Behavior Bites - Young children with BIG feelings

Carrie Gottschalk Author

02/05/2019 Added

48 Plays

Description

This 23 min. video shares strategies & resources for supporting young children with highly sensitive, intense emotions (i.e., easily upset, easily frustrated, cries easily).

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[00:00:00.020]This is the scenario that I was given
[00:00:02.850]and I love this.
[00:00:03.981]Because again at a 100%, we're all struggling with this.
[00:00:07.270]We have a four year old daughter who has big emotions
[00:00:10.120]about everything.
[00:00:11.660]Her socks don't feel right in her shoes,
[00:00:13.550]her nose is runny.
[00:00:14.560]She can't seemed to get it wiped all the way.
[00:00:16.130]She doesn't like what we're having for dinner et cetera.
[00:00:18.107]Dude, right?
[00:00:19.710]Like story of our lives.
[00:00:21.880]Given her age, we still help her with trying
[00:00:24.540]to make her socks feel right or wiping her nose
[00:00:26.370]which is a huge battle every time,
[00:00:28.610]trying to get it just right
[00:00:29.930]so it isn't bothering her anymore.
[00:00:32.090]We want to acknowledge her feelings
[00:00:33.530]because they're definitely real
[00:00:35.180]which is very very sweet and lovely
[00:00:36.780]that these feelings are real for her
[00:00:38.512]even though we can't maybe necessarily understand.
[00:00:44.300]But we wanna teach her how to control these big feelings.
[00:00:47.470]She will often burst into tears before even
[00:00:50.500]simply using her words to ask us for help.
[00:00:52.564]Although we've tried to teach her
[00:00:54.110]how to ask for help if she needs it.
[00:00:55.580]Very sweet.
[00:00:56.498]She often acts helpless.
[00:00:59.400]We're at a loss.
[00:01:00.510]Okay.
[00:01:01.343]Excellent question.
[00:01:02.650]So check your own emotions at the door.
[00:01:04.550]What I mean by that is
[00:01:06.980]I don't understand hypersensitivities, right?
[00:01:09.740]Let's pretend.
[00:01:10.573]I don't understand a super hypersensitive kid.
[00:01:12.880]Let's say I wasn't a hypersensitive kid.
[00:01:15.360]And so having my socks not feel quite right
[00:01:17.410]or having I don't like the taste of the seeds
[00:01:20.110]of a strawberry or maybe
[00:01:22.820]you know like I can still feel the snot on my nose
[00:01:24.640]even though it's gone.
[00:01:26.700]Maybe I don't get it.
[00:01:28.400]And so it's really hard for me to continue to be
[00:01:32.070]like a 100% empathic.
[00:01:33.720]Or even like empathetic with that feeling
[00:01:36.260]because it's frustrating and irritating
[00:01:38.600]and it's not who I am or how I am or whatever.
[00:01:43.510]So when I say the co-regulator needs to be regulated
[00:01:46.050]is I mean at some magic place in our mom brain,
[00:01:49.630]our caretaker brain, we have to box our own frustrations up
[00:01:54.950]over this issue.
[00:01:56.660]Not that we're robots because we're never expected
[00:01:58.730]to be perfect and this is as often as possible,
[00:02:01.860]not every time because again, we've all lost our minds
[00:02:04.230]on our kids and of course, we're going to
[00:02:05.630]so don't sweat it.
[00:02:07.490]'Cause there's repair, yay!
[00:02:08.574](laughs)
[00:02:09.407]Every time there's a rupture, there's repair
[00:02:10.650]and that's beautiful thing.
[00:02:13.280]But so, what I'm saying is
[00:02:15.730]I have to sometimes take a deep breath.
[00:02:19.370]And not let my frustration with this kid's stuff
[00:02:22.510]impact how I'm meeting my kid's needs.
[00:02:26.550]Because I can turn around and unload to my girlfriend,
[00:02:29.170]my best friend, my neighbor, my sister, my husband.
[00:02:32.270]I can't necessarily regulate my dysregulated child
[00:02:36.560]if I'm dysregulated.
[00:02:38.736]Okay so that's what I mean by that.
[00:02:40.350]Way too many words.
[00:02:41.183]I understand that.
[00:02:42.987]Now here's my favorite.
