PEERS® Part 2: Strategies for Handling Teasing/Bullying

Aarti Nair, Ph.D. Author

02/18/2019 Added

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After this webinar participants will be familiar with PEERS strategies for handling teasing, physical bullying, cyberbullying and minimizing rumors and gossip.

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[00:00:02.270]Hello, everyone.
[00:00:03.420]I'm Dr. Aarti Nair from the UCLA PEERS Clinic,
[00:00:06.870]and I will be talking today about strategies
[00:00:10.500]for handling teasing and bullying
[00:00:12.690]that come from our program curriculum
[00:00:15.670]at the UCLA PEERS Clinic.
[00:00:20.020]So, just a brief background to those
[00:00:22.240]unfamiliar with our program.
[00:00:24.700]The PEERS Program is an international program
[00:00:27.510]developed at UCLA in 2004 to target social skills
[00:00:33.060]difficulties in individuals
[00:00:34.930]with autism spectrum disorders.
[00:00:37.240]Over time, it has expanded to other clinical groups.
[00:00:41.840]The teen program has been translated
[00:00:44.740]into several different languages and has been used
[00:00:47.930]in multiple countries.
[00:00:50.662]Various different cultural adaptations of the program
[00:00:54.010]are being developed right now.
[00:00:56.660]We also have Evidence-Based Social Skills Programs
[00:01:00.010]in our clinic for preschoolers aged four to six and that one
[00:01:05.399]basically focuses on social skills
[00:01:09.249]in the form of of play skills, which is primarily
[00:01:12.760]what the social skills are at that age.
[00:01:15.840]We also have a PEERS for Adolescents program
[00:01:18.800]in the school setting, so it's a curriculum
[00:01:22.970]that was adapted from our treatment manual
[00:01:27.060]to be used by school-based professionals
[00:01:29.820]on a daily basis for teens at school,
[00:01:33.120]and we have a Peers for Young Adults program
[00:01:36.473]that is pretty similar to our teen program
[00:01:39.910]with some additional lessons on dating.
[00:01:44.470]So, switching back to talking about teasing
[00:01:48.910]and bullying behaviors.
[00:01:52.190]Really, in our clinic, we tend to see
[00:01:55.386]two distinct groups of youth
[00:01:58.510]with autism spectrum disorders.
[00:02:00.650]There's the group that has faced a lot of peer rejection.
[00:02:04.410]That could include having been teased and bullied
[00:02:07.890]by their peers, they may get stuck
[00:02:10.540]with bad reputations like if they do odd
[00:02:13.409]or weird, strange things that then
[00:02:16.567]they develop a reputation for that.
[00:02:20.120]That becomes the target for some of this teasing
[00:02:22.530]and bullying behavior.
[00:02:25.120]These are teens that are usually actively
[00:02:27.080]seeking out peers.
[00:02:29.124]They might just be making some inappropriate attempts
[00:02:31.220]at connecting with their peers, which also makes them
[00:02:34.110]further targets of teasing and bullying.
[00:02:39.580]We tend to see more teens with ADHD,
[00:02:43.750]more disorders or impulse control disorder diagnosis
[00:02:47.960]fall under this peer rejected category.
[00:02:52.110]Then we see our youth that have more of,
[00:02:56.770]that have been socially neglected historically,
[00:03:00.260]so these are individuals that tend to be
[00:03:02.410]more isolated and withdrawn, they might be ignored
[00:03:06.700]and unnoticed by their peers for the most part,
[00:03:09.550]and they tend to generally just avoid their peers
[00:03:11.980]and stay on the fringes of the social groups at school.
[00:03:17.150]Some (mumbles) that we see with this group
[00:03:19.850]tend to include things like anxiety and depression
[00:03:23.830]that also feature avoidance as a characteristic symptom.
[00:03:33.960]With our peer rejected groups,
[00:03:36.000]really one of the peer rejection is one
[00:03:38.930]of the strongest predictors of mental health problems
[00:03:42.505]like increased rates of anxiety and depression.
[00:03:46.090]It also is one of the strongest predictors
[00:03:48.210]of juvenile delinquency and early
[00:03:51.610]withdrawals from school.
[00:03:52.790]So, these are some pretty significant
[00:03:55.878]negative consequences of peer rejection
[00:04:00.330]and hence we try to target this through our program
[00:04:05.020]by providing skills to our peer-rejected youth
[00:04:08.975]on how to handle some of the teasing
[00:04:12.930]and bullying behaviors that lead to them
[00:04:16.830]falling under this category.
[00:04:21.170]Other consequences of peer rejection
[00:04:23.280]apart from mood difficulties
[00:04:26.480]can include increased sense of loneliness,
[00:04:29.790]low self-esteem, increased substance use,
[00:04:33.365]and also early substance use
[00:04:35.640]to cope with some of these.
[00:04:37.685]There is definitely a very strong correlation
[00:04:40.015]with poor academic performance,
[00:04:42.723]and significantly we also notice increased rates
[00:04:47.570]of suicidal ideation and attempts
[00:04:50.610]within our peer-rejected population.
[00:04:57.360]Specifically with adolescents
[00:04:59.300]with Autism Spectrum Disorder,
[00:05:01.150]we find that teens with ASD are nine times
[00:05:04.790]more likely to experience peer victimization
[00:05:07.460]than they are non-disabled peers or neuro typical peers,
[00:05:12.852]and 94% of teens with ASD report having experienced
[00:05:17.780]some form of peer victimization in the previous year.
[00:05:22.930]Combining ASD with comorbid ADHD puts them
[00:05:27.100]at four times more of a likelihood
[00:05:30.670]to actually engage in bullying behaviors,
[00:05:33.950]and we actually think some of this stems
[00:05:36.980]from the increase impulsivity
[00:05:39.490]and poor social cognition that goes along with ASD
[00:05:43.392]and comorbid ADHD.
[00:05:45.610]On the other hand, teens with ASD
[00:05:47.330]that don't have a comorbid ADHD don't seem to defer
[00:05:52.650]that much from their typically developing peers
[00:05:55.260]in terms of rates in engaging in bullying behavior.
