Gratitude Makes You Attractive (Part 2)
Gratitude Makes You Attractive – Part 2 of 2
Gratitude is the most attractive human characteristic you can possess. Watch to find out how to cultivate it!
This video is part of the “Start the Conversation: Taking Care During Tough Times” video series created for Nebraska Extension’s Wellness in Tough Times project. The videos, led by Dr. Christine Chasek, include various strategies to improve your well-being and reduce stress during this challenging time.
Watch more videos at https://go.unl.edu/ruralwellness.
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[00:00:23.240]All right, well welcome back to part two,
[00:00:25.000]gratitude makes you attractive.
[00:00:27.690]So we left off with kinda talking about the brain
[00:00:30.700]and how the brain works, and how we can cultivate
[00:00:33.080]this attitude of gratitude.
[00:00:35.180]And so the gratitude piece really comes from
[00:00:40.072]filling ourselves with a sense of awe and wonderment.
[00:00:44.170]And so, what do we think about during all this time?
[00:00:47.510]Do we think about some of the good things
[00:00:49.560]and maybe look through life a little bit more
[00:00:52.530]with a child's eye, right?
[00:00:54.430]So how do the kids in your life look at things?
[00:00:57.580]Everything is kind of new and exciting,
[00:01:00.757]and a field of dandelions that's sprouted
[00:01:03.010]is not, you know, the worst thing that can ever happen.
[00:01:07.120]They pick up that dandelion with all of the seeds on it
[00:01:10.200]and they blow and they make a wish, right?
[00:01:12.930]And so they're wishing on things that they want.
[00:01:16.677]And I saw a picture recently too of a little guy,
[00:01:19.140]he couldn't play with his friends,
[00:01:21.230]he couldn't go to the library to do story time.
[00:01:24.260]And it was this whole story about this little guy
[00:01:26.490]and how things had changed.
[00:01:28.540]So instead what he did is he went out
[00:01:30.930]to the field and he read to his little baby calf
[00:01:34.815]because he wanted some companionship and something to do.
[00:01:38.430]So rather than stay stuck in the negative,
[00:01:40.600]he made a way to do something kinda fun and connecting.
[00:01:44.820]I just thought that was so cute.
[00:01:47.520]And so what are we focusing on?
[00:01:49.360]Are we focusing on, looking at the storm
[00:01:52.860]and all of the bad things that are going on.
[00:01:54.840]Or are we trying to see the rainbow
[00:01:56.990]at the end of the storm?
[00:01:58.565]There is always a silver lining,
[00:02:02.885]we are promised, right?
[00:02:06.157]That the world will never be destroyed again.
[00:02:09.730]That's the promise of the rainbow,
[00:02:11.150]at least from a Biblical viewpoint.
[00:02:13.890]And so there are things that we, you know,
[00:02:17.080]might go through some really difficult times,
[00:02:19.440]and that's the storm and that's the cloud.
[00:02:21.780]But if we stay focused on kind of the rainbow at the end,
[00:02:24.910]we'll find that we are in a much better place emotionally.
[00:02:27.930]So we need to look for those blessings, right?
[00:02:30.717]Our grandson recently, our first grandson,
[00:02:34.627]which talk about a blessing, was born.
[00:02:38.067]And he was born on St. Patrick's Day.
[00:02:41.363]Of course me being in my field and what I do,
[00:02:44.400]part of my specialty is doing substance abuse treatment.
[00:02:47.710]And I thought, oh great this is just gonna be
[00:02:49.970]a big opportunity to party,
[00:02:51.560]and oh my gosh when he's old enough to drink
[00:02:53.960]he's gonna over do it.
[00:02:55.030]I kinda went down this negative path.
[00:02:57.680]Then I realized, I said stop wait a minute,
[00:03:00.045]what a blessing that he was born St. Patrick's Day,
[00:03:03.590]the whole idea of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
[00:03:07.640]And I thought, oh that's so cool.
[00:03:10.580]He really is the pot of gold
[00:03:13.720]at the end of the rainbow for my daughter.
[00:03:16.180]She had had kind of a difficult pregnancy
[00:03:18.296]and so he really has become our nugget.
[00:03:21.800]That's what we call him, because he's a little nugget
[00:03:23.590]of gold in our pot at the rainbow.
[00:03:26.127]And so how you see things is just so important,
[00:03:28.820]whether you can laugh, or whether you can
[00:03:30.660]get yourself all worked up about things.
