit of both of
those aspects or characteristics.
[00:37:16.590]But they are moderately concerned about
their own values and their relationships
[00:37:20.250]along with the other person's values
or concerns in relationships. And so once again,
[00:37:24.240]you may not be the style, but
when, when can I use this? Well,
[00:37:27.180]because the cost of the conflict is
higher than the cost of losing ground.
[00:37:31.980]So once again, if the cost and you
don't want to have to deal with it,
[00:37:35.730]and it would be a way worse
to just fully give in,
[00:37:39.840]because there's something that still
needs to be done and you can't fully give
[00:37:44.310]This is when you're still would maybe
want to be a little bit more assertive and
[00:37:47.400]make sure that part of
what you want is done.
[00:37:49.680]So maybe that's a group project and
you know that if we don't absolutely do
[00:37:52.830]certain things this way
or format it that way,
[00:37:55.830]we're going to get a terrible
grade because the teacher said
[00:37:57.810]we have to do this. Even if the
other group members say, “No,
[00:38:00.390]we don't need to do that.”
[00:38:01.920]But also equal strength of
opponents are at a standstill.
[00:38:04.650]So a lot of times you're at a deadlock
and you can't agree on something.
[00:38:07.770]So the best way to handle that conflict
maybe is to both give in a little bit,
[00:38:12.270]to allow you to get away from
that deadlock and remove that standstill.
[00:38:16.470]And or when a deadline is looming
and you have to get something done,
[00:38:20.760]you may both need to just give in a little
bit to allow you to reach that deadline.
[00:38:24.660]So once again, both parties may resent
to giving up part of their goals,
[00:38:27.840]but at least the conflict is managed
and the common good is achieved when you
[00:38:31.830]use this stuff. And then lastly, our owl,
[00:38:35.290]we come to the last couple of slides here.
[00:38:37.090]The owl is the last one that we mention.
[00:38:40.810]And they really view
conflict as a positive thing.
[00:38:43.630]And there's going to be something to
where we can both achieve our goals.
[00:38:48.460]And we can also seek a solution that
improves our relationship and also reduces
[00:38:53.530]the tensions that we might have.
[00:38:55.750]And the way that this person would go
about solving conflict would be first to,
[00:39:00.040]start with identifying
conflict as a problem, right?
[00:39:04.300]They would then say that, “Hey,
[00:39:06.010]we need to resolve this so that our
relationships could become better.
[00:39:09.370]And if we do that, it's going
to end up better for both of us.”
[00:39:11.770]That's the style or their
mindset and that situation.
[00:39:14.800]But the person usually has to be
pretty assertive and cooperative.
[00:39:17.800]So they want to state their goals
or what they think needs to happen,
[00:39:20.800]but also be willing to work with the
other person to make sure their goals and
[00:39:24.370]objectives are satisfied
as well. And once again,
[00:39:28.150]they value goals and relationships,
[00:39:29.920]and this is going to be used when
you need to bring multiple viewpoints
[00:39:33.910]together, to come up
with the best solution.
[00:39:36.040]And there's no way that you
can give in on something.
[00:39:39.790]You both need to just come
to a agreement on something,
[00:39:42.460]even if that means choosing a different
maybe viewpoint or process in the,
[00:39:47.560]problem-solving process, maybe you
need to choose something different,
[00:39:50.620]but if you can both agree
on it, that's the best way.
[00:39:53.200]And people are going to end
up being the most happy,
[00:39:55.330]because there's not really a trade-off; it's
[00:39:56.860]you both are working towards
the same thing and agree.
[00:40:00.640]So that's really what the owl
is and how that happens.
[00:40:03.970]So we're going to now turn it over to do
some discussion and then we'll kind of
[00:40:07.300]end our time together. And
[00:40:09.370]if you're willing once again to contribute
and kind of give me an answer for one
[00:40:13.510]of these, we have two questions.
[00:40:15.580]I'd love to just kind of get
some conversation and see
what you guys think about
[00:40:18.880]what you've learned and how you might
use these strategies in the future. So,
[00:40:22.360]first question is, now that
you're armed with this knowledge,
[00:40:24.910]how will you handle conflicts differently?
[00:40:28.450]So if anybody be willing to share
that, now that you have this knowledge,
[00:40:32.740]what might you do differently in
handling conflict in the future?
[00:40:39.960][Participant]: I think that like,
[00:40:41.040]sometimes it is important to realize that
you can adopt like the other styles of
[00:40:45.060]conflict management. Because
I am more like assertive,
[00:40:49.530]like I am cooperative, but I do
like to just get things done,
[00:40:52.800]but sometimes I need to realize that
it's better to just let them have it this
[00:40:56.400]time and it'll work out better.
[00:40:58.560][Joe]: Yeah, absolutely. Great example.
Thank you for sharing Bethany.
[00:41:01.440][Participant]: I also have
something to say.
[00:41:06.270]I think that after this presentation,
[00:41:09.690]what I learned most importantly is how
we can approach the person that we're
[00:41:13.710]having a conflict with. So usually
we just stay quiet and say, okay,
[00:41:17.970]this will pass or something like that.
[00:41:19.920]But I think there is a positive side
to how you can go talk to that person
[00:41:24.540]and set up a meeting or set
up a meetup or whatever.
[00:41:28.110]And that could benefit so much
better than just keeping quiet. [Joe]: Yeah.
