Behavior Bites - Improving compliance during routines and transitions

Carrie Gottschalk Author

02/05/2019 Added

50 Plays

Description

This 23 min. video explains the inner-workings of the toddler brain, and shares strategies and resources for decreasing defiance and increasing compliance during routines and transitions.

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[00:00:05.090]Topic number one that was submitted
[00:00:08.280]says, and I put it on verbatim here
[00:00:11.020]based on what was typed in so I hope this is okay
[00:00:13.770]for whoever shared it:
[00:00:30.610]Seriously, I love this.
[00:00:32.240]I absolutely love this because,
[00:00:34.057](laughs)
[00:00:34.890]It's spot on.
[00:00:36.160]Like, I think every other family, mom,
[00:00:39.150]entity in the planet is struggling with this same thing.
[00:00:41.750]We've all seen it so where I want to start with this
[00:00:45.670]in terms of responding to it and how we can address it
[00:00:48.630]is, What's going on inside the brain of that toddler?
[00:00:51.740]So I'm going to break down and I overanalyze everything.
[00:00:55.333]I read between the lines all the time.
[00:00:58.000]It's just how I'm wired.
[00:00:58.980]It's what I do.
[00:01:00.210]But the very first part of this question
[00:01:03.070]that was posed was: runs away as though it's fun.
[00:01:07.740]And I do want to bring mention to that.
[00:01:09.880]I think those words were chosen intentionally.
[00:01:12.080]I find most of us as grown-ups when we're talking
[00:01:14.220]about a frustrating situation with our toddler,
[00:01:16.480]we're pretty thoughtful on the words we use on purpose.
[00:01:20.048]The toddler finds it fun.
[00:01:21.750]It is fun.
[00:01:22.650](laughs)
[00:01:24.124]If I'm in the mind of a two-year-old,
[00:01:27.220]chase is awesome!
[00:01:29.810]Like, that's game number one.
[00:01:32.470]We love that.
[00:01:33.550]So, the toddler is running away as if it's fun
[00:01:37.350]because it really, truly is fun.
[00:01:39.890]Like, that's 100% where that little guy's brain is.
[00:01:44.090]So to add on top of that, this other idea
[00:01:48.120]that says, number one, toddlers are not out to get us.
[00:01:52.230]It feels that way sometimes, like, I get it.
[00:01:54.970]It feels that way.
[00:01:55.950]It feels very personal but their little brains
[00:01:59.480]and their cognition, the way their brain thinks,
[00:02:01.930]and the way they are connected with their mom
[00:02:04.180]or primary caregiver, they are not out to get you.
[00:02:07.330]It's just the exact opposite.
[00:02:08.960]They are very much wanting to be in connection with you.
[00:02:12.480]Now, they have free will and they want
[00:02:14.550]to do it all themselves and they'll think,
[00:02:17.070]they'll say things like "mine" or "I do it"
[00:02:20.390]and so they definitely are trying
[00:02:22.010]to figure out their footing
[00:02:24.440]but they're definitely 100%
[00:02:26.080]not out to get Mom or to get Dad.
[00:02:29.490]So, when we think about it in terms
[00:02:31.770]of a toddler brain, this is his or her little pattern.
[00:02:35.790]The question says we have a really great routine,
[00:02:37.840]we get up, I'm actually going to back,
[00:02:39.583]it says we have him on a routine to get out of bed,
[00:02:42.110]eat breakfast and get dressed.
[00:02:43.630]So what's interesting is this is this child's routine
[00:02:47.990]as the same way it is the grown-up's routine.
[00:02:50.940]I get up, I eat breakfast, I play chase with Mom and Dad.
[00:02:55.814](laughs)
[00:02:57.300]So, like, this child's routine is exactly
[00:03:00.250]what you have laid out in the conundrum, in the problem.
[00:03:04.530]So, that's okay, they're just following the routine
[00:03:07.120]just like you're following the routine,
[00:03:08.740]and what's funny is as a grown-up, we might be thinking,
[00:03:12.010]I'm gonna name the kid Cole
[00:03:13.170]'cause my son is named Cole so it's just easier.
[00:03:15.720]I'm gonna be like, Oh, my gosh, this is so frustrating.
[00:03:18.060]Every single day we get and up we eat breakfast
[00:03:20.680]and every single day, when Cole runs
[00:03:22.970]and we chase him, I get my mad face on
[00:03:25.680]and my stern voice and I'm like, Cole, knock it off.