[00:06:03.526]So, some of the risk factors of peer rejection
[00:06:05.950]amongst our teens with ASD include that they generally
[00:06:11.740]tend to be less socially competent than their peers.
[00:06:14.588]They tend to have fewer friendships and less peer support.
[00:06:18.730]So, there's less bystander support
[00:06:20.930]in case they're being picked on or teased
[00:06:23.730]by someone at school.
[00:06:25.959]There's no one else really coming to rally for them
[00:06:28.990]in that situation.
[00:06:32.160]Protective factors against peer rejection
[00:06:34.910]amongst adolescents with ASD would actually be friendships,
[00:06:38.070]so people that could stand up for them
[00:06:39.720]if they are being victimized.
[00:06:45.035]So, just a national survey that we conducted
[00:06:49.007]in terms of adolescents that were peer rejected,
[00:06:54.500]socially neglected or otherwise, and we actually find
[00:06:58.430]that the largest sample here,
[00:07:03.350]this big blue region,
[00:07:06.220]are adolescents that describe themselves as average
[00:07:09.340]on the social skills.
[00:07:12.500]So, this would be most people feel
[00:07:15.440]like they are successful sometimes in trying
[00:07:19.180]to being accepted by their peers,
[00:07:22.247]and at other times, they face some rejection.
[00:07:24.940]So, that's actually the average rate,
[00:07:26.530]some balance of acceptance and rejection from their peers.
[00:07:30.139]In contrast, only 15% of teens
[00:07:34.850]are characterized as being the popular kids.
[00:07:38.050]So, those are individuals that just generally
[00:07:41.503]endorse high rates of being successful
[00:07:45.150]and being accepted by their peers,
[00:07:48.840]and then there's an equal split of 15% of you
[00:07:52.190]that have experienced peer rejection,
[00:07:54.550]and 15% of you that are socially neglected.
[00:07:58.990]So, to this group right here,
[00:08:01.622]these two groups right here, all of these people
[00:08:06.720]seem like they might be popular, but that, as we can see
[00:08:09.750]from our survey is not actually true.
[00:08:11.920]Most people do experience a fair share
[00:08:14.460]of acceptance and rejection.
[00:08:21.300]So, let's start by actually defining
[00:08:23.260]what bullying is.
[00:08:25.231]So, bullying, as we see it,
[00:08:27.010]is a subtype of aggression.
[00:08:29.070]So, this could include any kind of negative action
[00:08:32.040]directed at a student or groups of student
[00:08:34.596]that are either repetitive nature,
[00:08:37.548]chronic and longstanding, and they tend to be characterized
[00:08:42.070]by some power imbalance or its exploitative
[00:08:46.250]at that way.
[00:08:47.690]Bullying behavior can also take on a variety of forms.
[00:08:51.220]So, there's physical bullying, there's verbal bullying.
[00:08:54.830]We actually refer to verbal bullying as teasing
[00:08:57.310]in our program even though people may lump that
[00:09:00.394]when they're reporting bullying behaviors.
[00:09:03.840]We keep them distinct because the strategies,
[00:09:06.420]as we will move on to discuss, are going to be different
[00:09:09.765]to handle each type of bullying.
[00:09:12.920]Then there's a relational bullying.
[00:09:14.540]This includes things like spreading rumors and gossip,
[00:09:17.440]and excluding people socially.
[00:09:19.490]So, it's the mean kids' behavior,
[00:09:24.600]and then there's electronic bullying,
[00:09:26.250]so cyber bullying, trolling.
[00:09:28.070]This has become increasingly prevalent amongst our teens
[00:09:33.270]as more and more of them tend to use social media.
[00:09:41.190]So, first we're gonna talk about strategies
[00:09:43.150]to handle teasing or verbal bullying.
[00:09:47.040]So, let's think about what most children and teens
[00:09:49.440]are told to do in response to teasing.
[00:09:52.171]So, adults might tell them just ignore it, walk away.
[00:09:58.430]Sometimes people are even told to put up their hand
[00:10:01.010]and stay stop.
[00:10:03.775]What do we think most children and teens with ASD
[00:10:07.480]do in response to teasing?
[00:10:11.669]Actually, they might get upset, they might cry,
[00:10:16.560]they might get bothered, they may say things back.
[00:10:20.160]They don't generally tend to walk away or ignore.
[00:10:28.950]So, the steps that we actually want them
[00:10:31.000]to follow for handling teasing
[00:10:32.870]are a little bit different than the ones
[00:10:34.790]that they're usually advised to do.
[00:10:37.370]So, we actually don't want them to walk away,
[00:10:39.850]ignore the person, or tell an adult
[00:10:41.807]and the reason behind that is when our teens walk away
[00:10:45.750]or ignore the person,
[00:10:47.000]it actually makes them look weak,
[00:10:49.100]and weak people tend to become further targeted for teasing.
[00:10:56.233]With telling an adult, especially if that happens
[00:10:59.060]in front of other witnesses,
[00:11:02.140]they then can get labeled as being a snitch.
[00:11:05.716]That then maybe further upsets the person
[00:11:08.820]that's teasing them.
[00:11:09.800]It definitely doesn't make them feel like not teasing
[00:11:13.160]a teen in the future.
[00:11:16.650]So, while some of these strategies might work
[00:11:19.855]in the short term, like stopping the teasing
[00:11:23.330]right there and then, it actually does not really impact
[00:11:26.170]longterm teasing and can actually put them at risk
[00:11:28.543]for further teasing behaviors.
[00:11:31.730]So, what we actually want them to do is show
[00:11:34.410]that they are not upset or we definitely don't want them
[00:11:38.110]to be teasing back, and the reason for that
[00:11:41.600]is when we think about the purpose of why people
[00:11:44.596]tease each other or engage in this kind of bullying behavior
[00:11:48.995]it's because they want a reaction usually
[00:11:51.367]from the other person, and they're looking
[00:11:54.130]for some kind of negative reaction.
[00:11:55.920]So, they want the other person to get bothered,
[00:11:58.010]they want them to get upset, they want them to say something
[00:12:01.743]so that they can keep teasing them,
[00:12:03.780]it can keep going back and forth,
[00:12:06.090]so that's why we don't want our teens to show them
[00:12:08.550]that they are upset or to tease back
[00:12:11.010]to give them more fodder
[00:12:12.550]for continuing the teasing.