[00:02:44.670]In all sincerity, here's my favorite
[00:02:46.530]because we wanna make things better for our little kids.
[00:02:49.280]Like we a 100% wanna make things better
[00:02:51.280]for the kids, our kids that we take cared of, that we have.
[00:02:55.040]But my thought on some of these hypersensitive issues
[00:02:59.140]and these big feelings is
[00:03:00.686]letting the emotion ride
[00:03:04.010]without trying to fix it or change it.
[00:03:06.531]So, if I have a little person who's in tears
[00:03:13.210]because her nose is really snotty
[00:03:14.890]and she can't get it all clean and she's crying,
[00:03:18.040]the science tells us
[00:03:20.700]that the length of time she stays
[00:03:24.320]in that dysregulated emotion,
[00:03:27.330]should be shorter when we are not attempting
[00:03:33.200]to correct it or fix it.
[00:03:35.250]I know that that may not make sense.
[00:03:37.200]Dan Siegel's research says
[00:03:39.360]in The Whole Brain Child book I believe,
[00:03:42.510]is that give or take an intense emotion
[00:03:44.510]kind of like physiologically, passes through our body
[00:03:47.550]in give or take 90 seconds,
[00:03:49.760]it doesn't mean that we only have feelings for 90 seconds
[00:03:52.090]'cause we've all cried for much longer than 90 seconds.
[00:03:54.880]But when we're talking about physiologically
[00:03:56.710]that feeling kind of washing through your system
[00:03:58.670]in your body, it should have
[00:04:02.132]it should be allowed the space of about 90 seconds
[00:04:04.920]to work it's way through all the different parts
[00:04:07.440]that it needs it to work its way through.
[00:04:08.960]From your brain and your body and your heart
[00:04:10.970]and your all of that good stuff.
[00:04:12.481]So, science tells us that being with
[00:04:17.200]is actually the best way to let that 90 seconds
[00:04:19.520]come and go as efficiently and effectively as possible.
[00:04:22.690]But necessarily trying to change what you're feeling.
[00:04:26.910]So my nose is snotty and I'm freaking out
[00:04:28.980]and I'm in tears and I'm four.
[00:04:30.690]And as a mom, or a child care provider, professional,
[00:04:33.650]I could absolutely be something to the effect of
[00:04:36.211]I know, snotty noses are so tough, ugh.
[00:04:44.470]I know, lots of tears.
[00:04:47.000]Huh, big feelings.
[00:04:50.340]Like I just acknowledge, yeah big feelings.
[00:04:53.870]Lots of tears.
[00:04:55.204]Ugh so sad, it's hard isn't it.
[00:04:58.660]One of my favorite phrases is like
[00:05:00.770]whatever the age of the child is
[00:05:02.050]and this is never said,
[00:05:03.150]when I say it on video,
[00:05:04.550]it sounds like I'm being so sarcastic.
[00:05:06.655]And I promise you I'm not when I'm with kids.
[00:05:09.260]Well, heck, I guess we should ask the kids.
[00:05:11.009]I am very very trying to be as authentic
[00:05:14.810]and real and connected as possible.
[00:05:16.330]I'm in no way belittling their feelings
[00:05:18.160]by sounding like, like I'm being sarcastic
[00:05:20.826]and dismissing them.
[00:05:22.340]It sounded like I was just now.
[00:05:26.080]But one of my favorite phrases is like I know
[00:05:28.110]it's so hard to be four.
[00:05:29.810]Four is hard.
[00:05:31.690]But when I'm with a four year old who's dysregulated,
[00:05:34.420]like I can authentically, like dude, I got it.
[00:05:37.240]Four's tough, man.
[00:05:38.621]Snotty noses are the worst.
[00:05:42.280](exhales)
[00:05:44.760]So that's just a thought instead of
[00:05:50.010]trying to fix it or correct it or stop it.
[00:05:52.590]Let it ride, let it ride.
[00:05:55.290]So then, this third idea says give emotional regulation
[00:06:00.490]give emotional regulation strategies first
[00:06:04.150]before cognitive ones.
[00:06:07.270]So our brain tells us, we wanna tell you how to fix it
[00:06:11.370]by ask for help,
[00:06:13.350]get a Kleenex,
[00:06:14.623]wash your hands,
[00:06:16.870]take your shoe off and fix your sock
[00:06:18.790]and put it back on,
[00:06:19.623]turn your sock inside out.
