PEERS® Part 2: Strategies for Handling Teasing/Bullying

Aarti Nair, Ph.D. Author

02/18/2019 Added

671 Plays

Description

After this webinar participants will be familiar with PEERS strategies for handling teasing, physical bullying, cyberbullying and minimizing rumors and gossip.

Searchable Transcript

Search:

[00:00:02.270]Hello, everyone.
[00:00:03.420]I'm Dr. Aarti Nair from the UCLA PEERS Clinic,
[00:00:06.870]and I will be talking today about strategies
[00:00:10.500]for handling teasing and bullying
[00:00:12.690]that come from our program curriculum
[00:00:15.670]at the UCLA PEERS Clinic.
[00:00:20.020]So, just a brief background to those
[00:00:22.240]unfamiliar with our program.
[00:00:24.700]The PEERS Program is an international program
[00:00:27.510]developed at UCLA in 2004 to target social skills
[00:00:33.060]difficulties in individuals
[00:00:34.930]with autism spectrum disorders.
[00:00:37.240]Over time, it has expanded to other clinical groups.
[00:00:41.840]The teen program has been translated
[00:00:44.740]into several different languages and has been used
[00:00:47.930]in multiple countries.
[00:00:50.662]Various different cultural adaptations of the program
[00:00:54.010]are being developed right now.
[00:00:56.660]We also have Evidence-Based Social Skills Programs
[00:01:00.010]in our clinic for preschoolers aged four to six and that one
[00:01:05.399]basically focuses on social skills
[00:01:09.249]in the form of of play skills, which is primarily
[00:01:12.760]what the social skills are at that age.
[00:01:15.840]We also have a PEERS for Adolescents program
[00:01:18.800]in the school setting, so it's a curriculum
[00:01:22.970]that was adapted from our treatment manual
[00:01:27.060]to be used by school-based professionals
[00:01:29.820]on a daily basis for teens at school,
[00:01:33.120]and we have a Peers for Young Adults program
[00:01:36.473]that is pretty similar to our teen program
[00:01:39.910]with some additional lessons on dating.
[00:01:44.470]So, switching back to talking about teasing
[00:01:48.910]and bullying behaviors.
[00:01:52.190]Really, in our clinic, we tend to see
[00:01:55.386]two distinct groups of youth
[00:01:58.510]with autism spectrum disorders.
[00:02:00.650]There's the group that has faced a lot of peer rejection.
[00:02:04.410]That could include having been teased and bullied
[00:02:07.890]by their peers, they may get stuck
[00:02:10.540]with bad reputations like if they do odd
[00:02:13.409]or weird, strange things that then
[00:02:16.567]they develop a reputation for that.
[00:02:20.120]That becomes the target for some of this teasing
[00:02:22.530]and bullying behavior.
[00:02:25.120]These are teens that are usually actively
[00:02:27.080]seeking out peers.
[00:02:29.124]They might just be making some inappropriate attempts
[00:02:31.220]at connecting with their peers, which also makes them
[00:02:34.110]further targets of teasing and bullying.
[00:02:39.580]We tend to see more teens with ADHD,
[00:02:43.750]more disorders or impulse control disorder diagnosis
[00:02:47.960]fall under this peer rejected category.
[00:02:52.110]Then we see our youth that have more of,
[00:02:56.770]that have been socially neglected historically,
[00:03:00.260]so these are individuals that tend to be
[00:03:02.410]more isolated and withdrawn, they might be ignored
[00:03:06.700]and unnoticed by their peers for the most part,
[00:03:09.550]and they tend to generally just avoid their peers
[00:03:11.980]and stay on the fringes of the social groups at school.
[00:03:17.150]Some (mumbles) that we see with this group
[00:03:19.850]tend to include things like anxiety and depression
[00:03:23.830]that also feature avoidance as a characteristic symptom.
[00:03:33.960]With our peer rejected groups,
[00:03:36.000]really one of the peer rejection is one
[00:03:38.930]of the strongest predictors of mental health problems
[00:03:42.505]like increased rates of anxiety and depression.
[00:03:46.090]It also is one of the strongest predictors
[00:03:48.210]of juvenile delinquency and early
[00:03:51.610]withdrawals from school.
[00:03:52.790]So, these are some pretty significant
[00:03:55.878]negative consequences of peer rejection
[00:04:00.330]and hence we try to target this through our program
[00:04:05.020]by providing skills to our peer-rejected youth
[00:04:08.975]on how to handle some of the teasing
[00:04:12.930]and bullying behaviors that lead to them
[00:04:16.830]falling under this category.
[00:04:21.170]Other consequences of peer rejection
[00:04:23.280]apart from mood difficulties
[00:04:26.480]can include increased sense of loneliness,
[00:04:29.790]low self-esteem, increased substance use,
[00:04:33.365]and also early substance use
[00:04:35.640]to cope with some of these.
[00:04:37.685]There is definitely a very strong correlation
[00:04:40.015]with poor academic performance,
[00:04:42.723]and significantly we also notice increased rates
[00:04:47.570]of suicidal ideation and attempts
[00:04:50.610]within our peer-rejected population.
[00:04:57.360]Specifically with adolescents
[00:04:59.300]with Autism Spectrum Disorder,
[00:05:01.150]we find that teens with ASD are nine times
[00:05:04.790]more likely to experience peer victimization
[00:05:07.460]than they are non-disabled peers or neuro typical peers,
[00:05:12.852]and 94% of teens with ASD report having experienced
[00:05:17.780]some form of peer victimization in the previous year.
[00:05:22.930]Combining ASD with comorbid ADHD puts them
[00:05:27.100]at four times more of a likelihood
[00:05:30.670]to actually engage in bullying behaviors,
[00:05:33.950]and we actually think some of this stems
[00:05:36.980]from the increase impulsivity
[00:05:39.490]and poor social cognition that goes along with ASD
[00:05:43.392]and comorbid ADHD.
[00:05:45.610]On the other hand, teens with ASD
[00:05:47.330]that don't have a comorbid ADHD don't seem to defer
[00:05:52.650]that much from their typically developing peers
[00:05:55.260]in terms of rates in engaging in bullying behavior.
[00:06:03.526]So, some of the risk factors of peer rejection