[00:03:33.860]And you know sometimes, we have double the blessing
[00:03:37.037]when we're looking at things.
[00:03:38.950]And so we want to share our gratitude with other people.
[00:03:42.970]That we are grateful and that we share that,
[00:03:48.187]and we share things we're grateful with, with other people.
[00:03:51.660]And part of the definition is that, you know,
[00:03:54.270]we are grateful for the things that we've been given.
[00:03:57.630]And it's recognition of those things.
[00:04:00.410]And so it's speaking about what you're grateful for,
[00:04:04.060]to other people, about other people, with other people.
[00:04:07.860]And so we can't just let that gratitude,
[00:04:11.330]we can't just hide it.
[00:04:12.890]We can't just kind of hide it under the bush
[00:04:15.030]and not let it shine through.
[00:04:16.765]Because that's really the power in being grateful,
[00:04:19.900]is that we speak it.
[00:04:21.320]And not only does it improve your mental health,
[00:04:23.480]but it improves the other person's mental health.
[00:04:26.440]So remember when I said in relationship
[00:04:28.660]that gratitude builds that attractiveness,
[00:04:31.490]it builds the trust, and it builds the good things.
[00:04:34.790]So my challenge to you is to really focus
[00:04:39.790]on the grateful things and not the weeds, right?
[00:04:42.320]Focus on the flowers in the weeds,
[00:04:44.590]and speak those to other people.
[00:04:47.090]And so this whole deal with COVID, right,
[00:04:50.110]there is so much of it we can't control.
[00:04:52.900]And we can focus on that.
[00:04:54.380]We can focus on the awfulness and watch the news,
[00:04:57.860]and hear all the tragedies on a daily basis.
[00:05:00.550]But that's not really doing our mental health
[00:05:02.840]and mental wellness any good,
[00:05:04.560]and it's not changing the situation, right?
[00:05:07.370]So if you think about it, all the things
[00:05:08.920]you worry about and that you stress about,
[00:05:11.520]that you're anxious about, a lot of them
[00:05:14.507]don't come to fruition.
[00:05:16.830]A lot of them don't happen.
[00:05:18.940]And I've had people say, well see,
[00:05:20.420]then it's all worth it.
[00:05:21.850]And I'm like, it wasn't your worrying
[00:05:23.330]that didn't make it not happen, right?
[00:05:25.410]It wasn't gonna happen in the first place.
[00:05:27.600]So you spent your energy and your time
[00:05:29.970]on kind of the negative.
[00:05:31.870]When really focusing on the positive
[00:05:34.525]is so much more helpful.
[00:05:37.230]And you know we do have a lot of things
[00:05:38.850]that have changed in our worlds during COVID.
[00:05:41.340]So we can't gather as frequently
[00:05:44.525]and as many people as we want.
[00:05:47.997]Things are being canceled.
[00:05:50.170]And the things in the summer that kids usually do
[00:05:53.750]are being canceled.
[00:05:54.730]Things that we want to do in the summer
[00:05:56.210]are being canceled.
[00:05:58.810]But you know I think about the fairs being canceled
[00:06:01.580]and how kids really look forward to that,
[00:06:03.970]and adults too, and it's kind of a showcase
[00:06:07.050]of the agricultural way of life, right?
[00:06:09.450]It's the fair, the summer fair.
[00:06:11.730]And if those things don't happen,
[00:06:14.330]that's awful, that's terrible, is kinda what we start
[00:06:16.645]immediately thinking about.
[00:06:19.410]But, we still can do things
[00:06:22.957]that are impactful, meaningful, and show off
[00:06:27.740]our agricultural way of life, just in a different way.
[00:06:30.900]And so I think about our 4-H kids,
[00:06:33.820]we have a couple kids, the ones that live next door
[00:06:36.830]that the parents farm.
[00:06:39.575]And they have lots of 4-H projects, right?
[00:06:43.910]And so the other day they were over
[00:06:46.160]and he was taking some pictures of the clouds
[00:06:48.260]and doing a video, because he could upload that
[00:06:51.880]as part of a 4-H project.
[00:06:53.690]It could be virtual, it's a virtual sharing of things.
[00:06:57.020]They have bunnies in the backyard.
[00:07:00.187]And it's kind of a process of learning, right?
[00:07:02.157]That's what this is all about,
[00:07:03.830]is the process of learning how to care for animals,
[00:07:06.780]or you know how to learn things, agricultural things.