[00:06:20.720]Like we cognitively, in our brain,
[00:06:23.890]want to fix whatever's causing the distress.
[00:06:29.370]Now here's where it gets complicated also
[00:06:31.730]with this notion of it.
[00:06:32.740]I'm not diagnosing anybody so please don't misread me
[00:06:35.300]when I say this but when we take this idea of anxiety.
[00:06:39.410]And we take this idea of like anxiety and worry,
[00:06:43.751]and we pile it on top of this other thing like fear
[00:06:46.630]like a phobia and you're gonna wonder
[00:06:48.570]where I'm going with all of this
[00:06:49.670]so just hang with me for a sec.
[00:06:52.470]If I have and it comes up on another side.
[00:06:54.720]If I have a fear of dogs, right.
[00:06:59.030]Every time I see a dog, my brain and my body react
[00:07:02.540]and I get activated and escalated and fearful.
[00:07:06.350]And I might do, you know
[00:07:07.810]the fight, flight or freeze thing, right?
[00:07:09.680]But I'm like oh no dog.
[00:07:11.391]And what happens when we have a fear or a phobia
[00:07:15.240]or an apprehension of talking in front of others,
[00:07:18.820]heights, water, whatever.
[00:07:22.860]Right away, what we wanna do is escape it
[00:07:27.380]and moms want to help their babies escape it.
[00:07:30.440]So we take the kiddo away from the dog.
[00:07:32.530]We put the kiddo on our lap.
[00:07:33.960]We move away from the dog.
[00:07:35.400]We separate from the dog et cetera.
[00:07:37.710]Well what we've taught our brain to do
[00:07:40.330]is we literally just taught our brain
[00:07:44.370]I don't feel better until the thing is away from me.
[00:07:48.890]So if I pull this all the way back to this four year old,
[00:07:51.720]my socks are bothering me,
[00:07:53.230]I don't like the taste of the strawberry seeds on my tongue,
[00:07:56.875]my nose is icky.
[00:07:58.960]Every time we're fixing it, we're teaching her brain
[00:08:03.450]to only be okay once it's been fixed.
[00:08:07.030]Instead of teaching her to co-regulate it
[00:08:10.750]like to regulate and relax in the space of it.
[00:08:14.820]So,
[00:08:16.880]mixed signals all over here with this big emotion thing.
[00:08:20.840]So it's kind of like if I fix your nose every time,
[00:08:23.580]if I fix your socks every time,
[00:08:24.900]if I fix whatever's wrong every time,
[00:08:26.960]I'm teaching your brain to stay in a pattern
[00:08:29.250]of needing it fixed.
[00:08:31.400]So I'm never teaching you to regulate
[00:08:33.350]in the space of like maybe perceived discomfort.
[00:08:37.024]And I know that sounds kinda wonky.
[00:08:38.450]So the next little thing that I brought up here.
[00:08:41.730]It says give emotional regulation strategies first
[00:08:45.610]before cognitive ones.
[00:08:47.311]What that means is I want to keep you safe
[00:08:50.990]in the presence of the dog
[00:08:53.330]and I want to let you come back down
[00:08:56.160]from the fight, flight or freeze response
[00:08:58.560]in the presence of the thing causing you the anxiety
[00:09:02.570]so your brain stops thinking it needs to escape it
[00:09:05.530]to feel better.
[00:09:06.950]Complicated right?
[00:09:08.370]Well that's this place of co-regulation.
[00:09:13.150]Deep breathing, hands down number one.
[00:09:15.790]Patting and when I say patting, I mean like this.
[00:09:18.260]So if I even have a four year old,
[00:09:20.388]it might be, she's sitting on my lap.
[00:09:24.840]And if I'm calm which means I'm regulated
[00:09:27.760]and if my heart rhythm, if my heartbeat is stable.
[00:09:33.585](exhales)
[00:09:34.418]And my breathing is calm,
[00:09:36.560]I'm not fixing her nose.
[00:09:39.540]But I'm regulating her body very calmly
[00:09:44.420]in the presence of the stressor.
[00:09:47.070]I'm teaching her these coping mechanism to be okay.
[00:09:52.067]So patting, swinging, humming, singing, deep breathing,
[00:09:56.620]if I can provide some of that guidance for her,
[00:10:00.660]she's learning how to regulate herself
[00:10:03.680]even when something is bothering her.
