2018 MATC Scholars Program: Expanding Your Future Using Education Panel

Mid-America Transportation Center Author

02/25/2019 Added

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A panel of former and current Native American college students discusses how to expand your future using education

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[00:00:00.894]UNL graduates, [Inaudible]
[00:00:04.692]and upcoming graduates are gonna talk to you
[00:00:06.540]about that theme, expanding your picture using education.
[00:00:12.374]I was hoping to start with Sidney then after [Inaudible]
[00:00:16.247]Yeah, so I kind of already introduced myself
[00:00:18.617]but Sidney here, senior in Civil Engineering at UNL.
[00:00:23.734]I'm not sure I understand.
[00:00:25.495](laughing)
[00:00:36.347]Oh gosh, great, what a start.
[00:00:42.762]So yeah, last fall was my first year at UNL,
[00:00:46.850]before that I was at
[00:00:47.850]South Dakota School of Mines and Technology.
[00:00:50.250]It's an all engineering school
[00:00:51.550]for those of you that aren't familiar with it.
[00:00:55.215]I don't know, it's kind of a different path
[00:00:57.030]than exactly your straight from high school
[00:00:59.170]to college type of path.
[00:01:00.610]I am on the five and a half year track,
[00:01:03.280]so you know, it all happens eventually.
[00:01:07.073]I don't know, I was doing the civil engineering thing,
[00:01:09.360]looking to get my Master's degree here next year
[00:01:13.128]and I don't know, that's kind of my gig.
[00:01:16.881]So, do you guys have any questions about my path?
[00:01:19.774]I'll do my best to answer them.
[00:01:21.770]I was put on this stand on account of
[00:01:22.793]I said something one time in passing to Chris
[00:01:26.371]and so yeah, it's an honor, so that's what I got.
[00:01:28.863](laughing)
[00:01:30.063]What did you say?
[00:01:31.170]I was giving a student a tour, I think.
[00:01:34.716]It was kind of a fleeting comment
[00:01:37.536]and I said something about how
[00:01:38.930]when you have an engineering degree,
[00:01:41.080]regardless of what it is,
[00:01:42.490]you can do so many things with it.
[00:01:44.624]For a long time, I thought I was gonna go to law school
[00:01:47.180]after getting an engineering degree.
[00:01:49.110]You know, you can go to transportation,
[00:01:50.625]you can go to DOT or Department of Transportation.
[00:01:52.983]You can go private sector.
[00:01:55.006]What I want to do is crash reconstruction.
[00:01:58.690]So, when there are car accidents,
[00:01:59.600]you go and find out what happened
[00:02:02.140]or crash prevention, too.
[00:02:03.660]I'm working right now up in Macy
[00:02:06.240]trying to get that nonsense figured out,
[00:02:08.320]however has to walk across the highway.
[00:02:11.660]That's not a safe situation,
[00:02:12.870]so they're trying to intervene before
[00:02:14.210]it becomes something that you need to reconstruct.
[00:02:17.417]And then, just so many options you can be once you have,
[00:02:21.100]you know, a STEM degree in general.
[00:02:23.970]I've spoken with the people from USD Law School
[00:02:27.930]and they would come to the School of Mines and say,
[00:02:29.807]"You know, we know you guys are smart.
[00:02:31.713]"If you can get through engineering school,
[00:02:32.546]"we know you guys are smart, so
[00:02:34.377]"don't worry about getting into law school after that."
[00:02:35.927]It was just kind of one of those things that like,
[00:02:38.460]once you have it, you, to quote SpongeBob,
[00:02:41.417]"The world is your oyster", you know?
[00:02:43.508](laughing)
[00:02:45.012]It's just one of those things
[00:02:46.688]that it's just very useful to have.
[00:02:50.803]And I'm Rebecca Schulte from the Iowa Tribe of Kansas
[00:02:54.690]and I went to Kickapoo Nation School
[00:02:57.880]for elementary, junior high, and high school.
[00:03:00.080]I took public school from kindergarten to fourth grade
[00:03:03.410]and then, from then on, I was in a tribal school.
[00:03:06.260]So, it's very similar to Winnebago, I think,
[00:03:10.330]and Santee when I went up there
[00:03:12.510]and talked to some students there,
[00:03:14.107]it seemed very similar.
[00:03:16.150]So, I graduated with 12 people in high school
[00:03:20.110]and then I went to this huge university,
[00:03:22.610]all of a sudden in this huge town,
[00:03:24.710]which I thought Lawrence, Kansas
[00:03:26.100]was a huge town at the time.
[00:03:27.900]Because I grew up on a reservation where
[00:03:29.490]you could go walk for miles and not see anybody
[00:03:31.650]and singing my songs to practice,
[00:03:34.922]my powwow songs or whatever,
[00:03:38.120]and give tobacco in the morning
[00:03:41.250]and pray to all our relations
[00:03:44.890]and all of a sudden, I'm in the city
[00:03:46.947]and I couldn't do any of that.
[00:03:48.047]And so, I really felt culture shock.
[00:03:50.820]I had a big culture shock, going from
[00:03:52.007]the reservation to a what do they call it,
[00:03:56.660]a majority non-native, I guess,
[00:04:00.570]because I went to the University of Kansas.
[00:04:02.650]So, I was all of a sudden living in a dorm
[00:04:05.223]with 50 girls who also were Native
[00:04:07.800]and I found that the ways of living
[00:04:11.470]on a reservation were very different
[00:04:13.260]than the ways that people in mainstream, I guess, live.
[00:04:17.120]And so, it was interesting to be 18
[00:04:19.350]and learning how to suddenly walk into world war one.
[00:04:22.660]I would have to really worry about one in going to school
[00:04:25.550]for the first part of my life.
[00:04:28.645]Also, I wasn't really academically prepared
[00:04:31.487]to go to University of Kansas,
[00:04:33.670]so I had to take a lot of 001 classes
[00:04:36.150]to get caught up and then I,
[00:04:38.357]I remember sitting there my freshman year,
[00:04:41.600]it was my first day getting to college,
[00:04:43.960]my aunt dropped me off because she was my foster mom,
[00:04:46.180]because both my parents were at a mental hospital
[00:04:48.580]the first day I went to college.
[00:04:50.514]So, I was sitting there, like wow,
[00:04:52.303]I made it, I'm here at the University of Kansas
[00:04:55.510]and I graduated with 12 people
[00:04:57.480]and all of those people didn't go to college.
[00:05:00.098]Now here I am, the only person.
[00:05:01.870]And so I'm like, well this is a lot of pressure.
[00:05:03.878](laughing)
[00:05:05.050]There's a lot of factors that were in my way
[00:05:07.660]but despite all of that, I made,
[00:05:10.440]I don't know, some sort of magical pact
[00:05:13.230]with myself that worked and said,
[00:05:14.990]I'm gonna work twice as hard as everybody
[00:05:16.850]else around me, just to prove that I can do this.
[00:05:19.760]Because too many times I saw people,
[00:05:21.950]Native people, like myself, saying
[00:05:24.757]"I can't do this
[00:05:25.937]"and I'm not good enough to be here
[00:05:28.037]"or I'm not smart enough"
[00:05:29.260]and that's exactly how I felt
[00:05:30.590]when I got to University of Kansas.