[00:03:27.910]Cole, it's time to get dressed.
[00:03:29.510]Cole, I'm not gonna chase you
[00:03:30.550]and I might be using all of these parental, right,
[00:03:33.850]this parental language and the voice telling all the things
[00:03:36.050]that we're taught to do
[00:03:38.160]and Cole's hiding under a chair
[00:03:40.070]or he's giggling or he's running away from us.
[00:03:44.110]That's his pattern, that's his routine.
[00:03:46.920]That's his game, 100%.
[00:03:49.090]He doesn't know he's doing anything wrong in that game.
[00:03:51.480]That's how his game and his brain is laid out,
[00:03:54.530]and what's funny is when we get to the end of it,
[00:03:57.060]we're frustrated 'cause we think,
[00:03:58.560]Oh my gosh, Cole, we go through this every single day.
[00:04:00.720]Every single day, we get up, we eat breakfast,
[00:04:02.340]we get dressed.
[00:04:03.173]Every single day, you throw a fit over it.
[00:04:05.855](chuckles)
[00:04:06.830]And Cole can't think like a grown-up 'cause he's two, right?
[00:04:10.540]But let's pretend in
[00:04:11.640]Cole's little two-year-old toddler brain he's like,
[00:04:14.090]Oh my gosh, Mom, seriously.
[00:04:15.520]We go through this every single day.
[00:04:17.663](laughs)
[00:04:18.720]We get up, I eat breakfast and I run around
[00:04:21.040]and it's super fun and then you ruin it
[00:04:22.930]by catching me and getting mad.
[00:04:24.950](laughing)
[00:04:26.490]So again, your toddler's not thinking that
[00:04:28.710]but it's the same thing.
[00:04:30.860]So the next thing I put I down there
[00:04:32.550]was we really have to reframe everything
[00:04:35.870]that we're seeing because we have to see it
[00:04:38.080]through the lens of a two-year-old,
[00:04:39.810]not through the lens of a grown-up mom.
[00:04:41.890]Because we are only seeing it
[00:04:43.260]through the lens of us right now,
[00:04:46.080]and how defiant and how challenging this behavior is.
[00:04:49.625](laughs)
[00:04:51.020]But instead, it's like, no, he's just being two.
[00:04:54.050]He's just doing this thing, it's totally okay.
[00:04:56.950]So I put on here, reframe it to see it
[00:04:58.940]from another perspective,
[00:05:00.290]his little dance, his two-year-old dance,
[00:05:02.270]this is his game, his norm, totally 100% okay,
[00:05:05.790]and then I put, identify the skill deficit.
[00:05:09.140]And what I mean by that
[00:05:13.613]is kids are constant.
[00:05:14.930]We are humans, we are constantly in a stage
[00:05:18.040]of growth and learning, constantly,
[00:05:20.450]that never ends, from birth to death.
[00:05:23.070]So when we recognize that our young child
[00:05:27.060]doesn't do something well, that's a skill deficit
[00:05:31.160]and we help that child learn that ability,
[00:05:34.590]grow in that capacity, whether that's learning
[00:05:36.710]how to go to bed on your own,
[00:05:38.420]whether that's learning how to eat
[00:05:39.931]something that you don't like,
[00:05:41.890]whether that, I mean,
[00:05:43.160]share your toys with your sibling, okay.
[00:05:45.980]So, in this particular scenario,
[00:05:48.760]I brought up the second part of that question,
[00:05:51.490]where it said and now, oh, I put in now the second part,
[00:05:54.370]Gets angry once we actually catch him
[00:05:57.750]and try to get him dressed.
[00:05:59.360]Now, if the mom who's submitted this question is on,
[00:06:02.780]props to you, I love how you phrased it.
[00:06:05.770]I love, I love because I have a picture in my head.
[00:06:09.040]I love that it says, once we actually catch him.
[00:06:11.933](laughs)
[00:06:13.040]I can picture this family right now in my,
[00:06:15.920]once we actually catch him.
[00:06:17.380]And that phrase from a movie came into mind,
[00:06:20.210]I'm like, slippery little suckers, aren't they?
[00:06:22.453](laughs)
[00:06:23.480]'Cause two-year-olds are fast!
[00:06:25.740]So, once we actually catch him and try to get him dressed,
[00:06:29.550]so I see what this looks like.