[00:10:05.840]You know, so you've go the kids where the tags
[00:10:07.960]and the sleeve is bothering me
[00:10:10.130]and you know my underwear is
[00:10:12.460]and so, those are real things
[00:10:14.570]and I'm not saying never correct them
[00:10:15.970]or never fix them, of course,
[00:10:17.240]I would never imply to say that.
[00:10:20.320]But, depending on how pervasive of an issue this is
[00:10:24.690]what I'm hearing is that this little girl
[00:10:27.042]needs to learn some
[00:10:30.700]calming strategies before
[00:10:32.860]we even get to anything about thinking.
[00:10:35.170]So we have to calm body first
[00:10:37.060]before we go into that logic brain
[00:10:38.910]of how to fix it or correct it or ask for help et cetera.
[00:10:42.750]And I can't rationalize it away from you.
[00:10:45.770]She's four.
[00:10:46.720]I'm a grown up.
[00:10:48.120]And so if I use all the logic, like the
[00:10:50.270]your nose is clean, your nose clean.
[00:10:52.330]I wiped it at the time
[00:10:53.200]and I can't see anything.
[00:10:54.250]It's dry I promise.
[00:10:55.840]All of that logic, that's not resonating
[00:10:58.980]because she's stuck down here
[00:11:00.430]in the emotion center of her brain
[00:11:02.430]and you're trying to reach her through her thought,
[00:11:04.457]her logic part of her brain
[00:11:06.520]and unfortunately they're just,
[00:11:08.434]they're not connecting.
[00:11:11.880]The last idea, strategy that I have for her
[00:11:16.030]is this idea of growth mindset.
[00:11:18.910]So this is interesting and incredibly powerful.
[00:11:22.960]There is a lot of science behind this.
[00:11:25.460]I use it with all of the kids I work with.
[00:11:28.208]But if you can reframe it yourself,
[00:11:31.830]and actually take this qualities about this little girl
[00:11:35.050]and make them positive for her
[00:11:37.480]and then stair steps for growth.
[00:11:39.741]Often because it's such a disruptive pattern of behavior
[00:11:43.730]in something that's so
[00:11:51.110]my brain just stopped working.
[00:11:54.100]You know it's so annoying,
[00:11:55.270]I mean I don't know, you know
[00:11:56.300]it's annoying for her,
[00:11:57.133]it's annoying for the other people around her.
[00:11:59.210]Of course the first thing we wanna do is knock it off,
[00:12:01.270]stop it, your fine.
[00:12:02.360]And I'm not saying anyone does that.
[00:12:03.720]But I'm just saying that's kind of where our brains go
[00:12:05.720]of wanting to.
[00:12:07.400]Well what if we completely flip it.
[00:12:10.172]And her socks are bothering her
[00:12:12.060]and her nose is you know, running and she doesn't like that.
[00:12:14.930]And it could be this quality of
[00:12:17.560]you know what, Kana, I love
[00:12:19.566]that it is so important for you to be comfortable.
[00:12:23.310]I think that is so cool
[00:12:25.410]that you really like it when your nose is clean.
[00:12:28.500]And that shows that you really care about being comfortable
[00:12:31.530]and about having a clean nose.
[00:12:32.900]Now, again, that might sound silly to you
[00:12:34.700]but keep in mind this little girl's four.
[00:12:36.820]And you might be like why would I praise that?
[00:12:38.900]I'm not praising that.
[00:12:40.110]I'm recognizing,
[00:12:41.550]I'm rephrasing it so that she can take this
[00:12:49.290]element of her own personality,
[00:12:50.990]this heightened sensitivity,
[00:12:52.330]this hyper kind of emotional awareness.
[00:12:56.170]And see it as a strength instead of a bad thing about her.
[00:12:59.840]So let's say she's sensitive.
[00:13:02.270]You know what, Kana, I love how sensitive you are.
[00:13:06.340]I love that you feel things so big.
[00:13:09.230]That is such a cool quality to feel so big like that.
[00:13:13.650]You really feel a lot
[00:13:15.900]and those feelings are important to you.
[00:13:17.770]That's super cool and something I really love about you.
