Challenges of parenting young children while working from home

IANR Vice Chancellor's Office Author

04/13/2020 Added

52 Plays

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Interview with Dr. Holly Hatton-Bowers, Assistant professor in Child, Youth and Family Studies. As faculty and staff members who are used to working from their offices and labs are now temporarily working from home, they may experience unanticipated challenges to their relationships. For parents of young children, these may include figuring out how to share the same physical space and finding balance of time and attention given to children and work.

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[00:00:00.170]I'm Rich Bischoff, the associate vice
[00:00:01.003]chancellor for faculty and academic leader success in the
[00:00:05.090]Institute of Agriculture and Natural Resources.
[00:00:07.870]As faculty and staff members who are used to working
[00:00:10.590]from their offices and labs at the university find
[00:00:13.200]themselves working from home,
[00:00:14.850]they may experience unanticipated challenges related
[00:00:17.670]to their relationships.
[00:00:19.260]For parents, these challenges may include figuring out
[00:00:22.410]how to share the same physical space with their children
[00:00:25.020]while they're working.
[00:00:25.980]And balancing time and attention given to their children
[00:00:29.170]with the time and attention required that they give to work.
[00:00:32.270]Navigating these challenges could be, can have both positive
[00:00:36.010]and negative consequences, with the consequences being
[00:00:38.770]largely determined by how the parents handle them.
[00:00:41.240]Today I'm talking with Doctor Holly Hatton-Bowers, the
[00:00:43.850]assistant professor in the Department of Child, Youth
[00:00:46.220]and Family Studies.
[00:00:47.120]Holly is an extension specialist with expertise in early
[00:00:50.990]childhood and parenting.
[00:00:52.490]Holly perhaps you could start us off with some observations
[00:00:55.410]about how the challenges that parents with children may
[00:00:58.590]experience as they find themselves temporarily working
[00:01:01.770]from home during this time when schools and early childhood
[00:01:05.220]settings are closed due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
[00:01:08.930]Yes, thank you Rich.
[00:01:10.400]I appreciate being invited to this conversation.
[00:01:13.470]I know it's very real for me right now, having a daughter
[00:01:17.120]who's five years old, and my partner, so both of us trying
[00:01:20.460]to navigate childcare and working from home.
[00:01:23.720]I think everyone is feeling that everything is challenging
[00:01:27.414]today.
[00:01:28.247]Our schedules, routines, our daily rhythms, they've
[00:01:31.740]completely changed.
[00:01:32.900]I think we're all experiencing so many stressors.
[00:01:36.230]I think while our family, in particular, feels very
[00:01:38.590]privileged because we do have the option to work from home.
[00:01:41.930]We're safe, we're healthy, we're also still feeling a
[00:01:45.140]lot of the challenges that many, I think, staff and other
[00:01:48.720]colleagues may be also experiencing and feeling.
[00:01:51.430]I know my daughter's preschool closed which has caused me to
[00:01:55.000]feel some real sadness and grief with the ideas that she
[00:01:58.850]won't be with her peers during a really, you know, formative
[00:02:01.920]time.
[00:02:02.753]She created some really close relationships and talks about
[00:02:06.270]her friends almost every day.
[00:02:07.800]And even today she, you know, cried a little bit because she
[00:02:11.650]really missed a few of her friends and her teachers.
[00:02:14.340]It's been even harder for us because her school has really
[00:02:16.680]supported us during this past year when my husband was
[00:02:19.420]undergoing treatment for colon cancer, so we lost, you know,
[00:02:23.330]that connection, that social connection of seeing, you know,
[00:02:27.160]part of our family everyday.
[00:02:28.420]And I think, you know, there's other stressors.
[00:02:30.100]We've even joked about how today is such an uncertain time,
[00:02:33.230]and we're even worried about having toilet paper.
[00:02:35.356]And it could be kind of funny sometimes, but these are all
[00:02:38.660]new challenges, I think for us.
[00:02:40.450]Having conferences canceled, I was really looking forward to
[00:02:43.830]presenting my research I've been collecting for a few years
[00:02:46.790]with some amazing colleagues.
[00:02:49.100]And this was an international conference in Australia, and
[00:02:51.540]so there's some disappointment with that.
[00:02:53.850]And then also, I was about to start a research project that