[00:12:15.000]Instead, we want them to act like what the person said
[00:12:18.063]did not bother them.
[00:12:20.250]So again, going back to what the teaser wants
[00:12:23.020]is a reaction.
[00:12:24.350]If you show them that that didn't actually bother you,
[00:12:27.580]they didn't get the reaction that they wanted
[00:12:30.345]so it was not fun for them anymore to keep teasing,
[00:12:34.700]and if it's not fun for them, if you didn't make it fun
[00:12:37.020]for them, they're less likely to do that again.
[00:12:40.839]So, once you kinda create the situation
[00:12:45.073]where you act like you're not bothered,
[00:12:47.474]we then next want them to give a short comeback
[00:12:51.110]that shows that what the person said was lame.
[00:12:54.645]The purpose of this is if you actually want
[00:12:57.460]to kinda suggest that the other person was being lame
[00:13:01.460]by teasing them and that that didn't bother them,
[00:13:06.212]it makes the other person look silly
[00:13:09.510]for doing what they were doing or immature
[00:13:12.302]for teasing the victim here.
[00:13:16.850]So, the short comebacks that we want to give them
[00:13:19.110]are on this list down below.
[00:13:20.880]So, we want them to stay that maybe
[00:13:24.150]with a little bit of attitude if they can,
[00:13:26.340]so whatever, anyway, so what?
[00:13:30.450]Big deal, who cares, yeah, and?
[00:13:35.010]And your point is?
[00:13:36.820]Am I suppose to care?
[00:13:38.770]Is that supposed to be funny?
[00:13:40.880]We can also have them throw in some shoulder shrugs
[00:13:43.650]or roll their eyes.
[00:13:45.840]Now these nonverbal comebacks
[00:13:48.740]are natural to some people, especially girls.
[00:13:54.077]It's not quite natural for a lot of our youth
[00:13:56.810]on the spectrum, so for that,
[00:14:00.490]we actually have them go around the table,
[00:14:02.500]especially with rolling the eyes.
[00:14:04.200]Not everyone's good at that.
[00:14:05.920]So, as part of this lesson,
[00:14:08.300]we actually had each of our patients go around
[00:14:11.560]the table and show us how they may roll their eyes
[00:14:15.201]or shrug their shoulders,
[00:14:16.720]whichever is their preference,
[00:14:18.460]and we actually give them some feedback
[00:14:20.100]about whether they should do the rolling of the eye
[00:14:22.630]or the shrugging of the shoulder or neither,
[00:14:25.341]and that's because if they tend to do
[00:14:28.270]some kind of odd eye roll,
[00:14:31.350]then they're going to get teased about that,
[00:14:34.123]so that really doesn't serve the purpose
[00:14:36.240]of avoiding future teasing.
[00:14:39.730]So, most of them tend to be more comfortable
[00:14:43.320]with shrugging their shoulders,
[00:14:44.970]and you can do a mix of the nonverbal cues
[00:14:47.840]as well as the comebacks.
[00:14:50.300]We also suggest that they keep three comebacks handy
[00:14:53.633]every time, like their go-to three favorite choices
[00:14:57.130]that they don't have to think too much about,
[00:14:59.620]and that's because say someone teased them
[00:15:03.130]and they said whatever.
[00:15:04.938]Is it likely that the person is going to stop
[00:15:07.600]teasing right there and then?
[00:15:10.320]Not really, so they might try a couple of more times,
[00:15:13.300]so we wanna make sure our teens are prepared
[00:15:15.580]with a couple of comebacks at least to handle that,
[00:15:21.310]and then we actually want them to walk away after that
[00:15:24.396]or remove themselves from the situation
[00:15:26.257]because if they give the comebacks and they just continue
[00:15:29.830]staying there in that space,
[00:15:31.640]again, they're giving the teaser more opporitunities
[00:15:33.320]to tease them.
[00:15:35.280]So, the steps again would be not to act bothered,
[00:15:40.062]give a couple of comebacks, two or three,
[00:15:43.030]and then walk away or remove themselves.
[00:15:47.360]So, let's watch this next role-play and see
[00:15:54.300]what our actor here does right in handling the teasing.
[00:16:01.720]This is going to be a teasing situation between two males
[00:16:06.630]and we'll do one with two females and we'll see
[00:16:08.675]the slight differences between the two, okay?
[00:16:15.254]So, watch this ole and see what Gabe is doing right
[00:16:17.735]in handling the teasing.
[00:16:20.870]Hey dweeb, reading again?
[00:16:22.530]Whatever.
[00:16:23.450]You're such a loser.
[00:16:24.570]You're always reading.
[00:16:26.050]Am I supposed to care?
[00:16:27.209]Yeah because everyone things you're a loser.
[00:16:29.851]Anyway.
[00:16:32.295]All right, and then we first discuss
[00:16:35.918]with our teens what Gabe did right in that situation.
[00:16:41.270]So, he definitely didn't seem like he lost his cool
[00:16:44.950]or was too upset.
[00:16:46.600]He seemed like he wasn't too bothered by the teasing,
[00:16:49.190]so he got that first step down.
[00:16:51.570]He was ready with two or three comebacks.
[00:16:53.770]So, as the teaser kept teasing him,
[00:16:58.120]he had a couple of responses ready to go,
[00:17:01.800]and then after a few attempts he removed himself
[00:17:05.230]from the situation and walked away.
[00:17:07.617]And again, he didn't huff off,
[00:17:10.130]he just casually walked away.
[00:17:13.110]So, he didn't look bothered doing that.
[00:17:16.030]Then we go around the table and our perspective,
[00:17:17.767]taking questions, so we talked to the teens
[00:17:20.360]about what was that like for the other person?
[00:17:24.070]So, did it seem like it was fun for the teaser to tease
[00:17:27.480]Gabe when he wasn't really bothered by it?
[00:17:30.320]Probably not.
[00:17:31.420]He tried a few times.
[00:17:33.816]What did the teaser think of Gabe?
