Emotional and Family Well-being while temporarily working from home

IANR Vice Chancellor's Office Author

04/22/2020 Added

10 Plays

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Interview with Dr. Gilbert Parra, Associate professor in Child, Youth and Family Studies, Clinical Psychologist and Marriage and Family Therapist. As faculty and staff members who are used to working from their offices and labs find themselves temporarily working from home may experience unanticipated challenges to emotional and mental well-being and to their family well-being. These are uncertain times and uncertainty is often accompanied with disruption and change that can lead to feelings and thoughts that can contribute to fear, hopelessness, and despair and to distress in relationships. These kinds of thoughts and feelings are normal.

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[00:00:00.350]I'm Rich Bischoff, the Associate Vice Chancellor
[00:00:03.320]for Faculty and Academic Leader Success
[00:00:05.630]in the Institute of Agriculture and Natural Resources.
[00:00:09.740]As faculty and staff members who are used to working
[00:00:12.580]from their offices and labs at the university
[00:00:15.160]find themselves working from home,
[00:00:17.620]they may experience unanticipated challenges
[00:00:20.390]to their mental and emotional health
[00:00:22.880]and to their family wellbeing.
[00:00:25.470]These are uncertain times,
[00:00:27.090]and uncertainty is often accompanied
[00:00:29.450]with disruption and change
[00:00:31.800]that can lead to feelings and thoughts
[00:00:35.290]that can contribute to fear, hopelessness, and despair,
[00:00:39.040]and also to distress in one's most important relationships.
[00:00:42.730]These kinds of thoughts and feelings are normal.
[00:00:45.110]I'm talking with Dr. Gilbert Parra.
[00:00:47.790]Gilbert is a faculty member
[00:00:49.230]in the Department of Child, Youth, and Family Studies
[00:00:51.870]in the College of Education and Human Sciences.
[00:00:54.890]He is a clinical psychologist
[00:00:56.780]and marriage and family therapist
[00:00:58.840]with expertise in the area of mental and emotional health,
[00:01:02.350]and the emotional bonds that develop
[00:01:04.640]within couple and parent relationships.
[00:01:07.360]Gilbert, perhaps you can start us off by telling us
[00:01:10.400]about the importance of emotional bonds
[00:01:12.470]to family relationships,
[00:01:13.950]and how these emotional bonds are influenced
[00:01:16.270]by individuals' emotional and psychological health.
[00:01:19.370]Yes, and first thank you very much
[00:01:21.330]for the opportunity to have this conversation
[00:01:23.290]with you today.
[00:01:24.670]And before I talk about the connection
[00:01:27.140]that individuals have with their families
[00:01:29.567]and the importance of those connections,
[00:01:31.280]I just wanted to highlight that these feelings
[00:01:35.330]that people may be experiencing,
[00:01:37.850]the distress, the fear, the anxiety, and the anger,
[00:01:41.240]all those things are very normal.
[00:01:43.800]This is a really difficult time, I think,
[00:01:45.810]for everybody,
[00:01:46.643]and the uncertainty, I think, contributes
[00:01:49.410]to lots of feelings,
[00:01:51.000]and those feelings are very normative.
[00:01:53.800]I think we're all gonna have kind of good days,
[00:01:56.450]and I think we're all gonna have, you know, low days,
[00:01:58.840]but we have more conflict than normal in our relationships.
[00:02:02.210]We may not be the best parents
[00:02:03.830]that we expect ourselves to be,
[00:02:05.960]but all these, kind of, challenges and changes,
[00:02:08.560]I think, are very normative at this time,
[00:02:10.700]given everything that's going on.
[00:02:12.490]And I think research consistently shows us
[00:02:14.610]that the connections that we have
[00:02:16.330]with the importance of others in our life
[00:02:18.660]are really important,
[00:02:20.190]and I think they're important for two reasons.
[00:02:22.550]I think one: they really kind of help
[00:02:24.670]to increase our positive affect.
[00:02:26.560]I think times of laughter, times of sharing
[00:02:29.190]important things,
[00:02:30.207]can really increase the positive feelings that we have.
[00:02:33.540]Another really important function
[00:02:35.050]of connections with important others
[00:02:37.380]is that during times of distress
[00:02:39.410]and during times of stress,
[00:02:41.240]kind of talking and sharing, kind of,
[00:02:43.000]our feelings with others can be incredibly comforting
[00:02:47.640]and incredibly supportive.
[00:02:49.240]I think bBoth of those things, right now,
[00:02:51.330]are incredibly important during these hard times.