[00:06:31.480]This is a little guy who is having none of this
[00:06:33.810]and he's going to, a, have fun running at first
[00:06:37.470]and b, probably maybe become a little bit defiant and angry.
[00:06:41.040]Maybe there's some back-arching
[00:06:42.320]and some kicking of the legs and some, even, you know,
[00:06:45.430]maybe yelling or screaming
[00:06:47.150]because he doesn't want his socks on, his shirt on
[00:06:49.040]or whatever, so, totally get it.
[00:06:51.440]But this is the skill deficit
[00:06:53.520]and here's where I'm going to go with that.
[00:06:55.830]There's this next slide if you're on
[00:06:57.397]and can see the picture, it look ridiculous,
[00:07:00.040]it doesn't look like anything, but a two-year-old
[00:07:03.590]is still in the stage, 100% in the stage
[00:07:06.930]of this thing that we call co-regulation,
[00:07:09.830]which means they are learning how to go up
[00:07:14.130]and how to come down.
[00:07:15.600]They're learning how to get active
[00:07:17.910]and how to get excited and goofy and silly about things
[00:07:22.760]and they're learning how to come down from that
[00:07:26.050]and re-regulate or get back into control or get calm.
[00:07:31.170]So in this little guy's defense, per se,
[00:07:34.900]he's getting active through the game of running and chase,
[00:07:38.760]which is the blue arrows going up
[00:07:41.930]and he just needs, that's a skill deficit,
[00:07:44.350]he needs help on understanding how to come back down
[00:07:47.510]from all of that running and excitement
[00:07:50.600]into this serious time of now your body has to be still
[00:07:53.280]'cause I have to get clothes on you, right?
[00:07:57.350]So our job is not,
[00:07:59.240]Oh, he's being defiant, he's being a little blank,
[00:08:02.070]you know, he's being really,
[00:08:03.040]our job is okay, we've got super active little boy
[00:08:06.440]and now we have to
[00:08:07.273]help bring super active little boy back down.
[00:08:09.820]Now the redder arrows represent us.
[00:08:13.280]We are called the co-regulator, because I'm the grown-up
[00:08:17.070]and so my job is to help you learn
[00:08:19.020]how to calm your body to go to bed,
[00:08:20.710]how to calm your body to get dressed
[00:08:22.320]and keep your body still,
[00:08:23.360]how to sit at the table with a calm body
[00:08:25.530]so I need to teach you how to go up and how to come down
[00:08:29.100]and that doesn't end any time soon.
[00:08:31.620]Like, I have teenagers in my house
[00:08:33.270]and we still are learning the idea of that process, right?
[00:08:38.120]So this next slide, again, if you can see it,
[00:08:41.910]this is where there's conflict,
[00:08:43.640]like the first slide I had, the blue arrows
[00:08:45.712]of the child getting escalated and coming back down
[00:08:49.260]were mirrored by the adult,
[00:08:52.520]kind of supporting from beneath
[00:08:54.060]but we're going along with the flow with that.
[00:08:56.280]Now, don't misinterpret that.
[00:08:57.760]That doesn't mean we become dis-regulated too.
[00:09:00.390]If I go back to that slide, I might chase my little guy
[00:09:04.340]and I might enjoy that going-up process
[00:09:08.750]but I am supporting the activity
[00:09:12.220]and I'm supporting the coming back down.
[00:09:14.180]I'm not losing control.
[00:09:16.120]I'm not gonna to mimic or mirror his temper tantrum.
[00:09:18.350]I'm not gonna become escalated
[00:09:22.950]and uncontrollable too.
[00:09:24.170]That's not what co-regulation means.
[00:09:25.640]Co-regulation means I'm the stable person
[00:09:29.160]and I'm helping you figure this out
[00:09:31.080]because I'm in a position to be able to be okay.
[00:09:34.730]This one, the other slide with the red arrows
[00:09:37.410]kind of conflicting with the blue arrows,
[00:09:39.540]that's showing a parent who's not having any of it
[00:09:44.190]and we're kind of fighting it,
[00:09:45.910]like that knock it off, stop it, that's enough,
[00:09:49.310]there's nothing to be mad about.
[00:09:51.620]Like, we're really kind of conflicting
[00:09:53.550]with where that kid is and what we've learned
[00:09:57.940]is oftentimes when we do that too often or too much,
[00:10:01.980]it actually makes the behavior continue longer
[00:10:05.910]than if we just let it, like, flow its way through.