[00:05:34.210]I thought, I'm too stupid to be here
[00:05:36.530]but I'm gonna give it my best shot anyway.
[00:05:38.417]And so I sat there, worked extra hard,
[00:05:41.170]and when my friends were out partying
[00:05:42.930]and everything our first year,
[00:05:44.320]I was sitting there studying
[00:05:45.790]and trying to get through my first year of college.
[00:05:48.902]I really took that first semester to just be sober
[00:05:53.650]and be very focused on school and it worked
[00:05:56.637]and I got A's and B's.
[00:05:58.460]I was cramming so much into my head at once
[00:06:00.820]that I thought, can my brain even take this?
[00:06:02.933]'Cause I was talking Latin on top of Math,
[00:06:05.350](laughing)
[00:06:06.270]which is in itself two really hard classes.
[00:06:10.430]Anyways, I just focused really hard
[00:06:14.060]and made myself sit there
[00:06:15.280]and put my technology in a different room
[00:06:18.090]so that I wouldn't be able to access it really fast.
[00:06:20.570]You know?
[00:06:21.403]Just took every little stupid advice
[00:06:24.730]that anybody ever gave me
[00:06:25.960]throughout my college career or high school career
[00:06:29.940]and just tried to use that.
[00:06:31.910]Because a lot of times where Elders would say,
[00:06:34.963]"You know you need to go out and go to college,
[00:06:37.187]"and come back and help your people
[00:06:38.627]"because we need you, we need that to happen."
[00:06:41.990]Growing up on the reservation, I saw a lot of alcoholism,
[00:06:44.840]I saw a lot of broken dreams, broken homes,
[00:06:48.210]and I didn't want that for myself anymore.
[00:06:50.400]I didn't want that for my future family,
[00:06:54.080]so I took it serious and I made it through
[00:06:56.970]and I made it through in four years
[00:06:59.710]and I learned throughout those four years that
[00:07:03.040]hardly anybody, not Native or non-native,
[00:07:06.040]gets through college in four years.
[00:07:07.880]That's really really hard to do,
[00:07:09.410]so don't feel bad if you have to go for seven years,
[00:07:11.970]or whatever it is to get through it.
[00:07:13.956]It takes everybody different amounts of time.
[00:07:17.000]But it is possible to go from nothing
[00:07:19.300]to a four year degree and then from that,
[00:07:21.820]it led me to get my Master's degree
[00:07:24.010]here in Nebraska for free
[00:07:25.800]and so I have $45,000 in debt
[00:07:28.800]but it's because I bought a car for myself
[00:07:32.210]and I bought all this furniture for my family
[00:07:34.020]and I took my friends out to eat
[00:07:36.563]and I bought my friends who were having babies
[00:07:39.090]instead of going to school,
[00:07:40.430]I'd buy them clothes and diapers and stuff like that.
[00:07:42.833]And so, it was like, instead of starting from nothing,
[00:07:46.482]I was starting from negative as well as nothing
[00:07:49.387]and so, I just took out a lot of loans.
[00:07:51.390]And now, I work in a non-profit for Native people
[00:07:54.950]and Native film and in ten years,
[00:07:57.119]all of my loans will be forgiven
[00:07:59.760]and I don't have to worry about that anymore.
[00:08:01.510]Right now, it's just like paying an extra bill.
[00:08:03.890]It's like $200 a month for my loans but in ten years,
[00:08:08.012]I have to say, I don't have any regrets.
[00:08:10.100]Then I got my free Master's degree
[00:08:13.130]here in Nebraska, which is totally possible
[00:08:16.540]for all of you, so that's my big story.
[00:08:21.919]It's good stuff.
[00:08:23.858]Okay, when I get asked that question,
[00:08:26.127]'cause I'm a little old now,
[00:08:27.820]so I've got to start going back in time.
[00:08:31.930]I always think back to,
[00:08:33.620]I got to grow up on a farm in Winnebago
[00:08:38.910]and it's now gone,
[00:08:40.340]'cause unfortunately I lost my dad
[00:08:41.870]a few years ago, nine years ago now.
[00:08:44.850]And I don't care how old you are,
[00:08:46.487]you will always miss your parent.
[00:08:47.560]However old you are when they pass on.
[00:08:51.400]It's now where Educare is in Winnebago,
[00:08:53.640]if you know where that is in Winnebago now.
[00:08:55.280]That's where I grew up, literally.
[00:08:57.470]So, about where third base is, is where my bedroom was,
[00:09:01.391]I guess, where the softball field is.
[00:09:04.060]And I used to sit there and I used to daydream
[00:09:06.290]about getting off the Rez.
[00:09:08.550]'Cause you know, I had some hard times growing up.
[00:09:11.049]It happens in families.
[00:09:14.480]And I started achieving.
[00:09:15.730]I started out, I was labeled
[00:09:19.260]as having reading and math disabilities
[00:09:21.950]and then I became gifted all of a sudden
[00:09:25.000]and I started achieving in school.
[00:09:27.338]So I was in school, and I was a good athlete,
[00:09:29.550]a good musician, too.
[00:09:30.700]I knew that would be my ticket out
[00:09:32.680]and I did make it out.
[00:09:34.947]I came to college, I liked college
[00:09:36.580]but my experience growing up in an interracial family,
[00:09:41.650]what we would call now today a blended family,
[00:09:44.869]when you have step or half siblings, so to speak.
[00:09:47.620]I don't like to use those terms
[00:09:49.301]but this was back in the 80's.
[00:09:51.252]It was a different time, very overt, overt everything.
[00:09:57.380]What it taught me was to get along
[00:09:59.240]because I'm Northern Cheyenne,
[00:10:00.750]I just grew up with the Winnebagos and Omahas.
[00:10:03.572]I learned how to get along with people at a very young age
[00:10:07.322]and I appreciated those diplomacy skills.
[00:10:10.410]So, when I came to the urban setting,
[00:10:12.140]I made fast friends with other groups and other races
[00:10:16.250]and that is a skill that I would definitely
[00:10:18.850]encourage others to get familiar with quickly
[00:10:23.670]because it really helped me.
[00:10:26.421]When I look back, I do not regret any of those decisions.
[00:10:30.490]When I got to college, I started taking different classes,
[00:10:33.420]didn't do so well in some classes,
[00:10:35.100]and I discovered I could turn my life experiences
[00:10:38.790]into a career and I did.
[00:10:40.543]I fast forwarded and that's what I have now,
[00:10:42.750]so I'm blessed to be a doctor.
[00:10:45.416]I'm not trying to brag,
[00:10:47.000]excuse me if I sound arrogant to my Elders,
[00:10:49.220]but I'm actually the first woman from my tribe
[00:10:51.920]to ever get a Ph.D from this institution.
[00:10:55.360]I say that because that was a long lonely road
[00:10:59.650]but it's nothing compared to what
[00:11:01.200]our ancestors did for us in the past.
[00:11:04.330]One my ancestral grandfathers would say
[00:11:06.730]that the times have changed,
[00:11:08.490]we've got to invest in education now
[00:11:10.130]and I did.
[00:11:11.420]I took that to heart and it's again, nothing,
[00:11:15.670]compared to what others have paid the price.