[00:02:54.370]I think having time to, kind of, share positive experiences
[00:02:58.980]with the people who are important to us can really help
[00:03:01.460]during these difficult times,
[00:03:03.260]but also being able to share and communicate
[00:03:06.640]some of the things that we're feeling
[00:03:08.330]can be very helpful in coping
[00:03:10.900]with these very stressful times.
[00:03:12.800]Sure, and I would imagine also recognizing
[00:03:15.150]as we're sharing with those we love
[00:03:17.958]those feelings that we're having,
[00:03:19.770]recognizing that they're probably having very similar
[00:03:22.150]sort of feelings as we are.
[00:03:24.040]Absolutely, absolutely.
[00:03:25.210]I mean I think --
[00:03:26.043]I know one of the important parts
[00:03:27.990]of having a support system, having supportive others,
[00:03:30.840]is also being able to support
[00:03:32.730]the feelings of others as well.
[00:03:34.830]A big part of that is just being a good listener
[00:03:37.520]and hearing some of the experiences
[00:03:40.070]and the ways that things are impacting
[00:03:42.790]the people we care about
[00:03:44.040]can be very powerful and comforting.
[00:03:46.970]Sure, I know, Gilbert,
[00:03:48.163]that one of the things that influences my ability
[00:03:51.430]to listen is when I feel pretty emotional myself.
[00:03:55.960]I'm wondering if you could give us
[00:03:57.270]maybe some strategies for, kind of,
[00:03:59.890]navigating that environment
[00:04:01.670]where we're bringing our own emotion to bare
[00:04:03.910]and yet also wanting to be supportive to others.
[00:04:06.860]Yeah, I think that's a really
[00:04:08.262]important question, important point,
[00:04:10.550]and right now, there are a host of really good resources
[00:04:14.220]that are available to, kind of, help us take care
[00:04:17.490]of ourselves and engage in lots of self-care activities,
[00:04:20.750]and those things are incredibly important
[00:04:23.040]for us to be --
[00:04:24.130]You know we have partners, I think,
[00:04:25.510]we have parents,
[00:04:26.560]and the other thing, I think, is also, kind of,
[00:04:29.240]really understanding the things that we are feeling.
[00:04:32.320]Our emotions are actually really helpful for us,
[00:04:35.410]and trying to figure out, kind of, the best way
[00:04:37.650]to respond to different situations,
[00:04:40.040]and being able to, kind of, listen
[00:04:41.400]to our emotional experiences can be really helpful
[00:04:45.030]to understand what those are,
[00:04:47.400]and I think that can kind of allow us
[00:04:49.420]to be better listeners to others.
[00:04:52.370]Gilbert, what are your observations
[00:04:54.040]about the kinds of challenges to family wellbeing
[00:04:57.290]and emotional health that can be expected
[00:05:00.130]as our faculty and staff members find themselves
[00:05:03.590]temporarily and unexpectedly working from home
[00:05:06.810]during this time of the COVID-19 pandemic?
[00:05:10.040]I think there are a lot of challenges
[00:05:12.210]that are different for lots of families.
[00:05:14.330]One of my clinical mentors used to always tell me
[00:05:17.390]that being a parent is the hardest job in the world,
[00:05:20.810]and I truly, kind of, believed that.
[00:05:22.700]He used to consistently say
[00:05:24.000]that if you don't understand and appreciate that,
[00:05:26.360]it's going to be really hard to work with families,
[00:05:29.760]and, I think, during stressful and uncertain times,
[00:05:33.340]being a parent is incredibly hard.
[00:05:36.410]I think that is one of the biggest challenges,
[00:05:38.620]and one of the ways that it's challenging is, I think,
[00:05:41.820]at least in my household, our routines have been disrupted
[00:05:44.710]quite a bit.
[00:05:45.543]And we're a family that functions best
[00:05:47.990]when we have, kind of, routines,
[00:05:49.680]and with the disruptions, trying to establish
[00:05:52.760]what works for us has been, I think,
[00:05:54.780]really difficult,
[00:05:55.640]and I think that's one of the bigger challenges
[00:05:58.120]for families is trying to figure out
[00:05:59.597]what the best routine is given everything that is going on.
[00:06:04.290]And I do think --
[00:06:05.123]I want to acknowledge that there are
[00:06:06.600]some incredibly hard things that are happening for families.
[00:06:10.030]I think financial hardship is kind of one, I think,
[00:06:14.030]big thing that makes things hard.
[00:06:15.890]I think another really important challenge
[00:06:18.410]that doesn't get enough attention
[00:06:19.760]is that a lot of individuals are far away
[00:06:22.750]from their loved ones,
[00:06:24.385]and not being able to connect with them