[00:10:10.390]I know I'm not saying that as well as I want to
[00:10:12.350]but if you notice on that previous slide,
[00:10:15.060]it's kind of a shorter duration.
[00:10:16.380]We go up, we come down.
[00:10:17.660]Yes, it happens, life happens.
[00:10:19.380]We all get escalated, we all come back down.
[00:10:21.440]But here you can see it kind of keeps going
[00:10:23.490]because at every turn, I'm kind of battling it,
[00:10:27.429]trying to get it stopped.
[00:10:29.800]Again, not implying that we let our kids
[00:10:33.740]run around like, you know, crazy monkeys.
[00:10:36.285](laughs)
[00:10:37.118]We're definitely in control,
[00:10:38.110]which is why I have this phrase on here.
[00:10:41.440]Anytime I do these parent chats, I'm always going to talk
[00:10:44.170]about Circle of Security parenting to the point
[00:10:47.160]where eventually I'm wondering
[00:10:48.350]if I can't maybe get royalties from them, right?
[00:10:51.370]Maybe they should be paying me advertising.
[00:10:54.730]There's this phrase that says,
[00:11:01.306]And again, the words were incredibly, specifically chosen.
[00:11:05.440]Whenever possible, follow your child's need.
[00:11:10.190]Not desire, want, but need
[00:11:13.260]but then when necessary,
[00:11:14.360]take charge because I'm the grown-up.
[00:11:17.140]I am bigger, stronger, wiser, kind.
[00:11:19.130]You know what?
[00:11:19.963]You are too.
[00:11:20.796]I am not.
[00:11:21.986](laughs)
[00:11:23.090]I 100% am in control.
[00:11:24.880]I am the co-regulator.
[00:11:26.260]I am the person who's going to pick
[00:11:28.330]your cute little body up and get you dressed
[00:11:30.240]and that's okay, that's 100% how it's supposed to be.
[00:11:33.460]In fact, it's more than okay, it's fabulous.
[00:11:35.780]It's exactly what it should be.
[00:11:38.300]So, with all of that groundwork,
[00:11:41.730]here are all of our response options,
[00:11:43.750]'cause that's really what this parent was saying is,
[00:11:45.470]What do I do?
[00:11:46.400]Okay, great, what do I do?
[00:11:47.530]Number one, I am 100% asking this parent
[00:11:51.100]and anybody who's in this predicament,
[00:11:53.250]to reframe all of it,
[00:11:56.700]not a toddler out to get you,
[00:11:58.800]not a toddler testing because he or she doesn't adore you
[00:12:03.960]and think the sun and moon rise and set with you
[00:12:07.170]because you are Mom and you are everything to that kiddo.
[00:12:11.060]So, it's not an act of defiance, it's just a little person
[00:12:14.540]exercising his free will in the world at the age of two
[00:12:18.870]and then this is where you swoop in
[00:12:20.800]and you are bigger, stronger, wiser, kind.
[00:12:22.880]So, option number one, this might seem like an odd option
[00:12:26.720]but I put maybe he needs to go bed earlier.
[00:12:30.690]So here's what I'm coming up with that.
[00:12:32.940]Why would we need to go,
[00:12:34.180]what does that have to do with anything?
[00:12:36.510]Well, sleep-deprived humans don't regulate very well
[00:12:41.690]so if I am sleep-deprived, I'm irritable.
[00:12:46.560]I'm not as patient.
[00:12:48.270]I cry easier, I yell easier.
[00:12:50.650]I snap easier, I, okay, you know, you've been there.
[00:12:55.340]Children are the same so if potentially
[00:12:58.550]he's not getting enough sleep,
[00:13:00.030]not knowing all the different little nuance-y pieces,
[00:13:03.050]if maybe he's not getting enough sleep,
[00:13:05.940]he might have a harder time being compliant
[00:13:09.660]and listening to directions because he's tired, right.
[00:13:13.240]I mean like, his body just isn't at 100% yet
[00:13:16.150]so he just can't bring it all together
[00:13:19.430]and ends up doing things like crying
[00:13:21.010]and fighting and wiggling and kicking and all of that jazz.
[00:13:23.560]Okay, so one consideration.
[00:13:26.830]A second consideration, interestingly enough,
[00:13:30.220]is you know your little guy.