[00:06:05.950]amongst our teens with ASD include that they generally
[00:06:11.740]tend to be less socially competent than their peers.
[00:06:14.588]They tend to have fewer friendships and less peer support.
[00:06:18.730]So, there's less bystander support
[00:06:20.930]in case they're being picked on or teased
[00:06:23.730]by someone at school.
[00:06:25.959]There's no one else really coming to rally for them
[00:06:28.990]in that situation.
[00:06:32.160]Protective factors against peer rejection
[00:06:34.910]amongst adolescents with ASD would actually be friendships,
[00:06:38.070]so people that could stand up for them
[00:06:39.720]if they are being victimized.
[00:06:45.035]So, just a national survey that we conducted
[00:06:49.007]in terms of adolescents that were peer rejected,
[00:06:54.500]socially neglected or otherwise, and we actually find
[00:06:58.430]that the largest sample here,
[00:07:03.350]this big blue region,
[00:07:06.220]are adolescents that describe themselves as average
[00:07:09.340]on the social skills.
[00:07:12.500]So, this would be most people feel
[00:07:15.440]like they are successful sometimes in trying
[00:07:19.180]to being accepted by their peers,
[00:07:22.247]and at other times, they face some rejection.
[00:07:24.940]So, that's actually the average rate,
[00:07:26.530]some balance of acceptance and rejection from their peers.
[00:07:30.139]In contrast, only 15% of teens
[00:07:34.850]are characterized as being the popular kids.
[00:07:38.050]So, those are individuals that just generally
[00:07:41.503]endorse high rates of being successful
[00:07:45.150]and being accepted by their peers,
[00:07:48.840]and then there's an equal split of 15% of you
[00:07:52.190]that have experienced peer rejection,
[00:07:54.550]and 15% of you that are socially neglected.
[00:07:58.990]So, to this group right here,
[00:08:01.622]these two groups right here, all of these people
[00:08:06.720]seem like they might be popular, but that, as we can see
[00:08:09.750]from our survey is not actually true.
[00:08:11.920]Most people do experience a fair share
[00:08:14.460]of acceptance and rejection.
[00:08:21.300]So, let's start by actually defining
[00:08:23.260]what bullying is.
[00:08:25.231]So, bullying, as we see it,
[00:08:27.010]is a subtype of aggression.
[00:08:29.070]So, this could include any kind of negative action
[00:08:32.040]directed at a student or groups of student
[00:08:34.596]that are either repetitive nature,
[00:08:37.548]chronic and longstanding, and they tend to be characterized
[00:08:42.070]by some power imbalance or its exploitative
[00:08:46.250]at that way.
[00:08:47.690]Bullying behavior can also take on a variety of forms.
[00:08:51.220]So, there's physical bullying, there's verbal bullying.
[00:08:54.830]We actually refer to verbal bullying as teasing
[00:08:57.310]in our program even though people may lump that
[00:09:00.394]when they're reporting bullying behaviors.
[00:09:03.840]We keep them distinct because the strategies,
[00:09:06.420]as we will move on to discuss, are going to be different
[00:09:09.765]to handle each type of bullying.
[00:09:12.920]Then there's a relational bullying.
[00:09:14.540]This includes things like spreading rumors and gossip,
[00:09:17.440]and excluding people socially.
[00:09:19.490]So, it's the mean kids' behavior,
[00:09:24.600]and then there's electronic bullying,
[00:09:26.250]so cyber bullying, trolling.
[00:09:28.070]This has become increasingly prevalent amongst our teens
[00:09:33.270]as more and more of them tend to use social media.
[00:09:41.190]So, first we're gonna talk about strategies
[00:09:43.150]to handle teasing or verbal bullying.
[00:09:47.040]So, let's think about what most children and teens
[00:09:49.440]are told to do in response to teasing.
[00:09:52.171]So, adults might tell them just ignore it, walk away.
[00:09:58.430]Sometimes people are even told to put up their hand
[00:10:01.010]and stay stop.
[00:10:03.775]What do we think most children and teens with ASD
[00:10:07.480]do in response to teasing?
[00:10:11.669]Actually, they might get upset, they might cry,
[00:10:16.560]they might get bothered, they may say things back.
[00:10:20.160]They don't generally tend to walk away or ignore.
[00:10:28.950]So, the steps that we actually want them
[00:10:31.000]to follow for handling teasing
[00:10:32.870]are a little bit different than the ones
[00:10:34.790]that they're usually advised to do.
[00:10:37.370]So, we actually don't want them to walk away,
[00:10:39.850]ignore the person, or tell an adult
[00:10:41.807]and the reason behind that is when our teens walk away
[00:10:45.750]or ignore the person,
[00:10:47.000]it actually makes them look weak,
[00:10:49.100]and weak people tend to become further targeted for teasing.
[00:10:56.233]With telling an adult, especially if that happens
[00:10:59.060]in front of other witnesses,
[00:11:02.140]they then can get labeled as being a snitch.
[00:11:05.716]That then maybe further upsets the person
[00:11:08.820]that's teasing them.
[00:11:09.800]It definitely doesn't make them feel like not teasing
[00:11:13.160]a teen in the future.
[00:11:16.650]So, while some of these strategies might work
[00:11:19.855]in the short term, like stopping the teasing
[00:11:23.330]right there and then, it actually does not really impact
[00:11:26.170]longterm teasing and can actually put them at risk
[00:11:28.543]for further teasing behaviors.
[00:11:31.730]So, what we actually want them to do is show
[00:11:34.410]that they are not upset or we definitely don't want them
[00:11:38.110]to be teasing back, and the reason for that
[00:11:41.600]is when we think about the purpose of why people
[00:11:44.596]tease each other or engage in this kind of bullying behavior
[00:11:48.995]it's because they want a reaction usually
[00:11:51.367]from the other person, and they're looking
[00:11:54.130]for some kind of negative reaction.
[00:11:55.920]So, they want the other person to get bothered,
[00:11:58.010]they want them to get upset, they want them to say something
[00:12:01.743]so that they can keep teasing them,
[00:12:03.780]it can keep going back and forth,