[00:06:26.600]in a way that feels good can be hard.
[00:06:29.310]Also, worrying a lot about the wellbeing of our own parents,
[00:06:34.270]I think that's something
[00:06:35.170]that hasn't been talked a lot about,
[00:06:36.630]but I think that is stressful for lots of people.
[00:06:40.000]We may be touching on this a little bit,
[00:06:41.660]but, Gilbert, in psychology,
[00:06:43.390]we often talk about risk factors.
[00:06:46.200]These are those things in our environment,
[00:06:48.310]in our behavior, in our thinking,
[00:06:49.960]or in our relationships that increase our chances
[00:06:53.210]of developing a problem,
[00:06:54.660]whether that be emotional, psychological,
[00:06:56.620]relational, physical problems.
[00:06:58.610]Perhaps you could to us a little bit
[00:07:00.020]about the risk factors to our family wellbeing
[00:07:02.910]and emotional health that we should pay attention to
[00:07:05.830]during this time of the COVID-19 pandemic.
[00:07:08.730]So I think one of the consistent risk factors
[00:07:11.070]that's been shown in the research
[00:07:13.040]is that individuals who don't have supportive others
[00:07:17.640]are at --
[00:07:18.770]more vulnerable to experience,
[00:07:20.380]kind of, heightened levels of stress
[00:07:22.290]during these times.
[00:07:23.890]I think that is one fact that kind of places people at risk
[00:07:27.880]for experiencing more heightened stress.
[00:07:30.760]And one of the messages that I wanna communicate today
[00:07:34.060]is if you are someone who doesn't feel
[00:07:37.260]like they have supportive others,
[00:07:39.440]or, for different reasons,
[00:07:40.860]don't feel like they can turn to supportive others,
[00:07:43.210]I think there are lots of mental health resources
[00:07:45.290]out there that are available online
[00:07:48.410]that can provide that support.
[00:07:50.740]And I think another important set of risk factors --
[00:07:53.700]So in the media, there are lots of discussion
[00:07:56.930]related to COVID-19 and those individuals
[00:07:59.810]who are most vulnerable to the effects of the virus.
[00:08:05.510]I think, kind of, in similar way,
[00:08:07.070]there are individuals who are most vulnerable
[00:08:10.560]to the effects of the isolation.
[00:08:13.590]So individuals who have histories
[00:08:15.800]of emotional and behavioral problems
[00:08:18.720]may be most affected by this experience
[00:08:23.480]of social distancing.
[00:08:25.480]Individuals also who have long histories
[00:08:28.210]of conflict within the family
[00:08:30.370]or difficulties in the parent-child relationships
[00:08:33.170]also may be most affected.
[00:08:36.467]For those individuals, I think,
[00:08:39.320]there are lots and lots of resources
[00:08:40.980]out there, and I hope that you can get connected
[00:08:44.470]to those resources.
[00:08:45.320]One of the really good resources
[00:08:47.010]that we have available is the Marriage
[00:08:48.770]and Family Therapy Clinic
[00:08:50.290]has a website that has a lot of good resources
[00:08:55.600]and also has a way to connect to someone
[00:08:59.750]to talk to about the stress and difficulties.
[00:09:02.450]Gilbert, preventative strategies
[00:09:04.162]are often the best when dealing with risks
[00:09:08.750]to our emotional health and family wellbeing.
[00:09:12.430]What suggestions or advice do you have
[00:09:14.590]for preventative strategies that people
[00:09:17.040]might try to decrease the risk
[00:09:19.440]of the normal feelings of fear, despair, distress,
[00:09:24.512]other similar feelings leading to relationship distress
[00:09:29.860]or emotional mental health problems?
[00:09:33.520]I think the first line of strategies
[00:09:36.770]is really good self-care.
[00:09:39.030]As I mentioned earlier, there are lots
[00:09:41.480]of good resources for how to do self-care out there.
[00:09:46.130]I think that can be incredibly helpful
[00:09:48.410]and incredibly protective at this time,
[00:09:51.410]especially in the different roles
[00:09:53.970]that we have within our families.
[00:09:55.620]I think the self-care strategies are gonna help us
[00:09:57.700]to be more patient with our kids,
[00:09:59.990]more patient with our partners,
[00:10:01.900]and also potentially be better listeners.
[00:10:05.620]In terms of parenting,
[00:10:06.794]I think children and adolescents, actually,
[00:10:10.740]are going through similar levels of stress,
[00:10:13.150]and maybe for different reasons.
[00:10:15.200]I can really empathize with adolescents
[00:10:19.440]who maybe graduated from high school at this time,
[00:10:22.500]and this was such an important developmental time
[00:10:25.760]and important to celebrate,
[00:10:27.610]and I think they're kind of missing