[00:17:37.409]They might say oh, he just seemed not bothered,
[00:17:42.883]not too upset.
[00:17:45.455]So again, these are not fun reactions for the teaser.
[00:17:50.390]And then our final question would be
[00:17:51.920]would he want to tease Gabe again?
[00:17:54.160]Well, in reality, maybe he would try a few times,
[00:17:56.710]especially if he's used to getting a reaction from Gabe
[00:17:59.391]and this is a new response that he's getting.
[00:18:02.850]He's probably going to try harder initially
[00:18:06.550]to get a reaction, so we advise our teens
[00:18:08.733]that that could happen.
[00:18:10.940]We wanna make sure that they're prepared for that.
[00:18:12.570]It's not gonna go away instantly,
[00:18:14.870]but if they keep sticking to this response,
[00:18:19.260]style then over time,
[00:18:21.660]the teaser is going to give up.
[00:18:24.365]We also say that the teaser could come back.
[00:18:27.840]Say they stop for a while.
[00:18:29.730]They could come back a year later and you not think
[00:18:32.010]about well, it used to be fun when I used to tease Gabe.
[00:18:36.750]Maybe I should try again, and they might come back
[00:18:40.214]a year later and do that, but again, as long as our teens
[00:18:43.440]stick to this response,
[00:18:45.705]it's unlikely that they're going to be victims
[00:18:49.910]of chronic teasing.
[00:18:52.758]Moving on to the next role-play.
[00:18:55.040]So, this is where a situation between two females,
[00:18:58.420]so let's watch this role-play and think about
[00:19:01.870]what Elina is doing right in handling the teasing.
[00:19:06.160]Man Elina, those are some ugly shoes.
[00:19:09.010]Whatever.
[00:19:09.860]Whatever?
[00:19:10.693]I wouldn't be caught dead in those.
[00:19:12.060]Those are nasty.
[00:19:13.350]Is that supposed to be funny?
[00:19:14.590]I don't know if it's supposed to be funny,
[00:19:15.880]but those are not cute.
[00:19:17.170]Anyway.
[00:19:18.452](scoffing)
[00:19:20.630]All right, so then again we go around first
[00:19:22.568]and discuss what Elina did right in that situation.
[00:19:26.350]She followed pretty much the same steps
[00:19:28.130]that Gabe did in handling that,
[00:19:29.950]and then walked away.
[00:19:31.821]The difference that we wanted to point out here
[00:19:34.000]was with the nonverbals.
[00:19:36.560]So, guys, as I mentioned before,
[00:19:38.610]tend to prefer the shoulder shrug.
[00:19:40.810]That seems more natural to them.
[00:19:42.687]Various girls may use a mix of that.
[00:19:45.590]They use more of the eye rolling.
[00:19:47.480]It's something that just seems more natural
[00:19:49.300]to girls to do that.
[00:19:53.160]So, we just wanna make sure our teens
[00:19:55.737]are using things that are comfortable for them,
[00:19:58.080]and if they do suggest that they want to use
[00:20:00.180]one of the nonverbals,
[00:20:01.577]we'll actually give them feedback on that
[00:20:03.190]as I mentioned before.
[00:20:04.830]So again, we go over the perspective taking questions
[00:20:06.917]with our teens on what that was like
[00:20:10.040]for the other person, what did they think of Elina,
[00:20:12.506]and would she want to tease Elina again.
[00:20:15.980]At the end of this lesson, we actually have each
[00:20:17.910]of our teens go around the table
[00:20:19.730]and practice three comebacks.
[00:20:21.500]They are required to identify three comebacks
[00:20:24.162]that they can use in their practice during the week
[00:20:29.076]that we have them in as she rehearsed with us.
[00:20:32.811]Sometimes we get questions about teens
[00:20:36.060]wanting to create their own responses,
[00:20:39.510]and the suggestion that we give in that context
[00:20:42.710]is to stick to our list
[00:20:44.600]because we know that it works for sure.
[00:20:47.130]Anything else that they might want to create for themselves,
[00:20:49.610]we don't know if that's going to work
[00:20:51.890]because we have not done any research on that,
[00:20:54.490]so it is risky.
[00:20:56.380]The risk with youth with ASD is also
[00:20:59.370]that when they try to create their own responses,
[00:21:02.461]it's actually not as appropriate
[00:21:05.100]as we would want it to be.
[00:21:06.620]It might be too long.
[00:21:08.043]Once it starts to get long,
[00:21:09.932]the comeback then seems like you were really bothered
[00:21:12.900]by the teasing, so it defeats the purpose
[00:21:15.881]of seeming cool and casual.
[00:21:19.660]So, that's the advice that we give our teens
[00:21:23.150]in response to being more creative in their responses.
[00:21:29.270]Let's move on to talking about physical bullying.
[00:21:32.120]Now with physical bullying,
[00:21:34.164]this is going to be any kind of physical aggression
[00:21:36.867]towards a person or their belongings as well.
[00:21:41.587]So, shoving, hitting tends to be more of our,
[00:21:46.220]or throwing their bags around seems to be
[00:21:48.830]our most frequent complaints
[00:21:50.830]that we get from our teens.
[00:21:54.380]So, what are most teens told to do
[00:21:56.060]in response to physical bullying?
[00:21:58.762]They might be advised by adults to ignore the bullier.
[00:22:05.000]They might be told to again, put their hand up
[00:22:08.120]and say stop, which definitely does not seem
[00:22:10.240]like a reaction that suggests that they're not bothered.
[00:22:15.728]They might be told to tell an adult,
[00:22:18.260]and we'll discuss the pros and cons of that in a bit.
[00:22:23.145]Sometimes people might also be advised to fight back,
[00:22:27.400]and we are often asked about this,
[00:22:29.380]if that's an effective strategy, and all we can say
[00:22:32.640]to our teens is that it's risky
[00:22:36.904]because if they engage in fighting back,
[00:22:42.260]it might provoke the bully further
[00:22:45.830]into continuing the cycle of attacking them,
[00:22:49.040]so that's what we advise them about fighting back,
[00:22:52.070]is that it's risky.
[00:22:55.640]What do most teens with ASD do in response to bullying?