[00:11:18.250]I say all that, to tell you that,
[00:11:20.540]yes we've gone through hard times
[00:11:22.880]but I devoted it to what I do now.
[00:11:24.730]It's called non cognitive development
[00:11:26.620]or that resiliency building among people.
[00:11:29.680]Not just for our people but for all students,
[00:11:32.370]all groups, all community as well.
[00:11:36.130]Because these are tough times that we're in
[00:11:39.060]and so, I appreciate Rebecca and Sidney
[00:11:42.710]telling you that no matter how long it takes,
[00:11:44.557]you can get through it, you can do it.
[00:11:46.910]I had one of my good friends, it took him quite awhile
[00:11:49.160]but he got that degree.
[00:11:51.400]So, whatever your dreams are, you can do it.
[00:11:54.803]Think back to those times
[00:11:56.530]when you were daydreaming, I guess.
[00:11:58.702]Did I?
[00:12:00.699]I like that.
[00:12:01.680]This took me back in time,
[00:12:03.238]I'm gonna have to write that down
[00:12:04.570]because I'm getting old now and I'm going to forget that.
[00:12:06.964](audience laughing)
[00:12:08.660]I'm warning you, you'll appreciate those memories.
[00:12:13.020]It is a pleasure to be here tonight
[00:12:14.980]and I appreciate sharing that story with you.
[00:12:19.676]Do you know what the next question is, do you?
[00:12:22.054](crosstalk)
[00:12:40.332]Stay in school.
[00:12:41.997](audience laughing)
[00:12:45.005]So we used to have a lot of speakers come,
[00:12:51.094]motivational speakers, to our school
[00:12:53.753]because we were a Native school.
[00:12:55.385]And so, they would say things like,
[00:12:59.792]the midget on your shoulder
[00:13:02.110]or what was that saying?
[00:13:04.008](audience laughing)
[00:13:05.862]Be a midget on somebody's shoulder?
[00:13:07.242]I can't remember.
[00:13:08.282](audience laughing)
[00:13:09.720]I don't know if I know that one.
[00:13:11.200](audience laughing)
[00:13:15.281]I thought if I kept talking, it would come to me.
[00:13:17.868](audience laughing)
[00:13:22.270][inaudible]
[00:13:28.350]But just to really think about
[00:13:30.760]what your Elders went through,
[00:13:31.830]like what Colette said.
[00:13:33.770]Our ancestors went through a lot.
[00:13:36.180]You know and to always kept this in mind.
[00:13:39.230]You're always thinking about future generations.
[00:13:42.060]So, when my Elders would tell me that,
[00:13:43.533]I would really take that to heart and think,
[00:13:45.342]I need to really think about my future generations
[00:13:48.830]and how I'm going to provide a life for them.
[00:13:52.610]And then when I started going to school
[00:13:54.680]and my friends were back home having kids and everything,
[00:13:58.250]I just thought, well,
[00:14:00.237]this is more motivation for me to get through school,
[00:14:03.250]to show them that they can still go back
[00:14:05.470]and still get this done.
[00:14:06.387]And a lot, some of my friends have gone back to school now
[00:14:10.371]and they're in community college with their kids
[00:14:12.680]and I'm so proud of them.
[00:14:13.560]They tell me that it's really nice
[00:14:16.550]that you showed us that it's possible
[00:14:19.196]because you were the only Indian from around here
[00:14:21.450]that went to those big colleges.
[00:14:25.444]So with that and staying close to your community.
[00:14:28.610]Because when you leave your community
[00:14:30.820]to go to a big four year institution,
[00:14:33.320]there's a lot of, well you hear
[00:14:35.030]about spiders in buckets, crabs in buckets,
[00:14:37.580]who want a chance to crawl out
[00:14:38.610]and the rest will pull them back down.
[00:14:41.010]Well, I experienced this
[00:14:42.383]when I went back home for pow wows and things.
[00:14:45.029]People would say, "Oh, you think you're better than me now
[00:14:47.127]"because you got an education
[00:14:49.872]"or because you're going to school
[00:14:51.217]"or you're just a apple now
[00:14:52.777]"or you're just a urban native now."
[00:14:56.120]Which, I like that you said
[00:14:58.567]that you get to call yourself that now.
[00:15:01.212][Inaudible]
[00:15:02.045]'Cause back home, people are like,
[00:15:03.607]"Oh, those are weird."
[00:15:05.640][Inaudible]
[00:15:07.678](laughing)
[00:15:08.716]It's getting me real far in life now.
[00:15:10.400]But it was kind of hard to experience that for awhile
[00:15:15.440]but I just kept listening to what other people,
[00:15:19.544]you know the positives, because there's a lot
[00:15:20.639]of positive things people would say, too.
[00:15:21.820]Like, keep going and you're showing me what can be done,
[00:15:24.600]things like that.
[00:15:26.120]So even though my cool friends back home
[00:15:27.730]were trying to make fun of me, I just thought,
[00:15:29.950]well, I'm going to do something with my life
[00:15:32.181]and I'm going to help other people
[00:15:33.840]and that's my main goal in life
[00:15:35.870]and then I was able to make it through.
[00:15:38.940]But I really think that this stigma
[00:15:41.550]just because you don't go to college,
[00:15:43.770]we need to really get rid of that in our society
[00:15:46.030]because a lot of people put down people
[00:15:49.270]who don't go to school and so that's why
[00:15:51.440]we have this idea that, "Oh you go to school,
[00:15:53.057]"so you think you're so much better than us now."
[00:15:55.880]Just to tell people that it's okay to go to school,
[00:15:59.783]that it's a good thing, and to not have not going to school
[00:16:04.380]be a bad thing, you know?
[00:16:05.504]It doesn't have to be good and bad.
[00:16:07.218]Everybody is going to have their own path,
[00:16:09.460]whatever way they have a path in life.
[00:16:13.749]Anyway, that's just some good advice.
[00:16:16.861]Do you guys have advice?
[00:16:21.032]You know, I was thinking about that.
[00:16:23.471]That should come later, I started thinking about,
[00:16:26.673]like I said, I grew up Northern Cheyenne.
[00:16:31.280]My older sister is Winnebago, that's how we got there.
[00:16:35.393]Even though my dad was born and raised there.
[00:16:37.360]But I started thinking about, telling the Creator,
[00:16:40.527]"Why did that happen to me?"
[00:16:42.145]'Cause you know, it gets lonely when you don't have cousins,
[00:16:45.014]especially when, you already know,
[00:16:46.236]when you don't have people to back you up
[00:16:48.710]in those fights or whatever you're getting called out.
[00:16:51.361](audience laughing)
[00:16:53.328]That was, I was being nice when I said
[00:16:54.593]that I learned to be a diplomat right away growing up.
[00:16:57.410]You know what I'm saying, you can read between the lines.
[00:17:00.600]I learned how to be a warrior woman right away growing up
[00:17:04.430]but now that I'm older, I started thinking about it,
[00:17:06.370]I was like, "Creator, why did that happen to me?
[00:17:08.107]"Why didn't I grow up in Lame Deer or Busby or you know?"
[00:17:10.777]'Cause I can't go back there either
[00:17:13.190]'cause I grew up off reservation.
[00:17:14.590]I'm an outlander there, you know?