[00:13:31.710]You know your kid, right?
[00:13:33.080]Does he or she in this scenario, to what,
[00:13:35.860]does he need to get up earlier?
[00:13:37.370]Now here's what I mean by that.
[00:13:40.260]I am constantly in a state of rush.
[00:13:42.760]Like, I am always, you probably gathered that
[00:13:45.680]in the first 20 minutes of this conversation, right?
[00:13:47.710]I am always in a state of go, rush, go, rush.
[00:13:50.730]My children are not.
[00:13:52.010]I have four that I have had and raised as my own
[00:13:56.170]and then my husband and I are foster parents
[00:13:57.800]so we've had other kiddos in and out of our house.
[00:13:59.710]And then, of course, I do what I do for a living
[00:14:01.460]so, not everybody is in a state of rush or panic
[00:14:05.480]and nor do they want to be
[00:14:07.300]so even my own biological children do not appreciate
[00:14:11.700]the state of panic and rush
[00:14:13.110]that I put out there in the world,
[00:14:14.580]like, the vibe that I send out there.
[00:14:16.850]So maybe this little guy needs more time.
[00:14:19.280]Maybe his morning needs to look longer.
[00:14:21.610]Again, I don't know him but maybe he needs
[00:14:23.850]to be able to chill on the couch for a little bit longer.
[00:14:26.520]Maybe he needs to be able to, you know like,
[00:14:29.250]have the Paw Patrol and the Froot Loops action
[00:14:32.590]going on for a little bit longer
[00:14:33.770]before he transitions into the next stage of the morning.
[00:14:38.320]If he's a slower-mover and if he kind of needs
[00:14:41.390]a little bit more of that time,
[00:14:43.440]then maybe he just needs to get up earlier
[00:14:45.330]so he can have it before we have to get dressed
[00:14:47.380]and move out the door,
[00:14:48.460]if that's kind of what's happening in there.
[00:14:50.860]So, again, you know your kid.
[00:14:53.210]Now, here's a wonky suggestion
[00:14:56.280]and whoever submitted this probably
[00:14:58.670]is rolling their eyes right now
[00:15:00.370]because they're like, Carrie, I've done that so knock it off
[00:15:03.460]but the very first time I read it,
[00:15:06.150]the first option that popped into my head was,
[00:15:08.520]Well get him dressed before you leave the room.
[00:15:10.810]Now, that's maybe completely not plausible
[00:15:13.780]for a lot of different reasons.
[00:15:14.810]I don't know the back story.
[00:15:15.790]I don't know all the details
[00:15:17.100]but that was just the first thought
[00:15:18.240]that popped into my head.
[00:15:19.220]I'm like, Oh well, okay.
[00:15:21.570]Let's not even leave the room until we're dressed.
[00:15:23.320]Problem solved, right?
[00:15:25.014](laughs)
[00:15:27.400]We eat after we get dressed
[00:15:28.900]so that was just one additional solution.
[00:15:33.620]Here is what I would call the big prevention,
[00:15:37.230]besides number three.
[00:15:38.700]Actually, one, two and three are all prevention.
[00:15:40.700]This is the last-minute prevention,
[00:15:42.800]not the big prevention, the last-minute prevention.
[00:15:45.630]Because as you can tell so far all of my solutions
[00:15:48.460]are preventative in nature.
[00:15:50.420]It's prevent, prevent, prevent, prevent.
[00:15:51.910]Go to bed earlier, get up earlier,
[00:15:53.240]get dressed first, like prevent the problem.
[00:15:55.900]Now, number four, here's an interesting one.
[00:15:58.170]I'm gonna stop the chase game.
[00:16:00.530]So, I don't know where breakfast is happening.
[00:16:04.160]My home life was always a little insanely laid back.
[00:16:07.740]You would think that I would be a fairly structured mom
[00:16:10.240]and there was some routine and structure in my life,
[00:16:12.840]but there was also a lot of times that there was not
[00:16:15.620]and so, you know, kicking back on the couch,
[00:16:18.550]having Froot Loops and watching Paw Patrol
[00:16:20.850]might be how your kid's having breakfast.
[00:16:22.540]Like I, no judgment here.
[00:16:25.010]So I don't know if he's strapped into a booster seat
[00:16:27.930]or strapped at the table
[00:16:29.250]and he's having breakfast as a family,
[00:16:32.350]or if it's a little bit different environment
[00:16:34.730]like I described on the couch.