[00:02:57.250]I had been working and preparing to do a randomized
[00:03:00.090]control study that I was finally going to get to do this
[00:03:03.160]spring, that won't happen now.
[00:03:05.120]And we're not sure when it's going to happen, it's on pause.
[00:03:07.640]But again, it just adds to the stress, and the challenges of
[00:03:11.760]what I am experiencing and I know others are as well.
[00:03:15.300]Yeah, I agree that these are very stressful times.
[00:03:18.450]I appreciate you talking a little bit about the privilege,
[00:03:20.837]that we have, many of us at the university where we had
[00:03:24.680]that opportunity to be able to work from home where so
[00:03:28.360]many others are being furloughed, or even losing their jobs
[00:03:31.730]and don't have the same opportunities, that we might
[00:03:35.380]have to be able to do that.
[00:03:36.530]I do think that it's important that, you know, that we
[00:03:38.940]remember that position that we're in, and it really is a
[00:03:42.070]privileged position.
[00:03:43.140]Wondering if you could talk, just a little bit about, maybe
[00:03:46.210]some of the challenges that parents might experience with
[00:03:50.070]young children and sharing the same physical space with
[00:03:52.650]their children when they're working.
[00:03:55.260]And I realize that many parents do this, but for those of us
[00:03:58.240]who aren't used to doing it, we are now trying to transition
[00:04:02.160]to working at home when we weren't necessarily used to doing
[00:04:05.580]that before.
[00:04:06.680]What might be some of those challenges that parents should
[00:04:09.260]expect as they're trying to share the same physical space
[00:04:12.220]with their children?
[00:04:13.053]Yeah, I think with young children, really all
[00:04:15.640]children, but I think young children in particular, it can
[00:04:18.410]be hard to understand, kind of what's happening.
[00:04:22.450]And it's not, you know, a vacation or that for instance,
[00:04:25.730]with my daughter, she really likes it when I'm fully present
[00:04:28.670]with her.
[00:04:29.503]And so typically we had been in a routine where if I was on
[00:04:33.250]the weekends, we had activities we did, and I was pretty
[00:04:36.100]engaged and present.
[00:04:37.362]You know, for the most part that was our schedule.
[00:04:40.070]And I think right now, the change is that my partner works,
[00:04:43.950]I'm working, and so her knowing that I'm home, it's been
[00:04:47.677]an adjustment to be able to explain to her and have some
[00:04:51.490]ideas that these are times that I need chunks of time to
[00:04:54.950]work, and we can't play.
[00:04:56.150]And so I think sometimes that's been really hard for her,
[00:04:58.870]because she wants to be around me all the time.
[00:05:01.150]And so we've had to create some physical boundaries to make
[00:05:04.990]that be more successful and understood, and she's five.
[00:05:07.950]Explaining those things, a little bit she understands.
[00:05:10.560]But we have physical workspace, so she knows and she can
[00:05:14.020]see, like a note on the door, I use a visual cue, that
[00:05:17.240]really means mom needs to, to be alone right now, so come
[00:05:20.612]back, and you'll need to ask your dad for some help.
[00:05:24.090]But I think it's hard to navigate that, I mean sometimes
[00:05:27.060]now I have, I also have animals, so my dogs bark sometimes
[00:05:30.730]during meetings and things like that.
[00:05:32.270]So it's just a little bit more chaotic, I feel like.
[00:05:35.144]Where we're trying to be fully engaged in our work and
[00:05:37.790]also parenting at the same time.
[00:05:39.880]You know, and balancing, also trying to keep her engaged,
[00:05:43.440]and have some really good learning opportunities and
[00:05:47.280]play, and all of those things too.
[00:05:49.124]Yeah, it sounds like you've really had to be
[00:05:51.144]intentional about those things.
[00:05:52.640]Yeah, for us, and I think other research shows
[00:05:56.010]this is that what's really important for children, and I
[00:05:59.930]think even for adults, really, and parents is to have some
[00:06:02.600]kind of routine, and schedule and predictability.
[00:06:05.260]That is really saying okay, I'm physical and emotionally
[00:06:08.627]safe right now, so I can engage in play or engage in work.
[00:06:13.210]And so, having that consistency and that predictability
[00:06:16.380]is really important.
[00:06:17.580]We try to have meals together which is a really lovely
[00:06:19.710]time for us now.
[00:06:21.020]So enjoying our lunchtime together, and sometimes we're
[00:06:24.580]flexible about when that happens, and where it happens, so
[00:06:28.010]I've tried to make it fun where sometimes we have a picnic
[00:06:30.680]on the floor, or maybe outside, so that the moments that we