[00:17:17.840]And I started thinking about it
[00:17:18.950]and I was like, Cheyennes are indigenous to Nebraska.
[00:17:21.500]We are an indigenous tribe to this land
[00:17:23.740]and technically, [Inaudible] Patinka,
[00:17:26.690]my ancestral grandfather did take a Pawnee wife
[00:17:29.406]and that's what I come from.
[00:17:30.239]I come from that line in the Cheyenne
[00:17:32.917]and I said, "Well maybe it is to give some hope
[00:17:37.797]"or some resurgence to those of us
[00:17:39.377]"that live in the city now."
[00:17:40.730]So, I really take in that strength of our people
[00:17:44.600]to stand alone oftentimes for others in the city.
[00:17:49.750]I have learned to put that into perspective
[00:17:51.640]and get courage thinking that
[00:17:53.010]you can do whatever you want to,
[00:17:53.900]whatever the younger wants,
[00:17:56.400]you can go wherever you want to go,
[00:17:57.607]and you should be able to go wherever
[00:17:59.262]you want to go as Native people.
[00:18:01.081]This is our land.
[00:18:01.914]This is our home.
[00:18:03.750]And even though those borders are up now,
[00:18:05.668]we can be where we want to be.
[00:18:07.360]We can go to college where we want to be.
[00:18:10.238]So, that's kind of how I started working through that.
[00:18:12.620]It took awhile, it took a long time to work through that
[00:18:15.680]but that's the beauty of being in process, too.
[00:18:19.380]I'm a little older now, so I'm going to sound
[00:18:21.080]a little more, probably different and more mature.
[00:18:24.176]In a different way.
[00:18:25.260]You know we go through life and pain
[00:18:26.800]but that's sort of how I got through getting over
[00:18:30.360]when people will call me wow or you know,
[00:18:32.640]put you down for being a certain way or however.
[00:18:36.720]I might still think it [Inaudible]
[00:18:39.242]but I won't say it. [Inaudible]
[00:18:41.829](laughing)
[00:18:54.045][Inaudible]
[00:18:56.960]So, yeah, I'm gonna say
[00:18:58.110]up until probably last month I was gonna go to law school.
[00:19:01.710]I think we're back to my world.
[00:19:02.543](audience laughing)
[00:19:06.259]Yeah, I, let's see, all through high school,
[00:19:08.080]I was never gonna go to school at Mines
[00:19:09.680]'cause it was in my home town
[00:19:10.940]and I was never gonna be the person that never left.
[00:19:15.085]I was gonna be an architect or something.
[00:19:16.620]For awhile, I was gonna be a doctor.
[00:19:19.470]Like I said, life goes bad.
[00:19:21.022]And then I ended up going to the School of Mines,
[00:19:23.627]had to be some kind of engineer,
[00:19:25.960]didn't really know what a civil engineer did
[00:19:27.601]but it was kind of like an architect, right?
[00:19:29.154]So that's what I did.
[00:19:30.350]Completely fake news, don't do that.
[00:19:32.150]They're very different.
[00:19:34.180]So, I did the civil engineering thing
[00:19:36.820]and somehow got hooked up through
[00:19:38.260]doing the crash reconstruction thing,
[00:19:40.911]it was complete dumb luck, accident.
[00:19:43.600]I play hockey.
[00:19:44.900]I played all through high school
[00:19:46.867]and one of my teammate's dad
[00:19:47.820]owned a roofing construction company
[00:19:50.400]and so, you know, one of those summer job things
[00:19:53.161]that just kind of falls into your lap, so yeah.
[00:19:54.810]I mean one of those things,
[00:19:57.306]networking, dumb luck, things like that.
[00:20:01.784]Never miss an opportunity like that.
[00:20:04.940]Especially the people in this room,
[00:20:07.856]there's great contacts, you know?
[00:20:09.610]You don't know where you're gonna be in a few years,
[00:20:12.510]where they're gonna be in a few years.
[00:20:14.230]Keep in touch and eventually, you need something
[00:20:18.284]or you know, like, so.
[00:20:21.520]Sorry, we're on a tangent now.
[00:20:23.950]This job, I moved here, I didn't know anyone in Lincoln
[00:20:26.650]and got an email for an after school program
[00:20:29.860]that needed mentors, this Roads, Rails, and Race cars thing.
[00:20:32.340]Never heard of it in my life.
[00:20:33.860]Applied, get an interview, and I'm talking to the guy
[00:20:36.880]after the interview and I have on my resume that I'm in it,
[00:20:41.310]AISES, American Indian Science and Engineering Association.
[00:20:46.436]And he's like, "Oh, you're Native American?"
[00:20:48.591]And I'm like, yeah I'm from South Dakota,
[00:20:51.376]I'm an enrolled member in Lakota Sioux.
[00:20:52.879]And he said, "Oh, I'm from Yankton Sioux."
[00:20:54.776]And I'm like, "Oh, nice to meet ya."
[00:20:56.227]Ya, I see a boy over there, you know what I mean?
[00:20:59.028](audience laughing)
[00:21:00.823]It's just those weird connections like that, you know?
[00:21:04.039]And it wasn't the odds.
[00:21:06.231]And yeah, I wouldn't have done any of the things
[00:21:08.130]had that interview,
[00:21:09.090]that just kind of dumb luck thing happened.
[00:21:12.006]So, kind of taking opportunities that are given to you,
[00:21:15.909]you know what I mean?
[00:21:16.806]Taking advantage of them and not letting them slip away,
[00:21:20.360]not being like, "Mmmmmm, I don't know,
[00:21:22.558]"something else will come along."
[00:21:23.430]You know what I mean?
[00:21:24.824]Kind of just take advantage of those and I don't know.
[00:21:28.063]I feel we went on a lot of tangents.
[00:21:29.930]I hope it all came together.
[00:21:32.302](audience laughing)
[00:21:35.188]Somewhere.
[00:21:39.098]Okay, so in school, my school's really good at journalism.
[00:21:42.790]For summers, we had this really one passionate teacher.
[00:21:46.513]We had good teachers but this one passionate one
[00:21:48.300]that taught us journalism
[00:21:50.220]and I just happened to be pretty good at it
[00:21:52.900]because she was a really good teacher.
[00:21:54.720]So, I really wanted to be a lawyer
[00:21:57.660]because a lot of my Elders said,
[00:21:59.357]"If you want to do something in Indian country,
[00:22:01.287]"you have to go be a lawyer,
[00:22:02.807]"and you have to come back and help the people."
[00:22:04.950]So, I had it in my head, okay I'm gonna go
[00:22:07.280]make tons of money, travel the world,
[00:22:09.080]be a lawyer, and help my people.
[00:22:10.600]Right?
[00:22:11.433]So then I went to school and in college
[00:22:15.700]I took a Political Science course
[00:22:17.420]and I found out that I absolutely hate politics,
[00:22:20.210]which is still the case and I don't even identify
[00:22:22.530]as Republican or Democrat.
[00:22:24.127](audience laughing)
[00:22:25.171]And I just don't like it.
[00:22:26.180]Although I did like reporting on it
[00:22:27.863]because I love learning about both sides
[00:22:30.650]and what both sides think,
[00:22:31.710]because I think people are so separated
[00:22:34.800]but there are actually a lot of things that overlap
[00:22:37.280]and ideas that overlap.