[00:12:06.090]so that's why we don't want our teens to show them
[00:12:08.550]that they are upset or to tease back
[00:12:11.010]to give them more fodder
[00:12:12.550]for continuing the teasing.
[00:12:15.000]Instead, we want them to act like what the person said
[00:12:18.063]did not bother them.
[00:12:20.250]So again, going back to what the teaser wants
[00:12:23.020]is a reaction.
[00:12:24.350]If you show them that that didn't actually bother you,
[00:12:27.580]they didn't get the reaction that they wanted
[00:12:30.345]so it was not fun for them anymore to keep teasing,
[00:12:34.700]and if it's not fun for them, if you didn't make it fun
[00:12:37.020]for them, they're less likely to do that again.
[00:12:40.839]So, once you kinda create the situation
[00:12:45.073]where you act like you're not bothered,
[00:12:47.474]we then next want them to give a short comeback
[00:12:51.110]that shows that what the person said was lame.
[00:12:54.645]The purpose of this is if you actually want
[00:12:57.460]to kinda suggest that the other person was being lame
[00:13:01.460]by teasing them and that that didn't bother them,
[00:13:06.212]it makes the other person look silly
[00:13:09.510]for doing what they were doing or immature
[00:13:12.302]for teasing the victim here.
[00:13:16.850]So, the short comebacks that we want to give them
[00:13:19.110]are on this list down below.
[00:13:20.880]So, we want them to stay that maybe
[00:13:24.150]with a little bit of attitude if they can,
[00:13:26.340]so whatever, anyway, so what?
[00:13:30.450]Big deal, who cares, yeah, and?
[00:13:35.010]And your point is?
[00:13:36.820]Am I suppose to care?
[00:13:38.770]Is that supposed to be funny?
[00:13:40.880]We can also have them throw in some shoulder shrugs
[00:13:43.650]or roll their eyes.
[00:13:45.840]Now these nonverbal comebacks
[00:13:48.740]are natural to some people, especially girls.
[00:13:54.077]It's not quite natural for a lot of our youth
[00:13:56.810]on the spectrum, so for that,
[00:14:00.490]we actually have them go around the table,
[00:14:02.500]especially with rolling the eyes.
[00:14:04.200]Not everyone's good at that.
[00:14:05.920]So, as part of this lesson,
[00:14:08.300]we actually had each of our patients go around
[00:14:11.560]the table and show us how they may roll their eyes
[00:14:15.201]or shrug their shoulders,
[00:14:16.720]whichever is their preference,
[00:14:18.460]and we actually give them some feedback
[00:14:20.100]about whether they should do the rolling of the eye
[00:14:22.630]or the shrugging of the shoulder or neither,
[00:14:25.341]and that's because if they tend to do
[00:14:28.270]some kind of odd eye roll,
[00:14:31.350]then they're going to get teased about that,
[00:14:34.123]so that really doesn't serve the purpose
[00:14:36.240]of avoiding future teasing.
[00:14:39.730]So, most of them tend to be more comfortable
[00:14:43.320]with shrugging their shoulders,
[00:14:44.970]and you can do a mix of the nonverbal cues
[00:14:47.840]as well as the comebacks.
[00:14:50.300]We also suggest that they keep three comebacks handy
[00:14:53.633]every time, like their go-to three favorite choices
[00:14:57.130]that they don't have to think too much about,
[00:14:59.620]and that's because say someone teased them
[00:15:03.130]and they said whatever.
[00:15:04.938]Is it likely that the person is going to stop
[00:15:07.600]teasing right there and then?
[00:15:10.320]Not really, so they might try a couple of more times,
[00:15:13.300]so we wanna make sure our teens are prepared
[00:15:15.580]with a couple of comebacks at least to handle that,
[00:15:21.310]and then we actually want them to walk away after that
[00:15:24.396]or remove themselves from the situation
[00:15:26.257]because if they give the comebacks and they just continue
[00:15:29.830]staying there in that space,
[00:15:31.640]again, they're giving the teaser more opporitunities
[00:15:33.320]to tease them.
[00:15:35.280]So, the steps again would be not to act bothered,
[00:15:40.062]give a couple of comebacks, two or three,
[00:15:43.030]and then walk away or remove themselves.
[00:15:47.360]So, let's watch this next role-play and see
[00:15:54.300]what our actor here does right in handling the teasing.
[00:16:01.720]This is going to be a teasing situation between two males
[00:16:06.630]and we'll do one with two females and we'll see
[00:16:08.675]the slight differences between the two, okay?
[00:16:15.254]So, watch this ole and see what Gabe is doing right
[00:16:17.735]in handling the teasing.
[00:16:20.870]Hey dweeb, reading again?
[00:16:22.530]Whatever.
[00:16:23.450]You're such a loser.
[00:16:24.570]You're always reading.
[00:16:26.050]Am I supposed to care?
[00:16:27.209]Yeah because everyone things you're a loser.
[00:16:29.851]Anyway.
[00:16:32.295]All right, and then we first discuss
[00:16:35.918]with our teens what Gabe did right in that situation.
[00:16:41.270]So, he definitely didn't seem like he lost his cool
[00:16:44.950]or was too upset.
[00:16:46.600]He seemed like he wasn't too bothered by the teasing,
[00:16:49.190]so he got that first step down.
[00:16:51.570]He was ready with two or three comebacks.
[00:16:53.770]So, as the teaser kept teasing him,
[00:16:58.120]he had a couple of responses ready to go,
[00:17:01.800]and then after a few attempts he removed himself
[00:17:05.230]from the situation and walked away.
[00:17:07.617]And again, he didn't huff off,
[00:17:10.130]he just casually walked away.
[00:17:13.110]So, he didn't look bothered doing that.
[00:17:16.030]Then we go around the table and our perspective,
[00:17:17.767]taking questions, so we talked to the teens
[00:17:20.360]about what was that like for the other person?
[00:17:24.070]So, did it seem like it was fun for the teaser to tease
[00:17:27.480]Gabe when he wasn't really bothered by it?
[00:17:30.320]Probably not.
[00:17:31.420]He tried a few times.
[00:17:33.816]What did the teaser think of Gabe?
[00:17:37.409]They might say oh, he just seemed not bothered,
[00:17:42.883]not too upset.
[00:17:45.455]So again, these are not fun reactions for the teaser.