[00:22:59.260]They might generally, again, look upset,
[00:23:01.870]they might start crying, they might straight out
[00:23:04.440]go and tell an adult in front of everyone,
[00:23:08.340]which again, leaves them with the reputation
[00:23:10.300]for being a snitch.
[00:23:13.440]So, the steps that we actually want them to follow
[00:23:16.190]to avoid physical bullying revolve mostly around safety
[00:23:19.937]and minimizing the coming, the target of physical bullying.
[00:23:25.738]So, we want them to, as much as possible,
[00:23:28.350]generally avoid the bully.
[00:23:29.970]That is stay out of the reach of the bully.
[00:23:32.320]If they can't find you, they can't bully you.
[00:23:34.932]This could involve planning their route.
[00:23:37.520]So, if they knew that the bully tends to hang out
[00:23:41.210]in the hallway during lunch break,
[00:23:45.990]then maybe plan a route to get to your next class
[00:23:48.820]that doesn't put you in the same space as the bully
[00:23:52.434]during that time.
[00:23:55.230]We suggest that they lay low when the bully is around,
[00:23:57.850]so that means not drawing too much attention to themselves,
[00:24:00.660]not trying to be the jokester
[00:24:02.509]or not being the center of attention because again,
[00:24:06.620]if the bully doesn't notice you, he can't bully you.
[00:24:10.294]We definitely don't want them
[00:24:12.130]to be provoking the bully.
[00:24:13.800]So, that would be things like not using strategies
[00:24:17.500]for teasing with the bullying because if a bully
[00:24:20.690]is trying to tease you and you use the teasing comebacks,
[00:24:24.830]that might actually provoke the bully into,
[00:24:27.595]if that was not fun for them,
[00:24:29.720]if you made it not fun for them,
[00:24:31.090]then their next reaction might be
[00:24:32.590]to get physically aggressive with you.
[00:24:35.180]So, we don't want them to be using
[00:24:36.730]the verbal teasing strategies with the bully.
[00:24:39.960]We also don't want them to police the bully,
[00:24:42.330]and our youth with ASD tend to do this sometimes.
[00:24:47.040]So, don't tell on the bully for minor offenses.
[00:24:50.548]Don't correct them for their grammar,
[00:24:52.673]don't do things like that, don't police the bully,
[00:24:55.588]and don't police the bully if they are trying
[00:24:59.820]to victimize someone else.
[00:25:02.183]In case someone else is in danger,
[00:25:04.620]we actually want them to discreetly tell an adult
[00:25:07.020]rather than confront the bully themselves.
[00:25:10.064]We also suggest that they try not
[00:25:12.491]to become friends with the bully.
[00:25:15.040]Once again, a lot of our teens
[00:25:16.040]tend to go to this strategy because they reason
[00:25:18.983]that if they are friends with the bully,
[00:25:20.687]the bully is not going to attack them,
[00:25:23.400]and that's actually not true.
[00:25:25.039]By being friends with a bully, you're giving them
[00:25:27.460]more opporitunities to attack you.
[00:25:30.520]So, bullies don't not get physically aggressive
[00:25:35.310]with their friends or that is not
[00:25:36.780]a fool-proof strategy.
[00:25:39.550]When the bully's around, we want our teens
[00:25:41.640]to be hanging out with other teens,
[00:25:43.940]and that's because bullies are more likely
[00:25:46.300]to pick on teens who are by themselves
[00:25:48.116]rather than in a group.
[00:25:50.060]So, try to hang around with other peers or other teens
[00:25:53.338]or stay near adults when the bully is around.
[00:25:55.940]Again, the bully is not likely to pick on you
[00:25:57.910]if you're around adults and especially authority figures
[00:26:02.940]like teachers or school staff, and you don't have to
[00:26:08.610]tell on them, but you can hang around near the adults.
[00:26:14.080]And if the bullying gets really intense or you've tried
[00:26:18.220]all these strategies and they don't seem to be working,
[00:26:20.990]that's when we want them to get help from an adult.
[00:26:24.350]So, that could be parents,
[00:26:25.780]it could be supportive school staff,
[00:26:28.200]and we always recommend that they do this discreetly
[00:26:31.520]rather than in front of other witnesses that again,
[00:26:34.563]tell on them with the bully, and if the bully finds out
[00:26:39.009]that you told an adult, then they are more likely
[00:26:42.330]to bully you in the future.
[00:26:47.970]Moving on next to our next type of bullying,
[00:26:50.360]which would be cyber bullying or online trolling.
[00:26:54.500]As I mentioned before, this is happening
[00:26:56.580]increasingly in alarming rates across the country
[00:27:00.251]because everyone's online now
[00:27:02.290]and using different social media platforms,
[00:27:05.820]which just gives a lot of anonymity and opportunity
[00:27:09.150]for other teens to bully you.
[00:27:15.730]So, what are most teens told to do in response
[00:27:18.070]to cyber bullying?
[00:27:19.360]Sort of similar, ignore it, delete it, block them,
[00:27:24.920]delete your account if possible.
[00:27:27.710]Those might be most of the commonly received advice.
[00:27:33.180]What do cyber bullies, however, want their victims to do?
[00:27:37.770]They actually want you to respond.
[00:27:39.730]So, if they leave a comment on your Facebook post,
[00:27:43.560]they're looking for you to respond to their comment
[00:27:45.770]so that they can further comment and bully you.
[00:27:52.270]So, the steps for addressing cyber bullying
[00:27:54.530]include not feeding the trolls.
[00:27:57.800]So, this is similar to the avoiding the bully
[00:28:04.760]sort of strategy that we use with physical bullying.
[00:28:07.710]If they can't find you, they can't bully you,
[00:28:10.280]so the bully, again, wants you to respond
[00:28:14.120]to their comments.
[00:28:15.337]So, not feeding the trolls would mean not commenting back
[00:28:18.920]on whatever it is that they sent.
[00:28:20.690]We actually don't want them to react at all
[00:28:22.670]to whatever the comment was.
[00:28:25.194]Instead, it would be advisable to have a supportive friend
[00:28:29.810]stick up for them.