[00:07:10.750]It's not so much the fair at the end.
[00:07:13.220]Although that's a culmination and a great showcase,
[00:07:16.140]the important things are also along the way.
[00:07:18.770]And so we want to focus on the now, and the present.
[00:07:22.456]That's where gratitude really starts,
[00:07:25.230]is focusing on what we are grateful for right now.
[00:07:27.950]And you know that's why we call the present, a gift,
[00:07:35.070]because the present is a gift, right?
[00:07:37.870]And the past is frozen in time.
[00:07:39.970]We can't do anything about it.
[00:07:41.230]We can get frustrated or upset,
[00:07:43.470]but we can't change the past.
[00:07:44.620]It's frozen in time.
[00:07:46.110]And the future is unknown, right?
[00:07:48.300]And we can be anxious about the future
[00:07:49.820]and what's gonna happen, and you know the COVID thing
[00:07:52.430]has really heightened that.
[00:07:53.520]What's gonna happen, and what's gonna happen next?
[00:07:56.280]But we can't do anything about that, right?
[00:07:58.960]And we can't control that.
[00:08:00.510]But what we can control is the present.
[00:08:03.160]And that is what is a gift, is the present,
[00:08:07.050]and being able to focus on that,
[00:08:09.190]and what can we do to make it better right now.
[00:08:12.170]And so we have to learn, when we're being grateful,
[00:08:15.507]what you can change and what you can't.
[00:08:18.360]And there's a serenity, kinda like, flowchart.
[00:08:21.090]So if we think about serenity as something that we want.
[00:08:24.340]Serenity, we want peace,
[00:08:26.675]we want life to go well basically, for us.
[00:08:31.350]We have to do some things to make that happen.
[00:08:33.970]And there's a serenity flowchart.
[00:08:36.867]So it doesn't just fall out of the sky on us.
[00:08:39.650]We have to learn how to kind of be serene.
[00:08:43.100]And so we have to learn what we can control
[00:08:45.990]and what we can't.
[00:08:47.140]So if you have a problem, right, there's a problem.
[00:08:50.010]You have different choices you can do.
[00:08:52.840]You have say, is this really a problem?
[00:08:58.060]It may be, if the answer is maybe,
[00:09:00.690]then you ask for wisdom.
[00:09:01.810]Like, help me understand, is this a problem,
[00:09:04.010]is this not a problem.
[00:09:05.550]So seek out wisdom.
[00:09:07.140]If you decide that yes it is a problem, right,
[00:09:11.470]then okay, can I change it.
[00:09:14.750]So what can I do about it?
[00:09:16.520]If the answer is no, I can't change it,
[00:09:19.608]then we have to accept it, right?
[00:09:23.088]Because there's nothing we can do about it.
[00:09:26.920]If the answer is yes, it's a problem,
[00:09:29.930]and I can change it, then we can get into action,
[00:09:34.579]look for courage, do the things we need to do,
[00:09:37.840]and we can change it.
[00:09:39.750]So the serenity kinda flowchart really is identifying,
[00:09:42.600]is there a problem, and second step, can I change it?
[00:09:46.860]And the answer to that question is really important
[00:09:49.270]in terms of how you deal with it.
[00:09:52.800]And so, you know during COVID we can't have,
[00:09:55.879]there's some things we can't change.
[00:09:58.430]And so you know weddings have been postponed,
[00:10:01.110]and funerals if you've lost a loved one.
[00:10:03.480]It's been really difficult.
[00:10:05.010]And all kind of normal life being disrupted a little bit.
[00:10:09.620]Our ability to, you know, our economy kind of is difficult.
[00:10:14.330]There's some things we just can't change.
[00:10:16.000]But we can make the most of what we have.
[00:10:18.960]And so there's, you know when you're in,
[00:10:21.850]I think an agricultural way of life,
[00:10:24.050]there's some things that are being slowed down
[00:10:27.428]and learning how to connect with each other in new ways
[00:10:30.720]is really interesting.
[00:10:32.060]And so maybe you can't have the big wedding,
[00:10:34.140]but you could have maybe a smaller wedding
[00:10:36.590]on your farm place and the cows can be
[00:10:38.756]a part of your guests, right?
[00:10:41.108]Or you can do things like, when visiting the nursing home
[00:10:46.030]and being able to see your loved ones,
[00:10:48.810]that's been off limits for a while,
[00:10:50.930]and you might want not be able to go in,
[00:10:52.967]but you can come to the window.
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