[00:17:50.390]And then our final question would be
[00:17:51.920]would he want to tease Gabe again?
[00:17:54.160]Well, in reality, maybe he would try a few times,
[00:17:56.710]especially if he's used to getting a reaction from Gabe
[00:17:59.391]and this is a new response that he's getting.
[00:18:02.850]He's probably going to try harder initially
[00:18:06.550]to get a reaction, so we advise our teens
[00:18:08.733]that that could happen.
[00:18:10.940]We wanna make sure that they're prepared for that.
[00:18:12.570]It's not gonna go away instantly,
[00:18:14.870]but if they keep sticking to this response,
[00:18:19.260]style then over time,
[00:18:21.660]the teaser is going to give up.
[00:18:24.365]We also say that the teaser could come back.
[00:18:27.840]Say they stop for a while.
[00:18:29.730]They could come back a year later and you not think
[00:18:32.010]about well, it used to be fun when I used to tease Gabe.
[00:18:36.750]Maybe I should try again, and they might come back
[00:18:40.214]a year later and do that, but again, as long as our teens
[00:18:43.440]stick to this response,
[00:18:45.705]it's unlikely that they're going to be victims
[00:18:49.910]of chronic teasing.
[00:18:52.758]Moving on to the next role-play.
[00:18:55.040]So, this is where a situation between two females,
[00:18:58.420]so let's watch this role-play and think about
[00:19:01.870]what Elina is doing right in handling the teasing.
[00:19:06.160]Man Elina, those are some ugly shoes.
[00:19:09.010]Whatever.
[00:19:09.860]Whatever?
[00:19:10.693]I wouldn't be caught dead in those.
[00:19:12.060]Those are nasty.
[00:19:13.350]Is that supposed to be funny?
[00:19:14.590]I don't know if it's supposed to be funny,
[00:19:15.880]but those are not cute.
[00:19:17.170]Anyway.
[00:19:18.452](scoffing)
[00:19:20.630]All right, so then again we go around first
[00:19:22.568]and discuss what Elina did right in that situation.
[00:19:26.350]She followed pretty much the same steps
[00:19:28.130]that Gabe did in handling that,
[00:19:29.950]and then walked away.
[00:19:31.821]The difference that we wanted to point out here
[00:19:34.000]was with the nonverbals.
[00:19:36.560]So, guys, as I mentioned before,
[00:19:38.610]tend to prefer the shoulder shrug.
[00:19:40.810]That seems more natural to them.
[00:19:42.687]Various girls may use a mix of that.
[00:19:45.590]They use more of the eye rolling.
[00:19:47.480]It's something that just seems more natural
[00:19:49.300]to girls to do that.
[00:19:53.160]So, we just wanna make sure our teens
[00:19:55.737]are using things that are comfortable for them,
[00:19:58.080]and if they do suggest that they want to use
[00:20:00.180]one of the nonverbals,
[00:20:01.577]we'll actually give them feedback on that
[00:20:03.190]as I mentioned before.
[00:20:04.830]So again, we go over the perspective taking questions
[00:20:06.917]with our teens on what that was like
[00:20:10.040]for the other person, what did they think of Elina,
[00:20:12.506]and would she want to tease Elina again.
[00:20:15.980]At the end of this lesson, we actually have each
[00:20:17.910]of our teens go around the table
[00:20:19.730]and practice three comebacks.
[00:20:21.500]They are required to identify three comebacks
[00:20:24.162]that they can use in their practice during the week
[00:20:29.076]that we have them in as she rehearsed with us.
[00:20:32.811]Sometimes we get questions about teens
[00:20:36.060]wanting to create their own responses,
[00:20:39.510]and the suggestion that we give in that context
[00:20:42.710]is to stick to our list
[00:20:44.600]because we know that it works for sure.
[00:20:47.130]Anything else that they might want to create for themselves,
[00:20:49.610]we don't know if that's going to work
[00:20:51.890]because we have not done any research on that,
[00:20:54.490]so it is risky.
[00:20:56.380]The risk with youth with ASD is also
[00:20:59.370]that when they try to create their own responses,
[00:21:02.461]it's actually not as appropriate
[00:21:05.100]as we would want it to be.
[00:21:06.620]It might be too long.
[00:21:08.043]Once it starts to get long,
[00:21:09.932]the comeback then seems like you were really bothered
[00:21:12.900]by the teasing, so it defeats the purpose
[00:21:15.881]of seeming cool and casual.
[00:21:19.660]So, that's the advice that we give our teens
[00:21:23.150]in response to being more creative in their responses.
[00:21:29.270]Let's move on to talking about physical bullying.
[00:21:32.120]Now with physical bullying,
[00:21:34.164]this is going to be any kind of physical aggression
[00:21:36.867]towards a person or their belongings as well.
[00:21:41.587]So, shoving, hitting tends to be more of our,
[00:21:46.220]or throwing their bags around seems to be
[00:21:48.830]our most frequent complaints
[00:21:50.830]that we get from our teens.
[00:21:54.380]So, what are most teens told to do
[00:21:56.060]in response to physical bullying?
[00:21:58.762]They might be advised by adults to ignore the bullier.
[00:22:05.000]They might be told to again, put their hand up
[00:22:08.120]and say stop, which definitely does not seem
[00:22:10.240]like a reaction that suggests that they're not bothered.
[00:22:15.728]They might be told to tell an adult,
[00:22:18.260]and we'll discuss the pros and cons of that in a bit.
[00:22:23.145]Sometimes people might also be advised to fight back,
[00:22:27.400]and we are often asked about this,
[00:22:29.380]if that's an effective strategy, and all we can say
[00:22:32.640]to our teens is that it's risky
[00:22:36.904]because if they engage in fighting back,
[00:22:42.260]it might provoke the bully further
[00:22:45.830]into continuing the cycle of attacking them,
[00:22:49.040]so that's what we advise them about fighting back,
[00:22:52.070]is that it's risky.
[00:22:55.640]What do most teens with ASD do in response to bullying?
[00:22:59.260]They might generally, again, look upset,
[00:23:01.870]they might start crying, they might straight out
[00:23:04.440]go and tell an adult in front of everyone,
[00:23:08.340]which again, leaves them with the reputation
[00:23:10.300]for being a snitch.