[00:13:22.960]So again, not knowing the little girl,
[00:13:24.790]you would want to phrase it in a way
[00:13:26.540]that makes sense to you and makes sense to her.
[00:13:29.470]But you definitely want to shape it
[00:13:31.750]so that she recognizes this quality about herself
[00:13:34.690]as an okay thing.
[00:13:36.410]Because that's the stepping stone for growth.
[00:13:39.470]That's that growth mindset of
[00:13:41.810]you have such big feelings.
[00:13:44.200]I love all these big feelings that you have.
[00:13:47.050]And so now, you get to be so strong
[00:13:51.264]in learning how to hold all of your really big feelings.
[00:13:56.600]I don't know if you are religious people or not.
[00:13:59.070]In my world it's always, hey that's how God made you.
[00:14:01.830]And again, you choose the language that works for you
[00:14:04.140]but, it's like this is how God put you together.
[00:14:06.730]He wanted you to have all these super big feelings
[00:14:09.460]because he knew you were strong enough
[00:14:11.050]to carry all these super big feelings.
[00:14:13.620]That's growth mindset.
[00:14:15.640]That's the idea of hey, dude, you do you
[00:14:18.420]and you own it and you be okay owning it.
[00:14:21.730]This is how you got put together.
[00:14:23.645]And that's genius.
[00:14:25.374]So explore kind of that notion as well.
[00:14:28.580]It sounds like it's not really addressing the problem
[00:14:31.220]but when she owns who she is
[00:14:33.460]and owns these big feelings,
[00:14:35.630]then she will be much more ready to manage
[00:14:39.080]and regulate those big feelings as they kind of appear
[00:14:42.900]because also one of the lines in that question said
[00:14:46.490]it's almost like she becomes helpless
[00:14:48.460]and we definitely wanna flip that around.
[00:14:50.530]We absolutely wanna turn that idea around.
[00:14:52.780]So, by addressing a couple things,
[00:14:55.880]number one, I can just be with your feeling with you.
[00:14:58.280]I'm not gonna fix it or correct or take it away.
[00:15:00.450]I'm just gonna like acknowledge, dude big feeling.
[00:15:03.480]And number two, growth mindset.
[00:15:05.630]Yeah, you have huge feelings
[00:15:07.620]because you are strong enough to be able to handle
[00:15:09.500]your big feelings.
[00:15:10.350]That's pretty cool.
[00:15:12.290]So I'm gonna right away try and get at that
[00:15:15.250]helpless idea because she's not.
[00:15:17.790]She's not helpless at all right?
[00:15:20.149]Okay 148.
[00:15:24.040]So now, I do wanna go outside the box
[00:15:27.270]with those big feelings in this little girl
[00:15:29.820]and at least address the awareness of this idea
[00:15:33.320]of temperament and environment.
[00:15:36.420]We have, if you have,
[00:15:39.080]if you're care taking in your home like eight kids,
[00:15:42.070]or if you are care taking in your home
[00:15:44.410]two biological children, or a couple foster kids
[00:15:46.960]or adopted kids, et cetera,
[00:15:49.840]even if they're all yours a 100% biological,
[00:15:52.580]you and their dad, we know that temperament is what it is.
[00:15:56.850]And so you take this idea of temperament
[00:15:58.620]and you take this idea of environment
[00:16:00.800]and people can say, well we raised our kids all the same.
[00:16:03.550]I treat 'em all the same.
[00:16:04.800]To which I will always reply, no you don't.
[00:16:07.600]Nor should you.
[00:16:08.433](laughs)
[00:16:09.266]Because your oldest child was your first born.
[00:16:12.080]And you treated that child exactly how he or she
[00:16:14.260]was supposed to be treated as an only child
[00:16:15.930]and a first born.
[00:16:16.763]And then when the second one came along,
[00:16:18.440]you're not treating them the same
[00:16:19.920]because your second one now is a younger child.
[00:16:22.504]So don't pretend that we treat them the same.
[00:16:25.030]'Cause you shouldn't.
[00:16:25.890]You're not supposed to.
[00:16:27.060]But we take the idea of temperament and environment,
[00:16:29.530]and we just recognize it every little person is their own.
[00:16:35.140]So we might have some sensitivities.
[00:16:38.180]Is this little girl dealing
[00:16:39.870]with some heightened sensory sensitivities?