[00:22:38.790]So, I'm really interested in helping people
[00:22:41.330]to understand each other
[00:22:42.760]and so, when I got to KU,
[00:22:45.218]one of the first things somebody asked me was,
[00:22:47.057]"Do you live in a teepee or do you have power at home?"
[00:22:52.170]And I was like, "Yeah, I grew up in a house
[00:22:54.227]"and we've always had DirecTV and not in a teepee either."
[00:22:59.720]Sometimes, there's a few times,
[00:23:00.840]where I've heard this from other people,
[00:23:02.266]and they say, "Oh, you have two stories."
[00:23:03.099](inaudible)
[00:23:04.388](audience laughing)
[00:23:07.040]There were a few times where people
[00:23:09.040]asked really dumb questions, like that.
[00:23:10.240]So then, it became my mission to educate people
[00:23:13.710]about Natives because I didn't realize
[00:23:15.510]how ignorant people were in the world about Native people.
[00:23:18.930]And that just creates a whole lot of issues
[00:23:21.590]where there's not compassion or understanding for us
[00:23:24.047]and then you can't move anywhere within the laws
[00:23:26.240]because people just simply can't understand
[00:23:28.783]the way we live or the way that our society works.
[00:23:32.510]So, I thought journalism must be my calling.
[00:23:36.730]So, I just went into journalism after that
[00:23:39.830]and now I'm not even in journalism, you know?
[00:23:42.580]I went to grad school for journalism
[00:23:45.260]because of my job that I have now.
[00:23:47.180]So, I was an intern at the Lawrence Journal-World
[00:23:51.983]and when I was there, I was reporting on stories
[00:23:54.730]about poor people who would
[00:23:56.481]put on these extravagant weddings
[00:23:58.480]or other kinds of people
[00:24:00.270]or things that I just didn't really care about
[00:24:02.530]and I started asking questions,
[00:24:04.170]like why is the local sports
[00:24:06.500]for the high school on the front page
[00:24:08.260]but Haskell never gets on the front page
[00:24:10.010]unless it's about rape or vets
[00:24:11.470]or something negative that happens at Haskell?
[00:24:14.618]And I started asking these questions in the newsroom
[00:24:16.640]and they would give me the runaround,
[00:24:18.120]go ask this person, whatever.
[00:24:20.110]Eventually, I found that they just
[00:24:21.640]simply did not understand how to talk to people at Haskell
[00:24:24.750]because it's a whole different culture.
[00:24:26.880]People there have a totally different society.
[00:24:29.380]So, I took it upon myself to start reporting
[00:24:32.860]about Native stories there and it got
[00:24:35.410]I don't know more front page story
[00:24:37.910]and I was sitting there crying, "I can't believe
[00:24:40.363]"I'm putting something positive about Natives in this paper,
[00:24:43.307]"that's never had anything positive in years."
[00:24:46.780]And so, it really became my passion
[00:24:48.861]and when I was able to do that, I thought,
[00:24:52.201]okay, now I want to go work for the Rolling Stones
[00:24:54.850]because I love rock music and concerts
[00:24:56.780]and I just wanted to go hang out with rock stars,
[00:24:58.910]which had nothing to do with helping my people,
[00:25:00.700]so that dream didn't last too long.
[00:25:02.550](audience laughing)
[00:25:04.560]Also, I'd have to move to New York or something,
[00:25:06.740]so I didn't want to do all that.
[00:25:09.537]So there was a slight tangent but then I got back on track
[00:25:12.750]and when I graduated, well right before I graduated,
[00:25:16.020]I had this internship that was backpack reporting
[00:25:18.260]for Vision Maker Media and they do,
[00:25:20.500]ultimately documentary movies for PBS
[00:25:23.553]about Natives by Native people.
[00:25:26.080]And so, I had this summer internship
[00:25:28.040]and I said, "You know, I'd love to come.
[00:25:30.157]"I would love this internship, it's everything I want.
[00:25:32.497]"You know, I can report on the People
[00:25:34.413]and I get to get all those multimedia skills, too."
[00:25:39.450]And I said, "I simply can't afford it.
[00:25:42.127]"I have to pay my rent here
[00:25:44.244]"in Lawrence, Kansas during the summer."
[00:25:47.450]And they said, "Well, we'll send out an email
[00:25:49.907]"and see if we can find somebody that would house you."
[00:25:52.630]And then, sure enough, they found my long lost cousin,
[00:25:55.440]which is crazy, who was adopted out of my family
[00:25:58.550]when she was a baby and now she's in her sixties
[00:26:02.080]and she's in her sixties and
[00:26:03.620]she has four grandkids that are my age.
[00:26:05.860]And so she responds back to this mass email that went out,
[00:26:09.307]and said, "Hey, I think that's my cousin."
[00:26:10.870]And then, sure enough it was my long lost cousin.
[00:26:13.057]So I came to Nebraska to live for free.
[00:26:16.240]She fed me the whole summer
[00:26:17.780]and then I had this great internship.
[00:26:20.020]And then when I was here,
[00:26:20.910]I met Judi Gaiashkibos with the Indian Commission
[00:26:23.490]and Joe Starita, who works through the university
[00:26:26.060]in the journalism department.
[00:26:27.690]So, they said, you need to come to Nebraska
[00:26:30.970]to get your Master's degree
[00:26:31.810]because you do Native reporting and stories.
[00:26:34.913]And, I said, "Okay, why do I need a Master's in Journalism?"
[00:26:38.540]But at the same time,
[00:26:39.560]because honestly, there's no reason
[00:26:41.336]for you to get a Master's in Journalism,
[00:26:42.603]there's absolutely no reason.
[00:26:44.320]It's just another degree to have
[00:26:46.180]and it's kind of cool to say that you have a Master's
[00:26:48.180]and then not have a job.
[00:26:49.245](audience laughing)
[00:26:55.323]But it was honestly, a really really awesome thing
[00:26:58.380]for me to do because that lead to teaching.
[00:27:01.370]So I taught for a year when I graduated with my Master's.
[00:27:04.313]I taught a college class and we helped gather evidence
[00:27:08.690]that ultimately helped to get Whiteclay shut down
[00:27:12.410]right off the Pine Ridge Reservation.
[00:27:13.967]And so, we did this class report called,
[00:27:16.537]"Wounds of Whiteclay" and we won these big awards
[00:27:19.290]and we got to travel to get these awards
[00:27:21.060]and meet all these people
[00:27:22.337]and even got global coverage on what our class did.
[00:27:26.618]So, it was a huge huge thing, and then I thought,
[00:27:28.827]"Okay, I need to leave on a high note or something."
[00:27:31.699]Because that was really awesome
[00:27:32.946]but I didn't want to just be a professor,
[00:27:35.230]I wanted to go get more experience.
[00:27:37.160]So then, I don't know, Shirley just called me
[00:27:39.650]and it was like dumb luck, right?
[00:27:41.129]She just called me out of nowhere, my boss,
[00:27:42.490]and said, "Hey, we need a new assistant director."
[00:27:45.250]So I applied, I got it,
[00:27:46.501]and I've been in this job for over a year.