[00:23:13.440]So, the steps that we actually want them to follow
[00:23:16.190]to avoid physical bullying revolve mostly around safety
[00:23:19.937]and minimizing the coming, the target of physical bullying.
[00:23:25.738]So, we want them to, as much as possible,
[00:23:28.350]generally avoid the bully.
[00:23:29.970]That is stay out of the reach of the bully.
[00:23:32.320]If they can't find you, they can't bully you.
[00:23:34.932]This could involve planning their route.
[00:23:37.520]So, if they knew that the bully tends to hang out
[00:23:41.210]in the hallway during lunch break,
[00:23:45.990]then maybe plan a route to get to your next class
[00:23:48.820]that doesn't put you in the same space as the bully
[00:23:52.434]during that time.
[00:23:55.230]We suggest that they lay low when the bully is around,
[00:23:57.850]so that means not drawing too much attention to themselves,
[00:24:00.660]not trying to be the jokester
[00:24:02.509]or not being the center of attention because again,
[00:24:06.620]if the bully doesn't notice you, he can't bully you.
[00:24:10.294]We definitely don't want them
[00:24:12.130]to be provoking the bully.
[00:24:13.800]So, that would be things like not using strategies
[00:24:17.500]for teasing with the bullying because if a bully
[00:24:20.690]is trying to tease you and you use the teasing comebacks,
[00:24:24.830]that might actually provoke the bully into,
[00:24:27.595]if that was not fun for them,
[00:24:29.720]if you made it not fun for them,
[00:24:31.090]then their next reaction might be
[00:24:32.590]to get physically aggressive with you.
[00:24:35.180]So, we don't want them to be using
[00:24:36.730]the verbal teasing strategies with the bully.
[00:24:39.960]We also don't want them to police the bully,
[00:24:42.330]and our youth with ASD tend to do this sometimes.
[00:24:47.040]So, don't tell on the bully for minor offenses.
[00:24:50.548]Don't correct them for their grammar,
[00:24:52.673]don't do things like that, don't police the bully,
[00:24:55.588]and don't police the bully if they are trying
[00:24:59.820]to victimize someone else.
[00:25:02.183]In case someone else is in danger,
[00:25:04.620]we actually want them to discreetly tell an adult
[00:25:07.020]rather than confront the bully themselves.
[00:25:10.064]We also suggest that they try not
[00:25:12.491]to become friends with the bully.
[00:25:15.040]Once again, a lot of our teens
[00:25:16.040]tend to go to this strategy because they reason
[00:25:18.983]that if they are friends with the bully,
[00:25:20.687]the bully is not going to attack them,
[00:25:23.400]and that's actually not true.
[00:25:25.039]By being friends with a bully, you're giving them
[00:25:27.460]more opporitunities to attack you.
[00:25:30.520]So, bullies don't not get physically aggressive
[00:25:35.310]with their friends or that is not
[00:25:36.780]a fool-proof strategy.
[00:25:39.550]When the bully's around, we want our teens
[00:25:41.640]to be hanging out with other teens,
[00:25:43.940]and that's because bullies are more likely
[00:25:46.300]to pick on teens who are by themselves
[00:25:48.116]rather than in a group.
[00:25:50.060]So, try to hang around with other peers or other teens
[00:25:53.338]or stay near adults when the bully is around.
[00:25:55.940]Again, the bully is not likely to pick on you
[00:25:57.910]if you're around adults and especially authority figures
[00:26:02.940]like teachers or school staff, and you don't have to
[00:26:08.610]tell on them, but you can hang around near the adults.
[00:26:14.080]And if the bullying gets really intense or you've tried
[00:26:18.220]all these strategies and they don't seem to be working,
[00:26:20.990]that's when we want them to get help from an adult.
[00:26:24.350]So, that could be parents,
[00:26:25.780]it could be supportive school staff,
[00:26:28.200]and we always recommend that they do this discreetly
[00:26:31.520]rather than in front of other witnesses that again,
[00:26:34.563]tell on them with the bully, and if the bully finds out
[00:26:39.009]that you told an adult, then they are more likely
[00:26:42.330]to bully you in the future.
[00:26:47.970]Moving on next to our next type of bullying,
[00:26:50.360]which would be cyber bullying or online trolling.
[00:26:54.500]As I mentioned before, this is happening
[00:26:56.580]increasingly in alarming rates across the country
[00:27:00.251]because everyone's online now
[00:27:02.290]and using different social media platforms,
[00:27:05.820]which just gives a lot of anonymity and opportunity
[00:27:09.150]for other teens to bully you.
[00:27:15.730]So, what are most teens told to do in response
[00:27:18.070]to cyber bullying?
[00:27:19.360]Sort of similar, ignore it, delete it, block them,
[00:27:24.920]delete your account if possible.
[00:27:27.710]Those might be most of the commonly received advice.
[00:27:33.180]What do cyber bullies, however, want their victims to do?
[00:27:37.770]They actually want you to respond.
[00:27:39.730]So, if they leave a comment on your Facebook post,
[00:27:43.560]they're looking for you to respond to their comment
[00:27:45.770]so that they can further comment and bully you.
[00:27:52.270]So, the steps for addressing cyber bullying
[00:27:54.530]include not feeding the trolls.
[00:27:57.800]So, this is similar to the avoiding the bully
[00:28:04.760]sort of strategy that we use with physical bullying.
[00:28:07.710]If they can't find you, they can't bully you,
[00:28:10.280]so the bully, again, wants you to respond
[00:28:14.120]to their comments.
[00:28:15.337]So, not feeding the trolls would mean not commenting back
[00:28:18.920]on whatever it is that they sent.
[00:28:20.690]We actually don't want them to react at all
[00:28:22.670]to whatever the comment was.
[00:28:25.194]Instead, it would be advisable to have a supportive friend
[00:28:29.810]stick up for them.
[00:28:30.643]So, if you see someone post on your wall,
[00:28:33.570]you wanna say something,
[00:28:34.620]maybe have a friend do that for you instead.
[00:28:38.030]Again, if it's a friend sticking up for you,