[00:16:42.320]Does she have maybe more
[00:16:44.470]of some of that underlying anxiety?
[00:16:47.220]Again, not diagnosing anybody.
[00:16:49.450]Just being aware of how we're all put together and wired.
[00:16:52.780]So, do I need to start exploring
[00:16:57.330]kind of outside the box.
[00:16:58.770]Typical parenting might be A B or C.
[00:17:02.070]But if I have a kiddo who is more on sensitive side,
[00:17:06.390]more on the anxious side,
[00:17:08.350]I definitely wanna be aware
[00:17:10.120]of what resources I should be looking at.
[00:17:14.400]I already talked about the premise behind exposure therapy.
[00:17:17.070]That was the idea if I'm scared of a dog,
[00:17:19.560]I need to be around dogs and be calm
[00:17:21.880]and okay in front of dogs.
[00:17:23.410]So I already kind of addressed that one.
[00:17:25.341]And the same applies to all of these
[00:17:28.474]things where she's unhappy with
[00:17:32.570]you know like I said the eating or the socks
[00:17:35.610]or the clothing or the nose.
[00:17:39.180]Okay.
[00:17:41.680]Man I'm not gonna lie to you.
[00:17:43.680]I wish you guys had like 8000 more questions
[00:17:46.900]because I am so tired of talking right now.
[00:17:48.905](laughs)
[00:17:52.010]I have talked for like an hour straight.
[00:17:54.800]And normally, you would think, Carrie likes that
[00:17:57.100]because I do that all the time but, whew, doggy.
[00:17:59.760]This is a lot.
[00:18:01.644]Okay Managing Emotional Mayhem by Dr. Becky Bailey
[00:18:05.440]is one of my most favorite resources ever.
[00:18:09.040]So when we're looking at,
[00:18:10.290]this is for anybody.
[00:18:11.400]This is for anybody caring for any child.
[00:18:13.163]If you want to understand
[00:18:15.277]helping kids manage big feelings,
[00:18:18.100]just go buy the book Managing Emotional Mayhem
[00:18:20.800]by Dr. Becky Bailey.
[00:18:22.310]Google it.
[00:18:23.143]She has it on Amazon.
[00:18:25.480]She has it on her website, Conscious Discipline.
[00:18:27.320]I should get some kick back or some royalties from them too.
[00:18:31.470]That is a fantastic resource to help in this regard.
[00:18:34.653]There is another book
[00:18:38.100]that is titled literally,
[00:18:41.330]Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions.
[00:18:45.080]So here is the one I have.
[00:18:46.770]This edition over here
[00:18:48.330]and it sounds like a lot.
[00:18:49.862]It says dialectical behavioral therapy skills.
[00:18:53.250]Blah blah blah blah blah.
[00:18:54.400]Doesn't matter.
[00:18:55.940]If you want some strategies
[00:18:57.640]because all of the traditional parenting methods
[00:19:03.080]that you've been using up to this point
[00:19:05.010]are just feeling on, it's like you're,
[00:19:07.410]you know there's something more
[00:19:08.748]but you just can't put your thumb on it
[00:19:10.950]and you don't wanna like minimize it or dismiss it.
[00:19:13.494]But you're like ugh, I feel like there's something
[00:19:15.929]more going on here.
[00:19:17.670]This is one resource that you might want to investigate,
[00:19:20.830]Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions.
[00:19:23.290]And then if we come over here,
[00:19:26.160]I am a big fan of just naming it.
[00:19:30.100]Like I bring out the elephant in the room.
[00:19:33.440]And if this little girl has tons of worry,
[00:19:36.760]well then by golly let's just call it what it is
[00:19:39.200]and let's get her this little cute book,
[00:19:41.070]Wilma Jean the Worry Machine.
[00:19:43.050]And maybe she doesn't have worry.
[00:19:44.820]But I'm just saying, let's give kids a language for it.
[00:19:49.593]Dan Seigel has a little phrase where he says
[00:19:53.050]you gotta name it to tame it.
[00:19:55.060]And I, as a mom have to name it.
[00:19:57.910]If I'm the mom and I wanna help you
[00:19:59.840]with your anxiety, your worry,
[00:20:01.970]your sensory sensitivities, your whatever,
[00:20:04.381]I need to have a name for it
[00:20:06.040]so that I can help you tame it.
[00:20:07.840]And you need to have a name for it as a kid.