[00:10:28.720]lots of experiences and opportunities
[00:10:32.940]just kind of being related to being ready to graduate.
[00:10:35.950]I think being able to communicate and empathize
[00:10:40.100]with our kids and adolescents related to
[00:10:42.760]some of the things --
[00:10:44.280]ways that they may be impacted by what's been going on.
[00:10:48.220]As you're talking here,
[00:10:49.350]it's just underscoring to me the importance
[00:10:52.070]of seeing the connection between one person's experience,
[00:10:57.740]one person's emotional mental health,
[00:11:00.910]that experience that they're having
[00:11:02.670]and how that impacts their relationships as well.
[00:11:07.520]Gilbert, is there anything more that you can say
[00:11:10.050]that would help us be able to understand
[00:11:11.900]the connection between what's going on with the individual
[00:11:15.430]and how that impacts, then, a person's relationships
[00:11:18.890]and these emotional bonds that you talked about before?
[00:11:22.450]I think one of the things
[00:11:23.670]that I've learned over the years is
[00:11:25.260]that it's really hard to express some of the things
[00:11:29.370]that we are feeling.
[00:11:30.890]I think we live in a culture and live in society
[00:11:33.920]where we don't --
[00:11:35.660]a lot of the expectations are not to share
[00:11:38.270]a lot of what's going on with us.
[00:11:40.260]So I think it can be a very vulnerable and hard thing
[00:11:44.900]to share some of our experiences,
[00:11:47.560]but I think during these really hard times
[00:11:49.970]and difficult times,
[00:11:51.600]I think that's when using our supportive others
[00:11:56.170]is critically important,
[00:11:57.860]and being a resource for others is also really important.
[00:12:01.990]So what about those who --
[00:12:03.930]We talked a little bit about preventative strategies
[00:12:06.550]and then this connection
[00:12:08.230]between what an individual is experiencing
[00:12:12.450]and then the impact on their family relationship.
[00:12:15.140]What about those situations where somebody
[00:12:17.840]is already feeling like they're struggling
[00:12:22.890]with emotional mental health problems
[00:12:26.910]and find themselves in this situation,
[00:12:31.000]or are already experiencing the effects
[00:12:33.560]of relationship distress?
[00:12:35.232]What advice do you have for those individuals?
[00:12:38.920]So I guess the best advice I have
[00:12:41.610]is to use the resources that are available
[00:12:45.280]through professional mental health practitioners.
[00:12:49.660]I think there are lots of wonderful practitioners
[00:12:52.640]in Lincoln, and Nebraska, more broadly,
[00:12:55.960]and I think if you feel like
[00:12:59.370]these preventative efforts and some of these strategies
[00:13:01.820]just aren't working, and feel, just, continued stress,
[00:13:05.800]or your relationship is so conflictual,
[00:13:08.730]then I think this may be a sign that professional help
[00:13:11.470]could be really useful.
[00:13:13.550]Yeah, that's great advice.
[00:13:14.700]I guess I'll just remind everyone
[00:13:18.180]that the university has
[00:13:19.600]Employee Assistant Program counselors
[00:13:22.819]that are continuing to work during this time as well,
[00:13:27.200]and that can be a resource not only just to the employee,
[00:13:31.840]but also to the employee's family members as well.
[00:13:35.500]Gilbert, perhaps there are some other things
[00:13:38.210]that you were thinking about
[00:13:39.670]as you were preparing to talk with me today.
[00:13:41.880]Is there anything else that you'd like to tell us?
[00:13:44.277]I mean I think I just --
[00:13:46.070]In terms of a closing message,
[00:13:48.669]and this is the message that I started off with,
[00:13:50.920]is I think as individuals within our families
[00:13:55.750]is realizing all these kind of feelings are normative.
[00:13:59.650]There are going to be lots of ups and lots of downs.
[00:14:04.040]And just, being compassionate to yourselves,
[00:14:07.930]being patient with your kids,
[00:14:10.230]being patient with your partners
[00:14:12.800]is, I think, really important.
[00:14:15.530]That's great, Gilbert; thank you very much.
[00:14:17.790]So I've been speaking with Dr. Gilbert Parra,
[00:14:20.840]an associate professor in the Department
[00:14:22.840]of Child, Youth, and Family Studies
[00:14:24.580]in the College of Education and Human Sciences.
[00:14:27.540]Gilbert, thank you so much for talking with me
[00:14:29.830]about these important things today.
[00:14:32.020]Thank you very much.

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Emotional and Family Well-being while temporarily working from home

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