[00:28:40.953]it's going to look like you have support from others,
[00:28:44.080]so the bully's going to be less likely to comment back
[00:28:46.897]and pick on your further.
[00:28:50.870]We also suggest that teens who are being victimized online
[00:28:54.292]lay low for a while.
[00:28:56.780]So, whatever platform it is,
[00:28:58.600]if Facebook is where the bully tends to find you,
[00:29:01.380]just don't be too active on it for a while.
[00:29:04.400]Don't post too many things.
[00:29:06.230]That gives the bully more opporitunities to comment
[00:29:08.900]on whatever your activity is.
[00:29:12.320]There's also opporitunities to block the bully
[00:29:14.750]and various different social media platforms
[00:29:17.050]have different options.
[00:29:18.550]So, you can completely block the bully,
[00:29:20.530]you can block them from seeing specific content,
[00:29:24.569]or you could just, you don't have the de-friend them
[00:29:29.040]or unfriend them all the way,
[00:29:30.670]but you can just not have them have access
[00:29:33.370]to a lot of your posts,
[00:29:34.920]and this is something that we advise
[00:29:36.530]that our teens consult
[00:29:39.313]with their supportive adults on,
[00:29:41.090]their parents are people that they're comfortable
[00:29:44.850]at with that school in terms of navigating
[00:29:47.250]and figuring out how much they should block.
[00:29:51.400]We definitely want our teen victims of online bullying
[00:29:55.750]to save the evidence.
[00:29:57.270]So, before they go on to do things
[00:29:59.620]like deleting the comments or deleting the post,
[00:30:02.280]we want them to take a screenshot and save the evidence
[00:30:04.970]because you might need that in the future.
[00:30:07.080]If the bullying gets really intense or really bad
[00:30:10.120]or doesn't stop and you need to take it
[00:30:12.890]to some sort of higher authority,
[00:30:15.750]they're going to need evidence.
[00:30:17.120]So, you wanna save the evidence from the beginning.
[00:30:19.470]If it's a text, if someone posted a picture of you,
[00:30:22.759]someone commented on you, whatever it is,
[00:30:25.624]so taking a screenshot and filing that away
[00:30:28.445]is the easiest way to save the evidence.
[00:30:31.467]Sometimes our teens get very upset by what's being posted
[00:30:35.390]and they don't want it on their page at all,
[00:30:37.300]so they don't need to have it there
[00:30:42.240]just to save the evidence.
[00:30:44.160]Again, taking a screenshot,
[00:30:45.760]maybe having their parents take a screenshot
[00:30:47.590]and putting it away from their view,
[00:30:51.690]and then going on to delete it from their page
[00:30:54.127]would be advisable, and that's where they can get help
[00:30:58.486]from their supportive adults as well.
[00:31:02.930]When it does get intense, cyber bullying can be reported
[00:31:05.860]to authorities, so webmasters on each of the platforms,
[00:31:09.296]you can report content to them
[00:31:12.150]and then they can block the bully from using that platform.
[00:31:16.600]Same with service providers.
[00:31:18.600]Some schools offer safe people that the teens can go to
[00:31:25.733]for advice, to report bullying,
[00:31:28.290]especially if it's someone else at school
[00:31:29.990]that's bullying them online, and then in extreme cases,
[00:31:33.610]they can go to law enforcement,
[00:31:35.643]and we want to point out to our teens,
[00:31:37.670]especially our teens with ASD that this is a step
[00:31:41.690]to take in extreme cases,
[00:31:43.360]whether it's cyber bullying or physical bullying,
[00:31:45.980]that should not be the first step
[00:31:47.500]because they then run the risk
[00:31:50.060]if they keep going to the police or so
[00:31:55.226]with minor complaints
[00:31:56.880]that they will not be taken seriously
[00:31:58.770]when they really need it,
[00:32:00.230]so any time that they actually feel like they need
[00:32:03.670]to address this with law enforcement,
[00:32:06.240]they should again consult with their parents
[00:32:08.910]or other supportive adults for advice
[00:32:11.560]before they get there.
[00:32:17.730]And finally, our last form of a bullying
[00:32:20.240]is relational bullying, so this is rumors and gossip.
[00:32:23.570]So, first we want to talk to our teens
[00:32:25.930]about how to avoid being the target of gossip.
[00:32:29.044]So, we want them to avoid being friends
[00:32:31.250]with the gossip first because again,
[00:32:33.453]being friends with a gossip does not mean
[00:32:36.245]that they will not gossip or spread rumors about you.
[00:32:39.590]In fact, now they know more personal information about you
[00:32:42.730]because you are their friend,
[00:32:44.390]so they can have even more information to gossip
[00:32:47.490]or spread rumors about you.
[00:32:49.590]At the same time, we also don't want them
[00:32:51.480]being enemies with a gossip or getting in the gossip's face
[00:32:54.390]or provoking them 'cause how is a gossip
[00:32:57.680]going to retaliate if they get upset?
[00:33:00.938]They are going to gossip more about you.
[00:33:03.930]So, what we want them to do is be as neutral as possible
[00:33:07.110]with the gossips.
[00:33:07.950]So, sort of lay low, don't be friends, don't be enemies,
[00:33:11.462]don't attract too much attention
[00:33:13.610]when you're around the gossips.
[00:33:16.037]Those are just some ways to be neutral around them.
[00:33:20.590]We also wanna advise our teens
[00:33:22.240]not to spread rumors or gossip about other people
[00:33:24.944]because if they get stuck with a bad reputation
[00:33:27.710]of being gossips or spreading rumors,
[00:33:30.768]then other people are going to retaliate against them
[00:33:34.590]by spreading rumors and gossip about them.
[00:33:40.253]So, what do most adults tell children or teens to do
[00:33:44.710]when they are the targets of rumor or gossip?
[00:33:48.040]Again, they might be advised to ignore, avoid,
[00:33:52.225]they might be told well, they're just jealous of you,
[00:33:56.040]so just ignore it, and that's what most people
[00:34:01.360]might be told by adults.