[00:16:36.710]So, the way to intervene at the last minute
[00:16:40.860]to prevent the running
[00:16:43.070]would literally be to just carry him,
[00:16:45.610]like pick him up before he's even had a chance
[00:16:47.670]to come off the couch or before he's had a chance
[00:16:49.840]to get off, like, out, down from the kitchen table
[00:16:52.270]or out of the high chair.
[00:16:54.290]Like, okay, well I know you're gonna run
[00:16:57.190]as soon as breakfast is over so I'm gonna hold you
[00:17:01.330]and now you're not running.
[00:17:02.787](laughs)
[00:17:03.620]So that absolutely is a way you could change the game
[00:17:06.280]and it does not in any way have to be punitive.
[00:17:08.800]None of these options have to be corrective or punitive.
[00:17:11.740]You're teaching the routine.
[00:17:15.420]You're teaching the routine
[00:17:16.600]by being bigger, stronger, wiser, kind.
[00:17:18.600]I'm in control, I'm the mom.
[00:17:20.800]Here's your breakfast, we're done eating breakfast.
[00:17:22.940]Now I pick your cute little body up
[00:17:24.570]and I walk your cute little body to the bedroom
[00:17:26.880]and that process can be a teachable moment of regulation,
[00:17:32.450]that I could be holding you and, like, patting your back.
[00:17:36.100]We could be having some extra cuddle time.
[00:17:38.150]There could be humming or singing
[00:17:40.620]but as I'm taking you back to the bedroom
[00:17:42.460]it doesn't have to be negative or,
[00:17:45.180]and if you're fighting, if you're arching your back
[00:17:47.930]and kind of getting tight and not, like, resisting the idea
[00:17:50.770]of going to the bedroom, that's okay.
[00:17:54.420]You're trying to do that escalate,
[00:17:56.950]and I'm staying very regulated beneath you.
[00:17:59.610]Like, that's cool.
[00:18:01.120]You can kind of fight it out a little bit
[00:18:04.750]but it's not gonna change the end result
[00:18:06.620]because I'm gonna take your cute little body to the bedroom
[00:18:08.440]and I'm gonna get you dressed.
[00:18:10.190]So if I can stay in control
[00:18:14.540]and at that regulated place,
[00:18:17.220]I'm teaching you without being punitive or corrective.
[00:18:21.060]I'm teaching you this is how morning routine goes.
[00:18:24.330]We eat breakfast, Mommy carries you to the bedroom
[00:18:26.550]or you know, we eat breakfast, we get dressed.
[00:18:28.360]It's just what happens.
[00:18:31.020]And then number five option is you absolutely could
[00:18:33.950]play the chase game.
[00:18:35.120]Like, that's cool.
[00:18:36.930]There's not one right answer.
[00:18:38.760]It's what's right for your family,
[00:18:40.210]what's right for you.
[00:18:41.760]You can, I mean, game on, right?
[00:18:44.850]And if maybe you want to combine
[00:18:46.510]a couple of these strategies,
[00:18:47.740]where not only are we gonna get up earlier
[00:18:49.530]but if this is a kiddo who maybe takes some time
[00:18:53.130]to have to wake up and he wakes up
[00:18:55.810]by sitting at the kitchen table
[00:18:57.870]and he has a little bit of breakfast
[00:18:59.580]and he kind of maybe watches some cartoons,
[00:19:01.350]maybe not, whatever's going on,
[00:19:03.440]and now he's awake enough where he wants to get active
[00:19:06.550]and do, like, some gross-motor play,
[00:19:08.730]maybe he has 15 minutes of being able to do the big play
[00:19:12.300]and the running and the chasing.
[00:19:13.540]Maybe Mom and Dad do
[00:19:14.870]a couple of the I'm-gonna-get-you games
[00:19:18.010]and it's funny and there's a lot of laughter.
[00:19:20.750]So again, he's going up and you're going up with him
[00:19:24.620]and then when it's time to come back down,
[00:19:27.260]it's still recognizing we had all of this extra playtime.
[00:19:31.250]We're in it because we want to be in it.
[00:19:33.590]You wanna run, I would love to honor that need.
[00:19:37.110]Let's go and we'll play for five minutes
[00:19:40.610]and then when it's time to be done
[00:19:42.440]and I do get you, then we're done
[00:19:46.500]and I'm very calm and regulated
[00:19:49.380]and I'm gonna basically just at that point
[00:19:51.670]be that bigger, stronger, wiser, kind
[00:19:53.440]where I take your body to the bedroom and we get dressed.