[00:27:48.562]And I, because of education,
[00:27:51.170]have gone to multiple countries, Africa,
[00:27:54.180]and I've got to ride horses through the rain forest
[00:27:58.002]in Costa Rica with the Maleku Indians
[00:28:02.890]and they treated me like family
[00:28:04.970]because I'm Native here and it was really cool.
[00:28:07.610]And I've gotten to do all of these cool things -
[00:28:10.190]London, and China, and Sri Lanka,
[00:28:12.252]all those things because of college.
[00:28:15.000]All of those things, for some reason or another,
[00:28:17.130]education really, if you really want to travel
[00:28:19.007]and you want to do things.
[00:28:20.340]Like I just got back from Hollywood last week
[00:28:23.210]and this week I go to Denver
[00:28:24.652]and next week I go to Toronto.
[00:28:26.417]And I do all these things because I went to college
[00:28:29.550]and it's the best thing I could have ever done.
[00:28:31.996]I'd just be sitting at home probably at the casino,
[00:28:34.860]smelling like nasty cigarettes.
[00:28:36.455](audience laughing)
[00:28:38.310]So but yeah, it was the best thing you could do.
[00:28:43.313]And now I'm in film and I never wanted to be a filmmaker.
[00:28:46.857]I just wanted to be a journalist
[00:28:48.437]but a documentary is very similar, so yeah.
[00:28:51.502]And I'm only 26, so who knows what's next?
[00:28:59.416]I've been thinking about that question.
[00:29:03.445]Yes and no, yes and no.
[00:29:05.810]I would say, originally I wanted to be a teacher,
[00:29:11.880]until I did my first practicum
[00:29:14.168]and that's why you do those because
[00:29:16.684]I found out it was nuts and insane
[00:29:19.280]and I was like, oh my god.
[00:29:20.990]So then I went the sociology research route
[00:29:25.460]and then I defected back from liberal arts
[00:29:28.440]and got my Master's in Education, Curricular Instruction,
[00:29:32.140]and eventually, my Ph.D, so yes and no.
[00:29:36.280]I'm doing what I wanted to do
[00:29:39.390]but no, I had my fear in my undergrad
[00:29:42.360]of facing that on and being a teacher.
[00:29:46.530]Ironically, when I first wanted to be a teacher,
[00:29:48.920]I didn't want to deal with parents.
[00:29:50.580]That's what turned me away in the practicum,
[00:29:54.918]was how sort of entitled,
[00:29:58.810]I could see that entitlement factor
[00:30:00.327]and the glass ceiling.
[00:30:01.520]I don't know why Creator gave me that vision right away,
[00:30:04.310]so, 'cause I was very young to see that.
[00:30:08.410]That backfired on me because then
[00:30:10.250]the Millennial generation is nothing but entitlement
[00:30:13.060]and you know, what we have come
[00:30:14.830]to call the Helicopter Parents,
[00:30:16.326]so I'm making a joke by the way,
[00:30:17.717]you're supposed to laugh at that.
[00:30:19.025](audience laughing)
[00:30:19.999]Thank you, thank you.
[00:30:22.880]But all jokes aside, even though I did run from that,
[00:30:27.017]I'm being really serious right now,
[00:30:28.647]but no matter what, Creator put me right back into Education
[00:30:32.550]and I have devoted my life back to it,
[00:30:36.000]Native Education, Multiple [Inaudible] Education,
[00:30:38.380]and then, obviously what I've been saying,
[00:30:40.066]the Non cognitive.
[00:30:41.780]And it's been a good ride, I can't complain.
[00:30:44.920]So, I really want to make sure that that's very clear.
[00:30:48.290]I have a lot of struggle, I've faced the adversity,
[00:30:50.580]but at the end of the day, it's been a beautiful ride.
[00:30:55.508]I will always tell people that, no matter what.
[00:30:59.424]I will go to the grave, hoping that people
[00:31:02.631]will recognize that.
[00:31:04.810]I tease my students, they better come
[00:31:09.140]to my celebration of life or whatever they do,
[00:31:11.927]and I want a roast.
[00:31:13.960]For all, as tough as I have been on my students,
[00:31:16.551]I just want them to roast me for that.
[00:31:18.843]Does any [Inaudible]?
[00:31:20.467]Miss Phillis was alluding to her grandmothers.
[00:31:23.010]I grew up with those tough Cheyenne,
[00:31:25.350]remember, my mother was the only one around.
[00:31:27.870]So I couldn't verify what she was saying,
[00:31:29.990]so I had to believe her and follow her.
[00:31:33.260]And so, I grew up being told, "You have to comb your hair
[00:31:35.817]"and work your butts every single day."
[00:31:38.320]And I pass that on to my students
[00:31:40.180]and yes, I've paid the price for that,
[00:31:41.490]I've actually got in trouble for that
[00:31:43.920]but I don't care.
[00:31:44.809]I'm gonna continue doing it.
[00:31:45.736]Because I think those are important teachings to pass down,
[00:31:48.920]to not just our Native students but all students.
[00:31:52.650]So, when I die, I tell my students,
[00:31:54.962]"Make sure you come back and make fun of me
[00:31:56.037]"and tell those jokes, [Inaudible]
[00:31:59.777]"so you send me off in a good way
[00:32:02.057]"because it's been a good ride."
[00:32:05.095]So, that's how I would answer your question.
[00:32:07.471]Yes and no.
[00:32:26.451]That's a really broad question.
[00:32:28.815]I mean, do you believe in ghosts?
[00:32:30.661](audience laughing)
[00:32:32.411](crosstalk)
[00:32:36.960]Well, I like to read self-help books,
[00:32:39.650]things like that, so there's this book called, The Secret,
[00:32:43.430]I don't know if I would fight for this though
[00:32:45.150]but the idea where if you
[00:32:47.610]really really believe in something,
[00:32:49.350]you can manifest it, and make it happen in your life.
[00:32:52.260]I really believe that because I remember
[00:32:56.591]being on the Reservation and being so bored
[00:32:58.920]and just thinking, I just really want a life
[00:33:00.090]where I can do things and stop being so bored all the time.
[00:33:04.215](audience laughing)
[00:33:06.940]And not, I just manifested it because I really believed it
[00:33:11.180]and sometimes things that I want in life,
[00:33:13.270]I really think, you know, I want this
[00:33:15.220]and then I go and I win, bingo.
[00:33:17.513]So, I think that's something that.
[00:33:20.570]Right now, I'm really focusing on other beliefs.
[00:33:22.510]I'm really focusing on the missing
[00:33:24.945]and murdered indigenous woman and Whiteclay
[00:33:29.026]because they're very closely related
[00:33:30.360]because there's this woman named Sherry Wounded Foot
[00:33:33.597]who was beat to death
[00:33:34.760]behind one of these buildings in Whiteclay
[00:33:37.564]and justice has still not been brought to her murder.
[00:33:42.360]So, I'm trying to help work with some senators
[00:33:45.340]here in Nebraska to make something happen
[00:33:47.690]and they listen to me and it's crazy
[00:33:50.240]because they'll actually do things
[00:33:52.610]and I'm just this 26 year old
[00:33:55.193]and you think I have some good choice for you?
[00:33:57.958]So, I don't know, just believing that you have a voice
[00:34:01.380]and that people will listen to you
[00:34:02.670]or manifesting that stuff in your life.