[00:41:33.470]And Rose, maybe
[00:41:34.340]you agree with the statement that we
mentioned a little bit earlier in the
[00:41:37.040]presentation, but the
benefits of using this, uh,
[00:41:39.830]processes you're not going in
and trying to figure out, “Gosh,
[00:41:42.680]how am I going to talk
to this person?” But Hey,
[00:41:44.930]we actually have some steps that could
be followed and it makes it much easier
[00:41:51.890]to confront the person or talk with
them about that. Do you agree with that?
[00:41:55.880]Yeah. Awesome. Great. Shanie,
[00:41:59.520]do you have anything you'd like to add
to anything that Bethany or Rose said?
[00:42:03.650][Participant]: I was going to kind of say
the same thing that Rose said.
[00:42:06.290]I think like after this, it's going to be,
[00:42:09.140]I don't want to say easier for me to
kind of see it from other people's
[00:42:13.250]viewpoints and other
[00:42:15.470]but I think it will be
[00:42:19.370]And having those difficult
conversations. [Joe]: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:42:24.650]Great. Thanks for sharing! One
more question, and then, like I said,
[00:42:27.590]I'll let you all go,
[00:42:28.340]but I appreciate you guys contributing
at the end here and also at the
[00:42:31.520]beginning. But what styles
[00:42:34.970]or what style would you say that you
could maybe implement at work or school or
[00:42:38.750]your personal life now
that you know about it?
[00:42:40.970]Maybe if you have a specific example
of maybe you're naturally a Teddy bear,
[00:42:44.300]but I'm going to use the owl in this
situation, or maybe I'm normally a shark,
[00:42:48.320]but I'm now going to use the
turtle in this situation.
[00:42:50.900]So if you have an example maybe at
work or school or your personal life,
[00:42:54.350]that you'd be willing to fear now
that you know about these styles
[00:42:57.800]you can go ahead and, and kind of
share that. [Participant]: I think, like I said,
[00:43:02.720]I'm a Teddy bear, so I'm
kind of like the peacemaker.
[00:43:05.060]I just kind of want to make everyone
else happy and not really worry about my
[00:43:09.590]own needs. [Joe]: Sure. [Participant]: But I think like
in my own personal relationships,
[00:43:14.270]I think that,
[00:43:15.500]like I mentioned before that my needs
aren't always met and it kind of just
[00:43:20.780]builds up time, you
know, as I let time pass.
[00:43:23.930]And so taking that into consideration
in my personal relationships,
[00:43:28.790]I think will make a big difference.
[Joe]: Cool. Thank you. Thank you for sharing.
[00:43:36.190][Participant]: For me, although I'm
a Teddy bear, I think,
[00:43:39.910]now that I know the different kinds of
styles that are associated with these
[00:43:43.510]personalities, at the workplace,
[00:43:46.540]I've worked for two years and I think
being an owl or a turtle would be really
[00:43:50.830]beneficial because I've
mostly worked with
[00:43:54.430]more senior people than me.
[00:43:56.050]And those kind of discussions would be
very beneficial approaching with the owl
[00:44:01.190]or the turtle personality. And again,
I think for my personal relationships,
[00:44:06.160]it would not hurt to be a
shark sometimes. (chuckles) I mean,
[00:44:10.150]it's okay to be assertive with your
friends and family,
[00:44:14.020]because it would take less offense even
if I would be more assertive with them.
[00:44:19.600]So yeah, I think those kinds
of personalities would be
fun to sit around with.
[00:44:24.970]Yeah. [Joe]: Awesome. Well, thanks for sharing
and yeah, you've made a great point.
[00:44:29.560]Sometimes it's not always the
personality you have,
[00:44:33.810]but the people you're around,
[00:44:35.070]so you can be maybe more of a
shark or maybe more of a
[00:44:38.430]a Fox and compromise a little more
based on the people that you're around
[00:44:41.670]because your personal family is different
than your boss at work. So, yeah.
[00:44:45.210]Great, great point Rose. Thank you. [Participant]: Thanks
[00:44:47.930][Participant]: For me. I think in my job where
I might be more of an owl,
[00:44:51.380]like in my personal life,
and I do use that in my job,
[00:44:54.230]but it's definitely more of like a Teddy
bear situation because my main concern
[00:44:58.100]is accommodating like the customer's
needs or like the patrons need.
[00:45:03.920]it's not always about getting my way
it's about doing what's best for them.
[00:45:09.080][Joe]: Sure, absolutely. Yep. Great point. Well,
[00:45:13.730]thank you all for sharing,
[00:45:16.790]that pretty much brings
us to the end of our time.
[00:45:19.070]This is the three kind of things
we talked about was: once again,
[00:45:22.190]the basics of conflict management.
[00:45:23.780]We talked about the processes and use an
example of how each of those steps can
[00:45:27.320]be played out in real life. And
then lastly addressed the styles,
[00:45:30.500]which we just ended up
finishing our conversation with.
[00:45:33.470]So I'm going to leave us now that if you
have any questions you can unmute and
[00:45:37.520]ask, but, otherwise you're free
to kind of leave our Zoom meeting,
[00:45:41.420]but I appreciate you all
coming and contributing.
[00:45:43.850]I hope you gained something from today's
presentation and that you can take this
[00:45:47.810]and use some of the strategies going
forward, both in your personal,
[00:45:51.290]your work and maybe school
relationships with other people.
[00:45:54.080]So thanks again for coming in and you
have any questions, feel free to unmute,
[00:45:57.110]and I'd be glad to answer
anything that anybody might have.
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