[00:19:55.640]I'm not mad at you
[00:19:58.550]but if I can support your frustration,
[00:20:02.110]your frustration should be less.
[00:20:04.270]It shouldn't go on as long.
[00:20:05.540]It should be shorter in duration and intensity.
[00:20:09.558]Okay, so here are a couple of little resources.
[00:20:12.130]It's 1:26, I'm trying to balance my time here
[00:20:15.560]between the two topics.
[00:20:18.090]So here is the Circle of Security Parenting.
[00:20:20.982]Circle of Security Parenting
[00:20:22.300]has a beautiful website of its own
[00:20:24.380]It's circlesecurityinternational,
[00:20:26.600]so if you google Circle Security International,
[00:20:28.940]you'll go to their international website.
[00:20:30.400]You can find some videos and some handouts.
[00:20:32.780]Nebraska has its own site, nebraska-cosp,
[00:20:36.947]necosp.org.
[00:20:38.190]We also have the videos posted on there
[00:20:40.200]and some lovely resources
[00:20:42.780]but that's an 8-week long parenting class.
[00:20:45.050]It's lovely, it's phenomenal.
[00:20:46.520]I just highly invest, highly encourage anyone
[00:20:49.140]to invest the time to take it.
[00:20:51.940]Any kind of parent that you are,
[00:20:53.320]any age of kid, there's just joy and learning
[00:20:56.200]what they have to offer.
[00:20:58.300]But again, it's time-intensive.
[00:20:59.870]It's 90 minutes eight, for eight weeks in a row
[00:21:02.080]so it's, I think it's eight, seven or eight.
[00:21:06.500]Or if you are also interested
[00:21:08.590]in just some general, like good parenting resources
[00:21:11.280]I really struggled with this one, to be honest with you
[00:21:13.590]because one of the books out there
[00:21:18.280]and I'm gonna get myself into some trouble, occasionally.
[00:21:20.860]One of the books out there about toddlers
[00:21:24.250]was written by a very reputable,
[00:21:26.080]like a local reputable pediatrician
[00:21:28.080]published by a reputable entity
[00:21:30.980]and so you would think really awesome things about it
[00:21:33.900]and I got my hands on it, I don't know,
[00:21:35.960]the first time it was published, like 10-15 years ago,
[00:21:39.700]and I was so disappointed, like,
[00:21:42.910]I absolutely would never recommend that book
[00:21:46.010]for people parenting toddlers.
[00:21:47.470]I was like, no, this is not okay.
[00:21:49.960]Not because it's anything, like, hurtful
[00:21:53.150]but it's just not, it's not what we, like, no.
[00:21:57.785](laughs)
[00:21:58.618]So, books are tough
[00:22:00.470]because there's so many out there, right?
[00:22:02.330]And there's so many different opinions and thoughts
[00:22:04.350]on how it should all look.
[00:22:06.070]So, I put anything by Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson
[00:22:11.720]but see they don't do a lot of early childhood.
[00:22:14.090]Their books are really nice.
[00:22:15.090]They have a no-drama discipline
[00:22:17.300]but all of it's kind of for older kids
[00:22:19.930]so if you're a reader, I guess you could consider
[00:22:22.910]reading some of those as like just a framework,
[00:22:26.450]even though you're parenting a two-year-old.
[00:22:28.460]Otherwise, I have a resource that I need
[00:22:30.830]to figure out how to get out there.
[00:22:32.380]It's like my favorite stuff.
[00:22:34.130]It's two pages, front and back.
[00:22:36.040]Good authors, good books, good websites.
[00:22:38.960]I just need to figure out if I, like how I can post it.
[00:22:41.757]Can I put it on Facebook?
[00:22:43.410]I need to figure out how to get it out to everybody, so.
[00:22:45.810]Okay, I prattled on for a half-hour on that first issue
[00:22:50.840]of how to get your kid dressed.
[00:22:52.800]In a nutshell, it's okay to be bigger, stronger, wiser, kind
[00:22:57.210]and get your kid dressed.
[00:22:58.838](laughs)
[00:23:00.460]That's okay.

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behavior bites
challenging behaviors
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Behavior Bites - Improving compliance during routines and transitions

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