[00:20:09.960]So that you can own it and tame it
[00:20:11.870]and become the master of it.
[00:20:13.442]So here, there's just a bazillion different resources
[00:20:17.100]that are really huge.
[00:20:18.010]Of course, this is just Amazon.
[00:20:20.248]Since it's a four year old child,
[00:20:22.530]one of my favorites in helping.
[00:20:27.020]Let me see if this will come up.
[00:20:29.000]Is this Breathe with Me.
[00:20:31.040]Because one of the ideas that I had come up with was
[00:20:34.540]or not, I'm sorry one of the ideas that I had shared,
[00:20:37.620]is I said co-regulate
[00:20:39.129](exhales)
[00:20:41.120]by doing the deep breathing with her.
[00:20:43.100]So if she's in the middle of intense emotion,
[00:20:44.980]I'm not talking.
[00:20:46.060]Like I'm literally not talking.
[00:20:47.660]She's on my lap.
[00:20:50.004](exhales)
[00:20:51.480]And I'm breathing because I want her to mirror
[00:20:53.970]and mimic my breathing.
[00:20:55.650]I'm not rationalizing, talking.
[00:20:57.420]I'm not talking anybody out of anything.
[00:20:59.140]No words.
[00:20:59.973]Which is shocking right?
[00:21:00.806]Because it's all I've done for an hour is talk.
[00:21:03.580]So that cute little book right there
[00:21:05.430]that I had shown is Read with Me.
[00:21:07.200]It's a nice four year old, five year old resource
[00:21:09.087]that lets kids recognize how powerful that graph is
[00:21:12.330]and just taking some really big, deep cleansing breaths
[00:21:14.610]as super powerful.
[00:21:16.730]So that is hands down a favorite,
[00:21:18.480]a favorite resource.
[00:21:20.150]You can use in child care.
[00:21:21.420]You can use with all the kids you're taking care of.
[00:21:24.400]It doesn't have to obviously just be
[00:21:27.090]one on one and then,
[00:21:29.980]one of my last, most favorite that I have brought
[00:21:33.732]into the game over the past,
[00:21:36.760]oh gosh when did I start bringing mindfulness in?
[00:21:40.960]I think I started bringing mindfulness in
[00:21:42.700]maybe as many as five years ago
[00:21:45.160]in private practice to help some kids
[00:21:48.160]with their strong emotions.
[00:21:49.470]There is a resource called,
[00:21:51.300]hopefully you can see my shared screen,
[00:21:53.520]it is Sitting Still Like a Frog.
[00:21:55.914]Oh there we go.
[00:21:57.070]I wanna be able to highlight it.
[00:21:58.880]That's literally what it's called.
[00:22:00.210]Sitting Still Like a Frog.
[00:22:02.787]And so you can either buy the book, it is a book.
[00:22:06.190]And it comes with a CD.
[00:22:07.720]Maybe now, they have changed it so it's not a CD anymore
[00:22:11.950]'cause you don't buy laptops with CD players in them anymore
[00:22:14.630]so maybe it's a code or something.
[00:22:16.640]But this resource called Sitting Still Like a Frog
[00:22:19.220]is for moms with kids who need to
[00:22:23.833]kind of gain some more skills
[00:22:26.350]on being able to manage big feelings and strong emotions.
[00:22:29.519]It has 12 guided meditations with it.
[00:22:33.410]It's, they're fantastic.
[00:22:35.860]They're give or take three to six minutes long.
[00:22:38.370]They're written specifically for kids.
[00:22:41.870]And, they're just very helpful to sit with your child
[00:22:45.350]and listen to one of these guided meditations.
[00:22:47.240]They've got one about the worry,
[00:22:48.700]like letting worries go.
[00:22:49.960]They've got one about letting,
[00:22:51.207]like a body scan and making your body like a spaghetti.
[00:22:56.260]They have one about a safe place.
[00:22:59.567]So, anyway, that would definitely be kids
[00:23:03.030]who have really really big emotions.
[00:23:04.925]Guided meditations and some of those skills
[00:23:07.990]in that mindfulness are just so genius
[00:23:11.830]because they help them regulate
[00:23:13.500]in a way that is powerful for them.

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behavior bites
early childhood
emotions
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Behavior Bites - Young children with BIG feelings

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