[00:34:05.890]What is the actual natural response
[00:34:07.900]to someone spreading a rumor about you?
[00:34:10.778]Well, most of us want to become defensive
[00:34:13.430]and disprove the rumor that's spread about us.
[00:34:16.390]So, our instinctual reaction in the situation
[00:34:20.730]is usually to become defensive and provide
[00:34:23.476]some kind of story about why that might not be true.
[00:34:30.698]So, let's first watch this bad role-play for handling
[00:34:35.880]rumors and gossip and see what our character,
[00:34:40.560]Elina, does wrong in handling the rumor about her.
[00:34:46.300]Oh my God, Alison.
[00:34:47.160]Did you hear that rumor that I have a crush on James?
[00:34:49.650]Yeah, I did hear that!
[00:34:50.890]That is so not true.
[00:34:52.733]He's not even my type at all.
[00:34:54.450]You know my type, it's tall and dark hair.
[00:34:56.880]He's none of that and he we have no common interests.
[00:34:59.800]It's so not true.
[00:35:01.690]I mean, yeah, if you say so.
[00:35:03.691]Who would believe that?
[00:35:04.940]That's insane.
[00:35:06.192]I don't know. That's crazy.
[00:35:09.411]All right, and then we talk to our teens
[00:35:13.970]about why that was a bad example.
[00:35:16.960]So, what did Elina do wrong in handling this rumor
[00:35:22.080]or gossip about her?
[00:35:24.156]Well, she looked really bothered by it to start with
[00:35:27.880]and she got really defensive, and to most people
[00:35:32.112]those reactions suggest that you might be guilty
[00:35:35.889]and it definitely looked like her friend
[00:35:39.494]may have started out initially being supportive
[00:35:43.970]and believing it's a rumor, but once she saw Elina
[00:35:46.660]getting upset and getting defensive,
[00:35:48.700]she seemed like she started to think okay, if you say so.
[00:35:52.830]I don't know if this is really actually true.
[00:35:56.111]So, then we go around the table
[00:35:58.460]and do our perspective taking questions
[00:36:00.774]and that's what was that like for the other person?
[00:36:03.350]They might say uncomfortable, kinda awkward,
[00:36:12.370]they'll say what did she think of Elina?
[00:36:14.490]And usually the initial response we get is liar,
[00:36:17.700]she's so guilty, she looked so guilty
[00:36:20.940]because she was so upset about that,
[00:36:23.150]and then we ask would she believe the original rumor?
[00:36:28.530]And most of them will say well, if she didn't earlier,
[00:36:30.850]she did now because of the defensive reaction.
[00:36:36.840]So, the steps for actually handling the rumors and gossip
[00:36:41.106]are as follows.
[00:36:42.380]So, every instinct that we have to be defensive,
[00:36:45.039]to disprove is actually wrong.
[00:36:48.940]You don't want to try to disprove the gossip.
[00:36:51.090]Some of these situations, quite frankly,
[00:36:54.350]put you in a no-win situation.
[00:36:56.420]So, even if the gossip was actually just a rumor,
[00:37:00.440]trying to disprove it makes you look guilty,
[00:37:03.480]so we don't want them to do that.
[00:37:05.130]We don't want to show that we are upset about the gossip
[00:37:07.780]again, because this starts to make us look guilty.
[00:37:11.600]We don't want our teens to confront the source of gossip
[00:37:14.122]because, for two reasons.
[00:37:17.040]If other people see you confront the gossip,
[00:37:19.360]what is the next gossip going to be?
[00:37:21.940]Oh, look, she confronted her.
[00:37:23.580]It must mean the gossip is true.
[00:37:26.790]You might also end up pissing off the gossip
[00:37:29.453]and if the gossip gets upset with you,
[00:37:32.835]they are going to retaliate by spreading even more gossip
[00:37:36.550]about you, so that doesn't help.
[00:37:39.090]We actually want them to avoid the source of gossip,
[00:37:42.120]and this doesn't mean that when you are in the same room
[00:37:44.380]with the gossip you don't make eye contact,
[00:37:46.680]you ignore them because that again
[00:37:48.830]would make you look guilty and make people think that you,
[00:37:52.552]and that's going to be the next gossip.
[00:37:54.820]Oh, look, she ignored her.
[00:37:56.320]That must mean that it's true.
[00:37:58.680]What we mean here by avoiding the source of gossip
[00:38:01.400]is like laying low, planning your route
[00:38:05.330]so you're not in the same space with the gossip a lot
[00:38:08.392]to add to this rumor.
[00:38:12.870]Then we actually want them to take some active steps.
[00:38:15.570]If anyone confronts them about the rumor,
[00:38:17.523]what we want them to do is act amazed
[00:38:19.760]that anyone would even believe or care about the gossip,
[00:38:22.730]so just shrug it off, not look too bothered,
[00:38:26.050]and say I can't believe anyone would even believe that
[00:38:29.380]or can you believe that anyone cares about that?
[00:38:32.520]That's so lame.
[00:38:33.353]People need to get a life.
[00:38:34.760]They need to mind their own business.
[00:38:36.950]Those are the kind of reactions that we want,
[00:38:39.120]similar to our teasing lessons.
[00:38:41.430]Act not bothered and shrug it off.
[00:38:46.690]Then we want them to go even more beyond that
[00:38:48.990]and spread the rumor about themselves.
[00:38:51.800]Now I'm sure this is not a step
[00:38:53.160]that you ever heard of before,
[00:38:54.740]but it actually really, really works.
[00:38:57.200]So, the way that we want them to go about doing this
[00:39:00.180]is first, they need to find an audience.
[00:39:03.070]So, the audience could be in the case of teens,
[00:39:05.900]it could be their classmates during a free period or lunch
[00:39:09.750]or common areas, but at work for young adults,
[00:39:13.350]it could be the water cooler or the cafeteria,
[00:39:17.390]somewhere where they can find other people
[00:39:20.860]listening in on their conversation.
[00:39:24.300]Then we want them to find a supportive friend,
[00:39:26.890]and we want them to acknowledge the rumor
[00:39:29.310]with the supportive friend.
[00:39:30.500]So, did you hear this rumor that I have crush on my boss?
[00:39:36.100]And then, once your friend says yeah,