[00:34:05.001]It's worth fighting for.
[00:34:10.763]So, I'm taking a class right now,
[00:34:13.200]I'm taking a little break from the engineering,
[00:34:15.340]getting some electives out of the way,
[00:34:17.470]doing PolySci 231.
[00:34:19.518]It's like local government or something.
[00:34:23.011]And we're talking about education
[00:34:25.410]and how it's paid for, amongst like government
[00:34:28.260]and you know, kind of the stuff that way,
[00:34:32.582]and talking about rural areas
[00:34:35.190]and whether or not they should get schools
[00:34:37.300]because it doesn't make sense that an area
[00:34:40.640]that's only a one room school house
[00:34:43.130]and getting paid for by tax payer dollars
[00:34:45.010]versus they could drive 40 miles and go to a bigger school
[00:34:48.460]and have all the rural areas go to one school.
[00:34:54.013]So, I'm in a class and I'm looking around,
[00:34:58.290]I don't think there are any other Natives in the class
[00:35:02.309]and so I look up this story from South Dakota,
[00:35:07.300]I want to say Rosebud, anyway
[00:35:10.620]there is no school.
[00:35:12.440]There is no high school, so after 8th grade,
[00:35:15.970]you just don't go to school.
[00:35:17.850]And so, there's a church out in Connecticut
[00:35:20.530]that's paying or doing scholarships
[00:35:22.850]to send these kids to a different school,
[00:35:27.110]so that some of the kids past 8th grade can go to school.
[00:35:34.011]So, I raised my hand and kind of shared that with the class
[00:35:37.559]and I'm like, "Hey, I'm reading this article here,
[00:35:38.997]"I couldn't find it, but
[00:35:40.667]"here's a quote from an 8th grade girl
[00:35:42.467]"saying, 'I'm really excited I get to go to high school
[00:35:44.897]"because that's not something I ever thought
[00:35:46.487]"I would get to do.'"
[00:35:47.645]You know?
[00:35:48.612]And just kind of like is anyone in this class aware of this?
[00:35:52.479]Is anyone in this class familiar
[00:35:53.466]with the issue in any Indian country?
[00:35:55.907]And just a bunch of nods, like no.
[00:35:57.980]One of them works for a state senator,
[00:36:00.517]you know, they're very educated on,
[00:36:03.300]'cause they're all PolySci majors,
[00:36:04.530]they're very educated on what's going
[00:36:07.260]on in Nebraska but they have no idea
[00:36:09.630]what's going on in Indian country,
[00:36:11.870]whether it's Nebraska or South Dakota.
[00:36:13.858]So, I guess just kind of getting,
[00:36:16.803]being less invisible, I guess.
[00:36:18.323]Getting it out there that we're here
[00:36:22.410]and there are still issues that are not resolved.
[00:36:25.800]And we kind of talked about this in line,
[00:36:28.820]about how we go to college to find out what
[00:36:31.359]our history is actually like because
[00:36:33.310]it's not taught in public school
[00:36:36.330]of what really happened.
[00:36:37.680]I remember, like confronting my 6th grade teacher
[00:36:41.010]because I thought I was all big and bad
[00:36:42.699]because I found out that Columbus
[00:36:43.700]was not who he was lead out to be.
[00:36:46.380]I'm like why didn't they tell us that?
[00:36:47.670]She didn't have an answer, you know what I mean?
[00:36:50.010]Just stuff like that, just kind of keeping
[00:36:52.150]it out there about what's really going on
[00:36:55.370]and not just kind of pull the wool over, you know?
[00:37:04.077]Oh, two things come to mind.
[00:37:06.604]Can I interrupt just a minute?
[00:37:08.087]It's not Rosebud that didn't have a high school.
[00:37:10.297]What is it? I can't remember.
[00:37:11.867]It's not Rosebud, I was born there.
[00:37:13.851]Is it Pine county?
[00:37:16.157]It's not Pine county.
[00:37:17.763]There's Saint Francis Michelin High School,
[00:37:19.945]there's Pine County High School.
[00:37:21.223]I know, it's killing me.
[00:37:22.540]I cannot remember what it is.
[00:37:26.870]Is there a Red Cloud there?
[00:37:28.670]No, that's Pine Ridge County.
[00:37:30.509]That is a high school.
[00:37:32.583]I didn't think, there's one right down there
[00:37:34.270]in South Dakota and I cannot think
[00:37:35.560]of it for the life of me,
[00:37:36.393]that's why I had to look it up when I was in class
[00:37:38.210]because I couldn't remember what area it was
[00:37:41.971]that didn't have it.
[00:37:46.167]Um, so two quick things come to,
[00:37:48.320]the first one, speaking of in line,
[00:37:50.710]I'm glad you alluded to that,
[00:37:51.543]we had a little in line conversation.
[00:37:54.550]Wherein professionally,
[00:37:57.684]I believe that Native students, indigenous students,
[00:38:00.230]need indigenous teachers,
[00:38:01.910]that's my very firm unpopular stance right now
[00:38:06.470]and I say unpopular because that's not very popular
[00:38:08.890]and so, amongst all my colleagues.
[00:38:11.250]I'm not saying non-natives can't educate our students
[00:38:13.630]but it's important that they have
[00:38:15.770]indigenous teachers and students,
[00:38:18.010]and all students need indigenous teachers
[00:38:21.205]and Native teachers as well, it's good.
[00:38:24.780]But what really, I'm passionate about
[00:38:27.060]because of my own children and my own family,
[00:38:30.220]is that children should have the right and the freedom,
[00:38:34.191]they should be able to choose their identity.
[00:38:37.290]That's one, that's my passion point.
[00:38:40.348]That will get my gears grinding with people
[00:38:42.580]because I was not allowed
[00:38:44.220]and afforded that choice growing up
[00:38:45.730]and I know how traumatic that is to someone
[00:38:48.697]and you don't understand when people
[00:38:50.650]are calling you names or pejoratives,
[00:38:53.833]you don't understand that, you can't as a little kid,
[00:38:56.490]as you're going through other forms of trauma.
[00:38:58.840]So that's what I'm a big advocate about,
[00:39:02.481]a very big advocate, much to people's chagrin,
[00:39:04.827]but I will definitely go toe to toe with people on that one
[00:39:08.520]because they should be able to come into their own identity
[00:39:12.810]of who they are without being told to choose,
[00:39:16.926]you have to choose who you are.
[00:39:20.661]Good question, controversial but good question.
[00:39:35.872]I guess there were a lot of moments
[00:39:37.040]and I kind of mentioned those moments.
[00:39:38.810]Like did people asking me about living in a teepee
[00:39:41.420]or being in a class of 400 people
[00:39:43.420]and then somebody asking,
[00:39:44.567]"What's the Native perspective on this?"
[00:39:49.008]Or sitting there crying because I found
[00:39:52.050]a Native story that's probably not on the front page.
[00:39:54.540]But one early on moment, I guess,
[00:39:59.630]from my college career, was just remembering [Inaudible]
[00:40:06.451]she was my Kickapoo language teacher when I was a kid.
[00:40:09.690]And I'll never forget [Inaudible] she was so cool
[00:40:12.900]and she always told me, "No matter where you are,
[00:40:16.120]"you're a Native woman, keep your head up."