[00:06:34.010]are together, they're really, I'm really present as much as
[00:06:36.690]I can be.
[00:06:37.523]And so that she feels connected, and I think it helps with
[00:06:40.920]building that consistency and safety for everyone.
[00:06:43.420]So it seems like there really are some positive,
[00:06:47.470]potential positive consequences that you're experiencing
[00:06:50.480]through working at home and being able to have this extra
[00:06:53.450]time with your daughter, is that what I'm hearing?
[00:06:56.540]Yeah, we, I mean some days are easier than others.
[00:06:59.800]So some days my feelings are, like today is, you know,
[00:07:04.200]the morning will be great and we're getting through it.
[00:07:05.980]And then the afternoon feels a little bit more draining or
[00:07:08.470]harder, but for the most part I think we're just learning
[00:07:11.450]how to have compassion for all of us, as a family, and
[00:07:15.260]that this is all new.
[00:07:16.360]And then also realizing that I need to explain things to
[00:07:20.480]my daughter Savannah a little bit differently so that
[00:07:22.990]she, so that I don't get reactive and I'm not frustrated
[00:07:25.520]and I'm not yelling.
[00:07:26.353]So, I think explaining ahead of time has been really
[00:07:28.640]helpful.
[00:07:29.473]Yeah great.
[00:07:30.306]You know I've got grandchildren who are home with me
[00:07:34.213]right now.
[00:07:35.480]And that's posing just a little bit of a challenge for me,
[00:07:39.360]as I'm trying to navigate spending time with them, and
[00:07:43.270]trying to navigate the timing of their needs, and their
[00:07:45.800]requests for attention from me.
[00:07:47.210]And then that doesn't always accommodate my schedule, I've
[00:07:50.150]appreciated your comments about, you know, being intentional
[00:07:54.120]about having, you know, separate workspace, and then some
[00:07:57.060]visual cues, that would allow you to be able to
[00:08:00.170]communicate to your daughter.
[00:08:02.030]You know, those kinds of things, I'm wondering if you can
[00:08:03.990]comment, do you have any other suggestions for, you know,
[00:08:07.050]people who are like me, who might not be used to this
[00:08:10.800]kind of setting.
[00:08:11.750]Trying to navigate the timing of a child's needs and their
[00:08:15.540]request for attention with taking care of your own schedule
[00:08:18.720]with regards to work.
[00:08:19.790]Yeah, I think, I mean I think on a practical level
[00:08:22.670]it's helpful to, if you can and you're both working and
[00:08:26.590]having, you know, younger children, and trying to figure out
[00:08:29.650]how to have that split schedule, is having really clear
[00:08:32.840]expectations with everyone in the family.
[00:08:35.540]I think it can be helpful, there has to be some flexibility
[00:08:38.380]because that's really important right now, I think as well.
[00:08:41.600]But in the most part, I think it's being clear and upfront
[00:08:44.250]about what the expectations are going to be for yourself,
[00:08:46.550]for your work, and for your family, as best as you can.
[00:08:49.370]So I think saying, like I have a work call right now,
[00:08:51.830]and ideally it really needs to be interruption-free, and
[00:08:54.850]just being clear to children, this is a time I really
[00:08:57.130]need to work.
[00:08:58.210]But giving them something, maybe to look forward to, also
[00:09:01.230]during the day so that you are, we call it, filling up your
[00:09:04.950]bucket.
[00:09:05.783]Or giving them that connection and that time.
[00:09:07.800]And it doesn't have to be elaborate, it doesn't have to be
[00:09:10.340]big, it can be sitting on the couch and reading a book
[00:09:12.840]together.
[00:09:13.673]You know, sometimes I come out after I've been working for
[00:09:16.570]a chunk of time, and it's checking in, and showing me the
[00:09:20.260]picture that was drawn.
[00:09:21.500]But I'm fully present and spending some time, kind of
[00:09:24.562]engaging in that connection, and making sure that I am
[00:09:28.460]present during those times that I can be, but being very
[00:09:31.230]clear when I, you know, might need to be more focused or
[00:09:33.630]engaged in work.
[00:09:34.480]I think it can also be helpful to choose to do those engaged
[00:09:38.850]work times as possible.
[00:09:40.520]When children are up their bust, in terms of being engaged
[00:09:43.700]in activities that they can do independently.
[00:09:45.700]Yeah, I think that's a helpful strategy.
[00:09:47.870]No that's a great idea.
[00:09:48.910]One thing that I've tried to do, is I'm not pretending
[00:09:52.240]anymore that I'm not working at home.
[00:09:54.520]And so when I have a Zoom meeting, or something, I just