[00:39:38.320]I sort of heard about that, you want to do the step
[00:39:42.180]where you act amazed that anyone would believe
[00:39:44.460]or care about the rumor.
[00:39:45.670]So, people are so gullible.
[00:39:48.040]People need to find something interesting to talk about.
[00:39:50.740]People need to get a life.
[00:39:53.310]And then you repeat the same steps
[00:39:55.100]with other supportive friends
[00:39:57.530]so that you reached a wider audience.
[00:40:01.360]Now you wanna make sure your audience is different
[00:40:03.400]each time too because if you keep doing the same steps
[00:40:05.570]with the same group of people,
[00:40:07.150]it's going to start to look like you care
[00:40:09.032]and you're trying to disprove the rumor.
[00:40:14.550]So, let's watch the next role-play and see
[00:40:17.230]how Elina handles it better this time,
[00:40:21.020]and actually in the last few minutes,
[00:40:22.710]I wanna use this as an opportunity to share a resource
[00:40:26.040]that we have with you on our website.
[00:40:31.760]So, most of the role-play videos that I have been showing
[00:40:34.550]you today are available freely on our UCLA PEERS website,
[00:40:39.430]so if you just Google UCLA PEERS Clinic,
[00:40:41.984]you'll come to this website and if you go under Resources,
[00:40:47.640]the Resources tab, you'll see the first link
[00:40:50.540]is to access the PEERS Role Play Videos.
[00:40:54.570]So, if you click on that and go to Videos,
[00:41:00.210]you see we have videos for all of our different skills
[00:41:04.513]that we teach within our program.
[00:41:07.220]So, we're going to go down
[00:41:08.210]to the Handling Rumors and Gossip one,
[00:41:10.280]and we've already done the bad example,
[00:41:12.590]so this time, we'll look at the good example
[00:41:14.820]about how to appropriately spread a rumor about yourself.
[00:41:18.810]So, this time let's watch what Elina does right
[00:41:22.500]in handling this rumor
[00:41:27.170]or spreading this rumor.
[00:41:29.900]So Alison, did you hear that rumor
[00:41:31.310]that I have a crush on James?
[00:41:33.170]Yeah, I did hear that.
[00:41:34.233]Seriously?
[00:41:35.480]Who would believe that?
[00:41:36.560]Seriously, I don't know.
[00:41:37.897]And by the way, find something more interesting
[00:41:40.130]to talk about.
[00:41:40.963]I know, right?
[00:41:42.010]I mean, people need to get a life.
[00:41:43.490]Really. Get a hobby or something.
[00:41:45.550]They really do.
[00:41:46.383]So lame. So.
[00:41:48.500]All right, so this time again we go around
[00:41:51.081]and we talk about what Elina did right this time
[00:41:55.380]in spreading the rumors about herself.
[00:41:57.480]So, she had a supportive friend.
[00:41:59.380]We are assuming she has an audience that's listening
[00:42:01.670]to this conversation.
[00:42:04.992]She acknowledges the rumor, but does not give
[00:42:08.630]too many details about it because we don't want to do that.
[00:42:11.680]We don't want to get into that, so on because again,
[00:42:14.530]it starts to seem like you're too bothered by it.
[00:42:17.990]She definitely didn't look very bothered
[00:42:19.700]while she was running through these steps.
[00:42:22.390]She gave her acting amazed and not believing
[00:42:25.970]sort of steps.
[00:42:27.300]People need to get a hobby, people need to get a life.
[00:42:30.450]She said all of that, and this time,
[00:42:33.130]her friend seemed to go along with it.
[00:42:35.380]So then we go around and ask again
[00:42:38.190]the perspective taking questions.
[00:42:40.060]What was that like for the other person?
[00:42:42.060]They might say normal, fine.
[00:42:44.910]What did she think of Elina?
[00:42:46.740]She thought she was not bothered.
[00:42:49.050]Fine, honest, and would she believe the original rumor?
[00:42:53.280]Probably not because Elina didn't look very bothered by it
[00:42:55.940]and she made it look like other people were lame
[00:42:58.280]for wanting to know about this rumor
[00:43:00.520]or spreading this rumor.
[00:43:04.372]So, switching back here to wrap up.
[00:43:12.800]Right, so those were our strategies
[00:43:15.310]for handling various types of teasing
[00:43:17.600]or bullying behaviors with our teens and young adults.
[00:43:21.675]Just a last light on our resources
[00:43:24.740]apart from the videos that I showed you online
[00:43:27.047]on what's available through our clinic.
[00:43:32.180]So, we have a couple of different manuals
[00:43:34.884]for the adolescent groups,
[00:43:37.950]a clinical treatment manual, translations in Korean
[00:43:42.330]that's been used in South Korea
[00:43:44.440]and a school-based curriculum
[00:43:46.850]that's slightly different format to be implemented
[00:43:50.070]on a daily basis.
[00:43:52.670]We have some parent resources that can help
[00:43:55.970]guide parents while they teach their young teens
[00:44:00.720]or coach their teens through the various
[00:44:02.370]different social skills.
[00:44:04.470]We have a recently published manual
[00:44:07.010]for young adults that, as I mentioned,
[00:44:10.020]just has some additional dating lessons
[00:44:12.042]and we have a FriendMaker app
[00:44:13.970]that's a good resource for all kinds of individuals,
[00:44:17.420]patients, parents, other providers
[00:44:20.540]that has a lot of the role-play videos
[00:44:23.080]as well as brief details on the steps to follow
[00:44:26.619]for each of the lessons.
[00:44:31.760]And our videos, as I demonstrated,
[00:44:35.930]are available on our website out here.
[00:44:37.972]You can also find more information about us
[00:44:40.336]on our social media platforms,
[00:44:42.980]and if you have any other questions,
[00:44:45.070]you can directly email or contact us
[00:44:47.520]at the information provided here.
[00:44:50.050]Thank you for listening today.

The screen size you are trying to search captions on is too small!

You can always jump over to MediaHub and check it out there.

Comments

0 Comments

PEERS® Part 2: Strategies for Handling Teasing/Bullying

Description

Searchable Transcript

Comments icon comment

Related Channels

Comments