[00:40:19.857]And that really stuck with me.
[00:40:21.590]And for some reason, I don't know,
[00:40:22.730]I was walking down Jayhawk Boulevard thinking,
[00:40:25.920]I can't believe I'm here right now,
[00:40:27.260]I can't believe it,
[00:40:28.490]like I'm not smart enough to be here, this is crazy
[00:40:31.000]and then her voice just came to me and said,
[00:40:33.987]"Keep your head up; be proud of who you are."
[00:40:36.370]And so I just put my chin up, you know,
[00:40:39.020]and I thought, I made it.
[00:40:42.465]So that's my.
[00:40:45.992]It's a good thing for Native people to remember
[00:40:47.300]because we're often taught to be quiet
[00:40:51.410]and a lot of the Native people are very shy
[00:40:53.640]but we are here, you know.
[00:40:56.989]We have to take ownership of that and let it be known that
[00:41:00.590]we are here and we're a force.
[00:41:01.940]And when you use that power from your ancestors,
[00:41:04.610]you are an unstoppable, so.
[00:41:08.630]Yeah, I'm not sure mine if is profound
[00:41:11.708]but you know anything of heart.
[00:41:13.200]And so, sometimes at the end of the day,
[00:41:15.660]it's very like, "I'm over it, I'm done.
[00:41:18.417]"I'm ready to do something else.
[00:41:20.193]"I don't know what I'm doing."
[00:41:23.377]And then I think of the people,
[00:41:26.026]that you know, like I had this guy at the School of Mines,
[00:41:29.500]Dr. Kirk, he was passionate
[00:41:31.560]and had extended family in South Dakota
[00:41:34.130]and so, we had a program at the School of Mines,
[00:41:35.170]and so all the Natives could be a part of this,
[00:41:38.197]so we could all help each other
[00:41:39.580]and we'd have like an extra advisor
[00:41:41.330]that would meet with us monthly
[00:41:42.660]and another one who could meet with us weekly,
[00:41:44.930]kind of keep us on track
[00:41:46.580]and make sure, you know,
[00:41:47.669]how are you doing in this class,
[00:41:48.530]how are you doing in that class.
[00:41:49.887]You know, we have tutors for all our core classes.
[00:41:54.548]They teach you all the calcs and FEQ and you know,
[00:41:56.600]all those classes that are kind of in the totals.
[00:41:59.020]Anyway, so Carter, Dr. Kerk,
[00:42:01.820]whenever I would meet with him,
[00:42:03.460]you know to talk about your progress,
[00:42:04.550]before I'd leave, he'd go, he'd look at me and say,
[00:42:06.237]"Sidney, I'm really proud of you."
[00:42:07.860]And so the thought of having to tell Carter
[00:42:10.730]that I was gonna quit or that I couldn't do it,
[00:42:13.017]that was motivation enough, to be like,
[00:42:14.900]nope, I got this, just hang on.
[00:42:17.740]So, just like having, it doesn't matter
[00:42:20.870]how many people you have in your corner
[00:42:22.700]but having someone that you feel accountable to
[00:42:26.113]and the thought of the shame of being like,
[00:42:28.920]I can't do this, you know, and then pushing through.
[00:42:37.167]Gosh, that even has me, I even do this for a living.
[00:42:40.613]There it is, that's my specialty in education, actually
[00:42:44.504]and research
[00:42:46.210]and actually in indigenous methods, too.
[00:42:48.280]That's my specialty and I'm sitting here stumped
[00:42:51.380]because
[00:42:54.830]two things came to mind and one,
[00:43:00.160]I think I'm in a place where I wouldn't get emotional
[00:43:02.350]sharing this with all of you but it is, it is personal.
[00:43:07.090]When my father passed away, he was my rock.
[00:43:10.060]He taught me everything about me.
[00:43:12.170]I'm very much like my father.
[00:43:13.824]I'm a Virgo, they're very focused.
[00:43:15.670]So nobody likes us because we're Virgos
[00:43:19.806]It's like, and we're single, for the rest of our lives.
[00:43:20.639](audience laughing)
[00:43:23.150]One and done types, that's it.
[00:43:28.020]But after he died,
[00:43:31.830]and I'm kind of thinking
[00:43:32.770]he'd reflect and probably lie about that question
[00:43:34.640]now that I really think about it,
[00:43:36.740]his real good friend, my dad died of brain tumor,
[00:43:40.570]actually that same kind that would have killed
[00:43:42.470]Senator Kennedy or John McCain that just passed away,
[00:43:46.019]Senator McCain actually overcame this tumor.
[00:43:48.430]So either you can get them or you can't.
[00:43:50.850]They grow out like a star out of your brain.
[00:43:54.160]So, he did go quickly, which is good,
[00:43:57.217]'cause he is too agile,
[00:44:00.130]too smart,
[00:44:01.440]he has to be active,
[00:44:03.330]so I'm glad he passed away quickly and
[00:44:06.970]according to a lot of our traditional beliefs,
[00:44:08.850]that's when I had my last son.
[00:44:10.280]I actually was going home on a recruiting trip
[00:44:13.000]up to Sioux City to their Title Indian Ed Program.
[00:44:18.396][Crosstalk]
[00:44:20.188]And I was going to tell him that morning,
[00:44:21.980]and that's when he collapsed
[00:44:24.130]and I had to call the EMT's to get him,
[00:44:27.300]that started the process.
[00:44:29.130]And you know how we believe when one goes and one comes in.
[00:44:33.060]And so that's a real,
[00:44:34.640]it's still hard for me to struggle with
[00:44:37.264]but when he passed, his good friend, Mr. Barbara,
[00:44:41.350]he said, "Make sure you finish your doctorate."
[00:44:44.900]That was probably that moment,
[00:44:46.520]if I were to give anything credit for that.
[00:44:49.410]However, Dr. Cornelius, I did not listen to his advice
[00:44:53.280]because I was not ready to go through my mourning.
[00:44:56.690]It took me long time to face that.
[00:44:58.190]I started avoiding my mourning.
[00:45:00.650]I got married, you know,
[00:45:01.483]I just did everything to avoid that.
[00:45:04.160]So then later on, I had a real good friend,
[00:45:06.440]Omaha elder, tell me,
[00:45:10.200]I was always real good brain-wise,
[00:45:11.960]cognitive wise, smart, intelligent, smart
[00:45:14.640]but it was the heart.
[00:45:15.560]She said you have to walk through the feelings
[00:45:17.730]and when I did that,
[00:45:19.660]when I started to go through the mourning,
[00:45:21.520]that's when I finally finished.
[00:45:24.260]So, when I lined up basically,
[00:45:26.377]the mind and the heart and the soul
[00:45:28.830]and actually wrote about that in my dissertation.
[00:45:31.290]So that would be the way I would answer your question.
[00:45:33.480]It came in two different parts for me.
[00:45:37.981]So, you have to be honest with yourself
[00:45:41.010]when you're avoiding all that,
[00:45:42.730]when you're in denial, when you're avoiding your life force.
[00:45:47.655]What else?
[00:45:48.488][Inaudible]
[00:45:50.591][Audience Laughing & Crosstalk]
[00:45:59.050]No way, no.

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2018 MATC Scholars Program: Expanding Your Future Using Education Panel

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