[00:28:30.643]So, if you see someone post on your wall,
[00:28:33.570]you wanna say something,
[00:28:34.620]maybe have a friend do that for you instead.
[00:28:38.030]Again, if it's a friend sticking up for you,
[00:28:40.953]it's going to look like you have support from others,
[00:28:44.080]so the bully's going to be less likely to comment back
[00:28:46.897]and pick on your further.
[00:28:50.870]We also suggest that teens who are being victimized online
[00:28:54.292]lay low for a while.
[00:28:56.780]So, whatever platform it is,
[00:28:58.600]if Facebook is where the bully tends to find you,
[00:29:01.380]just don't be too active on it for a while.
[00:29:04.400]Don't post too many things.
[00:29:06.230]That gives the bully more opporitunities to comment
[00:29:08.900]on whatever your activity is.
[00:29:12.320]There's also opporitunities to block the bully
[00:29:14.750]and various different social media platforms
[00:29:17.050]have different options.
[00:29:18.550]So, you can completely block the bully,
[00:29:20.530]you can block them from seeing specific content,
[00:29:24.569]or you could just, you don't have the de-friend them
[00:29:29.040]or unfriend them all the way,
[00:29:30.670]but you can just not have them have access
[00:29:33.370]to a lot of your posts,
[00:29:34.920]and this is something that we advise
[00:29:36.530]that our teens consult
[00:29:39.313]with their supportive adults on,
[00:29:41.090]their parents are people that they're comfortable
[00:29:44.850]at with that school in terms of navigating
[00:29:47.250]and figuring out how much they should block.
[00:29:51.400]We definitely want our teen victims of online bullying
[00:29:55.750]to save the evidence.
[00:29:57.270]So, before they go on to do things
[00:29:59.620]like deleting the comments or deleting the post,
[00:30:02.280]we want them to take a screenshot and save the evidence
[00:30:04.970]because you might need that in the future.
[00:30:07.080]If the bullying gets really intense or really bad
[00:30:10.120]or doesn't stop and you need to take it
[00:30:12.890]to some sort of higher authority,
[00:30:15.750]they're going to need evidence.
[00:30:17.120]So, you wanna save the evidence from the beginning.
[00:30:19.470]If it's a text, if someone posted a picture of you,
[00:30:22.759]someone commented on you, whatever it is,
[00:30:25.624]so taking a screenshot and filing that away
[00:30:28.445]is the easiest way to save the evidence.
[00:30:31.467]Sometimes our teens get very upset by what's being posted
[00:30:35.390]and they don't want it on their page at all,
[00:30:37.300]so they don't need to have it there
[00:30:42.240]just to save the evidence.
[00:30:44.160]Again, taking a screenshot,
[00:30:45.760]maybe having their parents take a screenshot
[00:30:47.590]and putting it away from their view,
[00:30:51.690]and then going on to delete it from their page
[00:30:54.127]would be advisable, and that's where they can get help
[00:30:58.486]from their supportive adults as well.
[00:31:02.930]When it does get intense, cyber bullying can be reported
[00:31:05.860]to authorities, so webmasters on each of the platforms,
[00:31:09.296]you can report content to them
[00:31:12.150]and then they can block the bully from using that platform.
[00:31:16.600]Same with service providers.
[00:31:18.600]Some schools offer safe people that the teens can go to
[00:31:25.733]for advice, to report bullying,
[00:31:28.290]especially if it's someone else at school
[00:31:29.990]that's bullying them online, and then in extreme cases,
[00:31:33.610]they can go to law enforcement,
[00:31:35.643]and we want to point out to our teens,
[00:31:37.670]especially our teens with ASD that this is a step
[00:31:41.690]to take in extreme cases,
[00:31:43.360]whether it's cyber bullying or physical bullying,
[00:31:45.980]that should not be the first step
[00:31:47.500]because they then run the risk
[00:31:50.060]if they keep going to the police or so
[00:31:55.226]with minor complaints
[00:31:56.880]that they will not be taken seriously
[00:31:58.770]when they really need it,
[00:32:00.230]so any time that they actually feel like they need
[00:32:03.670]to address this with law enforcement,
[00:32:06.240]they should again consult with their parents
[00:32:08.910]or other supportive adults for advice
[00:32:11.560]before they get there.
[00:32:17.730]And finally, our last form of a bullying
[00:32:20.240]is relational bullying, so this is rumors and gossip.
[00:32:23.570]So, first we want to talk to our teens
[00:32:25.930]about how to avoid being the target of gossip.
[00:32:29.044]So, we want them to avoid being friends
[00:32:31.250]with the gossip first because again,
[00:32:33.453]being friends with a gossip does not mean
[00:32:36.245]that they will not gossip or spread rumors about you.
[00:32:39.590]In fact, now they know more personal information about you
[00:32:42.730]because you are their friend,
[00:32:44.390]so they can have even more information to gossip
[00:32:47.490]or spread rumors about you.
[00:32:49.590]At the same time, we also don't want them
[00:32:51.480]being enemies with a gossip or getting in the gossip's face
[00:32:54.390]or provoking them 'cause how is a gossip
[00:32:57.680]going to retaliate if they get upset?
[00:33:00.938]They are going to gossip more about you.
[00:33:03.930]So, what we want them to do is be as neutral as possible
[00:33:07.110]with the gossips.
[00:33:07.950]So, sort of lay low, don't be friends, don't be enemies,
[00:33:11.462]don't attract too much attention
[00:33:13.610]when you're around the gossips.
[00:33:16.037]Those are just some ways to be neutral around them.
[00:33:20.590]We also wanna advise our teens
[00:33:22.240]not to spread rumors or gossip about other people
[00:33:24.944]because if they get stuck with a bad reputation
[00:33:27.710]of being gossips or spreading rumors,
[00:33:30.768]then other people are going to retaliate against them
[00:33:34.590]by spreading rumors and gossip about them.
[00:33:40.253]So, what do most adults tell children or teens to do
[00:33:44.710]when they are the targets of rumor or gossip?
[00:33:48.040]Again, they might be advised to ignore, avoid,
[00:33:52.225]they might be told well, they're just jealous of you,
[00:33:56.040]so just ignore it, and that's what most people
[00:34:01.360]might be told by adults.