[00:09:57.070]let people know that I may be interrupted.
[00:10:00.030]I certainly have had more than one meeting, so far, with
[00:10:02.663]a little one sitting on my lap.
[00:10:04.760]Seems to have helped me a bit.
[00:10:06.520]And that's, I think what I, just adding that
[00:10:08.660]clear communication, right?
[00:10:09.850]To even people you're talking to.
[00:10:11.910]And I recently had a community meeting, and I said, well,
[00:10:16.435]my husband had an appointment to go to the doctor that he
[00:10:21.447]had to go to, and I was like, we'll navigate this meeting
[00:10:23.110]as best we can.
[00:10:23.943]And so, it was really sweet that she shared, like everyone,
[00:10:26.450]everyone, I think, is trying, is being okay with this.
[00:10:29.730]Is accepting that we have some compassion for each other,
[00:10:33.260]and sometimes it brings some joy to have that little
[00:10:35.730]face come on the screen and say hello.
[00:10:38.540]But I know it presents some challenges with distraction
[00:10:40.740]and all of that.
[00:10:41.573]But I think we all just need to remember that
[00:10:43.120]we're not alone.
[00:10:44.400]What about the social isolation that parents
[00:10:47.720]might experience, because they're not interacting
[00:10:50.830]with other parents during this.
[00:10:52.857]I mean, so I think that some are creating some
[00:10:56.070]ways to connect through Facebook.
[00:10:58.760]So some groups, closed groups, where you can share, you
[00:11:03.020]know, I'm getting through this.
[00:11:04.640]Or I had a really bad day.
[00:11:06.570]And so that's a way to maintain connection, just about the
[00:11:09.140]day-to-day difficulties that this can bring.
[00:11:12.150]And also being connected and supporting each other.
[00:11:15.530]Some groups are about physical activity, and so, let's
[00:11:19.290]engage and be fun and find creative ways to be physical
[00:11:21.890]because that's very important to maintain that.
[00:11:24.200]And then there are actual resources in the community.
[00:11:28.430]I know one by Child Mind Institute, they have a
[00:11:32.020]Facebook Live video chat, and daily tips for parents
[00:11:36.730]as well.
[00:11:37.630]And I think there's other community resources.
[00:11:39.700]So in a more formal support, or even finding those ways
[00:11:43.160]that you are intentional about connecting with your
[00:11:45.540]friends and family.
[00:11:46.430]So intentionality is a theme that,
[00:11:48.710]Yeah.
[00:11:49.615]That I'm hearing you talk about, you know,
[00:11:52.910]throughout this.
[00:11:53.743]Holly this has been so incredibly helpful.
[00:11:56.380]I really appreciate your willingness to spend a few
[00:11:59.030]minutes talking to me about this, and I'm wondering if
[00:12:02.020]you've got any resources, or, you know, resources
[00:12:06.400]that maybe you could point us to?
[00:12:07.950]Yes, and I'll share many of these that'll be
[00:12:11.610]alongside this discussion we've just had, the conversation.
[00:12:15.880]I think a few of them, just to share, is Zero to Three is
[00:12:19.130]a really lovely resource.
[00:12:20.350]And they have specific ideas and videos for how to, on this
[00:12:26.730]very topic of parenting during the COVID-19 pandemic.
[00:12:32.100]And Sesame Street also has Caring for Each Other, which
[00:12:36.160]also has a lot of resources about how to support children
[00:12:38.610]during this time.
[00:12:39.660]And then if you want some fun, playful ideas, we have
[00:12:42.440]A Beautiful Day at UNL that we've created with a
[00:12:47.140]community of people and Ruth Staples Child Development
[00:12:50.890]Laboratory teachers, and some other faculty.
[00:12:53.750]So, there's fun, playful ideas you can do to engage with
[00:12:56.330]your children.
[00:12:57.163]And that can also help, sometimes, with coming up with
[00:12:59.896]creative ideas during the day, and make it be a little
[00:13:02.890]less stressful.
[00:13:03.870]Thank you very much for spending this time with
[00:13:07.140]me today.
[00:13:07.973]So I've been speaking with Doctor Holly Hatton-Bowers, who
[00:13:10.720]is an assistant professor in the Department of Childhood
[00:13:13.620]and Family Studies.
[00:13:14.520]Holly, thank you so much.
[00:13:15.790]Sure, thanks for having me, and I just want to
[00:13:18.700]end with a quick message that it's important to remember
[00:13:21.650]you're your child's most cherished, loved person and that
[00:13:27.210]you are capable and you are enough and you can do what
[00:13:30.150]it takes so we all can get through this.
[00:13:31.657]Thank you Holly.
[00:13:32.490]Thank you.

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Challenges of parenting young children while working from home

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