[00:34:05.890]What is the actual natural response
[00:34:07.900]to someone spreading a rumor about you?
[00:34:10.778]Well, most of us want to become defensive
[00:34:13.430]and disprove the rumor that's spread about us.
[00:34:16.390]So, our instinctual reaction in the situation
[00:34:20.730]is usually to become defensive and provide
[00:34:23.476]some kind of story about why that might not be true.
[00:34:30.698]So, let's first watch this bad role-play for handling
[00:34:35.880]rumors and gossip and see what our character,
[00:34:40.560]Elina, does wrong in handling the rumor about her.
[00:34:46.300]Oh my God, Alison.
[00:34:47.160]Did you hear that rumor that I have a crush on James?
[00:34:49.650]Yeah, I did hear that!
[00:34:50.890]That is so not true.
[00:34:52.733]He's not even my type at all.
[00:34:54.450]You know my type, it's tall and dark hair.
[00:34:56.880]He's none of that and he we have no common interests.
[00:34:59.800]It's so not true.
[00:35:01.690]I mean, yeah, if you say so.
[00:35:03.691]Who would believe that?
[00:35:04.940]That's insane.
[00:35:06.192]I don't know. That's crazy.
[00:35:09.411]All right, and then we talk to our teens
[00:35:13.970]about why that was a bad example.
[00:35:16.960]So, what did Elina do wrong in handling this rumor
[00:35:22.080]or gossip about her?
[00:35:24.156]Well, she looked really bothered by it to start with
[00:35:27.880]and she got really defensive, and to most people
[00:35:32.112]those reactions suggest that you might be guilty
[00:35:35.889]and it definitely looked like her friend
[00:35:39.494]may have started out initially being supportive
[00:35:43.970]and believing it's a rumor, but once she saw Elina
[00:35:46.660]getting upset and getting defensive,
[00:35:48.700]she seemed like she started to think okay, if you say so.
[00:35:52.830]I don't know if this is really actually true.
[00:35:56.111]So, then we go around the table
[00:35:58.460]and do our perspective taking questions
[00:36:00.774]and that's what was that like for the other person?
[00:36:03.350]They might say uncomfortable, kinda awkward,
[00:36:12.370]they'll say what did she think of Elina?
[00:36:14.490]And usually the initial response we get is liar,
[00:36:17.700]she's so guilty, she looked so guilty
[00:36:20.940]because she was so upset about that,
[00:36:23.150]and then we ask would she believe the original rumor?
[00:36:28.530]And most of them will say well, if she didn't earlier,
[00:36:30.850]she did now because of the defensive reaction.
[00:36:36.840]So, the steps for actually handling the rumors and gossip
[00:36:41.106]are as follows.
[00:36:42.380]So, every instinct that we have to be defensive,
[00:36:45.039]to disprove is actually wrong.
[00:36:48.940]You don't want to try to disprove the gossip.
[00:36:51.090]Some of these situations, quite frankly,
[00:36:54.350]put you in a no-win situation.
[00:36:56.420]So, even if the gossip was actually just a rumor,
[00:37:00.440]trying to disprove it makes you look guilty,
[00:37:03.480]so we don't want them to do that.
[00:37:05.130]We don't want to show that we are upset about the gossip
[00:37:07.780]again, because this starts to make us look guilty.
[00:37:11.600]We don't want our teens to confront the source of gossip
[00:37:14.122]because, for two reasons.
[00:37:17.040]If other people see you confront the gossip,
[00:37:19.360]what is the next gossip going to be?
[00:37:21.940]Oh, look, she confronted her.
[00:37:23.580]It must mean the gossip is true.
[00:37:26.790]You might also end up pissing off the gossip
[00:37:29.453]and if the gossip gets upset with you,
[00:37:32.835]they are going to retaliate by spreading even more gossip
[00:37:36.550]about you, so that doesn't help.
[00:37:39.090]We actually want them to avoid the source of gossip,
[00:37:42.120]and this doesn't mean that when you are in the same room
[00:37:44.380]with the gossip you don't make eye contact,
[00:37:46.680]you ignore them because that again
[00:37:48.830]would make you look guilty and make people think that you,
[00:37:52.552]and that's going to be the next gossip.
[00:37:54.820]Oh, look, she ignored her.
[00:37:56.320]That must mean that it's true.
[00:37:58.680]What we mean here by avoiding the source of gossip
[00:38:01.400]is like laying low, planning your route
[00:38:05.330]so you're not in the same space with the gossip a lot
[00:38:08.392]to add to this rumor.
[00:38:12.870]Then we actually want them to take some active steps.
[00:38:15.570]If anyone confronts them about the rumor,
[00:38:17.523]what we want them to do is act amazed
[00:38:19.760]that anyone would even believe or care about the gossip,
[00:38:22.730]so just shrug it off, not look too bothered,
[00:38:26.050]and say I can't believe anyone would even believe that
[00:38:29.380]or can you believe that anyone cares about that?
[00:38:32.520]That's so lame.
[00:38:33.353]People need to get a life.
[00:38:34.760]They need to mind their own business.
[00:38:36.950]Those are the kind of reactions that we want,
[00:38:39.120]similar to our teasing lessons.
[00:38:41.430]Act not bothered and shrug it off.
[00:38:46.690]Then we want them to go even more beyond that
[00:38:48.990]and spread the rumor about themselves.
[00:38:51.800]Now I'm sure this is not a step
[00:38:53.160]that you ever heard of before,
[00:38:54.740]but it actually really, really works.
[00:38:57.200]So, the way that we want them to go about doing this
[00:39:00.180]is first, they need to find an audience.
[00:39:03.070]So, the audience could be in the case of teens,
[00:39:05.900]it could be their classmates during a free period or lunch
[00:39:09.750]or common areas, but at work for young adults,
[00:39:13.350]it could be the water cooler or the cafeteria,
[00:39:17.390]somewhere where they can find other people
[00:39:20.860]listening in on their conversation.
[00:39:24.300]Then we want them to find a supportive friend,
[00:39:26.890]and we want them to acknowledge the rumor
[00:39:29.310]with the supportive friend.
[00:39:30.500]So, did you hear this rumor that I have crush on my boss?
[00:39:36.100]And then, once your friend says yeah,
[00:39:38.320]I sort of heard about that, you want to do the step
[00:39:42.180]where you act amazed that anyone would believe
[00:39:44.460]or care about the rumor.
[00:39:45.670]So, people are so gullible.
[00:39:48.040]People need to find something interesting to talk about.
[00:39:50.740]People need to get a life.
[00:39:53.310]And then you repeat the same steps
[00:39:55.100]with other supportive friends
[00:39:57.530]so that you reached a wider audience.
[00:40:01.360]Now you wanna make sure your audience is different
[00:40:03.400]each time too because if you keep doing the same steps
[00:40:05.570]with the same group of people,
[00:40:07.150]it's going to start to look like you care
[00:40:09.032]and you're trying to disprove the rumor.
[00:40:14.550]So, let's watch the next role-play and see
[00:40:17.230]how Elina handles it better this time,
[00:40:21.020]and actually in the last few minutes,
[00:40:22.710]I wanna use this as an opportunity to share a resource
[00:40:26.040]that we have with you on our website.
[00:40:31.760]So, most of the role-play videos that I have been showing
[00:40:34.550]you today are available freely on our UCLA PEERS website,
[00:40:39.430]so if you just Google UCLA PEERS Clinic,
[00:40:41.984]you'll come to this website and if you go under Resources,
[00:40:47.640]the Resources tab, you'll see the first link
[00:40:50.540]is to access the PEERS Role Play Videos.
[00:40:54.570]So, if you click on that and go to Videos,
[00:41:00.210]you see we have videos for all of our different skills
[00:41:04.513]that we teach within our program.
[00:41:07.220]So, we're going to go down
[00:41:08.210]to the Handling Rumors and Gossip one,
[00:41:10.280]and we've already done the bad example,
[00:41:12.590]so this time, we'll look at the good example
[00:41:14.820]about how to appropriately spread a rumor about yourself.
[00:41:18.810]So, this time let's watch what Elina does right
[00:41:22.500]in handling this rumor
[00:41:27.170]or spreading this rumor.
[00:41:29.900]So Alison, did you hear that rumor
[00:41:31.310]that I have a crush on James?
[00:41:33.170]Yeah, I did hear that.
[00:41:34.233]Seriously?
[00:41:35.480]Who would believe that?
[00:41:36.560]Seriously, I don't know.
[00:41:37.897]And by the way, find something more interesting
[00:41:40.130]to talk about.
[00:41:40.963]I know, right?
[00:41:42.010]I mean, people need to get a life.
[00:41:43.490]Really. Get a hobby or something.
[00:41:45.550]They really do.
[00:41:46.383]So lame. So.
[00:41:48.500]All right, so this time again we go around
[00:41:51.081]and we talk about what Elina did right this time
[00:41:55.380]in spreading the rumors about herself.
[00:41:57.480]So, she had a supportive friend.
[00:41:59.380]We are assuming she has an audience that's listening
[00:42:01.670]to this conversation.
[00:42:04.992]She acknowledges the rumor, but does not give
[00:42:08.630]too many details about it because we don't want to do that.
[00:42:11.680]We don't want to get into that, so on because again,
[00:42:14.530]it starts to seem like you're too bothered by it.
[00:42:17.990]She definitely didn't look very bothered
[00:42:19.700]while she was running through these steps.
[00:42:22.390]She gave her acting amazed and not believing
[00:42:25.970]sort of steps.
[00:42:27.300]People need to get a hobby, people need to get a life.
[00:42:30.450]She said all of that, and this time,
[00:42:33.130]her friend seemed to go along with it.
[00:42:35.380]So then we go around and ask again
[00:42:38.190]the perspective taking questions.
[00:42:40.060]What was that like for the other person?
[00:42:42.060]They might say normal, fine.
[00:42:44.910]What did she think of Elina?
[00:42:46.740]She thought she was not bothered.
[00:42:49.050]Fine, honest, and would she believe the original rumor?
[00:42:53.280]Probably not because Elina didn't look very bothered by it
[00:42:55.940]and she made it look like other people were lame
[00:42:58.280]for wanting to know about this rumor
[00:43:00.520]or spreading this rumor.
[00:43:04.372]So, switching back here to wrap up.
[00:43:12.800]Right, so those were our strategies
[00:43:15.310]for handling various types of teasing
[00:43:17.600]or bullying behaviors with our teens and young adults.
[00:43:21.675]Just a last light on our resources
[00:43:24.740]apart from the videos that I showed you online
[00:43:27.047]on what's available through our clinic.
[00:43:32.180]So, we have a couple of different manuals
[00:43:34.884]for the adolescent groups,
[00:43:37.950]a clinical treatment manual, translations in Korean
[00:43:42.330]that's been used in South Korea
[00:43:44.440]and a school-based curriculum
[00:43:46.850]that's slightly different format to be implemented
[00:43:50.070]on a daily basis.
[00:43:52.670]We have some parent resources that can help
[00:43:55.970]guide parents while they teach their young teens
[00:44:00.720]or coach their teens through the various
[00:44:02.370]different social skills.
[00:44:04.470]We have a recently published manual
[00:44:07.010]for young adults that, as I mentioned,
[00:44:10.020]just has some additional dating lessons
[00:44:12.042]and we have a FriendMaker app
[00:44:13.970]that's a good resource for all kinds of individuals,
[00:44:17.420]patients, parents, other providers
[00:44:20.540]that has a lot of the role-play videos
[00:44:23.080]as well as brief details on the steps to follow
[00:44:26.619]for each of the lessons.
[00:44:31.760]And our videos, as I demonstrated,
[00:44:35.930]are available on our website out here.
[00:44:37.972]You can also find more information about us
[00:44:40.336]on our social media platforms,
[00:44:42.980]and if you have any other questions,
[00:44:45.070]you can directly email or contact us
[00:44:47.520]at the information provided here.
[00:44:50.050]Thank you for listening today.

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PEERS® Part 2: Strategies for Handling Teasing/Bullying

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